Is it possible to date a Borderline Personality Disorder co worker?

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Speculator E

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I just discovered the girl I'm dating at work has BPD. Is it possible to make it work? She will be my 2nd BPD relationship but unlike the first one I am educated about the disorder this time.
 
HeadLightsOn

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I can't believe this is a serious question. Co worker AND BPD - Mmmmmm that's a jackpot of misery! Are you slightly screwed up, seriously? Please date her and post back here in 6 months or so. I'd be interested in your state of mental health at that stage.
 
mrgoodstuff

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Border line and at work, that would be insane. She could get stressed and come after you in the work place and make your life a living hell.
 

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Speculator E

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HeadLightsOn said:
I can't believe this is a serious question. Co worker AND BPD - Mmmmmm that's a jackpot of misery! Are you slightly screwed up, seriously? Please date her and post back here in 6 months or so. I'd be interested in your state of mental health at that stage.
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I know but I'm trapped. The root of her disorder is fear of abandonment which is what leaving her is. It's her triggers. If I leave now I really have no where to run. I need help and advice here. Seriously.
 
LiveYourDream

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Speculator E said:
I just discovered the girl I'm dating at work has BPD. Is it possible to make it work? She will be my 2nd BPD relationship but unlike the first one I am educated about the disorder this time.
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One could be educated about meth addiction yet that doesn't make dating a meth addict a reasonable choice, ever. Knowing about meth addiction won't magically make dating a meth addict any better or give you more control over the outcome. It will be a fvcked up ride regardless. You'll simply understand more about why she does what she does. You won't be able to fix it or even influence it. Knowing about meth addiction is helpful for your understanding but it doesn't make the craziness go away.

Is a BPD the same as meth addict? No. I used the example as a reality check, to wake you the fvck up. Choosing to date a BPD is equally destructive to your life, if not more, in my opinion. Would you date a meth addict? Why not? Apply those answers to this woman. Wake up!
 
Infern0

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OP, this is the exact scenario that happened to me

Well, I didn't even know about BPD at the time, let alone that she had it, but I met a full on waif-bpd at work

At first she was just this coworker who had depression and seemed sad a lot of the time, so i used to just tell her jokes and try and have a laugh and that, she ended up idealizing me. I didn't want to go there because she was a co-worker but she seemed really nice and caring, and she chased me for months so eventually i gave in.

When the devaluation happened, she very, very nearly got me fired. I had built a good reputation at work and was seen as someone who was going to go far in the company. After what she put me through I had a double whammy of disciplinary action laid upon me for her acting out, which i got blamed for too, and post that I had a nervous breakdown due to her emotionally torturing me for weeks. (afc on my part but i didn't know better at the time)

Anyway my rep at work is ruined, I only managed to keep my job by going over my (female) bosses head to her (male) boss, who was actually very understanding of my situation and quietly managed my ex out of the company.

I still have my job but i will NEVER be promoted now, I understand that, and i'll be getting a new job somewhere when it becomes available.

BPD's should never be trifled with, ever. But if you absoloutley have to make sure she doesn't know where you live or work, and certainly that she isn't a coworker

Get out of the relationship as soon as you can, in the nicest way you can (grey rock technique)

You won't though, you are too far in, the destruction is on it's way
 
Atom Smasher

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OP, if you were "educated about the disorder" you wouldn't be asking this question.
 
LiveYourDream

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Speculator E said:
I know but I'm trapped. The root of her disorder is fear of abandonment which is what leaving her is. It's her triggers. If I leave now I really have no where to run. I need help and advice here. Seriously.
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Infern0 said:
Get out of the relationship as soon as you can, in the nicest way you can (grey rock technique)
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Start this now. Never waver. Become a gray rock to her, nothing more. Read this article if you are not familiar. (Insert BPD for psychopath where appropriate.) Going gray rock will lead her to disengage from you, with as little drama as possible, while having her believe she is in control and leaving you, thus not triggering her abandonment issues. You are not powerless. You have choices. Go gray rock and get your life back. Read the article and implement it, starting now. http://www.lovefraud.com/2012/02/10/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/

Edit: Be aware that going gray rock, as it is called, allows one to exit more effectively than going No Contact, with a BPD. They are not the same. Understand that despite one's preference to just be done and cut contact, No Contact is not necessarily the wisest and most effective choice of how to disengage with certain personality disorders.
 
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bigneil

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It's possible to have a gay love affair with your jail cell mate also, but I don't recommend it.
 
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