Why is it vital to have HER ask to be official with each other?

[Reykhel]

same with many of the females addicted to the hookup and free dating. Keep Asking them to lock down will irritate them and ensure you won't get any bacon.

I like it! It's the idiom that keeps on giving...

 

[Masculinity]

To put it simply, men are constantly bombarding women with "I want you" messages, one way or the other. If you can be the guy who abstains from chasing her and SHE has to come to YOU to make it happen, you'll be a challenge in her eyes. Moreover, you'll standout from the herd of men who have much lower standards. In short, we want what we can't have. If you don't make yourself available first--all else being equal--she is more likely to like you & pursue you.

 

[CMNILS87]

Female asks "exclusivity" === "please stop ****ing other women besides me"

Male asks "exclusivity" === "Im super needy and ill do anything for you"

Which question frames you as being the dominant and controlling the relationship? She wants exclusive, she'll try super hard to keep you around and also you can always walk away. Exclusive is the female nuke to try and control and get you. Vagina doesnt control us, beta me never understood that.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Female asks "exclusivity" === "please stop ****ing other women besides me"

Male asks "exclusivity" === "Im super needy and ill do anything for you"

Which question frames you as being the dominant and controlling the relationship? She wants exclusive, she'll try super hard to keep you around and also you can always walk away. Exclusive is the female nuke to try and control and get you. Vagina doesnt control us, beta me never understood that.

If she wants to attempt to keep you exclusive she will back bend and go out of her way for you, you will also be phucking all the time. You will literally do it so much it will be difficult to slip in other c0ck. They slit our throats when they know we have no options and they do, so never give her that.

 

[WanderingMan]

Wandering Man,

At this point, with all of these good answers by experienced posters, I hope you now understand the difference between you requesting exclusivity (a position of weakness and neediness for you), and her asking for exclusivity (a position of strength for you).

That is one way to view it. And that's great that "experienced posters" agree with you. Congratulations.

Answer me this: what was the previous quote you had in your signature?

Next time you need help with a concept, I ask that you be a little more classy with it and try not to resort to insults. That is what John Galt would do.

Ha, John Galt would know better than to get into an argument with you in the first place.

 

[WanderingMan]

What about getting married, does this mean none of you are you going to propose? She has to propose to you "first"? Otherwise, you lose power because you sound needy?

 

[WanderingMan]

Actions vs. words.

I don't care what she says. She could be trying to make a branch swing, she could be needy, she could just want a warm body to commit to her for the time being - that's why she's asking. I'd rather pay attention to other things. Her actions will tell me everything I need to know. Then, when she's proven herself, and I want to go exclusive with her, I will go exclusive with her. Yes, you can call it "asking", but if you are somewhat aware of the situation, you know what her answer will be. And, if she surprises you by saying no, then okay - It doesn't matter. I will "ask" when I am ready, when I want to. She could have asked me before or she could not have. Whether or not she has asked before is irrelevant - meaningless....she could have asked because her last boyfriend turned her down again and she wanted to use you to show him that someone else is willing to be her boyfriend. What matters is what she's done - what she has showed you. It's simple, and it's usually a natural progression. And, it will be an attraction builder when you take the lead and whisk her into your arms. Back in the caveman days, then men used to drag the women by their hair into their caves. Was that being needy? Is going in for a kiss needy before she's asked for it? There's a time and a place for playing it cool and being patient, believe me - I know this... And I've talked about it, and which some of you have refuted me on. Then, there is a time to be bold; to take charge and to lead.

Some will see it as "asking" or begging her, but, as long as you have a strong frame, I see it from a position of rewarding her.

 

[WanderingMan]

When you agree to go exclusive with her when SHE asks, then you are agreeing to go exclusive when SHE decides - not you. You are agreeing to go exclusive with her when she decides the time is right. You are saying yes to her. You are agreeing with her, you are letting her decide.

Exclusivity should be when you decide. Not her. It's not asking, it's deciding. You are "asking", but essentially you are deciding it's time by "asking" her.

 

[CMNILS87]

When you agree to go exclusive with her when SHE asks, then you are agreeing to go exclusive when SHE decides - not you. You are agreeing to go exclusive with her when she decides the time is right. You are saying yes to her. You are agreeing with her, you are letting her decide.

Exclusivity should be when you decide. Not her. It's not asking, it's deciding. You are "asking", but essentially you are deciding it's time by "asking" her.

youre logic is sound from a logical man standpoint, but women aren't logical, they are all feels. Let them come to you instead of chasing. That's why you let them want to be exclusive and ask you. YOU decide if you want her. You control the frame and lead. If you ask, she gets all power and she ultimately decides and she qualifies you. Ass backwards from what you want.

The marriage thing is different. They ask exclusive and hang around to see. You ultimately "decide" again if she's worthy of you by proposing. You already know the answer is yes, but its traditional

 

[Reykhel]

I like the good old Doc Love's take on it....

She must ask you because it shows her interest level and you remain a challenge.

.....and when she does ask you.....do you accept on follow her lead? No, you say....
well let me think about it......maybe you'll only think about it for an hour, maybe a day......
but you've kept things within your frame......
.....you're still making her wait on your answer....

