Found some sketchy sh1t in my girls phone.

[dustmuffin]

I ain't gunna trip over it just yet. I do need more evidence. Should I be actively looking for evidence or just leave it until evidence naturally reveals itself?

How does she treat you? Does she kino like she usually does? Does she sit as close to you as she has in the past? Does she phone guard? When she spends the night does she stay up after you? Has sex been tapering off? Does she talk about other guys that hit on her?

Those are a few signs I'm sure you can google more. Me I wouldn't worry about it just look for signs that she is cheating. If it really bothers you then dump her now. You don't need that kind of crap.

 

[narcissist]

How does she treat you? Does she kino like she usually does? Does she sit as close to you as she has in the past? Does she phone guard? When she spends the night does she stay up after you? Has sex been tapering off? Does she talk about other guys that hit on her?

Those are a few signs I'm sure you can google more. Me I wouldn't worry about it just look for signs that she is cheating. If it really bothers you then dump her now. You don't need that kind of crap.

How she treats me:

She does not really give off any signs of cheating. Last night we had s3x three times and she let me do what ever I wanted, and if anything s3x is getting better and better (as she has told me multiple times). She also said I was the best boyfriend ever last night (although I'm her first boyfriend). She constantly says she loves me. Never flakes ever. Always calls me baby, babe, boss, king, sir, with heart emojis and sh1t. She doesn't use her phone when she's near me. If it vibrates she doesn't look at it, but she also doesnt phone guard, like if i want to check something out shell just hand me her phone. She's always very present around me. She always dresses up sexy for me. And when I joke around that I'm disappointed in her she always latches on to my leg and sh1t. She also posts lots of pics of me and her on her snapchat story. Barely posts pics of herself. I actually can't think of any red flags. She always tried to hold my hand and come close to me. Like all the signs of deeply held interest are there. She never talks about guys hitting on her.

Like i said. It is the part of me that doesn't trust women that made me go into her phone. Now I don't do sh1t like this a lot. Like I said over 10 months I only did it twice. However, this cant mean I should just ignore the fact that someone said "love you" to her and she replied "love u boss." I realize it was stupid for me to go into her phone and check. I was feeding my own insecurity. However that doesnt take away from the sketchyness of the messages.

She is a pretty good girlfriend (if of course she isnt cheating or fvcking around behind my back) so itd be cool not to dump her. However, I am thinking that maybe i just have to dump her regardless and get my head straightened out. I have a serious cynicism for women. A deeply held distrust of them. This cannot be any way to function in a relationship.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

If you have to question this it isn't for you. Whether she is cheating or not is beside the point in my opinion here. Even in my opinion I think that that is a girl. If you wanted to make sure though get the number and just call it with another person phone.

You aren't ready for this relationship at all. Plus you gotta nip the whole going through any chicks phone. If you look for dirt, you will find it every single time. Dump the girl because I can tell your not into it 100%.

 

[narcissist]

If you have to question this it isn't for you. Whether she is cheating or not is beside the point in my opinion here. Even in my opinion I think that that is a girl. If you wanted to make sure though get the number and just call it with another person phone.

You aren't ready for this relationship at all. Plus you gotta nip the whole going through any chicks phone. If you look for dirt, you will find it every single time. Dump the girl because I can tell your not into it 100%.

I know. Going through girls phones is dumb as fvck. I get it. There will always be something in there to find. How the fvck do I get rid of this urge to find out if a girl is cheating though? Just drop monogamous relationships for good? How do you juggle relationships with a distrust of women? Its a serious dilemma.

I am considering just breaking it off with her, cheating or not. I dont think I can function in a relationship in a healthy way.

Also what does ready for a relationship mean??

 

[Jetleg]

I know. Going through girls phones is dumb as fvck. I get it. There will always be something in there to find. How the fvck do I get rid of this urge to find out if a girl is cheating though? Just drop monogamous relationships for good? How do you juggle relationships with a distrust of women? Its a serious dilemma.

I am considering just breaking it off with her, cheating or not. I dont think I can function in a relationship in a healthy way.

