I wish there was an antidote for betrayal. As much as I know to be indifferent, some days that still doesn't stop the tears from flowing and stop my heart from feeling like it is being ripped apart. I know the other side of this experience is before me somewhere. Some days I still feel like I am swimming in a never ending ocean just wanting, so, so, much to at least see signs of a shore ahead. I know I am headed in the right direction. I just wish the hurt would finally stop. I wish my mind would just stop thinking about him. When I do see him, I wish I felt complete neutrality.
I know I am wiser from the experience. It taught me things I see now that I needed to learn. I can find gratitude in that. The truth is he and I do not share the same values. That's not going to change any time soon. We could never be a good long term match.
I want to share all of me and my life with a man I love, admire, respect, and with whom I grow, and am a better person for knowing. I want to be with a man who truly loves me and appreciates the loving and affection I feel for him. I want to be with a man with whom communication is simple, straightforward, and clear. I want to be with a man who stands in his masculinity, his strength, his innate knowingness and honors himself in doing so. I want to be with a man who appreciates the play of masculinity and femininity. I want to our time together to be ever playful, connected, and full of heart. And more...
What I know is that I need to keep my focus on fully healing this previous experience and any lingering hurts, so that I can fully move forward in my life and walk into my next experience, without any unfinished business, carried ahead. Beyond that, I know my focus is best served on the movement and on what I want to create more of in my life.
I am aware that I want to embrace my femininity even more still. I will. I want to be an amazing woman, for/with an amazing man, and share an extraordinary life together. An extraordinary life of loving.
That's just me, heart wide-open. I am growing. I am moving forward.
TL;DR
They say the best revenge is a life well lived. I get that. I also want to move so far beyond that, that I couldn't care less about revenge. I am moving on.
It's a new day and I am making it great.