Why is it vital to have HER ask to be official with each other?

[WanderingMan]

You don't have to ask her to be exclusive, because for women, it comes naturally. If she likes you a lot, she won't want to have sex with anyone else. Guys are typically the opposite. Monogamy is not natural for men.

Exactly, but this doesn't mean she'll ask you for it. Girl WILL lose interest in other guys when highly interested in you.

 

[WanderingMan]

Wrong.

A man is supposed to be an untamed stallion and the women knows her job is to try and tame you.

Except you want to tame yourself. See how silly that sounds and even worse looks to a woman? No man that is worth chasing ever tames himself.

It would be like playing a sport and intentionally scoring on yourself. It's like WTF are you doing??

Her job may to try to tame you.....so what happens when she does....and you say okay...I'll be your boyfriend...? Wouldn't you then be her *****?

I'm not taming myself. I am CHOOSING to be exclusive with her....because I want to....AND she has already proven her loyalty and devotion and blah blah. I CHOOSE, I'm not waiting for her to ask....she knows I will ask when I am ready..... in the meantime she will do everything she can to try to prove to me that she is a worthwhile mate.

Even your guys' king big dong Rollo has been married for like 6 years. How he's still qualified to make the posts he does is beyond me....but there are plenty of people in relationships. The guy should choose when and where and how. I get she should obviously show interest....or imply that she would commit....and/or even ask herself - like you're saying she should...but the guy should only commit when he's ready....and only then. And he shouldn't wait for her to "ask". This stuff usually comes naturally....if she's out every weekend blowing coke and not returning texts....then, guess what, she's not ready to commit. But if she's keeping her schedule clear for YOU, and offering to do things for you, or see you when you're available....then she might be ready....

 

[Vivacity]

Why would any high value man choose to cage himself?
More importantly, why would a high value man actively seek to cage himself?
Do you feel the need to cage her?
What benefit do you gain if you try to cage her while caging yourself at the same time? Any at all?

The answers to these questions should reveal to you your mental and emotional state with a girl. The state is always best when she is trying to lock you down, not the other way around.

To get settled in life. To get married. To start a family and have kids.

Spinning plates is what a lot of people preach here. Trust me, when you get out there, a lot of matured young guys and girls don't want to deal with people who have high number of sex partners. The higher the sex partner count, the lower your value as a person. This is the bitter truth.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Quote: "Why is it vital to have HER ask to be official with each other?"


....because when MOST women ask "YOU" for a commitment (as opposed to the other way around), that's the closest you'll usually ever come to seeing them display the REAL depth of whatever degree of desire that they may have to be with you.

Understand that a woman's usual strategy for getting what she wants is to be indirect, while ours is usually to be direct.

To expound on this:

When operating within the confines of standard, Western-World relationship dynamics---a woman's method for getting what she wants from a you (or practically ANY man she's interested in)---is by giving you subtle hints, consistently enticing you with her sexuality, or by gradually monopolizing your time to the point whereas your opportunities for meeting and engaging gets reduced by default due to all the time you find yourself spending with "her".

Indeed, most women "prefer" to entice YOU into a relationship by "indirect" means because that gives them plausible deniability should the subject ever come up afterwards as to "who" wanted to be in an exclusive relationship more----you or her.

So...when you can actually out-wait and out-woo a woman to the point where "she's"the one that "breaks down" and asks YOU for the relationship first----then you have succeeded in forcing HER to come out of her comfort zone and be "direct" with you about HER intentions.

And whenever you can raise a woman's degree of desire for you to the point where she's the one that "puts all her cards out on the table" in plain site, that's when you've successfully turned those tables on her and have become "The Prize" and she has become "The Pursuer".

And since all romantic relationships are actually low-key "power struggles"---this is when you, as the man, have become the one who has assumed the most powerful position in the relationship.

And THIS is exactly the position you NEED to be in---in order to increase your chances of having the kind of relationship with a woman wherein you're consistently looked up to with respect---as opposed to eventually being looked down on out of disrespect.


V.U.

 

[zekko]

Monogamy is not natural for men.

