You look homeless / You honestly lack style

[Clueless2k16]

ok talked to this women friend yesterday, and after much insisting on my part for her to tell me truth, she finally broke and told me.

she said im not an ugly guy, its just i lack style and i look a bit homeless. Its just a vibe, she couldnt put it in words, but maybe the posing, or the clothes i wear.

i was wondering if you guys can give me some style tips or websites where i can learn and how to change my posture, body language

When im walking on the street i slouch a bit, i dont make eye contact and my eyes tend to meet the street pavement, its like i perceive myself as low value.

i dont know if you guys that've seen my pics think that i look homeless or lack style too, if you do please help.i dont want to be here whining all the time i really want to make a difference.

 

[grayclif]

Get started at the gym. Strongift''s 5x5 (look it up). Lifting wIll help.you walk with more pride.

I follow this blog. I scroll through when I'm in a waiting room or on a cardio machine. It'll give you a good idea on how a man should dress fashionably -http://gentlemansessentials.tumblr.com

Lastly what are you doing internalising the opinion of a woman. It was possibly the shot in the arm you needed so let that be last time it happens, ever.

 

[Clueless2k16]

thanks graycliff that site is great

 

[Building_and_Loan]

Where do you shop at?

Can't really go wrong with Banana Republic or J. Crew for most of your clothing, as they have high quality clothing for reasonable prices. Just go in and ask them for some style and sizing advice, it's what their staff knows well and gets paid to do.

And if you can realize that you're slouching and have bad posture, then that means you can start improving that. Make a conscious effort to stand up straight, it will make a huge difference in how people perceive you.

With your eye contact, never hang your head and look down. It signals weakness and submissiveness. Don't be afraid to make eye contact with people and if you feel the need to look away, either fix your gaze to the side or look above their eyeline. Never down.

 

[logicallefty]

Chick: You look homeless
LL's response: That's fine my FWB who lives at the Salvation Army loves it on me

Gym (as already mentioned), General Hygeine (teeth, bathing, etc) so you don't stink and make people sick, and cloths at fit your body and don't show children parts of your body that give them nightmares. As far as what exact cloths to get or where to buy them, I would answer that question with "whatever and wherever the hell you want". I am pretty sure I will rock the Sosuave boat when I say this... But IMO buying something that is in style, popular, etc. is basically saying "I am buying it because others have bought it" and that's hard core blue pill. I buy most of my cloths at Goodwill because they are cheap and *I* like them. I make my own style that I like and I wear it. I just bought a $50.00 Harley Davidson shirt there for 3 bucks. Why? Because I like the shirt and it's comfortable, that's why. I don't ride a Harley but their cloths look awesome on me. Do I care what people think about that. Fvck no. A little over a year ago I talked about having a pair of boots that a girl I was with didn't like and we didnt want me to wear them to her Christmas party so I didn't go to the party. Fast forward to today, she says "I love you, boots and all!" and knows I will wear the boots that I like and she will never change that. It's called frame.

Again, I know I go against the grain but its something to think about.

 

[MrWiggles]

ok talked to this women friend yesterday, and after much insisting on my part for her to tell me truth, she finally broke and told me.

she said im not an ugly guy, its just i lack style and i look a bit homeless. Its just a vibe, she couldnt put it in words, but maybe the posing, or the clothes i wear.

i was wondering if you guys can give me some style tips or websites where i can learn and how to change my posture, body language

When im walking on the street i slouch a bit, i dont make eye contact and my eyes tend to meet the street pavement, its like i perceive myself as low value.

i dont know if you guys that've seen my pics think that i look homeless or lack style too, if you do please help.i dont want to be here whining all the time i really want to make a difference.

THIS is the biggest thing. I am willing to bet she noticed this before she noticed your clothes because this is exactly how most homeless people look when they are walking around. Yes, dress nicely but also present yourself better. I bet you she would not be saying that if you had your shoulders back, head up, chest out and made laser eye contact. a t shirt jeans and some shoes with what i just said above and you are golden.

 

[marmel75]

That vibe is the vibe of someone who has a negative self image and who's body language, speech, movements and everything else about him subconsciously correlates with his own self belief of worth. Which is next to none.

If you believe you are a loser and project that image why would someone else who doesn't know you question it?

People who don't know you tend to believe what you believe about yourself. In your case it seems to permeate your very existence.

