Having a firm control over your emotions and attachments while having a girlfriend.

[narcissist]

I have been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now. And I have gamed her perfectly.

For the first 7 months I have completely kept control over my own feelings towards and have not allowed my feelings for her to surpass her feelings for me. I kept my emotional attachment to the relationship under tight control for a great 90-95% of the time she has been my girlfriend.

Heres the problem: This last month, and I have no idea why, but I have been becoming more infatuated and emotionally attached to her. I suppose this is just the natural route that a relationship will take, but I can feel myself developing unhealthy oneitis. (I think not allowing myself to develop 1-itis for 7 months is pretty f*cking good though). The problem is that I am struggling this past month to keep my emotions for her under control. Which is weird because I am still doing all of my hobbies and hanging out with my friends, and gyming etc.

Obviously you have to like your girlfriend, which I do, I just dont want to have an unhealthy attachment to her.

So, help a dude out with some of the things/tips/etc that you guys do to help yourself not develop unhealthy one-itis for your girlfriend (or just keep control over your emotions while in a relationship)?

I think this is an interesting topic of conversation that could also help out a lot of other men, when they get a girlfriend and want to have a firm hold over their emotions and attachments.

Thanks, you beautiful b*astards.

 

[devilkingx2]

think about her flaws and how great other girls are and some of the things she's done wrong and could do better, etc. if you're too positive focus on the negative and if you're too negative focus on the positive

 

[Trump]

I have been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now. And I have gamed her perfectly.

For the first 7 months I have completely kept control over my own feelings towards and have not allowed my feelings for her to surpass her feelings for me. I kept my emotional attachment to the relationship under tight control for a great 90-95% of the time she has been my girlfriend.

Heres the problem: This last month, and I have no idea why, but I have been becoming more infatuated and emotionally attached to her. I suppose this is just the natural route that a relationship will take, but I can feel myself developing unhealthy oneitis. (I think not allowing myself to develop 1-itis for 7 months is pretty f*cking good though). The problem is that I am struggling this past month to keep my emotions for her under control.

For 35 weeks you are James Bond and the 36th week you suddenly feel you can't live without her? Come on bro, you are not telling the whole story. Either 6'1 hockey players have made a pass at her and want to sleep with her, or other girls you want to sleep with have told you to go to hell.

So, help a dude out with some of the things/tips/etc that you guys do to help yourself not develop unhealthy one-itis for your girlfriend (or just keep control over your emotions while in a relationship)?

I think this is an interesting topic of conversation that could also help out a lot of other men, when they get a girlfriend and want to have a firm hold over their emotions and attachments.

Thanks, you beautiful b*astards.

You don't "do" anything bro. Just keep doing what you are doing. Once you start doing things not to develop feelings, if those things get taken away you will develop feelings.

Just do what you did the 1st 35 weeks when you constantly had sex with her and she was in love with you. How hard is that? Not PhD work.

 

[dude99]

I have been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now. And I have gamed her perfectly.

For the first 7 months I have completely kept control over my own feelings towards and have not allowed my feelings for her to surpass her feelings for me. I kept my emotional attachment to the relationship under tight control for a great 90-95% of the time she has been my girlfriend.

Heres the problem: This last month, and I have no idea why, but I have been becoming more infatuated and emotionally attached to her. I suppose this is just the natural route that a relationship will take, but I can feel myself developing unhealthy oneitis. (I think not allowing myself to develop 1-itis for 7 months is pretty f*cking good though). The problem is that I am struggling this past month to keep my emotions for her under control. Which is weird because I am still doing all of my hobbies and hanging out with my friends, and gyming etc.

Obviously you have to like your girlfriend, which I do, I just dont want to have an unhealthy attachment to her.

So, help a dude out with some of the things/tips/etc that you guys do to help yourself not develop unhealthy one-itis for your girlfriend (or just keep control over your emotions while in a relationship)?

I think this is an interesting topic of conversation that could also help out a lot of other men, when they get a girlfriend and want to have a firm hold over their emotions and attachments.

Thanks, you beautiful b*astards.

Are you spinning plates?

