The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Fireballs]

Day 4

Fuk bros this is hard.. She just called twice and left a voicemail.. She was crying her eyes out and from what I could make of it she was saying that she was making sure I was ok and was asking where I'd moved to..all while balling her eyes out.

I'm really feeling sorry for her, I know she cares about me and just wants to make sure I've found somewhere to stay etc so it's hard not to call her back.

And just now she has sent a text ''When you're ready to talk I'd love to hear from you. I'm hurting too.''

Do I respond to this or stay NC?

 

[Reykhel]

Day 4

Fuk bros this is hard.. She just called twice and left a voicemail.. She was crying her eyes out and from what I could make of it she was saying that she was making sure I was ok and was asking where I'd moved to..all while balling her eyes out.

I'm really feeling sorry for her, I know she cares about me and just wants to make sure I've found somewhere to stay etc so it's hard not to call her back.

And just now she has sent a text ''When you're ready to talk I'd love to hear from you. I'm hurting too.''

Do I respond to this or stay NC?

I've not read all of your threads about this chick, but as far as I know you were living together
and she's a doctor......and she's finished it because of you not....doing enough ****e or something?

....so, it's not some tramp that you've met from POF that has cheated on you, that shot your dog, that burned your house down and then ran off with the milkman.......

IMO the NC does not have to applied straight away in all cases. If you were living with someone you still have to probably sort out somethings, like what days you get custody of Mr Smith and sorting out each others' stuff..............so in certain cases NC immediately is simply not practical..........in the case of someone who was cheated on by his ex for example and she's with someone else and he still has oneitis for her.........in this instance he needs NC for his own sanity.....

In your case it could be a question of .......fade to black.....

Do you still have designs on this relationship? Do you think she does too?

She either wants to talk to you about giving it another go
or
She wants to talk to you to make her feel better

If it's to make her feel better.......then you don't want that.......you've got nothing to talk about
If it's to get back together........and if you don't want that.......you've got nothing to talk about...
If it's to get back together.....and you decide you'd be willing to listen to that.......now you have a reason to have the conversation...........

If she's bull****ting you........fade to black.......I wouldn't get too hung up on the NC (counting days)

 

[dustmuffin]

Day 4

Fuk bros this is hard.. She just called twice and left a voicemail.. She was crying her eyes out and from what I could make of it she was saying that she was making sure I was ok and was asking where I'd moved to..all while balling her eyes out.

I'm really feeling sorry for her, I know she cares about me and just wants to make sure I've found somewhere to stay etc so it's hard not to call her back.

And just now she has sent a text ''When you're ready to talk I'd love to hear from you. I'm hurting too.''

Do I respond to this or stay NC?

I would stay nc. She said she is hurting too. She wants you to make her feel better. Its not your job any longer. Your job is to make you feel better by getting her out of your head. She dumped you. Now she has to face the consiquences for her actions.

 

[Glumix]

After 4 months of full NC, I unexpectedly saw her name tonight and had a hell of a PANG.
My stomach went up to my gut and back down to my balls. She is still alive...

It's really unconscious. I wonder if it's fear or shock, like post-traumatic shock or something.

But it's a good test. Visualizing myself bumping into my ex makes me sweat and a rush of adrenaline. Even though I have 2 plates, it doesn't matter. I have to remember all my self-control.

 

[Lucy]

I am also on day 2 of no contact and I am finding it incredibly difficult. I hope I can make it to the 60 days.

 

[dustmuffin]

After 4 months of full NC, I unexpectedly saw her name tonight and had a hell of a PANG.
My stomach went up to my gut and back down to my balls. She is still alive...

It's really unconscious. I wonder if it's fear or shock, like post-traumatic shock or something.

But it's a good test. Visualizing myself bumping into my ex makes me sweat and a rush of adrenaline. Even though I have 2 plates, it doesn't matter. I have to remember all my self-control.

I get the same feelings. Usually before I go on a date. I'm not thinking about her as much. I think about her red flags and that I'm getting better *****. It will stop eventually. I have had two flakes this week and a bad date. That was getting me down so i texted this chistian women that i fu cked in the ass on the first date. Only went out with her a few times. AnywAy she was glad to hear from me and is coming over tonight. Getting p ussy will set me right. I have a date tomorrow with a girl that i screwed before. If she dosent flake that should be in thr bag too. She id crazy but wont be s big deal if she does ive got loads to do. Stay strong eventually you will be thinking straight all of the time.

 

[finality]

Hooked up with another plate new last night. 4 plates spinning now.

