dating a Flake

[Denny19]

first post here....wanted to share a quick story

Met this Ecuadorian girl last month (I like spanish women) through a friend. Very Very beautiful woman, turning 30 next few days. Anyway, we had a great night dancing, we exchanged numbers, i called her 2 days later, we hung out 2 days after that, kissed on first date.

She showed up to the same place we met the following week, we had another great night, we went on a second date, kissed that date too. While on the second date, she offers a 3rd date in 12 days. So I never blew her phone up, never acted needy, i literally would go days without contact. I texted her once to see if she wanted to meet up after work, but she was already at the beach, so i didn't pay it no mind.

Well wound up canceling the date that we agreed on 4 days before we were supposed to go out. We were supposed to go out on a sat, she texted me teusday and said her week was full and she was covering for people at her job and she had to work the weekend. I replied with "no problem, your going to get employee of the month in no time".

I let it go and proceeded to walk and not look back....she texted me a week later and asked how i was and to let me know that if she got out of work early, she was going to go to the place we met to hang out. (the place we met has an open dance night on wed nights, thats were we met but she doesn't routinely go, she just went to meet me, and then went the following week to see me). So i said ok sounds good, il save you a dance. Well, this was 3 weeks ago, she never showed and i have not hears anything, NOR have i reached out to her. My question is not whether i should contact her again. I have walked and will not look back, i don't care how pretty the girl is.

My question to you is, when you walk, do they come back. She did reach out a few weeks ago after not hearing for me for a week and a half....but its been 3 weeks and I'm just curious to what her thought process is. She's a 9/10 and is probably used to guys chasing her all the time, she probably never encountered anybody truly walk away from her and her flakiness...but i have been through enough of sht to not put with this stuff. So whats the through process, is she really waiting for me to reach out to her?

 

[marmel75]

Do they come back? Not always. Unfortunately, things aren't always so cut and dry I've found out. Maybe she thinks you aren't interested enough in her because you haven't been contacting her(yes, this actually IS a thing...) and its her way of saving herself from you rejecting her, or maybe she simply isn't that interested and knows you will likely be looking for sex on date 3 and since she doesn't plan on following through with it, doesn't want to bother. Maybe she is/was dating other guys she is simply more interested in. Could be any number of reasons, its not even worth trying to figure it out, and even if she told you exactly what it was, it would likely be something so illogical that you wouldn't even believe it.

All you can do is keep moving forward. If you want to contact her after a month or so then go for it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Either way, I wouldn't have my hopes up too high, I'd bet she is seeing someone she is more interested in...

 

[Denny19]

i don't see how she can think I wasn't interested in her. I have asked her to hang out a few times and she told me she was busy or already had plans. So I left it alone. When we did go out, my body language spoke for itself. The only reason i haven't reached out to her in 3 weeks was because she cancelled the last date we had, and never offered a reschedule. So again, I left it alone...8 days later she reaches out to ask how i am doing and to tell me she may come to the dancing place, i said great il save you a dance. And i have literally hears nothing in 3 weeks. She left me no choice but to go distant. The first few weeks, i was trying to set up definite dates, and she was busy busy busy....then like i said, the 3rd date we did have set up, she cancels without a reschedule.

I think she wants me to chase her, but Im not doing it. Her birthday is tomorrow...Il probably send a happy birthday text, but not expecting anything to come out of it. Its just weird because first 2 dates, she seemed very very interested. Then it seems like she wanted to gain power and tried to play hard to get, but that game only works with beta males with low self esteem.

As a man, i have no problem initiating a date, but I will not chase after something in desperation. but i can not see how she can think I'm not interested in her. Yes, i haven't reached out in 3 weeks, but thats because of her flakiness, not my disinterest.

 

[dude99]

i don't see how she can think I wasn't interested in her. I have asked her to hang out a few times and she told me she was busy or already had plans. So I left it alone. When we did go out, my body language spoke for itself. The only reason i haven't reached out to her in 3 weeks was because she cancelled the last date we had, and never offered a reschedule. So again, I left it alone...8 days later she reaches out to ask how i am doing and to tell me she may come to the dancing place, i said great il save you a dance. And i have literally hears nothing in 3 weeks. She left me no choice but to go distant. The first few weeks, i was trying to set up definite dates, and she was busy busy busy....then like i said, the 3rd date we did have set up, she cancels without a reschedule.

I think she wants me to chase her, but Im not doing it. Her birthday is tomorrow...Il probably send a happy birthday text, but not expecting anything to come out of it. Its just weird because first 2 dates, she seemed very very interested. Then it seems like she wanted to gain power and tried to play hard to get, but that game only works with beta males with low self esteem.

As a man, i have no problem initiating a date, but I will not chase after something in desperation. but i can not see how she can think I'm not interested in her. Yes, i haven't reached out in 3 weeks, but thats because of her flakiness, not my disinterest.

