I Have Anger Problems/I Don't Know What To Do

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

You have a goal. Stop whining. Stop blaming. Stop justifying. If you hit a brick wall, adjust your game plan. Go after it.

 

[Tenacity]

You have a goal. Stop whining. Stop blaming. Stop justifying. If you hit a brick wall, adjust your game plan. Go after it.

I guess the answer is No, you haven't dated black women that much. So maybe you should stop trying to get up here preaching like you know everything when you don't?

I appreciate your advice but it's just getting redundant man because you guys clearly don't understand what I'm going through over here in my area.

 

[BeExcellent]

Go to Atlanta or go to Memphis. I thought of you at a business conference last month. Met an attractive, self assured black woman about your age (tall, thin, long straightened hair, pretty face, stylishly dressed, slim but athletic figure and curves in the proper places) and I thought about you. She was single and from Memphis. She's in a position that would indicate she's successful.

Take a few days off and take a field trip. I bet you can answer the question about whether or not you have a geography problem in a single weekend in either of those two cities.

Once you determine if geography is an issue (or not) then you can refocus on the things you need to do. Even in a target rich environment YOU have to be someone the sought after targets want. If it's the geography, then move!!

 

[LiveYourDream]

For a moment, let's suspend the valuable "no matter where you go, there you are", insight, that many people are hoping you will to really come to know more deeply, and sooner than later...

Acknowledging your struggle and how you experience it, here are questions to reflect upon and be deeply honest with yourself in answering.

You perpetually argue that there is not an abundance of black women, with the qualities you desire, in the area you live and work. What cities have the abundance you would be satisfied with? Are you willing to do what is necessary to relocate to any of them? If so, what are you actively doing to make that happen? If not, what does that reflect about your own dedication/priority to actually change this experience for yourself? If you are not willing to relocate to an area of abundance, than what can you do, to make yourself happy, while accepting that you choose to live in a place where what you desire is less abundant or even rare, in your experience?

If the issue is you are a big game hunter looking for lions in the Arctic, clearly the odds are against you. Do you stay in the Arctic and continually tell people how rare it is to see lions there? Do you keep looking for lions in the arctic, waiting and hoping someday they will appear in abundance there? Do you leave and go where the lions are? Do you decide you'd rather stay in the arctic choose to be satisfied with hunting polar bears or something else? What choices do you make and what actions do you take, to be self responsible so that you are happy and fulfilled in your own life?

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Ya, it's solely a black problem. LMFAO!

 

[Tenacity]

If the issue is you are a big game hunter looking for lions in the Arctic, clearly the odds are against you. Do you stay in the Arctic and continually tell people how rare it is to see lions there? Do you keep looking for lions in the arctic, waiting and hoping someday they will appear in abundance there? Do you leave and go where the lions are? Do you decide you'd rather stay in the arctic choose to be satisfied with hunting polar bears or something else? What choices do you make and what actions do you take, to be self responsible so that you are happy and fulfilled in your own life?

Well...if you REMEMBER.....

When I first began this thread and speculated that this might have been a market/geographical issue, it was people like YOU and Legend, and T.O., who said it WASN'T a market issue. You said it was something I wasn't doing personality wise.

After reading your comments, I went back to the "mirror" and couldn't see anything that personality wise could have been contributing to this issue. I came back and reported this information, then YOU GUYS still continued with the "it's your personality" mantra.

Now you are finally starting to come around to this might (not 100% sure yet, but it just MIGHT) be a geographical problem. I'm glad we are getting somewhere because before you guys completely swore off this issue being anything related to market dynamics.

Also Legend you need to date black women before you comment on how it is dating them. I'm not going to get up here and bash black women, but many black men across this country will tell you that dating black women can be more of a challenge than dating other types of races due to their attitude and HOST of other problems. Matter of fact, I'll let a couple of black women tell you themselves:

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Quite the opposite. If you read my first post in this thread, I had stated to date outside of Flint, MI and to stop dating black women for increased sampling.

After reading 15 pages of you whine, my prescription changed: your specific problem is not demographics, it's YOU.

 

[Tenacity]

Quite the opposite. If you read my first post in this thread, I had stated to date outside of Flint, MI and to stop dating black women for increased sampling.

After reading 15 pages of you whine, my prescription changed: your specific problem is not demographics, it's YOU.

I'M NOT IN FLINT, MICHIGAN.

And look, you don't have to respond to me anymore, got it? I'll update this thread and talk to myself, none of you guys who have these "issues" with my analysis or outlook have to say a damn thing to me in this thread. I'll talk to myself......