Also what does ready for a relationship mean??

Accept it.

Imagine her getting f*cked by someone else, do you get offended? if you are too attached and too scared that she will cheat i say drop her. Remember, she should be the one worrying that you cheat on her. (passively, not being paranoid about it...) if you are worried 24/7 that she cheats then

-She will notice it in your behaviour. you will act like a f@ggot.
-She will cheat for sure, or breakup with you...

Accept the fact that you will never know for sure if she (or any girl) cheats. There are, of course, major red flags that you can look at but she is not giving you them right now, so why make a scene out of it.

Girls flirt all the time, even if they got a BF. Even if a girl is married to a rich a$$ football player, they always check other men and do some sh1t they should not do. its your job to set the line. if she f*ckes someone else and she is giving you the signs then you start to look out for that kind of stuff, and even then never confront her about it just tell her to f*ck off.

 

[narcissist]

I wonder why lol

haha. I can see how that came across as being bad. But I meant that in a good way. She always has it out in the open so if it vibrates I can look and see who's talking to her. I meant it as in she isn't distracted by her phone. But it is always out in the open for me to see if i so please. Its never hidden.

 

[narcissist]

Accept it.

Imagine her getting f*cked by someone else, do you get offended? if you are too attached and too scared that she will cheat i say drop her. Remember, she should be the one worrying that you cheat on her. (passively, not being paranoid about it...) if you are worried 24/7 that she cheats then

-She will notice it in your behaviour. you will act like a f@ggot.
-She will cheat for sure, or breakup with you...

Accept the fact that you will never know for sure if she (or any girl) cheats. There are, of course, major red flags that you can look at but she is not giving you them right now, so why make a scene out of it.

Girls flirt all the time, even if they got a BF. Even if a girl is married to a rich a$$ football player, they always check other men and do some sh1t they should not do. its your job to set the line. if she f*ckes someone else and she is giving you the signs then you start to look out for that kind of stuff, and even then never confront her about it just tell her to f*ck off.

Absolutely agree. I need to recognize that this is a HUGGGGELY important point; that we will never actually know if they cheat, all we can do is look at the signs and symptoms and act according to them. If she is cheating then she is DAMN good at hiding it, because she seems to be actually in love with me. I gotta fvcking deal with my distrust for women. Its about signs. Not finding actual evidence. This obviously leads to the question of: ought I to simply ignore the messages I found? They are too ambiguous to really do anything about it. And only when signs start to show up I should take actions.

I have made sure not to be a fagg0t in my actions though (other than of course looking in her phone, which is AFC as fvck). She still is heavily interested in me as the signs point to this obviously. She doesnt know I have been snooping. However, I am pretty damn attached to her clearly, because the though of her cheating only recently started to bother me. Say maybe 3 months ago. But the first 7 months I didnt even fvcking think about it.

 

[Jetleg]

Absolutely agree. I need to recognize that this is a HUGGGGELY important point; that we will never actually know if they cheat, all we can do is look at the signs and symptoms and act according to them. If she is cheating then she is DAMN good at hiding it, because she seems to be actually in love with me. I gotta fvcking deal with my distrust for women. Its about signs. Not finding actual evidence. This obviously leads to the question of: ought I to simply ignore the messages I found? They are too ambiguous to really do anything about it. And only when signs start to show up I should take actions.

I have made sure not to be a fagg0t in my actions though (other than of course looking in her phone, which is AFC as fvck). She still is heavily interested in me as the signs point to this obviously. She doesnt know I have been snooping. However, I am pretty damn attached to her clearly, because the though of her cheating only recently started to bother me. Say maybe 3 months ago. But the first 7 months I didnt even fvcking think about it.

You do not ignore, but you don't forget.

This is red flag #1. More than 2 red flags and something is fishy. For now everything is good.

 

[narcissist]

You do not ignore, but you don't forget.

This is red flag #1. More than 2 red flags and something is fishy. For now everything is good.

