I have said before, and experienced myself, as it pertains to this community...Sometimes when we first have our infant AFC eyes opened to the truth, and choke down the red pill, the pendulum can swing wildly too far the other direction. That is not good either.
In some ways I think it needs to happen. In very many ways I honor it, and the lessons and frame I have gained here and in other texts. Yet, I think, and I think a lot of others would agree, the pursuit and self judgement of being "alpha" or "DJ" can opaque the real you. This is wrong and unhealthy as well. Its another version of "people pleasing". At a certain point, you are gaming yourself. Thinking, "If I get this right, Ill never lose another girl again." Mystery, physique, strong, unattainable, text, dont text, say this, dont say that, dont spend to much, dont say to much, dont be nice, and definitely dont be too nice, but be human, etc etc.
The thing of it is, all that is a great balance for some of of us to start to take in and pay attention to. It should be heeded. Indeed, I preach it here and to myself daily. But...I think the real truth, the real win, the real man, the one whom is a natural, and pulls any girl he wants without fret....Is the one who unapologetically loves himself and honors himself first. No matter what he is.
In that, the pendulum begins to steady. No more swinging. Just steady steel.
Advice is like perfume, it is meant to be sniffed, not swallowed.
I once posted about sending a girl flowers or not. Many valuable inputs weighed in, in a way I still appreciate. In the end, I sent them. An over the top bouquet on valentines day of all things. A real blue pill beta move if you ask most. Some thought it was. Others, at the end of the day said, go for it, but be warned. Later on, I f6cked and had an overall great time with that girl for a year and a half.
Looking back, you know what I learned? From all of you and in myself... You do things you want to do. Trust your guts, and have no outcome independence. Then, when its your time to walk, you walk. You do you... and you'll always be happy. Sure, youll still need advice here and there. And, it will be good advice, even if it doesn't seem like it in the moment. Ultimately though, no matter where you are on your walk in this life, in the moment you only have yourself to congratulate or condemn. Best do it with heart, freedom, and self respect, regardless of outcome.
So, after all that, in answering your direct question...Open up a little bit.
Talk with a girl. Say whatever you want. IF she is looking sexy, tell her. If she is being a sh!t, tell her that just as quickly and passionately. Had a bad day, tell her. Girls like emotion. Girls are emotion. Just dont complain or whine about it. Ummm, the best way I can describe how this works well for me, is...State things as a matter of fact. It shows the ability of emotion without being "emotional".
Example, I was talking with my plate the other day. 15 hr day which included the fiercest boxing sparring match since I was a teen. I was tired and literally beaten. She could tell on the phone. Instead of saying. "Im just tired" or Like some would say around here, not even talk to her on the phone. I told her how I was feeling. I told her I was tired, my body was aching, and that the last ****tail I had was hitting me. I gave her some details about my work day. I gave her some details about my opponent. I gave her some details about my Scotch. I even told her, it was all making me feel soft and that it would be nice to have her around to sooth and comfort me in a way only a woman can. I didn't complain about it. I didnt give a woe is me sob story. Actually, I even talked about how much I loved that I am able and capable of participating in such things.
She asked if I wanted her to come over. I told her not really. She insisted. I let her.
When she arrived, I didnt entertain her, or even talk to her much. I fell asleep with her, in panties and my shirt, scratching and rubbing my arms and back. Woke up the next morning and had great, sober, morning sex and left her to go to work.
Sometimes we game ourselves right out of the game. Thinking, an "alpha" would never tell a girl about his day, or why some parts of it sucked. Or tell a girl why his parents can be obnoxious, or that a girl once broke his heart. However, I have found, after a couple of dates and some interactions, girls love some realness, jagged edges, imperfections and above all....Authenticity. Especially, in "the moment". Its not whining...its life.
Look, they dont want to be your emotional tampon either. Just like we shouldn't let a girl unload every tiny perceived indiscretion to us. But people want to f^ck people not rocks or robots. Except sometimes on the first or second dates. After that though, things progress.
If you are not comfortable being yourself thats fine, but at least show them the previews, or its boring. If she doesn't like what she sees when you do...Next. Its a win. You didn't waste anymore time. Made room for someone else.
80/20 is a good rule. I find they start to beg to find out who I really am. Yet, never think Im boring or an a$$hole.
As an aside...PLATES. Always have plates spinning. Just in my own experience, everytime I haveonly just one girl, its inevitable that by sheer math, I "need" to much from her. THATS what you want to avoid!
Im starting to see that it is so much easier to have a swiss army knife of girls at ones disposal to gain one might want from girls. Have a party girl, have a sweet nerdy one, have a oneitis(no dont) have an ex, have a gym girl, have girl-friends, have a F^ck buddy, have a main plate, have a Tuesday, have a young one, have an older one( that took me a while) have an orbiter, have a love, have a few #s, have Tinder. I think then and only then, will you ever know if there is a "right" girl for you.
Anyway, just say whatever you want, "in the moment" you might be surprised.
' (or whatever activity led up to her coming over).