It has nothing to do with your interest level. It is all to do with hers. If she is a 9 /10 then she is getting attention from another dude and has forgotten about you. Will she come back? If she has no more options.

 

[MrWood]

dont chase
dont be one of her attention boys
she is likely testing you subconciously
she likely has a regular FB

dont send a simple bday text, you should directly flirt or ask her out on a proper (date,place,time) date
dont ask "when are you free"
dont give a "Friday or Saturday" choice
try to compliment something other than her beauty (laugh, quirky thing, "you have a cute way of XYZ")

 

[Igetit!]

i don't see how she can think I wasn't interested in her. I have asked her to hang out a few times and she told me she was busy or already had plans. So I left it alone.

I'd do the same thing.

If I ask a girt out,and the first thing she does is start talking about "time".......not having enough of it,telling me about all "this" she has to do and all "that"and/or the key word "busy" comes up......I immediately lose interest and move on.

I asked this one chick out,online after exchanging a few messages. When I asked her out,she started telling me about how she's a teacher during the weekdays,and is starting a part-time job on the weekends. Then she said one of the key word/phrases that when I hear,I instantly move on. After telling me all she had to do,she said,"We'll see". Then she said,"Don't you just hate that answer?"

I never replied. Just simply went on to the next girl.

When we did go out, my body language spoke for itself. The only reason i haven't reached out to her in 3 weeks was because she cancelled the last date we had, and never offered a reschedule. So again, I left it alone...8 days later she reaches out to ask how i am doing and to tell me she may come to the dancing place, i said great il save you a dance. And i have literally hears nothing in 3 weeks.

In the past,whenever guys have run into this type of situation here,I suggest this....

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....this-one-off-and-move-on.163743/#post-1596861


I suggested it in this thread here.....http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/what-now.163919/ in reply #17.

You can see the result in reply #31.

I suggested it in this thread here......http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....work-schedule-how-do-i-make-this-work.161073/ in reply #5. You can read the results in replies #12 and 14.

Also suggested it here.......http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/girl-me.148393/#post-1446751 in reply #4.

You can check out the result in reply #16.

If you'll notice,in all those situations,they had the same problem you do here......flaking/cancelling without re-scheduling. Probably would have been better if you tried it earlier,though,when she disappeared for 8 days.

When she told you she was going to go to some dancing place,you told her you'd save a dance for her. I wouldn't have done that.

I would have just said something like,"That's cool....you'll probably have a good time up there". Then I'd have been like,"Hey...I was kinda in the middle of something...let me call you back right quick" Then I'd ended the call,and went on about my business,and NOT call her back.

She left me no choice but to go distant. The first few weeks, i was trying to set up definite dates, and she was busy busy busy....then like i said, the 3rd date we did have set up, she cancels without a reschedule.

She wasn't "busy,busy,busy"....she was full of "sh1t,sh1t,sh1t". If you'll notice in the links to the threads I put up,EACH THREAD has a chick talking about being "busy". She's full of sh1t. Chicks are only "busy" when it comes to guys they don't like,or have low interest in.

Her birthday is tomorrow...Il probably send a happy birthday text, but not expecting anything to come out of it.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't send her a birthday text....I wouldn't send her sh!t. All you'd be doing is letting her know she's still on your mind....despite the 3 or so weeks of "no contact" you did...and thus,boosting her ego more highly than it already is.

As a man, i have no problem initiating a date, but I will not chase after something in desperation.

I agree.

but i can not see how she can think I'm not interested in her. Yes, i haven't reached out in 3 weeks, but thats because of her flakiness, not my disinterest.

Yeah...but she doesn't know that. 3 weeks of no contact would be enough to make anyone think interest was lost,reguardless of what happened prior. And that's not a bad thing if she does think that....maybe it'll motivate her to put some sort of effort in if she does have interest.

I say date other girls. You can try the suggestion i mentioned above,but I'd still pursue other women...that suggestion is no guarantee.

 

[RangerMIke]

i don't see how she can think I wasn't interested in her.

Women always know intuitively how you feel about them. So you are correct. Where many men screw up when the woman knows what you want and you don't go for it.

Her birthday is tomorrow...Il probably send a happy birthday text,

Don't do this. You will look like a creepy stalker.

As a man, i have no problem initiating a date, but I will not chase after something in desperation. but i can not see how she can think I'm not interested in her. Yes, i haven't reached out in 3 weeks, but thats because of her flakiness, not my disinterest.

Good, you have no problems making dates... go make dates with other women. If she is really a 9/10, then you can be sure that she has a number of dudes chasing after her. You are NOT the only guy... it's highly likely she is fvcking a couple of other dudes. Go date other women and stop spending so much time thinking about this one. She is either going to like you or not, there really is nothing you can do to change her opinion.