Okay. I think this is good. If anything else happens I will be sure to come here first and post about it to see if it is a genuine red flag or whether it is my paranoia. But I definitely agree that this should be considered a red-flag, even if it is ambiguous, however not a red-flag that should guide me towards action, in light of its ambiguity.

However, if the opportunity arises and I get the chance to extract "mina's" number from her phone without being caught should I do so to call at a later time with another phone? Or should I just keep this one incident in the back of my mind and move forward with eyes peeled for other such red-flags? I sincerely don't know what to do in this situation.

God. This is revealing how attached I am. Jesus. How did I let it get to this point.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I just don't know if my mind will let me drop this.

That's the great fvcking paradox of modern relationships. As soon as you get emotionally attached, you start NEEDING her. What's worse is when you TRUST her. Then you have the WORST COMBINATION (in a woman's eyes) as being NEEDY and taking her for granted. That's when she's MOST LIKELY to cheat, when you are the LEAST VALUABLE to her.

So to keep her loyal you have to do the OPPOSITE of what your instincts are screaming for you to do. Appreciate her, enjoy her, be OPEN with her, but be ready to bounce at any moment.

Ain't easy.

 

[narcissist]

That's the great fvcking paradox of modern relationships. As soon as you get emotionally attached, you start NEEDING her. What's worse is when you TRUST her. Then you have the WORST COMBINATION (in a woman's eyes) as being NEEDY and taking her for granted. That's when she's MOST LIKELY to cheat, when you are the LEAST VALUABLE to her.

So to keep her loyal you have to do the OPPOSITE of what your instincts are screaming for you to do. Appreciate her, enjoy her, be OPEN with her, but be ready to bounce at any moment.

Ain't easy.

Modern relationships are a fvcking mess. You are truly insightful here.

 

[Jetleg]

Okay. I think this is good. If anything else happens I will be sure to come here first and post about it to see if it is a genuine red flag or whether it is my paranoia. But I definitely agree that this should be considered a red-flag, even if it is ambiguous, however not a red-flag that should guide me towards action, in light of its ambiguity.

However, if the opportunity arises and I get the chance to extract "mina's" number from her phone without being caught should I do so to call at a later time with another phone? Or should I just keep this one incident in the back of my mind and move forward with eyes peeled for other such red-flags? I sincerely don't know what to do in this situation.

God. This is revealing how attached I am. Jesus. How did I let it get to this point.

Dude Relax.
You need to let go your emotions go, honestly. I know how it feels but after a while you devlop a thick skin for this sh1t.

Let say she cheats, who the f*ck cares? worst case you let her go and find a new b1tch to f*ck.

End of story.

 

[narcissist]

Dude Relax.
You need to let go your emotions go, honestly. I know how it feels but after a while you devlop a thick skin for this sh1t.

Let say she cheats, who the f*ck cares? worst case you let her go and find a new b1tch to f*ck.

End of story.

True. Thanks man. Yeah fvck it. We will just go with the flow. See what happens. Nothing to get worked up about right now.

 

[narcissist]

She is clearly highly interested. Take a look at this:


I'm over thinking this. I don't even take my own advice and start over analyzing sh1t. Sure the texts are sketch but let's just call it red flag #1. And we will play it by ear.

 

[sazc]

So much anxiety and fear From what you post, she sounds 1000% into you. I'm in the 'wait' camp. Check her phone in a few days. In the meantime, deep breaths and believe in this path. Everything happens for a reason. Ride this out until you know for a fact its time to go.

 

[narcissist]

So much anxiety and fear From what you post, she sounds 1000% into you. I'm in the 'wait' camp. Check her phone in a few days. In the meantime, deep breaths and believe in this path. Everything happens for a reason. Ride this out until you know for a fact its time to go.