 

[ubercat]

It's not rocket science.
1. Have some things you do together
2. Have some things you do apart.
Make 2 a priority

E.g. I m taking my g/f away this long weekend. Normally we sleep over on Wednesdays. I ll tell her I m busy this week. And use that time for study.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Drop the dogma of the so-called disease of 'oneitis'. That's for the Disneyites still out there. Follow your instincts.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Narcissist. Long time. Last time I saw you posting was just before you went to the clinic or something... then disappeared. Don't do that to a brother! Guess the GF explains the absence. Good for you.

Regards attachment, as has been said, it's probably natural; that's the whole point of being in relationship, right. The thing being, how you act upon it.

Primarily, the rules don't really change:

-Continue to demonstrate rather than explicate, both your value and your affection towards her.

-Show your affection in a thoughtful, subtle and skillful way, rather than the cliche flowers/jewelry. A guy I know recently made a top drawer birthday cake for his missus; her reaction - "You never cease to amaze me". Be creative on dates; make sh!t that is mutually useful - sometimes together. Rather than showering gifts, make memories. This is proper bonding. Give her and yourself experiences that you'll never forget.

-Keep improving and show interest in different things from time to time. Change your job, start a new hobby. It will also demonstrate that you are still unpredictable and not just thinking about her 24/7; which you shouldn't be anyway.

-There should be the covert suggestion (and only suggestion) of attraction from other women. This is easily achieved by socialising together in a group. You need to be seen talking with other women of equal or greater value. You don't want to be allowing those skills to slide anyway.

-Do not lose track of your buddies. It's all too easy to do. And some might be gone for good if it all falls apart.

She's your bratty little sister; you love her, but in manly way, not a soppy Disney Fairytale White Knight kind of way. You are the mountain, she is the wind that dances round the mountain.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Narcissist. Long time. Last time I saw you posting was just before you went to the clinic or something... then disappeared. Don't do that to a brother! Guess the GF explains the absence. Good for you.

Regards attachment, as has been said, it's probably natural; that's the whole point of being in relationship, right. The thing being, how you act upon it.

Primarily, the rules don't really change:

-Continue to demonstrate rather than explicate, both your value and your affection towards her.

Agree don't over do it, but don't over talk it either. Also let her demonstrate her value and commitment as well. This is very important.

-Show your affection in a thoughtful, subtle and skillful way, rather than the cliche flowers/jewelry. A guy I know recently made a top drawer birthday cake for his missus; her reaction - "You never cease to amaze me". Be creative on dates; make sh!t that is mutually useful - sometimes together. Rather than showering gifts, make memories. This is proper bonding. Give her and yourself experiences that you'll never forget.

They say it's best not to do flowers and excessive gifts unless she already has a large amount of physical attraction to you. If you have this, occasionally gift her thoughtfully. It excites her to see you winning at life.

-Keep improving and show interest in different things from time to time. Change your job, start a new hobby. It will also demonstrate that you are still unpredictable and not just thinking about her 24/7; which you shouldn't be anyway.

-There should be the covert suggestion (and only suggestion) of attraction from other women. This is easily achieved by socialising together in a group. You need to be seen talking with other women of equal or greater value. You don't want to be allowing those skills to slide anyway.

This is huge and they want their man to pound them really hard and are a little more competitive in the bedroom when they know other ladies want to bed their man.

-Do not lose track of your buddies. It's all too easy to do. And some might be gone for good if it all falls apart.

She's your bratty little sister; you love her, but in manly way, not a soppy Disney Fairytale White Knight kind of way. You are the mountain, she is the wind that dances round the mountain.

Hmm. Never heard the psychology done like this.

 

[JohnChops]

an unhealthy attachment would be things such as: texting 24/7, hanging out every hour on the hour, sending her stupid ****, buying her gifts when she does not deserve them.

If you are doing none of the above, then you are golden. Having "feelings" towards your girlfriend is fine, however, i guarantee you, someone is going to cross your path who is "better", and those feeling towards your GF are going to dwindle.

We speak of girls always jumping to the next best guy in line, who is "better" than you, but girls forget, us guys do the same exact thing. Keep her on her toes.

 

[Poon King]

You must think she is the best you can do.

Otherwise you wouldn't have oneitis. Its almost impossible to fear losing something that you can easily replace.

If you think she is the best you can do then ask yourself why.

