Question for men 45 and older

[bigneil]

At age 45, I'm at the "now or never" age for a (first) wife and child(ren). If not past it, but bear with me.

On one hand, my dad has been reminding me of this; on the other hand, he complains about his second wife (and practices revisionist history on his first wife (my mother)) [Yes I'm a programmer].

So I'm curious to hear from other men my age and older: are men like me going to spontaneously regret not having gotten married and having had children someday? Or will we continue to rejoice (as I basically have for the past 10 years or so)?

To the men age 35-45, I can honestly say I spend less than 1% of my life wishing I had a wife and/or children.

Thanks in advance.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

At age 45, I'm at the "now or never" age for a (first) wife and child(ren). If not past it, but bear with me.

On one hand, my dad has been reminding me of this; on the other hand, he complains about his second wife (and practices revisionist history on his first wife (my mother)) [Yes I'm a programmer].

So I'm curious to hear from other men my age and older: are men like me going to spontaneously regret not having gotten married and having had children someday? Or will we continue to rejoice (as I basically have for the past 10 years or so)?

To the men age 35-45, I can honestly say I spend less than 1% of my life wishing I had a wife and/or children.

Thanks in advance.

Nothing wrong with a wife bigneil especially if she supports your ambitions and takes pride in taking care of her man. Some of us who end up LTR used to love the thrill of the hunt, but it's great when she will F the $hit outta you just for coming home and can't keep her hands off of you. These women are getting rarer now adays, so your way does protect against bait and switch type thing. I was just saying. Children also aren't a bad thing, you can get done everything oyu want to in life, it just focuses your priorities on things that are more important.

 

[ZTIME]

At age 45, I'm at the "now or never" age for a (first) wife and child(ren). If not past it, but bear with me.

On one hand, my dad has been reminding me of this; on the other hand, he complains about his second wife (and practices revisionist history on his first wife (my mother)) [Yes I'm a programmer].

So I'm curious to hear from other men my age and older: are men like me going to spontaneously regret not having gotten married and having had children someday? Or will we continue to rejoice (as I basically have for the past 10 years or so)?

To the men age 35-45, I can honestly say I spend less than 1% of my life wishing I had a wife and/or children.

Thanks in advance.

First bud you need to understand that marrige is never a necessity. It's actually just a piece of paper which legally gives rights to a woman whether she was a good wife or not.

I've seen lots of successful LTR's which never involved marrige (success based on length of term as its my belife all relationships end). I was in a great relationship for 14 years (not married)

Secondly, why force yourself into a marrige role. Why not just find a girl you truly enjoy being with and ride it out. How would the ring and paper change anything.

You make it sound like now that you're 45, you should start looking for something better. Have you been disrespecting yourself for the last 20+ years settling for bottom barrel?

Lastly, children are a big responsibility and if that's what you want maybe someday it will happen. But I wouldn't start looking at women with the mindset of marrige and kids. This has a greater tendency for you to start "over qualifying" women or pedestalizing them. Which you know could lead to some serious sh*t.

Either way, Be Blessed.

 

[dustmuffin]

If you don't want children why marry? I regret the choice of my wife. I was clueless. With what you know you have a better chance of selecting a good wife.

 

[ZTIME]

If you don't want children why marry? I regret the choice of my wife. I was clueless. With what you know you have a better chance of selecting a good wife.

Umm, if you wanted children, why marry???

Biologically it makes no difference. Marrige certificates don't come with sperm and eggs in the envelope last time I checked.

 

[Yewki]

So I'm curious to hear from other men my age and older: are men like me going to spontaneously regret not having gotten married and having had children someday? Or will we continue to rejoice (as I basically have for the past 10 years or so)?

I don't know, but everyone I know who has kids seems more stressed out and less happy than before

At 30 I still have 0 desire to have kids. I get the idea of wanting to continue your legacy and that there is something special about raising a kid who shares your genes. But the problem is, I've already been a kid. I know how much of a pain in the ass I was, how big of a moron I was, and how little I appreciated my parents for like the first 15-20 years. It's a huge commitment that changes your life. You have have to support them. That burden is on your shoulders. You're now tied to lots of bills and responsibilities. Overall it just doesn't seem worth it. If I end up wishing I had kids when I'm really old, I think it still would have been worth it to live out my prime years the way I wanted. There's no guarantee I'm even going to live that long either. Don't really care about continuing my "legacy", doesn't appeal to me

 

[guru1000]

Bigneil, prenups can be set aside; case law changes; commingling of marital assets and non-marital assets can occur endangering "protected" assets; the primary home bought postnuptially is a marital asset (are you never going to move?); future businesses not disclosed in prenup can be sought after; judges cannot be trusted; the court process can be manipulated; feelings change.

For a financially successful man, signing contracts with no financial upside is a bad business decision.

 

[Dingo]

Don't do it..... It's a trap...

 

[BeExcellent]

Kids are life altering. You come second to their needs for a long time (I'd say the first 10 years anyway before you get any of your own life back.)

I'm a mom with 3 great kids (as in respectful, helpful and well behaved), and I'm telling you it is a much bigger commitment than a spouse because the babies are utterly helpless & utterly dependent on you for years...not like a pet or another adult who can take care of themselves.

They are also tiring if you are doing it right...much as I adore mine.

In some states having kids out of wedlock actually confers more rights than being married (if you divorce).

If you find a great woman the rest will work itself out. Do not consider kids unless/until you find the right woman.

 

[El Payaso]

Use a surrogate mom if you want kids so badly. Don't marry just to have kids.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

At 45 I think you are too old to start a family IMVHO. Your teenage children could have to deal with putting you in a home and do you have enough energy to be a good dad still. I am 46 and I struggle.
I am looking forward to getting my life back again as my kids become independent.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I can honestly say I spend less than 1% of my life wishing I had a wife and/or children.