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Irrelevant.

On your second point: you are on a public forum. I have made logical arguments, rhetoric, and suggestions to your problem, for which YOU are requesting help. Don't let emotion cloud your understanding brother (is it ok to call you brother if I'm white or is that too a black "thing"?)

 

[Tenacity]

Irrelevant.

On your second point: you are on a public forum. I have made logical arguments, rhetoric, and suggestions to your problem, for which YOU are requesting help. Don't let emotion cloud your understanding brother (is it ok to call you brother if I'm white or is that too a black "thing"?)

Listen, all I'm saying is that when I get up here and post....I'm posting to help Tenacity. It's sort of like another mirror, I'm not interested in being some "role model" or anything of the sort. So if you feel as though my ramblings are too much, too extreme, bytch-like and whining, then like I said Legend...you don't have to interact with me on my threads.

I personally don't care if I get on one of my threads and come off "bytch-like" or whining, I'd rather do it here (which is like a personal journal to me) than to do it OUT THERE. You apparently have an issue with the "whining" as you call it, so I'm telling you that you don't have to participate if it's a problem.

But I'm going to speak my mind on my thread, if that comes off as whining then so be it.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

1) You have your pics, occupation, education, and specific location (was it Flint?) pasted all over this forum. To anyone who wanted to find who you really are, it wouldn't be that difficult. Ergo, you are already OUT THERE.

2) Whine all you like. Whining only aggrandizes the issue and reinforces your conditioned helplessness.

 

[Tenacity]

1) You have your pics, occupation, education, and specific location (was it Flint?) pasted all over this forum. To anyone who wanted to find who you really are, it wouldn't be that difficult. Ergo, you are already OUT THERE.

2) Whine all you like. Whining only aggrandizes the issue and reinforces your conditioned helplessness.

No, I don't live in Flint. I've already said 1,000 times where I stay at. And yes, if the posts come off as whining, STOP replying to them like I said. If I'm a "lost cause", then do me a favor and just let me RANT to myself on my own thread.

Deal? Are you done?

 

[BeTheChange]

At least you've finally acknowledged your true intentions, which as you've said are to RANT.

You've never had any real desire to change.

If you want to RANT and have your world view justified daily just join a MGTOW forum and be done with it.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Part 1
(A well intended, rough analogy, of my perspective.)

If a man's house is on fire and people have opened doors and windows offering him opportunities to leave, does one stand back and just watch him burn to death? He's busy arguing about the cause of the fire, he's sharing his upset and hurt about the fire, and expressing that he doesn't see leaving through the windows and doors in the same way others do. No one wants to make him wrong or minimize his pain. They just want to help him out of the burning house.

The fire continues. It's burning. People find it hard to watch and they know his choice to stay in a house on fire is his. He can't be forced against his will. If remaining in the burning house, consumes his whole life, it's unfortunate, and yet it was his choosing. I am not saying that the burning house is his fault in anyway. His choice to leave or stay is his alone. People can offer all the help they can, over and over. After a while they have given so much of their own time and energy without significant change, and their own lives call, they move in that direction.

People care and are willing to invest in positive change. People don't want to keep investing when they don't see results from their investment of their own life. They value their own time and energy and capacity to effect positive change elsewhere, or to spend it with family and friends having fun or furthering their own goals. It's not because they don't care about that man still in his house, still talking and ranting, as his house burns. They do and it's hard to walk away. Sometimes they look back, hoping to see he made it out ok. Fire still burning and he's still standing inside. Maybe they decide to try again, one more time. Maybe this time he'll see the potential in that open window.

You do all you can to point out all the open doors and windows he might exit through, some easier than others, but they are never the ones he wants. Backdoor is open. Side door is open. Garage door is wide open. All the windows upstairs and downstairs are open too. He is not interested in going out those doors. He wants to go out the front door. He's focused on the front door. Every so often he'll glance at others. The front door is his focus. It doesn't matter that the front door is broken or he perceives it to be. It's the only thing on his mind. The house is hot. It's burning. He remains fixated on that front door. It looks as if he will lose his whole life, as he stays fixated on that door. He's one of the most tenacious people I've ever known. The world could use that strength in a positive way.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Part 2
Do I walk away for good? There has to be a way to help him find his way out of that burning house. It occurs to me what it might be. I go for it. My only intent is to help him see that he can step outside and not lose his life. With the kindest of intent, without an intent to judge his choices, without a desire to point out all the open windows and doors, I approach him attempting to help him again. As I do, he's ever so frustrated and ranting about the door. The fire is burning hot. It's hard to be in. So what do I do?

