I Have Anger Problems/I Don't Know What To Do

[Desdinova]

I'm so torn on the inside. Anybody else go through this shyt? I keep saying I'm taking a break, but I can't stay away....ending up texting/calling some plates back tonight

Dude, you really should take a break from them. It's like pushing an internal reset button. I'm not saying turn down sex when it comes along, but quit pursing for a while. I did that for 7 months, and it was quite refreshing. After that 7 months, I got involved with a woman for 8. She turned out to be a piece of 5hit too, but I was able to handle it better than I would have before my break.

Why do you think I am so passionatetly trying to convince Desdinova that he's walking the wrong path? It's because I feel the tendency to walk that path too now and then... But I won't, I never will, I will never give up.

It's not really about giving up, it's about adapting to the current state of society.

I've been preaching my high score theory for a while now, and I currently have an opportunity to test it out because I have a woman who fits the qualifications. Given what I've seen with women and the first guy they really like, it's entirely possible that this chick will stick around for a very long time.

With any woman who's been there and done that, I have absolutely no hope of them sticking around. They've experienced their first "true love" and they've already met their "soul mate". I'm just another encounter on their mission to find his replacement which they will never find. They are truly only good for sex and companionship.

Religion has it right when it comes to successful relationships. Find a man who behaves as the "head of the household", and don't fvck until you're married.

 

[BeExcellent]

I meet good girls now and then, through work, social life etc. You know, girls who grew up in that warm, positive, loving environment and are just mentally healthy! I recognize them right away... They are always reasonable, they try to avoid conflict, they are just nice to other people and expect to get it back. That's because this is what they've learned as children form their parents: When you're good to others, they'll be good in return. Their parents also gave them a positive attitude and emotional balance, which enables them to deal with it whenever another person isn't good to them. It doesn't make them hold back, they'll STILL keep treating others nicely and expect to get it back, coz that's the standard they experienced while growing up. When people don't treat them nicely in return, that's an exception to the rule they've always experienced.
They don't hold a grudge or feel the tendency to raise up their guard with other people because of this ONE person who fvcks them over.

Things were the opposite with me. I learned that treating my parents nicely, only set me up to get hurt by them. I learned that I always had to keep my guard up emotionally coz they were abusive... See, to me the standard is that peolple are gonna treat me bad and hurt me when I act nice to them. Getting nice behavior in return is the exception to the rule, that's what I've learned. So my basic attitude is to go into interactions with that mindset: keep your guard up, don't just act nice to the other person and expect it to be returned.

But when you act that way to people, they're not gonna be nice to you anyway lol!!!! Self fulfilling prophecy and all that...

To make a long story short, when I talk to those good girls, deep down there's this realization that I am different and that I don't fit in with a woman like that. It makes me feel insecure and it confronts me with my own shortcomings, and all the pain and negativity that CAUSED these shortcomings. When I think about these things, I feel a tendency to get depressed, curl up on the floor and just be miserable....

Truth is, I would have a very hard time handling myself in a serious relationship with a good woman!

Die Hard's insight and self awareness is incredible. Kudos to him for that!

I too came from a fairly negative background. My dad was unquestionably the absolute leader in the family and my mom openly hated him for that. But no woman was going to tell my Dad what to do or how to do it. He simply kept moving forward irrespective of what she did, and he had occasional affairs. My Dad was incredibly strong. And my mom was damaged. She and both her sisters were abused in every way by their father (my maternal grandfather.) So I knew why she was screwed up but she couldn't/wouldn't deal with it. It rotted her inside. I couldn't see all that as a teen but I respect the H3LL out of my Dad now that I can see and appreciate the road he has walked. My mom divorced him (I think as the ultimate BPDNPD push/pull) when I was 16 and so he left and married his gf, whom he has now been faithfully married to for 30 years.

I am very close to my Dad and stepmom. My mother remains broken and crazy. My Dad still carries some guilt that he couldn't rescue/fix my mom but when she filed he took the opportunity to leave decisively. Dad was positive (mostly) and mom was negative, hurtful, BPD/NPD & mean. My stepmom was/is encouraging, but as a teen it was tough to reconcile my father's infidelity with my broken mother throwing vitriol all over the place. I realized very early that I would never know the real truth. And that was liberating. My mom (who I went NC with years ago) STILL wants to see me fail because I refused to believe her "You'll never amount to anything!!" rhetoric. I succeeded in life anyway. I see myself in Tenacity's toughness in this way. You can't succeed coming from that kind of background without inner strength.

