Any hope with this chick? How should I proceed?

[casanova_goat]

I met this girl -- let's call her Jenny -- just over 6 weeks ago at a bookstore, the following day we met up, I suggested drinks which led to quite a bit of necking, afterwards she texted me thanking me for taking her out. The following day she went back to college (she is 21) while I have some years on her.

Until today, we had spoken in some form every single day since we’ve met. She made the effort of meeting me in the nearest city once, then she came home for Valentine’s Day and we had sex. She would later comment twice, via text, that is was good/great sex and has the intention of doing it again. When we are together we do everything a couple would do: share thoughts, hold hands, nuzzle, kiss and now fornicate.

Everything sounds all fine and dandy. Not so fast.

Two days after we first got intimate, in the midst of playful flirting, she said I was becoming “too attached too quickly” and that she “may not be able to give me what I want in the long run” that she is “not looking for anything specifically” that it “feels weird to become emotionally entangled just coming out of a relationship” (more on that later) and that “she didn’t have these expectations from me in the beginning.”

Now, we are still talking and flirting like always but I have begun to refrain from initiating at all and wait for her to contact me everyday, which she always does (except for today when she may have been waiting for me to contact her). The other day, it seemed like we would go the entire day without talking to each other and, after 8, she wrote “Not talking to me today?! ”

I am trying to make my interest level appear ambiguous but I wonder if it will work in the long run, or things will never rise above this sort of friends with benefits stage?

As I alluded to earlier, she just got out of a relationship and one time, over the phone, said she it was the reason for which she was “broken” then yesterday she said she was “sad” and wouldn’t let on why. I told her she could call me if she wanted to talk about it and she said “aww but it’s probably not a good idea for this particular issue.” My suspicion is she still harbors feelings for her ex, whom she (to my knowledge) has dated on and off. Right after that she said she wanted to “hang out, like right now” which never came to fruition because she is far away.

I realize a good strategy is wait for women to contact you then set up date. Well, it is hard in this case given the expanse of distance and time (so long as she is at school) which must be negotiated.

If you couldn’t tell, I like this girl. I connect with her on many different levels and have a lot in common with her, unlike girls I have dated in recent years. But I fear nothing serious will come of this and I should really temper my expectations.

How would you guys proceed? I am fairly confident she will reach out to me tomorrow, unless she is testing me, but she will cave at one point and may start to grope for clues as to why I have become so distant. (Unless she is completely indifferent to us not talking today). How do I react when she does contact me next?

Any feedback greatly appreciated, thanks!

 

[zinc4]

Well, clearly you were/are her rebound and her ex broke her heart so to speak...had great frame with her.

Don't take her seriously.......if you can't control your feelings of attachment I would say suggest to her you would like a break. You can gain frame this way as well. But fact is, you have been way too available too early on with her. Never text every day.

Otherwise, if u can control your feelings, keep her as a plate but don't be surprised if she jumps back to him or with someone else

Judging from your current feelings I would suggest iniating taking a break asking for space....then either nexting or taking her back as a plate after she begs.....she has the frame, not you...not an ideal situation to put yourself in.

 

[LiveYourDream]

You clearly have feelings. She's already asked you to lower your expectations. Your feelings are ramping up instead. Your thoughts of what might possibly workout and intent focus on her is out of balance.

If you want to keep having sex with her, you need to pull back and not be so clingy. Otherwise you are chasing her away. Just because you connect with her on many levels and hope for more, does not mean that is what SHE wants from you.

I hope you don't think you are the only man she's seeing/sleeping with. Reality check.

Time to go meet some new women so you are not so tunnel visioned on this one.

 

[casanova_goat]

Thanks for the responses guys.

The thing is, I'm not sure who broke whose heart. What's weird is the night that I met her she mentioned she had a boyfriend then the next day she was single. She downplayed played him there and said he was unmotivated. I know this means very little. After the date, she texted me thanking me for the date and I said "I'd be lying if I didn't feel a connection" and she thought I had said there wasn't a connection, at which point she got flustered and said "I'm getting mixed signals and don't like it."

I just inferred the reason she was sad the other night and her unwillingness to talk about it to me was because of him, but I am still not 100% positive. She seldom (if ever) talks about her ex in the time I have known her. The time she said she was "broken" from that relationship was when I once asked her, over the phone, what she was looking for.

Ever since she said those things about me becoming attached too quickly, I have made it a point not to initiate with her. She has initiated with me every day since, with the exception of today. Am I supposed to ignore her? I have written her eroticas and she says how horny they make her.

I don't know. I am torn what to do with this girl. On the one hand, I could ask for a break but I still may be missing out on good sex and the possibility of me growing on her. Before sleeping with her, I hadn't had sex in 5 1/2 years. I am incredulous she thought I was good given the breadth of time since I last did the deed. On the other hand, I will get the sex but at the risk of becoming more invested in her. It's hard to to turn her down since my love life has been so lackluster. I have dated several women in recent years but sadly there were sparks with few, if any, of them.

 

[casanova_goat]

By the way, I have approached asked out hundreds of random women over the years. But, believe me, when she asked if my "ballsy" act of approaching her was a common occurrence, I said 'no'.

 

[cola]

Why can't you guys just go with the flow? Type A personalities just aren't good at this stuff.

She just wanted to **** someone, you were lucky enough to be the someone.. now just keep it pimpin and move on Playa..
You gotta stop trying to force stuff

You got too lovey dovey and that's not what she wants right now and she shouldn't she's 21.. she barely knows her cooch from donut hole.

Find another kitty to play with and just let whatever happens happen.
Not just with girls, but your whole life

 

[casanova_goat]

Thanks for the response. Well she still wants to **** I think she has made herself pretty clear. Even on the day she confronted me about becoming too attached we were talking about sex later on.