 

[NSX-R]

8 months without developing oneitis is nothing. My father has been married more than 20 years with my mom and he has never showed any signs of oneitis. He's a true alpha.
Put in your mind that she's not the only one in the whole world. That you can have better. As your name suggest , develop narcissistic thoughts and stop thinking about exclusivity and the oneitis disease will be gone.

 

[skinnyguy]

8 months without developing oneitis is nothing. My father has been married more than 20 years with my mom and he has never showed any signs of oneitis. He's a true alpha.
Put in your mind that she's not the only one in the whole world. That you can have better. As your name suggest , develop narcissistic thoughts and stop thinking about exclusivity and the oneitis disease will be gone.

Your dad definitely has oneitis. I'm guessing he hasn't been banging other women. OP acts like he isn't emotionally attached to his gf but these days having sex or taking her out on a date is considered an emotional attachment.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Just put yourself in her shoes and take a look at how you are behaving. Are you proud of yourself? Would you go homo and bang yourself?

 

[narcissist]

Thank you everyone for the replies.

You all make extremely good points, and have given me a incredible refresher of the mindset I should be adopting. I am by no means overly attached at all. And now that I think about it, I am doing pretty damn good. There are just a couple of things that I should tweak a little bit, just for myself. By no means am I being a cuck/beta for her etc. I have just let myself get a little too attached for MY OWN comfort - still a lot less attached than the average dude.

I will respond more in depth later tonight, when I am done doing some work I have to get done.

Thanks for the overwhelming response. This is why I love this community. And I am glad to be back.

 

[BraddH]

''For the first 7 months I have completely kept control over my own feelings towards and have not allowed my feelings for her to surpass her feelings for me. I kept my emotional attachment to the relationship under tight control for a great 90-95% of the time she has been my girlfriend.''

How in the world does this sound like you have control at all? You have been trying CONSCIOUSLY to repress her ALL THIS TIME. This was natural that all the repressed feelings came at once.

It is not about controlling at all. It is all about understanding. Once you understand the deepest principals of life, then everything happens naturally: no controlling, no repressing.

 

[Serenity]

These type of feelings is usually a bad idea right at the start. This is because if you reach the ultimate high from the start it can only go one way, that's down. Now you're going the healthy way, escalating it. It's getting better.

It will pass, just enjoy it for the time being. That does not mean you go all out beta on her, just stop resisting the feeling itself.

A relationship is a oneitis deal anyways. Nothing wrong with that, it doesn't mean you have to forget the fact you can leave if it goes in a bad direction later.

 

[Huffman]

How does this "oneitis" manifest for you? Tell us 3 concrete things that have crossed your mind recently, which you are ashamed of.

Example,
- Did you call her for no reason and then had nothing to say?
- ...

 

[Dingo]

Is it a good healthy relationship.... Meaning do you care for this girl ?.... Ready to settle down ?

 

[stevo]

Applaud yourself for being smart enough to check your emotions and actions while the going is good.
Many people wait till the ship gets rocked to examine their actions.

Let's agree on one thing.
Oneitis is the goal of every LTR. Hence why having a rotation reduces its effects.
Which means, it's only natural for you to have 1itis for your girl. Completely natural.

You already know what beta tendencies are, when you find yourself doing them —and you will, keep record of it and draw back a bit.

Regardless of the level of your relationship with a woman, the way to maintain attraction is to keep her on her toes, literally and metaphorically.

Once in a while, cancel dates. Stay distant. Go out without her. Show her you do have a life without her.

LTR and oneitis becomes a problem when you go from having a life (without her) to her becoming your life.

 

[bigneil]

I have been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now. And I have gamed her perfectly.

For the first 7 months I have completely kept control over my own feelings towards and have not allowed my feelings for her to surpass her feelings for me. I kept my emotional attachment to the relationship under tight control for a great 90-95% of the time she has been my girlfriend.

Heres the problem: This last month, and I have no idea why, but I have been becoming more infatuated and emotionally attached to her.

By chance is your birthday around June 20? And is her birthday around now? I've found that the 6 month period surrounding our birthday (example: April 1 to October 1 if your birthday is July 1) is when women are more attracted to us. Then it changes overnight and we cling to them.