I changed myself through the relationship with my Dad and by actively seeking positive role models (parents of some of my friends who had incredible marriages, some of my father's close friends who became like second parents to me, my paternal grandmother who was successfully and beautifully married twice; married her high school sweetheart, widowed in her early 40's, alone for 18 years, and then married for the last 30 years of her life to a wonderful man who loved my Dad & my sisters and I like we were his own blood.)

Over time I took the chip on my shoulder (I had a huge chip like Tenacity) and used it to drive myself forward professionally while holding out personally for what I KNEW existed. I had to remake myself in the process. It took years. I learned to screen people very quickly - to *thin-slice* them during the first meeting - and determine whether or not they were "good". It is an ongoing process even now. I am determined to be an optimist. To hold out for what was/is good, and to be a good person myself and be able to receive that goodness in someone else. To uplift others and to keep working on myself. Irrespective of men or dating situations, or marriage, or anything else. To believe in good people, to be a good person, to hold out for what is good, and to expect that in myself and others. It is an incredibly powerful thing but it IS hard to build yourself up when your example at home was lacking.

When you have all this sort of background "stuff" in your own life you have to face it and recognize how it is the source of so many attitude problems and how it affects subconsciously what you seek in a mate. How it informs and at the same time confuses you. You will feel insecure, uncomfortable, you will question everything about who you are. As Die Hard suggests (and as Tenacity's experience also shows) this is entirely independent of being able to "game" women or get laid.

You have to learn to take that risk because it IS the roadblock to something deeper. You only need take it when you find someone worth the risk. And when you do take the risk be aware that you are going to be laid bare to your core because that "good" person from a positive affirming background is going to challenge (passively - simply by existing) negative core beliefs that you have. And you must learn to let those negative energies go. You have to quit feeding them, you have to discard them forever. That is the only way because otherwise wherever you go, there you are. Without going through this process you will always be the problem in your relationships. Always.

Today I still come across with a degree of the hardness and the edge that I had to endure as a youth, but it has also been my strength through the tough times. There is so much power in the transformation. You can't imagine. Would a positive uplifting background have been better? Sure. But the beautiful thing is that MY kids are getting that now. It is a gift I can only give because of the changes I made within myself to become that supportive positive person and parent.

I have serious cognitive dissonance going on.

You are going to backslide at times Tenacity. It takes immense courage for you to put this all out there on a public forum like this. At first to be frank I thought you wanted attention (stay with me! Don't get mad!) but now I no longer think that. I think you TRULY are seeking something real in your life. You are looking for the encouragement and the belief that what you want actually exists. IT DOES EXIST. But it is a journey to become who you must be to receive it.

You can do this. You can get there. God knows you are stubborn enough (this is a GOOD thing). You just have to keep on the walk, stay on the path and you will see the result. And the result will be GOOD.

 

[Tenacity]

You are going to backslide at times Tenacity. It takes immense courage for you to put this all out there on a public forum like this. At first to be frank I thought you wanted attention (stay with me! Don't get mad!) but now I no longer think that. I think you TRULY are seeking something real in your life. You are looking for the encouragement and the belief that what you want actually exists. IT DOES EXIST. But it is a journey to become who you must be to receive it.

You can do this. You can get there. God knows you are stubborn enough (this is a GOOD thing). You just have to keep on the walk, stay on the path and you will see the result. And the result will be GOOD.

You know I've always said the Manosphere is like a large fraternity with a lot of great information. There's also five labels across the Manosphere, Don Juan, PUA, MRA, MGTOW, and AFC/Simp. At the end of the day, I think our "journey" in life is balancing all five all of the major labels as each one of them bring important aspects to the table that I think contribute to the total picture.

Don Juan - Focus on total self-improvement and being the best individual man you can be.

PUA - Learning the "science" of attraction in terms of women, which relates to how to turn them on, how to fvck them, etc.

MGTOW - Understanding the negative effects of Feminism and Gynocentrism across the country as a whole, and how it manifests in particular "behaviors" of women from a dating and legal (marriage) perspective.

MRA - Everything under MGTOW, but instead of walking away from the problem, forming a coalition to modernize laws.

AFC/Simp - Well, quite frankly, if you are going to have a long-term relationship with any woman, you have to bring to it SOME aspects of the AFC/Simp in terms of caring, support, and love being shown. You just can't OVER-DUE it.

And that's what it comes down to in my opinion, all of these five labels are a part of who we ought to be as the total man in my opinion, but you can't OVER-DUE either label, it's all about balance.