 

[Clueless2k16]

from a woman on reddit

"I think you look fine. There's nothing wrong with your looks. I won't boost your ego for you, you're very very average.
The turn-off is from listening to you talk about how ugly you think you are. That is not attractive at all.
Also your age is important when it comes to dating. You should be looking for other 35-40 year old women, in case you aren't already."

I'm very very average, no gym will fix my chances with women, no clothes, there are no miracles. that's it i'm out

 

[guru1000]

from a woman on reddit

"I think you look fine. There's nothing wrong with your looks. I won't boost your ego for you, you're very very average.
The turn-off is from listening to you talk about how ugly you think you are. That is not attractive at all.
Also your age is important when it comes to dating. You should be looking for other 35-40 year old women, in case you aren't already."

I'm very very average, no gym will fix my chances with women, no clothes, there are no miracles. that's it i'm out

LOL

 

[Tictac]

from a woman on reddit

"I think you look fine. There's nothing wrong with your looks. I won't boost your ego for you, you're very very average.
The turn-off is from listening to you talk about how ugly you think you are. That is not attractive at all.
Also your age is important when it comes to dating. You should be looking for other 35-40 year old women, in case you aren't already."

I'm very very average, no gym will fix my chances with women, no clothes, there are no miracles. that's it i'm out

If that's how you think, you're right.

If you choose to think (and act) differently that would be right too.

 

[Clueless2k16]

LOL

is it so ****in funny?

 

[Tictac]

is it so ****in funny?

Rather sad actually.

You were pain shopping here looking for people to tell you how awful you are. When that didn't work, you went over to Reddit and got the same thing that everyone here told you.

Where to next?

 

[Clueless2k16]

If that's how you think, you're right.

If you choose to think (and act) differently that would be right too.

so how do i go from here, knowing that i have ****ty cards to play with. lets face the facts im 40, i'm not a model.

 

[Tictac]

so how do i go from here, knowing that i have ****ty cards to play with.

Recognize that you are playing from the same deck as everyone else.

BTW - did you see my age?

 

[guru1000]

Clueless is a fitting SN. At least you are aware that you are clueless, assuming of course that you are serious and not trolling.

I remember your other SNs and threads, and there is one recurring theme: You believe you are what others say you are.

Others stated you have a thin face, so you got cheek augmentation. Others stated you have deformed ears, so you got ear surgery. Others stated you have funny-looking eyes, so you got eye surgery. Others stated you have a small jaw/chin, so you looked into chin/jaw augmentation. Others stated you have a bald head, so you created your last thread and are looking toward follicle transplants. Others stated you were ugly a few years back, and you were suicidal. Others state that you are average now, and it's damaging to your core. Am I right so far?

Your whole life, your opinion of you was shaped SOLELY by others' statements, without considering the emotional bias, prejudice, and context of those statements. Your whole life, you have been a fool chasing your own tail, regressing further into a now inescapable hole of self-doubt and pity.

And now you expect others to feel sorry for you? I don't buy into this bullcrap. Nor do I feel sorry for you. You created this mess. Now sit in it. When you are ready to grab the reins to your life, MANY men will be here to assist. But, I doubt this will happen as you are only seeking biased confirmation of your self-contrived destitution.

 

[LiveYourDream]

(OP, should you actually be here, genuinely seeking help (and not a troll, as I often consider), I offer a heartfelt response to you below.

@Clueless2k16, This is your around your 8th new thread, in 16 days, essentially focused on how ugly you are (in your experience). "Your ugliness" has essentially been the center of your focus here, day after day. Despite lots of constructive suggestions and feedback, your perception of your ugliness remains unwavering. To me that conveys a depth of issue beyond common insecurities, reasonably addressed in an online forum.

With consideration of all you have shared, I think your core issue is far deeper than a need to change your body posture, update your wardrobe, or to try to shift your thinking, on your own. Just as your surgeries didn't transform your thinking and core issues, I suspect those well intentioned suggestions will also not be enough to address and remove the true root of your issue.

Your unbalanced preoccupation with yourself as ugly, fits the characteristics of a condition called Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). It alters the way you see your body, compared with how others see your body. It creates a distortion in your experience and perception of your body.

