Preparing for a LTR Burial

[Desdinova]

Man, it's pretty obvious that her behavior is bothering you,

So now I peer into my past and try to find a woman who's behaviour has NOT bothered me...
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I didn't find any.

There's a world where a good, decent woman exists. I don't know where the fvck it is, but it's certainly not here.

What it's come down to is how much of a woman's bull5hit I can tolerate. THAT IS THE WAY IT IS. There is nothing more here. There is no fvcking princess out there. If I dismiss women based on the 5hit that bothers me, I would absolutely never get laid. I would never have a female companion. ALL women have actions that bother me. ALL women have traits that bother me. The question is how much 5hit do I put up with before I get rid of her?

I honestly don't have the desire to go out and sarge these bytches anymore. I'm either going to put up with a woman who's good enough for a while, or I'm going to remain single. I like both options, but one involves companionship and sex. If I could enjoy fvcking my cat, I would do that instead of date women.

you're just trying to act tough and trying to rationalize your own frustration away.

I'm not trying to rationalize anything away. This was an issue with a woman. This was something I needed to identify. I'm not a fvcking AFC who is going to say "baby, I miss you and I need you to be here for me". We know that doesn't work. Instead, I identify the problem and figure out how I'm going to deal with it. Do I invest in this woman any longer? When should I quit investing and on what date? I think all this 5hit over instead of reacting to my emotions like a bytch.

You convince yourself that SHE is not doing anything wrong, but instead YOU are doing something wrong by "jumping to conclusions too quickly" and referring to your past tendency of being too quick to cut women off.

This is something that isn't just going to help me with my dealings with women, it's going to help me with my dealings in other things. If I go through life saying "fvck this 5hit" without thinking about my actions, I'm going to end up broke and homeless. This is something that's going to make me a BETTER person, and it's not because I need to keep useless bytches around. Doing it with women is good practice because fvcking up in this regard isn't going to fvck up my life.

you've become a loser, someone who has GIVEN UP, and you've decided to travel a very sad and pathetic road, man...

I would have travelled a sad and pathetic road if I had returned to the bytch who drove me here, which I've had multiple opportunities to do so. I sat down and really thought, "Is this really what all my self-improvement and hard work has led me to? Has it led me to right back where I started? Should it lead me back to where I started?" If I go back to that bytch, the last 15 years of my life would have been a waste. But perhaps I should return to her, because according to you, sitting back, analyzing all this 5hit and making a decision is the act of brainwashing myself.

In my books, a man who can sit back, analyze, and make a decision is highly respectable. I see a man who acts upon his emotions as a person without any self-control. I don't want that.

And what have I given up? It certainly isn't the desire to improve myself. I've been working on a plan that should have me debt free by around age 45 - WITH a nice house.

I have given up on the idea that a truly ideal woman is available to me, at least in my immediate vicinity. After I'm debt-free, I will be free to travel. Perhaps I may meet a woman during that time, but women are certainly NOT at the top of my priority list.

You let low quality bytches treat you like sh!t and then convince yourself it shouldn't bother you

I have NOT convinced myself of this. All women bother me to some extent. I just try to choose the ones that will have the longest cut-off date.

I'm sure the pessimistic and nihilistic approach of you guys will lead to a happy love life

And where do I pursue this happy love life? Last time I checked, you were in the same boat as me, only you're excited about us reaching the island any day while I'm just going to enjoy the boat ride, deal with the issues at hand, and appreciate the island if we ever get there.

Keep following this pathetic path and keep reading Tenacity's wonderful insights and advice.

Tenacity hasn't given me any advice. He's just calling it as he sees it, and I'm seeing the same things. My path is far from pathetic. I have lots of things going for me. I'm just not inclined to believe that my life needs to be completed by the presence of a strong and independent woman.

while the positive approach of guys like Rollo, Sl!ckster and Guru1000 leads to unhappiness....

I agree with the majority of Rollo's stuff. Me and him have always seen eye-to-eye on most things. However, he's standing outside the box with a few things. The recent discussion that was posted on youtube had him talking about staying with a woman but not marrying her. That's easy to say when you've been married for 20 years. When you're outside of the marriage box, you find out that ALL women want to get married. If you tell her no, then she's going to tell you how terrible you are for not wanting to marry her, and then you have to break up with her immediately because you shouldn't be tolerating her disrespect.

And if you're wondering what happened when she was over tonight, she started bytching about the usual 5hit what women bytch about - how I don't read into things enough, blah blah blah. However, she brought up the whole guy friend thing again. As per usual, she believes that there's nothing wrong with women having guy friends, and she's not going to be giving up her guy friends for anybody, including me.

I have two options. I either take the relationship for the valueless, disrespectful thing she's insisted on it being (and maybe go fvck some other women while being "exclusive"), or I can ditch her and date another woman who probably has the same viewpoint and opinion about her guy friends.

Which is the better situation?

Oh? Go look for a woman who has no guy friends? Okay, well let's take into consideration the time you need to put into dating, the time it takes to date a woman and find out how many guy friends she has, the rejection rate for women who aren't interested, and let's throw in some sex to satisfy my needs and maybe a couple more STDs for me to deal with. Maybe I'll be able to find one after my kid's grown up and moved out, because that's when I'll have the time to be serial-dating again.

The odds are stacked against us, and that is the reality of it all. It's come to a point where my best option right now is to enjoy a woman for as long as I can tolerate her, and then throw her away for another model. Rinse and repeat. If Miss Right comes along during that time, then that's awesome. However, I've been doing this 5hit for the last 15 years and Miss Right still hasn't shown up. The odds sucks ass. The odds of me catching Herpes in the process were certainly a lot better. Again, that's the reality and I can't ignore that.