 

[Juanto]

After dumping my ex 3 weeks ago, 2 weeks ago I sent her a birthday message . Feel like an idiot , since I dont want to get her back, just thought it was the "right" thing to do. Always learning I guess....

 

[Bayne05]

No she's not waiting for you to reach out to her, she already has hundreds of guys reaching out to her.
There are bunch of reasons why women flake, trying to figure out those reasons are a waste of time. She flakes, you move on to the next. She will come back or she might not either way Do You.

 

[Von]

You can't date a flake, cause a flake ain't there with you

 

[Denny19]

Thanks a lot for the responses

I dont doubt any of the moves ive made... Ive been through to much to chase abything anymore, however i will show interest if interested with giving plenty of space.

I honestly have no idea what happened... But im not going to feed any girls ego ever...and let me tell you, she is very very attractive. But i dont give a sht, i bring more to the table than she does, maybe she knows that and thats why.

So i was all ser to send bday text with no expectations of anything coming out of it. But you are all saying bad idea?

 

[Denny19]

Heres wht i think its a good idea to send bday text

If i dont it looks like im mad or bitter

Best to be indifferent... Happy with her, happy without

Sending message is more indifferent than not sending and looking bitter and pissed off

Thoughts?

 

[Denny19]

dont chase
dont be one of her attention boys
she is likely testing you subconciously
she likely has a regular FB

dont send a simple bday text, you should directly flirt or ask her out on a proper (date,place,time) date
dont ask "when are you free"
dont give a "Friday or Saturday" choice
try to compliment something other than her beauty (laugh, quirky thing, "you have a cute way of XYZ")

Im supposed to ask her out after she cancelled and never rescheduled??

 

[Von]

Im supposed to ask her out after she cancelled and never rescheduled??

Wait a bit and reinvite.

If its the begining of courteship/dating, she might not give you a reschedule for 1) she's not invested 100% (normal, she might have options, not kiss closed/lay etc) 2) not seem easy to get
3) not interested

If she doesn't respond to invite, I give 3 chances.

If she flaked (not showup), I erase her.

In your case, seems she flaked on the date unless she comes back with valid reason... Don't waste your time, respect yourself

 

[Denny19]

Wait a bit and reinvite.

If its the begining of courteship/dating, she might not give you a reschedule for 1) she's not invested 100% (normal, she might have options, not kiss closed/lay etc) 2) not seem easy to get
3) not interested

If she doesn't respond to invite, I give 3 chances.

If she flaked (not showup), I erase her.

In your case, seems she flaked on the date unless she comes back with valid reason... Don't waste your time, respect yourself

When she cancelled sat night date last month, she said it was because of work with a . So i said no problem and proceeded to walk ans not look back (the previous times i asked her ro hang out a couple of times and she had plans one time and was at the beach the other; one of those times she reached out the next day and set up second date)

After her cancellation last month i walked... She reached out 9 days later asking how i am and that she may show up to the dancing placs with a lot of 's. That was 3 weeks ago and i have heard nothing besides a facebook pic like which means nothing except a poke at me to chase her.

So i dont know what her deal is. Its bday tomorrow, thinking of sending casual bday text but have no expectations of anything coming of it... It would be to show im not upset and she hasnt gotten best of me.

As for reaching out, i dont think i should. Granted she reached out 3 weeks ago but she never showed up and havent heard from her since... And i was accepting to her proposal of showing up.

Im not sure about not wanting coming off easy...i mean at what point to you click with somebody and go with it instead of playing games?

I have been doing me.... I just passed my national board exam for nurse practitioner... I go to the gym etc. my happiness does not depend on any woman.... Its just a confusing situation. I dont think shes ever had anybody walk from her, but i hope shes not home playing victim saying "he must not be interested" because thats a cop out.

 

[Denny19]

I'd do the same thing.

Probably would have been better if you tried it earlier,though,when she disappeared for 8 days.

.

after she blew off saturday night date last month...I walked and didn't look back...she contacted me after 9 days of NC to see how i was doing, how my studying was going etc and to tell me she may be going dancing that night. I said something flirty like "sounds good, il save you a dance (wink face)". thats the last i heard...your advice is great...but you talk about 5 days of NC...its been 21 days and haven't heard anything besides a FB like on one of my pics. now what? Her bday is tomorrow....

by not sending Bday message may show that I'm angry and affected by her distance....thats why its better to send a simple Bday text to let her know...im happy with or without you, you don't affect me. The thing is, she knows i know its her bday...i can't play it off like i forgot....and to boot, FB sends you reminders and notifications all day. So i can't play it off like i forgot....remember, the opposite of love is indifference....by not sending anything, i show I'm upset and affected...thats my rationale for sending, its not to get her to go back out with me

 