- You can't be a Don Juan only and think you are going to lay women, you also have to understand the "science" of attraction which comes from your PUA side. You also don't just want to be a PUA and know how to lay women, but in terms of life goals, chasing your purpose, or having some financial success, you are "broke" in more ways than one, thus the Don Juan side would need to come in.

- Adding to this, you want to do a mass market study on the nature of women due to feminism today, which are what MGTOWs do, but you don't want to take this to the extreme and GIVE UP on women altogether like MGTOWs do. Instead your new found knowledge should be motivation to join the MRAs in looking to amend/update laws. I continue to state over and over, the situation of these laws and these idiotic behaviors are because we as men have not collectively fought back against it. "Going your own way" and saying fvck it, isn't productive because keep it real, what fvcking way are you going? You can't escape this shyt, even if you write all women off and never date one, you can STILL be accused of anything at anytime.

- Finally, while our PUA side (incorporated with our Don Juan success traits) will get us laid/short term flings, we will not be able to maintain any long term relationship unless we bring back particular aspects of the AFC/Simp, but we just have to do it to where we don't become anybody's door-mat nor to where we forget about all of the "attraction science" we acquired as a PUA. It's been one of my issues with maintaining my relationships, I'm so "PUA and Don Juan", that I forgot that there are CERTAIN aspects of the AFC/Simp that are needed to maintain a relationship.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I know I'm a little late on this one but I totally feel the same way. Just ultra disappointed with women in general. They are just a buncha babies that make up stuff to get their way or they cry about it. I know there have to be normal ones out there...

 

[LiveYourDream]

You are going to backslide at times Tenacity. It takes immense courage for you to put this all out there on a public forum like this. At first to be frank I thought you wanted attention (stay with me! Don't get mad!) but now I no longer think that. I think you TRULY are seeking something real in your life. You are looking for the encouragement and the belief that what you want actually exists. IT DOES EXIST. But it is a journey to become who you must be to receive it.

You can do this. You can get there. God knows you are stubborn enough (this is a GOOD thing). You just have to keep on the walk, stay on the path and you will see the result. And the result will be GOOD.

100% ^^^^^THIS^^^^^

 

[Die Hard]

It's not really about giving up, it's about adapting to the current state of society.

In my opinion, you did give up. You call it "adapting to the current state of society", as if it were a rational decision, based upon logic. I call bullsh!t on that, you adjusted your approach to dating as a result of the EMOTIONAL beatings you've taken from women. So in my view, you've GIVEN UP, coz your decision is based on the wish to prevent feelings of disappointment, emotional pain etc. You don't want to experience negative emotions anymore, so you choose the weak way out, evading the fight.

Fair enough, I can understand that. We've all experienced the emotional beatings that women can cause in men.... But you have two options: Keep moving forward while you get hit by the punches, or step out of the ring altogether. In my eyes, you've chosen the latter. Or maybe it would be a better analogy to say that you've decided to only step into the ring with cans, hasbeens...nobodies who can't really hurt you with their punches...

Again, I don't condemn you for that choice, it's yours to make and there is no shame in it. But in my book, it is called GIVING UP. I'm just calling it as it is...

 

[Desdinova]

In my opinion, you did give up.

So what exactly have I given up on? Is it dating? No, because I've been pretty much consistently getting laid ever since I've adopted Tenacity's sex & companionship stance. Have I given up on relationships? No, because I just ended one two weeks ago and now I'm in another one.

Here are the things that I've given up on:

Pursuing Women: I've honestly had enough of the pursuit. I can approach, number close, date and fvck. In the end, the woman is usually a piece of trash anyway.

Primarily focusing on looks: Looks are irrelevant when it comes to sex and companionship.

The "happy ever after": Most women are going to lose interest or have the desire to find something better, even if "better" doesn't exist. If they're persuaded enough, they'll abandon their stallion to search for a magical unicorn.

So how come I'm still getting laid and getting involved in relationships?

1) Women require you to commit to them if you want to keep them around for a while. This is inevitable.

2) I've decided to only date women who pursue me. The one I'm currently with has been pursuing me for the past two years. This alone shows she has the potential to keep her stallion and forget about the magical unicorn.

So where did I give up? Did I give up on keeping a hot flake? Yes. Did I give up on having a dedicated woman? No.

you adjusted your approach to dating as a result of the EMOTIONAL beatings you've taken from women.