Also, I like what he says about this is your moment to negotiate.........everything is sales....
You want to be exclusive? "are you still.....?" (insert whatever behavior you wouldn't be too happy
about if you were exclusive with her )
for example if she was still chatting to her ex on a regular basis....and it's not something you'd be happy about with an exclusive girlfriend...
"are you still talking to your ex?" her "well, you kind of" you "ah let's leave things the way they are"
You're covertly telling her what's expected if she wants to be exclusive....

completely getting her to mould into your Frame. If that's not the man taking the lead then I don't know what is...

Besides part of the man taking the lead is often through covert communication.

 

[Desdinova]

Also, I like what he says about this is your moment to negotiate.........everything is sales....
You want to be exclusive? "are you still.....?" (insert whatever behavior you wouldn't be too happy
about if you were exclusive with her )
for example if she was still chatting to her ex on a regular basis....and it's not something you'd be happy about with an exclusive girlfriend...
"are you still talking to your ex?" her "well, you kind of" you "ah let's leave things the way they are"
You're covertly telling her what's expected if she wants to be exclusive....

This is what I did with my current GF when she asked me. I had never done boundaries before because I didn't fully realize the reason for doing so. Boundaries are not only meant to lay the groundwork on what you won't tolerate in the relationship, they also help filter out 5hitty LTR material. If you're going to keep a woman around for a lengthy period of time, it's good to make sure she's absolutely worth it and not a waste of your time.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Idk why a guy would be delighted to hear a girl ask for exclusiveness? When a guy asks for exclusiveness, he is willingly giving the girl more power and submitting himself even more. When a girl asks for exclusiveness, she has recognized her lower position and wants to bring the relationship to a level more favorable to her. Fact, women always win in relationships because time benefits them. The first few months might be great, but either the guy leaves when **** gets crazy or becomes her attention/wallet boy toy at the end,

 

[Dhoulmagus]

This is what I did with my current GF when she asked me. I had never done boundaries before because I didn't fully realize the reason for doing so. Boundaries are not only meant to lay the groundwork on what you won't tolerate in the relationship, they also help filter out 5hitty LTR material. If you're going to keep a woman around for a lengthy period of time, it's good to make sure she's absolutely worth it and not a waste of your time.

Shouldn't boundaries already be implied though? During my first week at orientation, my company didn't tell me not flip off my boss and put my **** in my scanner. Either way, the girl will break your boundaries anyway if she wanted to.

 

[Desdinova]

Shouldn't boundaries already be implied though?

Why would you put boundaries on a woman you're fvcking non-exclusively?

 

[Dhoulmagus]

The fact that even men disagree on what boundaries are appropriate shows that women cannot possibly know what is implied or what he expects.

They need to be communicated, ideally when she pushes for exclusivity.

Because most men are pushovers and let women walk all over them. If I had a gf, I wouldn't be hanging out with my ex, grinding and macking on girls at the club, and so on.

 

[Alvafe]

Shouldn't boundaries already be implied though? During my first week at orientation, my company didn't tell me not flip off my boss and put my **** in my scanner. Either way, the girl will break your boundaries anyway if she wanted to.

I also never received a don't use the copy machine to take copies of your arse, and we know some people do it...

 

[WanderingMan]

Why would you put boundaries on a woman you're fvcking non-exclusively?

A woman you are fvcking non-exclusively, who wants to be exclusive with you, will stop fvcking other men. Why? She won't want to fvck other men. This has to happen naturally. If she still wants to have sex with other men, then you should not go exclusive with her. If you have to tell her not to see other men, if you ask her to be exclusive with in order for her to stop seeing other men, then the relationship is doomed to fail.

She has to want to be exclusive with you. Not because she wants someone at home waiting for her while she goes on dates and ****s the guy from work. She has to want to only be with you.

 

[WanderingMan]

I also never received a don't use the copy machine to take copies of your arse, and we know some people do it...

Right, well, if you do flip off the boss, then he should fire you. If he doesn't fire you, and he lets you get away with it, then that's his problem.

 

[WanderingMan]

The fact that even men disagree on what boundaries are appropriate shows that women cannot possibly know what is implied or what he expects.

You're acting as if women are logical? Telling a woman is pointless, they will do what they feel, what they want. Telling a woman she can't cheat on you is laughable.

Yes, they have to know that if they do cheat they will be gone. That is implied. And, as I stated previously, if she still wants to fvck other guys, then you should not go exclusive with her.

You want to be exclusive? "are you still.....?" (insert whatever behavior you wouldn't be too happy
about if you were exclusive with her )
for example if she was still chatting to her ex on a regular basis....and it's not something you'd be happy about with an exclusive girlfriend...
"are you still talking to your ex?" her "well, you kind of" you "ah let's leave things the way they are"
You're covertly telling her what's expected if she wants to be exclusive....

I do agree with this^, to a point. Ideally, when/if she asks for exclusivity, you should already know her feelings and intentions, if she still is trying to get back with an ex or someone else, then that shouldn't be the reason for you turning her down. If she is trying to get back with someone else, then you should know she's not 100% committed to you - regardless. Even if she's not trying to get with someone else - at the moment - you should know she is not 100% committed if she is not.

On a side note: What if she's trying to get back with her ex because YOU won't commit? What if you're her #1 choice and her ex is #2, then what?

 

[wifehunter]

Besides part of the man taking the lead is often through covert communication.

Brilliant!!!