If you truly want change, it is important to address the core issue, using the most effective tools, for the actual job at hand. Know that with the right help, people with BDD can and do get better. You will need to take responsibility to learn more, to get help, and to participate in your own recovery, with the help of a BDD professional. Here is some info to get you started:

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is an under-recognized and serious mental illness. It isn't vanity

"Individuals with BDD obsess that there is something wrong with how they look, even though the perceived appearance flaw is actually minimal or nonexistent They may describe themselves as looking unattractive or deformed, or even hideous or like a monster. They are often associated with fears of rejection and feelings of low self-esteem, shame, embarrassment, unworthiness, and being unlovable. In addition, a majority have ideas or delusions of reference, thinking that others take special notice of the 'defect', perhaps staring at it, talking about it, or mocking it."​

It's important to recognize BDD symptoms and get the right treatment. With the right treatment, most people with BDD will get better. Get yourself the help you need, to truly heal and live a happier, more fulfilled life. It's possible, if you choose it. I hope you do.

General Wiki Summary: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder

Understand More About Professional Treatment Options for BDD (Including possible telephone and online therapy options) http://ocdla.com/bodydysmorphicdisorder

 

[guru1000]

LYD,

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/i-respect-all-you-guys-but-know-i-know.225876/

Same poster, different name.

 

[foreverAFC]

in my opinion, as long as you look in shape clothes dont matter much, but dont wear anything wacky. i wear just plain black or grey t shirts at work with regular fitting jeans and old black vans shoes, some of my shirts are very old and even have moth holes in them and i think i paid like $5 for each one, and women still look at me quite a bit because ive been hitting the gym for years. i see guys who wear nice expensive clothes and always go to the barber to get haircuts but they are still fat and out of shape and clearly have huge lovehandles and manbreasts regardless of whatever clothing brand is covering it all, so whats the point? its better to get in shape worry less about your clothes and hair cause at least then you will have a blue collar/in shape/active lifestyle type guy look. going to the gym and doing resistance training to shape up and build your body is the number one most important thing for men in my opinion.

 

[Serenity]

@LiveYourDream I seriously doubt this is a troll, he's been going like this for a long long time. Many months, maybe even years. I Googled him and traced up forum threads scattered across the internet, all about how ugly he is. Involving dental work and plastic surgery. This is an extreme case of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Also refer to @guru1000 post.

@Clueless2k16 this is about much more than clothes and postures. I don't know what kind of abuse you've suffered, but I'd be surprised if your childhood wasn't fvcked up or something. This is an emotional and psychological issue, not a physical one.

Random people on internet forums can't adequately help you with such serious problems. You should seek out a professional therapist and express how you feel about yourself. Then you might get some actual help.

As @Tictac says, you're "pain shopping". Which is to look for negative validation, to confirm your own harmful beliefs. We won't give you that validation, because it's not fvcking true. You don't LOOK ugly, you paint yourself as ugly towards others. I don't know why. A cry for attention? Validation of anything you believe? Fishing for sympathy, someone to feel pity for you? What?

Let's jump through a step here, what if everyone did validate that you're ugly? If it was an undisputable fact that everyone agreed to, then what? What would you do then? How do you imagine your life would turn out? I don't think that's really a way in life you'd want to explore.

We're trying to help you, so quit being a whining b!tch and actually listen to us. If you keep ignoring the time and effort people put into giving you solid advice, I don't give a single sh!t about your destiny. You've been warned probably hundreds of times, it's impossible that's it's anyone else's fault you continue your life feeling worse than sh!t. We're literally throwing opportunities and good ideas your way, but you just want to be ugly. That's ungratefulness, and that's uglier than any physical look in existence.

tl;dr Seek a professional therapist, DO IT.

 

[ZTIME]

For quite some time now you've been asking people across the Internet and in your social circles how you can fix yourself. Some of the advice you took (eye surgery, nose surgery, teeth repair, etc.), yet you still can't find happiness.

Living in your own skin can be a daunting task when you're constantly seeking validation from others on how you should appear to them. Something tells me that it's not only your looks that you're willing to change based on the opinions of others. Something tells me that you will change anything in your quest to find acceptance.

Seeking acceptance from others is difficult when you are unable to accept yourself. (I.e. "Playing with the hand you're dealt".) The truth is that no one here or anywhere can offer you advice on how to make you feel good about you. And the horrible truth is no one should really care about you as much as you, yet you see it differently.

In the real world (not your pseudo internet validation seeking world), people pity meek little animals. We generally can't help the meek, we can only pity them. You see, the meek and meager animals of this world serve a purpose of showing us how we don't want to be. I guess in some aspect we owe you a bit of gratitude for showing us who we don't want to be.

You can try as hard as you want to fix the face of the clock, but if you don't repair the gears inside, you'll always be a few minutes behind.