Just journaling again here, so I can look back at this valuable learning experience...
Thursday: talked for bout 30 mins before bed, Why are you chatting to her aimlessly like this? said she would call in the AM. I hope you had no involvement in making her say so, and even if you didn't, you should have told her something like to call you at a later time because you just talked Everything all good in the hood... Everything is already not good, take your blinders off
Friday: Nada. No sh!t I texted her at 1pm asking if she wants to catch a movie on Saturday? So your response to her not doing what she said is to give her MORE attention Response at 830pm... Because she knows she doesn't have to care about your time "Hey sorry, I'm taking [son's name] right now. I made plans with Bea (good college friend) tomorrow afternoon maybe play it be ear?" I responded "ya that works. drive safe" and she responded with "thanks" You are a lower priority than her routine, and why are you telling her things like "drive safe"? are you her mom? Anyway, this should have been where you stop talking to her until she contacts you and/or you pick up more girls, but.....
Saturday: Text at 1pm: WTF? now you text her the next day when she said she wasn't available? "Have fun with [friends name], My god dude, this is weak as h3ll, and if "Bea" is really code for "Chad" then she's laughing in your face we will catch up some other time...." Not at this rate, and why are you telling her that you two are GOING TO catch up some other time after she blows you off? response at 1045pm "I will, hope the party went well" (had a bday party for my son)
Sunday: "Good morning"... You're sending her these messages every day when she doesn't even care about you, so it's no wonder that you get: radio silence...
Monday: If I had to bet, I don't hear from her today. No sh!t Safe to assume it's over and she is pulling some slow fade? She is not pulling a slow fade, you are sending in depth charges to take out the remnants of your frame
I have two options... Is "a" really even an option? In the back of my mind, I want her to reach out and feel like everything is okay with the crap she put me through the last two weeks. You put yourself through the crap by being a weak man, don't project this on her I know, it sounds pathetic... Good, at least you recognize it
a. Just thinking I will text later tonight, "Hey you, how was your weekend?" For fvck sake, NO! If she doesn't call, it's over... If she does, I will keep it short and sweet, "Since you want to have more time to yourself and want me to be less available, I think it is time that we go our separate ways. Good luck to you” - Just want her to know that she ended it and not me and it gives it closure... Okay look, if even an internet stranger like me cringes at the weakness of this message and the thinking behind it, what do you think she feels when she sees that? Your goal with sending this is no more than trying to show her how weak, butthurt and codependent you are over her. The fact that you tell her she wants you to be less available is absolutely unbelievable - so you KNOW what you should do, you KNOW that you shouldn't do things that weaken your frame even more like this, and yet you still not only do it but accuse HER for it?
b. IAssume she is pulling some slow fade B.S. and just go no contact starting today. She's not pulling any BS. She is actually helping you become a better man for the future quicker, because she herself is not putting up with your behaviour
I think I realized this weekend that her being single for 5 years... she likes the chase and the attention, even my buddy has mentioned this, "I can tell she likes people to give her attention"... You are trying to rationalize your weak behavior as being her problem and not yours, which shows you can't even own up to yourself. Do you think she hasn't or won't notice that herself? Secondly, what woman on earth or man for that matter do you think doesn't like being chased and getting attention? Oddly enough, the last two days I was a bit of a mess, but I feel pretty good this morning. Do not talk to this woman again for AT LEAST one full month. If she reaches out to you meanwhile, end the interaction as quickly as possible in a polite, indifferent manner and do not reciprocate I'm a grown man that has no interest in these games... These are no freaking games. Stop projecting externally!