I know. My anxiety and fear of infidelity is very very high. That is what happens when the first person you love/date for 2.5 years cheats on you.... twice! I have a deep distrust of women. A veeeerrrrry deep one. I cant help it. I wish I could. I am not sure if I should check her phone again, although I am heavily leaning towards no. I think the interest signs are good enough. She is clearly madly interested in me. I just had her over for 30 minutes. I told her to come over so that I can fvck her. And she wanted to stay for an hour, but I told her she has to leave because I have important work to do... Which I do. And as I said this she basically begged to stay. But I stayed firm obviously. I also did not check her phone. In fact I told her that she wasn't aloud in my house unless she left her phone in the car because I said "I want absolutely zero distractions while I fvck you" (But the real reason is because I don't want to snoop.)

She's interested in me. There is no doubt in my mind. However, it is still a sketchy text. We can all agree on that much. She's gotten a red-flag. I say 1 more red-flag and something fishy is a foot, and Ill have to do something. Another red-flag after that? It might be time to break up..

I should ask you. What ought I to do if another red-flag comes about? How should I confront her? I suppose it is contingent on the type of red-flag.

 

[sazc]

I know. My anxiety and fear of infidelity is very very high. That is what happens when the first person you love/date for 2.5 years cheats on you.... twice! I have a deep distrust of women. A veeeerrrrry deep one. I cant help it. I wish I could. I am not sure if I should check her phone again, although I am heavily leaning towards no. I think the interest signs are good enough. She is clearly madly interested in me. I just had her over for 30 minutes. I told her to come over so that I can fvck her. And she wanted to stay for an hour, but I told her she has to leave because I have important work to do... Which I do. And as I said this she basically begged to stay. But I stayed firm obviously. I also did not check her phone. In fact I told her that she wasn't aloud in my house unless she left her phone in the car because I said "I want absolutely zero distractions while I fvck you" (But the real reason is because I don't want to snoop.)

She's interested in me. There is no doubt in my mind. However, it is still a sketchy text. We can all agree on that much. She's gotten a red-flag. I say 1 more red-flag and something fishy is a foot, and Ill have to do something. Another red-flag after that? It might be time to break up..

I should ask you. What ought I to do if another red-flag comes about? How should I confront her? I suppose it is contingent on the type of red-flag.

Contingent on the type of red flag. Post if it happens.
I want to add, we don't know that Mina is any thing other than a friend.so this may, or may not, be a red flag.
I hate that some past chick has your head like this.

 

[narcissist]

Contingent on the type of red flag. Post if it happens.
I want to add, we don't know that Mina is any thing other than a friend.so this may, or may not, be a red flag.
I hate that some past chick has your head like this.

Yeah. And Mina is more so a woman's name. Im pretty sure its some girl from a place where she works.

Yeah my ex is a fvcking b1tch.

 

[fastlife]

Dude, don't check her phone.

If a girl cheats, she'll cheat. No matter how alpha you are, etc., whether a girl cheats or not has way more to do with the girl than it does with you. All you can do is be the best version of yourself you can be (for you), pick the best girl you can based on the traits and attributes that you know usually lead to more loyal women (relationship with father, how she speaks about exes, who her friends are, etc.), and let the chips fall where they may.

But fearing cheating is hugely symptomatic of having pvssy on a pedestal. If you know 100% you can get a girl just like her or better, why would you be afraid of her cheating? If you're not basing your self worth and self concept on the opinion of one girl (out of 4 billion!!!!), why would you be afraid of her cheating?

If she cheated on you, would your friends love you any less? Would your family? Would you not still be able to pursue your dreams?

But what would she think? Wouldn't she be getting one over on you? What about the other guy? But again that's just your ego, looking in relation to other people to define your sense of self. I'd strongly recommend a meditation routine--you have a ton of relationship PTSD you need to let go of. And whether you're monogamous or not, that's a huge weakness in your frame.

 

[marmel75]

sigh...this sounds like a high-school girl's post.

Dude, look. You are a man. If things like this bother you so much that you have some huge fear the rest of your life, you've got a hell of a sh!tty life in front of you. If you think a woman cheating on you is the worst thing that can happen in life, I truly feel sorry for you.

When did men become so mentally frail that a feather landing on them leaves them with a tear running down their cheek? This generation of "men" is hopelessly lost...