Well, over 2 years later and here is an update. Not even sure if it'll get bumped back to the top or if anyone will see it but here goes.
She left her fiance after 3 months (back in Jan 2014), but not before making sure I was still definitely there for her and willing to take her back. Which I did, more or less. It was her prerogative to leave the engagement though, I wasn't going to ask her to do that. I loved her and was weak. She broke off the 'engagement' quite suddenly, showed me emails as proof (the poor guy was obviously quite shocked that the girl he was so happy with for 3 months suddenly did a 360 in a matter of days). She told me should we even try and keep the ring (which she said cost around $20k) so she could use it to rent her own place instead of having to return to her controlling parents. Not sure if he ever got it back but it seemed like a cruel intention.
Her parents even contacted me and my own parents asking what had changed since the last time we were together. Her Dad was alarmed she was leaving a stable man (twice her age) with a very big income to go back to her ex boyfriend who had a much lower earning potential. He didn't seem to understand that she just didn't have feelings for the guy and showed the he just wanted to offload his troublesome daughter to the nearest guy who would take care of her, not considering her happiness. But I understood their concern. I want to be there for her and make it work, despite the difficulties that I would face.
She moved back home and flew out to see me in China a couple of months later. She stayed for around 4 weeks and it was great to have her back. However, after everything that had happened, I was reluctant to call her my girlfriend and give her commitment. I was worried about our (and my) future, her family, sometimes her mental state. I wanted to take things slow. This hurt her and she often withdrew as she wanted commitment. For the most part, it was great to be back in each other's company and there weren't too many problems. I felt bad about not committing to her straight away and I admit my fault in hurting her in that way, especially since she flew out to see me. I just didn't feel comfortable to commit again so soon after everything that had happened.
She returned to the US but the fact I didn't commit wasn't enough for her. She was very hurt and seemed to withdraw a lot. I was visiting the US with my family that summer (coincidently) but she decided to cut contact with me which was tough for her, and me. A couple weeks later, before I was due to fly out, she emailed me and said she wanted to see me when I was there. I said the same but I didn't want to hurt her by doing so - said it was her choice. We met, rekindled things, she stayed with my family for a bit, it was good. But I was still hesitant to commit to her given the circumstances.
She had just gotten into a very good music school and I promised that I'd come to visit her. Fast forward a few months - she moves to start her degree, I get depressed in China, start missing her, she starts to like someone new there and makes me jealous. It's very turbulent and stressful and I get even more depressed and anxious, she says she wants nothing to do with me, that I treated her badly, I tell her that I have to come and see her and make things OK (I know, I know). I quit my job (was going to leave China anyway) and fly out to her. She's living with her mother but her mother (who thinks I am good for her daughter) kindly leaves to let me stay. We make up and I commit to her. We have a great time but this whole experience has made me very insecure and I still find it hard to trust her. I develop massive jealousy issues and question her a lot. I move back to my home country and find a job there.
Over the next year (2015), we do long distance. We meet in Europe, she visits me, I visit her. It's hard but seems worth it. I go to visit her in October for a couple of weeks. Her Mum is there almost every day which creates arguments. I meet her friends, get along with them. She's uncomfortable when i go to lunch with one of her guy friends alone without her. She has orbiters. One of them had stolen her credit card and had apparently hit his ex and got in trouble with the sex offender police earlier in the year. She's friends with him again. We get in a big argument about her Mum towards the end of the trip and I go to a hotel. Things are rocky but OK. I leave to go back to my home country.
Fast forward two months, I don't give her a lot of attention, busy with stressful new job, she said I don't make her feel like I care of that I love her. She says it's not enough. She causes a fight over text and ends it with me, then proceeds to block me on her phone so I cannot call or text her. I was angry but a little received. I know she wants me to chase her (email, skype, through her friends etc) but I don't as it doesn't seem fair. I assumed she would come back as she always did. I don't really think about it much and 2 weeks go by and I suddenly find out she got intimate with a guy she's known for a while (snooping). My heart breaks. We talk, she says it's over. I'm very upset, I can't believe it's happened and I regret my complacency with her - I should have chased her and made things OK but it's too late now. Every time I call, it makes her angry, I get pathetic, push her away, she asks to be left alone. She's a different person. My feelings for her intensify as her apparently diminish. She has no remorse over what has happened - she's done nothing wrong. She doesn't care about the pain I'm feeling. I should have appreciated her more, it's too late now. She blames me for everything. She brings up the past and how I didn't commit to her when she flew to see me - how could I treat her like that? I remind her I had been committed to her for the past year now. I say I will leave her alone but I break every few days, worried about who she might be with or what she might be doing. It pushes her further away, but I can't seem to help it. I feel like a shadow of myself. This massive subconscious emotional bond for her that I have, but was unaware of, makes itself conscious and it's killing me that she's moving on so easy. She says she had really learnt her lesson this time. She would always come running back to me like some fiend, but never again.
A few days later, her mother sends me an email by mistake that she meant to send to her husband (WHAT THE F*CK). It outlines that she's spending a lot of time with the guy who has previously stolen her credit card/got in trouble with police and that she's worried for her daughter. Her mother confronted him and threatened him but she continues seeing him. What's going on? My heart breaks further. How is she choosing him over me? I figure she must have lined him up. I ask her about him. She denies it, says they are just friends, and gets very angry and defensive. She blocks me again so I cannot talk to her or explain myself - I'm fraught. We exchange a couple of emails - she's angry at how I acted. She's done and I don't hear from her again. I am beaten.
This was over 3 weeks ago. She's since removed her tattoo of my initials, I see a picture on her blog - she spent valentines day with this guy, think they went somewhere together. As I'm over here completely distraught and hoping she calls, she has apparently moved on very quickly and is absolutely OK. She seems to have forgotten about me already. A big part of me is STILL hoping she calls. It feels like the last 3 years meant nothing. I understand her actions and I beat myself up about it. I have regrets. I should have made plans to move to be with her sooner. I should have talked about the future with her. I was just worried about her controlling parents and the effect it would have on my life.
I realise I have some issues, too. It' not just her. I am wondering whether to try and get her back one last time or just to try and truly let it go at this point. I can't see the situation from the outside. After everything, I always hoped things would work out. But she has really gone this time. And she is not coming back again.