I walk right inside and approach him. I put my arm around him and from my heart I say; "You are right that front door is stuck. I get that it frustrates you beyond words. I get that it has you feeling helpless and trapped. I get that this is not the life you want. I get that there is a better life for you. I get that part of you, somewhere deep inside hopes that is true. I get that you don't want to give up. I get that you don't see another way. I get that you want that front door to swing freely and be open for you. I hear you."

I genuinely do hear him. I hear his frustration. I hear his hurt. I hear his anger. If I lived his life, in his shoes, through his eyes, I know, I'd be feeling exactly as he does right now. I know that I too would not see the open doors and windows that others keep talking about. I know that I too would be consumed by that front door and the fact that it doesn't seem to work as it could. I would be no different than he, if I lived his experience all the way through.

The gift of community is I have lived other challenges that have grown me as well and taught me compassion, understanding, and patience. Sometimes I have insight that may help another. I offer what I can. I mean well. I care. I genuinely do, just as all the others here with me, who stand now and have stood outside, watching his house burn and hoping for him that he would chose to come out. People took turns talking to him and opening doors and windows, for him to leaving the burning house. It did not seem to make much of an impact or one enough to get him out of the burning house. It was hard for all in different ways. Some left. Others stayed with looks of frustration sometimes exchanged without even a glance. The one thing they shared was the hope for this man, to not lose his life to that fire. Here I am now, with him, taking another turn, attempting to help him. What do I do now?

I look him straight in the eyes and from my heart I acknowledge his journey, his feelings, his experiences, and his perception, as valid and true for him. It is. They are. How he sees life is real for him, no matter what anyone says or hopes. It's his world and how he experiences it.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Part 3
How does he respond. He doesn't understand why the heck this woman is showing up again in his burning house talking to him. Her presence makes no sense to him. Yet some of things she says he recognizes to be true. He listens a bit more. He's curious why she is here and why she keeps showing up. She's not even from his neighborhood. She has nothing to gain, in his eyes. He is willing to perhaps consider what she says.

In this moment, if the front door is the only way, he sees, out of his burning house and to save his life, (then I am not going to argue with him and suggest anything else) I am going to encourage him to walk through that front door. I'll even make the path more clear, right now, if that' is the exit he requires, in order to save his life.

I explain that I am not attached to how you exit the house on fire. I'm just hoping you do. Some exits and choices will leave you a little less charred, with less recovery needed. No matter how long it takes you to move on and heal from the fire and create a new life, in the same house or in a new city, what I know, is that you will BEST served by stepping out of the burning house, as soon as possible. The route you take is no longer the priority. Getting you out, however that is possible, seems most important now. Time is running out and spending time discussing/arguing which exit is a better exit, is long past.

You, Tenacity are focused on the front door. Today, gently I offered to lead you out of your house on fire and into the fresh air, where you might be able to see more clearly, without all that smoke and heat.

You walked out. For the briefest of moments. Boy that fresh air was such a relief. It energized you. What did you do with that new found energy? Rather than reflecting and answering the questions provided as a way to heal and move forward, what did you do?

 

[LiveYourDream]

Part 4
You turned right around and ran back into the burning house. Full force as fast as you could, right into the middle of the house you went and there you stand again.

There you stand again, surrounded by flames. What you are saying now is , "See I told you and everyone else, listing names, that the front door was a possible exit." You continue on pointing out, "You should have agreed with my perspective sooner, after all, it was the front door that was my exit." You look around as if the discussions about the windows and doors that have long been open, have clearly been proven less significant. No real awareness of the time and energy people invested to open them for you. No awareness that they allow your burning house to not be consumed in flame as quickly as would otherwise. No awareness of the shock felt by those who were excited to see you finally exit the house only to run right back in. That's their shock not yours.

You are back again standing in your burning house. The front door is open now, as are lots of other doors and windows. There you choose to stand again, as your house burns around you. You do so as if it proves something to others and/or maybe yourself. I am not sure what. It seems as you stand in your burning your house, sacrificing your life, as if your righteousness, or commitment to sacrificing your life will demand or inspire change. You wait for the uprising. You look for it. You don't understand why people aren't coming and joining in your upset to demand change. That feeds your frustration even more, than the fact that your house continues to burn.