If this ^^^^ is true for you, then you have answered your own question.

 

[raider87]

Kids are cool for an hour or two, after that you'll be drained. I'm glad I have nieces so I got to see how full on kids are before I had them. My sister has a kid with autism, don't know how she does it.

 

[logicallefty]

Neil, marriage is a scam 93% of the time for a man. At 42 I am under 45 but I think I am the only guy on this form who actually 'got married' to a bigamist, the ultimate marriage scam, so I will nominate myself as SoSuave's expert on marriages being a scam until proven otherwise. That being said, you should not feel a bit guilty about wanting marriage. It is human nature to want companionship with a stable partner. I'm not even going to tell you "don't get married" even though I may say it now and then in good sarcasm. But what I will tell you is, if you do get married, do it carefully. I wouldn't marry any woman now without being together for at least 10 years and I would background check the tw@t snot out of her and put her through tests that havent been invented yet before I would ever do it again. I probably won't, but if I was to do it, that's how I would do it.

As for kids, I am a lot less cynical about kids. My daughter just turned 13. I have had joint custody (50/50 on average) her entire life. I have had a blast turning her into a mini redneck little me and teaching her life in full red pill curriclum. Wouldn't trade it for anything. And when I am 85 laying in the nursing home, I will probably appreciate it all the more.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Don't do it. You have a good income and marriage is too financially dangerous for men. Enjoy being single. The last thing you want is to get stuck paying child support/alimony to some b1tch. First comes the wedding ring then comes the suffer-ring.

 

[Dynamited]

I just turned 40 and this topic has been on my mind too, marriage and kids. 99% of my friends are married with at least a kid. I can't say that all of them are having great marriages. And having kids does take a toll on both their health and marriage.

It's rather scary seeing how their whole lives revolve around their kids. I hardly get to see them any longer.

Based on my personality and priorities in life, i would find it hard to envision my self having such a lifestyle. Coming home to screaming kids and deciding what car to buy based on how many child seats can fit in the back. At this point, I am contended just dating and keeping it non exclusive. But if great girl comes around I'm open to commitment but I'm just not sure about having kids.

I rather keep a cat, which i do at the moment

 

[skinnyguy]

I just turned 40 and this topic has been on my mind too, marriage and kids. 99% of my friends are married with at least a kid. I can't say that all of them are having great marriages. And having kids does take a toll on both their health and marriage.

It's rather scary seeing how their whole lives revolve around their kids. I hardly get to see them any longer.

Based on my personality and priorities in life, i would find it hard to envision my self having such a lifestyle. Coming home to screaming kids and deciding what car to buy based on how many child seats can fit in the back. At this point, I am contended just dating and keeping it non exclusive. But if great girl comes around I'm open to commitment but I'm just not sure about having kids.

I rather keep a cat, which i do at the moment

So true. Honestly I cannot fathom having a kid in my life. That's so much work and drama. Especially if the mother is a crazy woman.

Most of the people I know also are married and with kids. At a certain point, it's going to be like that no matter what. The challenge is to not succumb to what society wants you to do.

Honestly I'm fine with where I'm at. I'm really bad at relationships so even if a did try marriage, I'd be divorced within 2 months.

 

[Julian]

First bud you need to understand that marrige is never a necessity. It's actually just a piece of paper which legally gives rights to a woman whether she was a good wife or not.

I've seen lots of successful LTR's which never involved marrige (success based on length of term as its my belife all relationships end). I was in a great relationship for 14 years (not married)

Secondly, why force yourself into a marrige role. Why not just find a girl you truly enjoy being with and ride it out. How would the ring and paper change anything.

You make it sound like now that you're 45, you should start looking for something better. Have you been disrespecting yourself for the last 20+ years settling for bottom barrel?

Lastly, children are a big responsibility and if that's what you want maybe someday it will happen. But I wouldn't start looking at women with the mindset of marrige and kids. This has a greater tendency for you to start "over qualifying" women or pedestalizing them. Which you know could lead to some serious sh*t.

Either way, Be Blessed.

what happened between you and the 14 year relationship? i feel like at that point people should be in it for life

 

[bigneil]

My brother has 2 sons and I spoil them. I feel as though marriage will be like having a boss, and I hate having a boss. It's basically Super Prostitution when you think about it, minus the guarantee of sex. The concept of being forced to underwrite a woman's lifestyle for life, is like expecting your employer to keep paying your salary after you are fired. Only desperate men could have possibly agreed to such terms, let alone codified it into law. The establishment loves it. They made men be sub-women.

 

[ZTIME]

what happened between you and the 14 year relationship? i feel like at that point people should be in it for life

Sad to say, but that mindset is what gets a lot of people to this sight. They justify "time in" as a reason to "stay in".

What if I told you instead that I was in a 4 year relationship that was the best one I ever had, a 2 year rocky relationship, a 6 year relation ship with a live in FWB, and a 2 year relationship that was an incompatible prison??
The kicker was that they were all with the same girl. Should it be "for life" then?

The truth is that we journeyed for quite some time together and at some point we hit a fork in the road and each chose a seperate path (back then It wasn't that easy). I don't regret the time, I embrace what I learned along the journey.

5 years after the relationship our paths crossed again. I met a weathered her and she met ZTIME, both of us changed from the paths we chose. We're good friends, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am happy we never married.

There is no right or wrong. There is no time investment that will ensure a happy partnership. There is truly just the journey of life. Fill it with friends, women, fun, and experience, but remember: some of the journey you'll need to walk on your own. It's these paths that seperate the pretenders from the contenders.