[marmel75]

by not sending Bday message may show that I'm angry and affected by her distance....thats why its better to send a simple Bday text to let her know...im happy with or without you, you don't affect me. The thing is, she knows i know its her bday...i can't play it off like i forgot....and to boot, FB sends you reminders and notifications all day. So i can't play it off like i forgot....remember, the opposite of love is indifference....by not sending anything, i show I'm upset and affected...thats my rationale for sending, its not to get her to go back out with me

She obviously isn't thinking about you, why do you continue thinking about her? Why do you care so much? This chick is literally NOTHING to you, and you are all bent out of shape as to whether or no you should send a birthday text??? No offense, but if I went on 2 dates with some random chick that I hadn't heard from in 3 weeks I wouldn't have just forgotten about her birthday, I would have forgotten about HER COMPLETELY.

Your rationale is totally irrational. You have been on 2 dates, you haven't fvcked this chick, you barely made out with her, yet you are treating her like you've been dating for a year or more...dude, get some perspective and de-pedastalize this chick. No wonder why things went south quickly...

 

[Denny19]

things did not go south because of anything I did or didn't do. After our first date, she flaked on a meet up after that cause she was at the beach, i gave benefit of the doubt. After i invited her out a second date and she flaked, i walked...the next day she tex the in the AM about meeting up that tuesday. on that tuesday date she made a date for the following saturday. Then she flaked on that date...and i walked again....10 days later she reaches out to ask how i am and to say she may come dancing.....she never shows, i walk again...and thats where i stand. Im not bent out of shape about anything, i haven't had the slightest urge to reach out to her since she flaked 3 weeks ago. I have never chased this girl once and will not start. I will not feed a girls ego, nor do i want her thinking she got the best of me...which was my reasoning for sending bday text...it shows indifference...but still up in the air about it.

 

[Trump]

first post here....wanted to share a quick story

Met this Ecuadorian girl last month (I like spanish women) through a friend. Very Very beautiful woman, turning 30 next few days.

She can't be that beautiful at 30 bro. They start to decline at 26.

Well wound up canceling the date that we agreed on 4 days before we were supposed to go out. We were supposed to go out on a sat, she texted me teusday and said her week was full and she was covering for people at her job and she had to work the weekend. I replied with "no problem, your going to get employee of the month in no time".

Wouldn't have said "employee" stuff but ok.

I let it go and proceeded to walk and not look back....she texted me a week later and asked how i was and to let me know that if she got out of work early, she was going to go to the place we met to hang out. (the place we met has an open dance night on wed nights, thats were we met but she doesn't routinely go, she just went to meet me, and then went the following week to see me).

Bro if she wanted to meet you specifically she would have said "let's go to the coffee shop where no one else is around and it's just me and you."

So i said ok sounds good, il save you a dance.

Bro girls phones you day of, says I'm going here and you say "I'll be there in 18 seconds to be with you." Slightly brutal.

Well, this was 3 weeks ago, she never showed and i have not hears anything, NOR have i reached out to her. My question is not whether i should contact her again. I have walked and will not look back, i don't care how pretty the girl is.

Why didn't you text "hey I'm here onsite. Are you coming?" Or "Are you on your way." Or give her a phone call when she doesn't show up in 20 minutes?

My question to you is, when you walk, do they come back. She did reach out a few weeks ago after not hearing for me for a week and a half....but its been 3 weeks and I'm just curious to what her thought process is.

Who the hell knows bro? Maybe she got cast in a Hollywood movie. Maybe she found a boyfriend. Maybe she is pregnant. Maybe she is angry she is not rich. Maybe she is angry she is not famous. Maybe she is upset you didn't give her good sex.

She's a 9/10 and is probably used to guys chasing her all the time, she probably never encountered anybody truly walk away from her and her flakiness...but i have been through enough of sht to not put with this stuff. So whats the through process, is she really waiting for me to reach out to her?

Girl who is 9/10 and 30 is an oxymoron.

Bro it doesn't matter if she is waiting for you to reach out. She is THIRTY YEARS OLD. Her stock is CRASHING. I would text "You are 30 years old. You better hurry up and have sex with me while I'm still a little bit turned on because you are losing value by the minute."

 

[Denny19]

"il save you a dance" was meant to be flirty. And when she didn't show, which was 3 weeks ago, she has not heard from me since. So don't really know what i did wrong there. She reached out to me, asked how my studying was going, asked how i was...i responded 4 hours later because i was at work...she says she may come dancing tonight, i said il save you a dance.

The dance thing on wed nights has been my things for past 2 years...i go every wed....she does not. She only came to meet me and then came the week after to see me. So i was going regardless, she reached out to me and said she may come...but either way i go every wed night. Its not like i ran there waiting for her...because while she didn't show, i was dancing the whole night with multiple beautiful spanish women. Not sitting on the side looking at my phone.