I've been hearing this "monogamy is not natural" stuff on this forum since I've been here. Yet plenty of men are monogamous (at least long enough to raise children). You might as well say it's unnatural for birds to build nests. I have always maintained that both long and short term mating strategies are natural for humans, because we are very adaptable and can use whatever strategy is best for the situation and the environment. Men like variety, but they can also pair bond.

 

[WanderingMan]

Quote: "Why is it vital to have HER ask to be official with each other?"


....because when MOST women ask "YOU" for a commitment (as opposed to the other way around), that's the closest you'll usually ever come to seeing them display the REAL depth of whatever degree of desire that they may have to be with you.

Understand that a woman's usual strategy for getting what she wants is to be indirect, while ours is usually to be direct.

To expound on this:

When operating within the confines of standard, Western-World relationship dynamics---a woman's method for getting what she wants from a you (or practically ANY man she's interested in)---is by giving you subtle hints, consistently enticing you with her sexuality, or by gradually monopolizing your time to the point whereas your opportunities for meeting and engaging gets reduced by default due to all the time you find yourself spending with "her".

Indeed, most women "prefer" to entice YOU into a relationship by "indirect" means because that gives them plausible deniability should the subject ever come up afterwards as to "who" wanted to be in an exclusive relationship more----you or her.

So...when you can actually out-wait and out-woo a woman to the point where "she's"the one that "breaks down" and asks YOU for the relationship first----then you have succeeded in forcing HER to come out of her comfort zone and be "direct" with you about HER intentions.

And whenever you can raise a woman's degree of desire for you to the point where she's the one that "puts all her cards out on the table" in plain site, that's when you've successfully turned those tables on her and have become "The Prize" and she has become "The Pursuer".

And since all romantic relationships are actually low-key "power struggles"---this is when you, as the man, have become the one who has assumed the most powerful position in the relationship.

And THIS is exactly the position you NEED to be in---in order to increase your chances of having the kind of relationship with a woman wherein you're consistently looked up to with respect---as opposed to eventually being looked down on out of disrespect.


V.U.

WTF. This^ is Lannister GOT material - shady power struggle - dysfunctional material.

Women who are interested in you will let it be known BUT not go overboard - women are very aware. IF you are a high value man (in their eyes) then they will wave their ass, treat you like a king, and try to get YOU to bring them into your world.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Logically, the answer is simple:

It's her idea. Anything that is her idea means she can't be rejecting you.

 

[WanderingMan]

They will, and you can bring them into your world without flying into a cage to do it.

"Your decision" to fly into a cage doesn't make it any less of you caging yourself.

It comes back to my original questions....what is the intent or motivation behind you wanting to push the exclusivity before she does?

If someone considers it "flying into a cage", then, so be it. A cage it will be.

 

[WanderingMan]

Logically, the answer is simple:

It's her idea. Anything that is her idea means she can't be rejecting you.

That's one way to view it. What if it's her idea do strap on a dildo and stick it up your ass? Is it okay because she's not rejecting you?

 

[EyeBRollin]

That's one way to view it. What if it's her idea do strap on a dildo and stick it up your ass? Is it okay because she's not rejecting you?

No need to be a smart ass.

Jr. Don Juan is feeling the lady a bit too much. To avoid over-pursuit, Jr. DJ should just wait for her to bring it up exclusivity.

 

[bigneil]

This question is related to another dumb question: "Why is there a double standard? Why can men brag and women can't brag?" That's like saying, when someone announces the winner on American Idol, "Why can't the judges brag just as much as the winner?" Ridiculous.

One person gets to choose from a crowd and one person is chosen from the crowd. The person who is chosen gets to brag. They were better than the others in some measurable way. The person who is chosen can't ask the chooser to give up their right to choose. They have to offer that.

Women have more options, so they are sacrificing more in a commitment.

 

[WanderingMan]

And what is the motivation?

Motivation to have a girlfriend? Is that what you're asking?

No need to be a smart ass.

Jr. Don Juan is feeling the lady a bit too much. To avoid over-pursuit, Jr. DJ should just wait for her to bring it up exclusivity.