My new plates aren't helping me get over my ex though

I've been a failure when it has come to NC. I think the fact that we have been off and on like 7 times in 2 years makes it hard for me to believe its over. Especially when she calls/texts me every day.

 

[Tictac]

Especially when she calls/texts me every day.

Do you reply?
Why haven't you deleted her from every source of access to you?
Why haven't you blocked her access to you?

You want this or you wouldn't put up with it.

 

[finality]

Do you reply?
Why haven't you deleted her from every source of access to you?
Why haven't you blocked her access to you?

You want this or you wouldn't put up with it.

I just ended it.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I just ended it.

You have said that before. What will actually make this time be different?

The power for it to actually BE different comes from YOUR continual choices, not your words in this moment.

 

[finality]

You have said that before. What will actually make this time be different?

The power for it to actually BE different comes from YOUR continual choices, not your words in this moment.

I need it for my sanity. This is the first girl to end things with me in 15 years. I was addicted to the competition of winning her back. Its over.

I'm also switching gyms so I don't run into her.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I need it for my sanity.

What one "needs" to do and what one actually does, are often two very different things.

 

[dustmuffin]

I need it for my sanity.

I know it is hard. You waffle on your decisions to talk or not talk to her. Believe me, you will be better off mentally if you just cut her off. You are not concerned with her feelings just your own. Let her go and move on. She is a drug that you have to quit cold turkey.

 

[Lucy]

Yes I agree. hoping the person in question is missing me....but is doing the opposite and not texting. Now day 3 of no contact.

 

[Lucy]

Do you think by doing no contact will make the person miss me more?

 

[LiveYourDream]

I just ended it.

Please understand my intent is not to sabotage your latest decision "to end it." My intent is simply to question if your stated intent is actually true. Here is why:

Personally, I do not think you have ever actually truly wanted to move on from this girl. I think all along you have actually really wanted her back, but did just not want to fully admit it or know how to make it happen. I think you have been attempting 'No Contact', not really to move on from her, but primarily hoping to create a big enough reaction in her, that it would motivate her to return to you and your relationship. I think you were hoping she would/will return with a renewed and heightened desire to be with you.

I think your underlying desire to be with her is why you have been stalling, inconsistent, and repeatedly connecting with her, and restarting NC numerous times. I think you are holding out for the two of to get back together again, just like you always have, when you have broken up numerous times before. I think you are hoping and expecting, you'll get 'rewarded' with another reconciliation (and hopefully happily ever after, this time), that you think/are hoping you have earned, by hanging in there and not ever really letting her go.

I am not calling out the way it appears to me, to judge or shame you, in any way what so ever. There is no judgement here. Whether you break up and truly go full No Contact or actually reconcile, makes no difference to me. Please understand that. I am simply stating what I perceive, in case there is truth in it for you.

Until you are willing to be 100% honest with yourself, you'll never be free, no matter where you go or what you do in life. Be willing to be ruthlessly honest with yourself. It is where your freedom begins.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I need it for my sanity. This is the first girl to end things with me in 15 years. I was addicted to the competition of winning her back. Its over.

I'm also switching gyms so I don't run into her.

I missed reading your edits/add on's, before posting my previous replies.

It's great that you see what was actually motivating your own choices, to continually re-engage her. Knowing that you were caught up, in a feeling of competition, allows you the opportunity to drop it more quickly and to notice if that feeling/drive ever tries to sneak in again. Excellent self awareness.

Actions > Words. Making the choice to change gyms speaks volumes, as well. Smart choice.

 

[Fireballs]

Do you think by doing no contact will make the person miss me more?

Depends, they may have left you for someone else in which case they will be glad not to hear from you. Or it may make them doubt their decision.

Either way NC shouldn't be used for that. It should be used to help you heal and move on.

 

[dustmuffin]

Do you think by doing no contact will make the person miss me more?

The key is not to come across as a needy p ussy. Go nc and stick with it. Its for you not them. This will make them doubt their choice. If you don't and beg, pester ect it validates their deccission. Are you a lesbian? Why are you posting on a mans forum?

 

[Lucy]

No not a lesbian haha. Perhaps it would be alot easier if i was hehe. However couldn't find a forum for woman on NC and it seems I can get the man's perspective on here too. It's the only thing that will get me through the 60 days. As I feel I can post on here instead of texting the man in question which is a great help. He has started dating another woman but popped round not so long back saying he wished it could have worked out and that he will always find me attractive. Im a 10/10 etc and deserve the best etc. Not quite sure why he would say that and then date someone else....very confusing to me!!