If it was only the result of myself being emotionally beaten, this forum wouldn't be full of stories of other men being emotionally beaten. Men getting emotionally beaten by women is the NORM of today's society. This was not the case over 60 years ago. Society has changed.

I interact with a lot of older couples due to my work. The women stick with their men. The more alpha the man, the more dedicated the woman is. However, the women rely on their husbands for many things. Today's women have been taught that they don't need to rely on the man for anything. They've been taught to disrespect the man because he's a stupid loser who only drinks beer and watches football.

Are you a stupid loser who only drinks beer and watches football? No? Then find a woman who deep down in her soul doesn't believe you are. Can't find one? Well that's not your fault.

You don't want to experience negative emotions anymore, so you choose the weak way out, evading the fight.

Do you actually LIKE experiencing negative emotions? Most men don't. Why should I put myself in front of a moving truck simply because I should be able to take getting run over like a man? That's the stupidest 5hit I've ever heard of.

But you have two options: Keep moving forward while you get hit by the punches, or step out of the ring altogether.

Why not create your own game based on your own conditions? Fvck running by other peoples' rules. There are no rules saying I have to date hot women, get turfed, date more hot women and get turfed again over and over again. If you like that, then go right ahead and do it. I'm done with that. If a woman wants to date me, let her do the pursuing. If I reject her and she continues to pursue, then maybe she doesn't think I'm a stupid beer drinking football watcher.

Pursuing women has got me absolutely nowhere. Having them pursue me shows more promise. After that, I can filter them out if they have too many red flags. If they have little to none, then I'll have a go. If they're at least remotely tolerable in looks, that's great because sex and companionship doesn't require a woman to be hot.

Or maybe it would be a better analogy to say that you've decided to only step into the ring with cans, hasbeens...nobodies who can't really hurt you with their punches...

...cans, hasbeens and nobodies according to who? Society? You? The members of Sosuave.com? I honestly don't fvcking care about anybody's opinions about who I date. It's my game, I make the rules, and I choose who plays in it.

 

[Tenacity]

In my opinion, you did give up. You call it "adapting to the current state of society", as if it were a rational decision, based upon logic. I call bullsh!t on that....

Die Hard,

I have a couple of questions for you based on your recent response to Des.

- You said that he "gave up", can you elaborate specifically on what did he give up on? Are you referring to giving up on getting married? I thought he already did that and it didn't turn out so good? Please elaborate on specifically what do you feel he's given up on.

- Once you do the above and specifically name what you felt he's given up on, can you then give me the source of the criteria for the particular goals that he "gave up" on? So in other words, let's say you believe he gave up on finding the quality woman, well, who is the quality woman? T.O. said the quality woman is whomever the individual man BELIEVES her to be, so what if the woman that Des is talking to (who has been pursuing him for two years) is his end-goal? What if she has become his pseudo "quality woman", even if her positioning as the pseudo "quality woman" might be a result of Des having to decrease his expectations and standards?

- You talk about a guy getting EMOTIONAL beatings from women, then say that the guy has two choices, either continue getting his a.ss beat or step out of the ring, and if the guy steps out of the ring then you would scold him by calling him a pvssy. Question, what are we fighting for here when it comes to women? I've only identified TWO main benefits, sex and companionship, Die Hard do you believe these two benefits are WORTH getting an EMOTIONAL a.ss beating over? I'm sorry, but I don't. You have a picture of Rocky on your thumbnail, Rocky took an a.ss beating in the ring for money, fame and power, things that are very DIFFICULT to replace. Sex and companionship are not difficult to replace, matter of fact (calling it like it is) you could BUY sex and companionship for $25 - $70.

 

[Die Hard]

Do you what you feel is right for you, Des. I felt the need to point something out to you, and I did. I'll keep it at that.

Ten, you're a lost cause. Maybe someday you'll change, but there's no getting through to your head and I believe it's futile to respond to your latest post.

 

[Tenacity]

Ten, you're a lost cause. Maybe someday you'll change, but there's no getting through to your head and I believe it's futile to respond to your latest post.

I don't get why when I ask follow-up questions you guys get highly ticked off?

 

[Die Hard]

I don't get why when I ask follow-up questions you guys get highly ticked off?

So when I recognize you're a lost cause and decide not to waste my time on helping you, that means I'm "highly ticked off" ???

Now you're just blatantly TROLLING... And it further proves that I'm right about you being a lost cause.

 

[Tenacity]

So when I recognize you're a lost cause and decide not to waste my time on helping you, that means I'm "highly ticked off" ???