I feel ya here. However, I don't think this should be a "rule". Like I've said, I've had plenty of girls that I know have wanted to go exclusive with me but never asked for it. And if I did ever ask them to, it would not have meant I would have lost any power in the relationship. There are other signs and indicators that they want to be your girlfriend - hints. The problem occurs, when guys are feeling like they're losing power and she's starting to drift, that's when they get desperate and throw a hail mary pass - hoping she'll say yes. In that instance, no matter what she says, either way, the guy is doomed.

 

[WanderingMan]

Motivation that one needs to go exclusive so badly that they cannot wait for her to push for it.

Huh? Needs? It's not about needs. It's about wants. If you want to go exclusive, then go exclusive. If you don't, then don't. If she says no, okay, pull back or move on - no big deal.

It sounds like you're either scared or have a lack of confidence.

 

[WanderingMan]

No need to get butthurt and insulting over it.

But you are only proving my point. That you WANT exclusivity because you want to lock her down. THAT is the fear and lack of confidence.

No, actually it's just that I want exlusivity because I don't want to see anyone else, I only want to see her. Simple as that, not really rocket science.

A man who is good with women has patience and is not afraid of losing her. THAT is the fear and lack of confidence.

Agree with the first part but how is wanting to go exclusive with a woman translated into "afraid of losing her"? How do you come up with that? How does your brain come to that conclusion?

She will let you know when she wants exclusivity.

Is that when you nod your head like a good little boy?

It sounds like you're too insecure to just relax and be patient.

No need to get butthurt and insulting over it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No, actually it's just that I want exlusivity because I don't want to see anyone else, I only want to see her. Simple as that, not really rocket science.

Agree with the first part but how is wanting to go exclusive with a woman translated into "afraid of losing her"? How do you come up with that? How does your brain come to that conclusion?

Is that when you nod your head like a good little boy?

No need to get butthurt and insulting over it.

I think the entire point from the DJ perspective is it isn't BAD to desire exclusitivity to a female you are really into. We do. However it's important that she desires it MORE than you. So it's best to wait till it's killing HER not to lock you down and not the other way around. If she feels like your trying to lock her down, she just may resist in reaction.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If you don't want to see anyone else, then don't, but that isn't an impetus to ask exclusivity from her. Or is it? Why don't you want to see anyone else? Do you feel as if you cannot do any better?

If you want to see just her, then only see her. But what you are really asking then is for her to BE EXCLUSIVE TOWARDS YOU. Which brings your real motivation, you are afraid to lose her.

You seem very defensive over this.

There is another reason. If he wants to take an increased role in her life, IE: investing his time and occasional resources he CAN say that the only way he will do this for her is if they are exclusive.

However it's still best that she wants the exclusive thing more than him.

 

[Reykhel]

If you don't want to see anyone else, then don't, but that isn't an impetus to ask exclusivity from her. Or is it? Why don't you want to see anyone else? Do you feel as if you cannot do any better?

If you want to see just her, then only see her. But what you are really asking then is for her to BE EXCLUSIVE TOWARDS YOU. Which brings your real motivation, you are afraid to lose her.

You seem very defensive over this.

What's that saying.....you can't teach a pig how to sing.....

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What's that saying.....you can't teach a pig how to sing.....

Reykhel,

Are you saying she is the "pig" and couldn't be "exclusive" if she wanted due to hypergamy and greed? So he'd just be setting himself up.

I agree the best thing all of us can do is to let a female think they are "winning" by choosing us and not have it the other way around.

 

[Reykhel]

Reykhel,

Are you saying she is the "pig" and couldn't be "exclusive" if she wanted due to hypergamy and greed? So he'd just be setting himself up.

I agree the best thing all of us can do is to let a female think they are "winning" by choosing us and not have it the other way around.

Hahahahaha

No, I wasn't. I was referring to @Danger's conversation with the previous poster.....

I was saying to Danger that you can't teach a pig how to sing, it'll waste his time and probably
irritate the pig...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hahahahaha

No, I wasn't. I was referring to @Danger's conversation with the previous poster.....

I was saying to Danger that you can't teach a pig how to sing, it'll waste his time and probably
irritate the pig...

same with many of the females addicted to the hookup and free dating. Keep Asking them to lock down will irritate them and ensure you won't get any bacon.