 

[cola]

Good. I can tell you want a relationship and its going to come, when you least expect it bro. Mean time just have fun, bang chicks, lift heavy and always wear sunscreen
When the right one comes along it will be no doubts, no awkward convos and she won't play games with you..you'll both just know

 

[casanova_goat]

I don't know man. I think I need to move back to a big city where there are more options. I'm really fastidious with women.

The funny thing about a relationship is that I wanted nothing to do with them until I met her. It was always -- Independence >> relationships. I am still chary about entering into one but I'd like for it to be a possibility with her in the future.

 

[zinc4]

Honestly, I don't think you will have a relationship with her...at least not a successful one. And you shouldt strive for one in the first place. View her as entertainment only...you just have oneinitis because she's the only girl you banged in a good while. Get her out of your head already.

 

[casanova_goat]

Honestly, I don't think you will have a relationship with her...at least not a successful one. And you shouldt strive for one in the first place. View her as entertainment only...you just have oneinitis because she's the only girl you banged in a good while. Get her out of your head already.

Well, I liked her before banging her. Although it may not seem this way, part of the reason I haven't banged in a while is because I am rather discriminating with women.

So, say she contacts me tomorrow, as always. How do I go about it? What would you do?

 

[cola]

You don't want advice. You want to hear what you want to hear. Ignore her if she hits you and when it's convenient for YOU to go see her go see her..
She wants to be a piece of meat so treat her like one. Find you some local girls to screw

 

[casanova_goat]

You don't want advice. You want to hear what you want to hear. Ignore her if she hits you and when it's convenient for YOU to go see her go see her..
She wants to be a piece of meat so treat her like one. Find you some local girls to screw

That's not true otherwise I wouldn't have taken the time to post here.

What I find amusing is one time she asked me, "Do you want me JUST for my body?"

Do you think she wanted me to answer in the affirmative? lol

 

[casanova_goat]

When you say ignore her, do you mean not respond to her messages (about her day and stuff like that) when she sends them?

 

[cola]

No. You never tell them you want them for their body its implied, by no random "how are you", "whatcha doing" texts.. just

"Are you free xx day" or "let's hang out xx day" .. that's it.
A screw and maybe a cheap meal. That's all she gets.


If you had other girls equally as hot you were banging, this broad wouldn't even be a thought. So go find some hot LOCAL girls you can hang with

 

[casanova_goat]

No. You never tell them you want them for their body its implied, by no random "how are you", "whatcha doing" texts.. just

"Are you free xx day" or "let's hang out xx day" .. that's it.
A screw and maybe a cheap meal. That's all she gets.


If you had other girls equally as hot you were banging, this broad wouldn't even be a thought. So go find some hot LOCAL girls you can hang with

So if she asks me how I am doing, I shouldn't respond?

She is an hour and a half away (at college), so it's hard to arrange things on the spur of the moment with my schedule. I (suppose) I need to talk with her somewhat to preserve the prospect of seeing her in the future. If nothing serious is gonna come of this (as no one seems to think it will), I can definitely benefit from the sexual experience she'd provide me. So, I want to keep her in the fold for at least that.

While it would be easier with her if I had a harem of hot women in my place, I do like this chick beyond her physical beauty. We have a **** ton in common. Whenever I think of the right girl, I think about the Chris Rock stand-up. "You gotta love the crust of the mother f__er."

I know you guys will tell me to shut up because nothing will come of it. I know you guys are likely right. Still it is a drag.

 

[casanova_goat]

Of course, I didn't say I wanted her just for her body. I just find it ironic she asked me that since we are (ostensibly) friends with benefits. Back then, I thought she was becoming attached to me and was this sweet, innocent chick, seeking more than sex.

 

[cola]

I'm only putting so much effort into this thread because I want to convert you to a don juan.. because getting laid is so easy we just over think it..

Say Hi to 10 girls you think are cute a day for 3 weeks and let the conversation go from there. At the laundry mat, waiting on the train, at bars.. anywhere. That's 210 girls.
I promise you, you will bang 1-2 before the months out if you are average looking.
More If you are above average

And forget this chick that's a 2 frikkin hours away

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm only putting so much effort into this thread because I want to convert you to a don juan.. because getting laid is so easy we just over think it..

Say Hi to 10 girls you think are cute a day for 3 weeks and let the conversation go from there. At the laundry mat, waiting on the train, at bars.. anywhere. That's 210 girls.
I promise you, you will bang 1-2 before the months out if you are average looking.
More If you are above average

And forget this chick that's a 2 frikkin hours away

That was kinda what I did. Not trying and letting it happen.

 

[casanova_goat]

I'm only putting so much effort into this thread because I want to convert you to a don juan.. because getting laid is so easy we just over think it..

Say Hi to 10 girls you think are cute a day for 3 weeks and let the conversation go from there. At the laundry mat, waiting on the train, at bars.. anywhere. That's 210 girls.
I promise you, you will bang 1-2 before the months out if you are average looking.
More If you are above average

And forget this chick that's a 2 frikkin hours away

Thanks for taking me under you wing. If you call it that. I do try to communicate with chicks. One of the problem is I live in a (relatively) small town. Don't get me wrong, there is a good social scene here. It is a college town. It becomes very touristy in the Summer. Nonetheless, I have asked out so many chicks in this town, I feel I must always tread carefully. There is one chick I see (somewhat) regularly who has struck my fancy, yet she is friends with another chick I once asked out.

I'd still take the two hour chick any day (she is from here when not in school) but I need to ask out more chicks, not so much for the sake of getting with them but reminding myself I am nothing more than single, notwithstanding my experiences with this one girl over the past 6 weeks.