There you stand. You are sadly mistaken and do not seem to realize it. Sacrificing yourself in a burning house does not inspire meaningful and lasting change. Sure people notice. They feel for you. It's painful to be around and watch. They agree your house and neighborhood should not be on fire. They also know that the loss of your life will not rebuild your neighborhood.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Part 5
People can not see or hear you or your ideas clearly when you attempt to advocate change from within a burning house. All they see is the house on fire. They can't hear your words clearly. All your ideas about positive change and rebuilding the neighborhood are drowned out by the smoke, the flames, the ashes in the air, that surround you. No one can really hear you or see the immensity of all you have to offer this world, as long as you try to share it from inside your burning house. There you stand anyway wondering why they do not join in your outrage and determination to make a change. The house continues to burn.

If and when you choose to walk out of that burning house for good, your life will change in ways you never imagined. If you walk out, AND bring healing to the parts of you that were hurt in the fire and being there so long, then you will be able to see as well as give and receive like never before. From that place you may choose to offer all that you are, to better the world in some way, whether in that former neighborhood or another way. From there, wherever you go, you will stand in a new strength and knowingness that you did not know you could have. You will light the way for others, if you choose.

There is nothing left to be said, really. There never really was. The choice is all yours, Tenacity. Will you stay and let yourself be charred a bit more? Will you stay in your house on fire, till it consumes your whole life? Or have you had enough and are ready for meaningful change?

If you do leave, there is no right exit to choose. It doesn't matter to me, or most anyone else. It's your life. We emphatically know that any exit you choose is better than choosing to stay stuck in a burning house. We know with any of the exit options, you'll save your own life and that is what we are all rooting for, for you.

Choice is yours...

Wishing the best for you always,
LYD

P.S. I am beyond typed out. If you desire clarification, re-read this and my other posts.

TL;DR To me, it seems Tenacity's house is on fire. Will he stay or will he leave? There is tremendous encouragement for him to leave, heal and see more clearly and experience life beyond a burning house. The choice to change is only his. We all wish him well.

 

[Yewki]

@LiveYourDream waiting for part 6

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

LOOK INTO THIS MIRROR

Tenacity has a lot of problems. His location is one. It is not the only problem, nor the major one. If here were to move to a much larger city, with NO EXCUSES for not finding a quality woman, he would still have the same issues. I think he may suspect this on some level, which is why he hasn't moved.

The location is not that important. It is a minor point. Over-focusing on the location aspect ignores the larger issue, which is Tenacity's personality.

When people meet for the first time, especially in male-female relationships when sex is on both parties' minds, it's really difficult to get an accurate read of each other's TRUE personality. This is why couples often date for YEARS before deciding to get married. It takes THAT LONG to truly get a "read" on another human being. We humans are extremely skilled at deceiving ourselves and others without even knowing it.

I would assume most people "get this." Tenacity seems to think he can get a girl for a week or so (or however long before her "bad behavior" starts) it means that his personality is HIGH QUALITY.

He doesn't to understand that to truly know another person takes YEARS.

In general, all emotional problems stem from childhood. For guys this relates DIRECTLY to mother and or father issues.

Since Tenacity has openly described his parental situation as "less than adequate" I would suggest he look into his deep emotional feelings toward his mother. I would further suggest that his ANGER towards LOW QUALITY WOMEN is subconsciously redirected ANGER AT HIS MOTHER.

I would also suggest that he is looking IN OTHER WOMEN for what he never got from his mother. And when he doesn't get it, the anger comes. But the anger isn't really towards them, it is toward his mother.

Now, why in the world would I know so much about Tenacity's deep personal issues?

Because EVERY SINGLE MAN has these same issues. They only differ to a degree.

However, Tenacity's mother (as did all of our mothers who f'd us up) DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE. IT WAS NOT INTENTIONAL.

She was a normal human, in a normal situation, responding to her environment the best way she knew how, which was largely based on HER PARENTS.

In order to have success with women, you must internalize the following, on a deep subconscious and emotional gut level.

THAT GIRL you want to get with is NOT YOUR MOTHER.

She has ZERO OBLIGATIONS to behave toward you in any way.

Her behavior is based on HER UPBRINGING, HER GENETICS and YOUR BEHAVIOR.

Much more on YOUR BEHAVIOR than you realize.

If you behave like a chode, she'll treat you like one.

If you behave like an alpha LEADER, she'll treat you like one.

(Interestingly enough, in one of the videos posted by Tenacity, the black woman described Lebron James as being a BLACK LEADER by saying "my bad.")