That's just blatant trolling... And it further proves that I'm right about you being a lost cause...

You obviously are highly ticked off, you are even now resorting to name calling. I asked you a series of questions based on the responses you provided, now if you just aren't interested in answering those questions that's fine, but the outburst was uncalled for.

By the way, "trolls" are usually anonymous (like you are). I'm not hiding behind any hidden usernames nor fake Rocky pictures. Furthermore, this is MY thread detailing my personal life/issues, how the hell I can troll in my own damn thread is behind me.

 

[Die Hard]

You obviously are highly ticked off, you are even now resorting to name calling. I asked you a series of questions based on the responses you provided, now if you just aren't interested in answering those questions that's fine, but the outburst was uncalled for.

By the way, "trolls" are usually anonymous (like you are). I'm not hiding behind any hidden usernames nor fake Rocky pictures. Furthermore, this is MY thread detailing my personal life/issues, how the hell I can troll in my own damn thread is behind me.

*Shakes head and leaves thread*

 

[Tenacity]

*Shakes head and leaves thread*

Fine dude. Hell, all I was doing was asking you to clarify some of the responses you made.

 

[Liam]

I would personally start going to see a therapist. People don't just get angry, there's an underlying reason. And just because you go to one therapist and u don't like the person try another until you find a good match for you, good luck and be happy

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Tenacity, I find it quite odd that you cannot secure an attractive girl, with good finances, and no kids.

I have literally dated hundreds of these kinds of women. So either you are not being forthcoming with who you are actually meeting or you have significant personality flaws that repel women.

I lean more toward the latter. You don't seem like a class act.

 

[Tenacity]

Tenacity, I find it quite odd that you cannot secure an attractive girl, with good finances, and no kids.

I have literally dated hundreds of these kinds of women.

And yet you and Slick, who keep repeating this, refuse to talk about where you meet 100s - 1,000s of these types of women over and over, because you want to remain anonymous.

Also as I mentioned, I target black women mostly, are you meeting 100s - 1,000s of black women like this over and over and over? Attractive, no kids, good finances and WITH A GOOD ATTITUDE? Where?

So either you are not being forthcoming with who you are actually meeting or you have significant personality flaws that repel women.

Those are two options, another option is that I could be in a bad geographical area to find the type of woman I'm looking for. Can you tell me why is it that you always refuse to list this as a possibility? The fact is that a lot of women with the criteria I list, have moved to the South and are surely no longer in Michigan, so I'm dealing with the issue of there being a scarcity problem out of the gate. Again, this is a FACT, look up the demographics of Metro (suburban) Detroit. There's just not a lot of black women in general that fit the criteria I'm looking for over here.

 

[Tenacity]

I lean more toward the latter. You don't seem like a class act.

- From all I know is that I have anger issues, but those issues push women away I already GET. Those issues usually come out on a girl I already have, I don't walk up to people I don't know and go off.

- Legend when it comes to a Personality flaw that could repel women away, you do realize that I have to actually interact or come across the woman FIRST before it can push her away right? In order words, you are saying there's something else going on with my Personality that's doing it...okay. Well, I would have to MEET attractive black women with no kids, good finances and with no fickle/bad attitude shyt, DISPLAY my Personality, and the chick say "fvck off". I very RARELY run across attractive black women with no kids and good finances, and when I do....they are usually very fickle, or have some sort of attitude problem where I will "kick it/chill" with them just to try to fvck, but I can't do anything serious because she's just full of drama and other shady shyt most of the time.

For some weird/strange reason, Legend guys like you in this thread refuse to say anything in relation to the market or geographical area that might be adding to the issue. It's very weird....it's like a Sales Manager pushing his reps out into a bad territory or to call on dead leads, then scolding them for not hitting quota.

I LIVE here Legend and I'm not the only person who lives near here that contributed to this thread (LiveFree) that has reported BACK to you on how this geographical area has some issues within it. There are also other guys who don't post on Sosuave, who can create an account and tell you the same thing.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Sure, demographics play a role but not to the extent where 15% of the top women dwindle down to 0.

Here's a little clue my friend: women have a bad attitude when they don't want to keep you around. In others words ...

YOU are not their top priority.

 

[Tenacity]

Sure, demographics play a role but not to the extent where 15% of the top women dwindle down to 0.

Here's a little clue my friend: women have a bad attitude when they don't want to keep you around. In others words ...

YOU are not their top priority.

Have you EVER dated black women?