 

[Tictac]

You do seem extra 'down' these last few days Des.

This girl stuff is pretty exhausting sometimes. But seems like you fell in a hole of some sort.

 

[Desdinova]

Was always my rationale taking back cheaters, and just made it 10x harder when we broke up.

I never take a woman back. I also have no solid evidence this chick cheated on me. I don't even have a good enough suspicion that she did.

I need to mull over this whole thing a bit longer. It takes me a while to make an ultimate decision. I'm not happy with the discussion we had. I'm not thrilled with her wanting to have her cake and eat it too. However, I AM thrilled at having 4-5 other women WAITING for me to become single so they can date me. A clean slate is nicer to look at as opposed to a slate with disrespectful 5hit written all over it.

This is a VERY low quality girl.

This is why I don't like dating women in my age range. They're fvcking disasters. They're set in their disrespectful ways. I would've been better off keeping the 21 year old fatty that I wasn't attracted to.

I still don't have the ultimate decision of when I'm going to kick her to the curb. All I know is that I'm not going to keep this woman around for a whole lot longer. I could look past her very plain body if she was respectful with regards to the relationship. Now she just looks like a cvm dumpster.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I AM thrilled at having 4-5 other women WAITING for me to become single so they can date me.

Tell her you want to see other people and have an open relationship. She'll either dump you, or more likely I think, pretend to dump you and then later throw herself at you on occasion, not caring if you have been with anyone else. It's a win-win.

You seem obsessed over creating some sort of masterfully clever revenge scheme. That thinking only drags you down to her level.

 

[C-quenced]

You seem obsessed over creating some sort of masterfully clever revenge scheme. That thinking only drags you down to her level.

That's rather easy in execution. Just disappear from her life as if you've never existed. Go ghost and enjoy life to the fullest..... without her.

 

[Desdinova]

Before I get into the comments, I'm going to tell you guys that I'm always better at making decisions after I've had a good sleep. This is why I prefer holding off on doing things until I've had some time to let it sit in my brain. This morning, I woke up with the reasons to get rid of her and how I'm going to do it.

The Reasons: I had told her that my most successful relationship was with a woman who had NO male orbiters. Her and I had mutual respect for each other because neither of us had to worry about disrespect with regards to the opposite sex. I told her that every other failed relationship was due to things happening with regards to the opposite sex. Her reasons to continue being disrespectful towards me were "I'm not any of your exes", "That's just the way I am", and "I'm not giving up my (male) friends for anybody". She is incorrect about not being any of my exes. She embodies most of them, and in some ways she's WORSE than them. A woman who feels the need to continue to behave this way and is insisting that it's perfectly reasonable to make me feel like 5hit (and I should just swallow the 5hit and call it ice cream) is not right for me. This relationship will never succeed.

The Method: I'll be sending her a lengthy message via Facebook. I've been with her for a total of 8 months, so she at least deserves to know why I'm ending it. I've always insisted on breaking up through the easiest, most convenient means possible. A lengthy message does not give her any chance to interrupt, and gives me the opportunity to get ALL my thoughts across. I will likely send it to her tomorrow. I have a meeting this evening with a friend who is providing me information that is essential for my plan of being debt-free by age 45. This carries more priority than writing a break up message to my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

And now, your comments...

Tell her you want to see other people and have an open relationship. She'll either dump you, or more likely I think, pretend to dump you and then later throw herself at you on occasion, not caring if you have been with anyone else. It's a win-win.

That's an interesting angle, but I'm more interested in cutting her off completely. The reason for this is that I may have to interact with her in the future, and I will have to interact with her friends and co-workers in the future all because of my field of work. I don't need to be tainting my work field with a bunch of drama and rumours. It's better to cut her off completely and keep my respect generally intact.

You seem obsessed over creating some sort of masterfully clever revenge scheme. That thinking only drags you down to her level.

I'm not sure where you got this from. I generally don't feel the need to get revenge on my ex-girlfriends. In a few years, I'm going to be debt-free and in a nice house. Living well is generally the best revenge. All she's done is become a product of our female-empowered society. That is not her fault. Her unwillingness to make changes and behave in a respectful manner in an exclusive relationship is her fault, but that only warrants a break-up.

That's rather easy in execution. Just disappear from her life as if you've never existed. Go ghost and enjoy life to the fullest..... without her.

Yup, that is what living well is all about.

What I think is funny about this whole thing is her willingness to throw around the M word, but have it only on her terms. If a woman is genuinely interested in having a successful marriage, she should do what is necessary to achieve a successful relationship in order to accomplish this goal. Instead, women have been spoiled by having a marriage on her terms.

Once I craft my breakup letter, I will post it here for all to see.

 

[zekko]

I dunno about Slickster but I wouldnt describe Guru and Rollo as "positive"...Rollo is married and tells ppl not to get married, read his blog.

This always used to confuse and bother me back when Rollo used to post here regularly. He was vehemently against marriage, but he claimed to be happily married himself. The whole "Do as I say, not as I do" type of thing. His answer to this was that his message was directed at guys who were just starting out, who were beginners.

As per usual, she believes that there's nothing wrong with women having guy friends, and she's not going to be giving up her guy friends for anybody, including me..

I would have to take that as a slap in the face, as putting her male friends above me, and as her daring me to do something about it. At the very least, she's openly making it plain she is incompatible. With me, anyway. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. It just seems that she's openly declared it's not going to change, so you have to decide if you are going to live with it or not.

Personally, in this situation, if I had 4-5 girls on Facebook just waiting for me to be single, I would explore those options. Maybe they won't be better than this one, but the way things are going, it doesn't sound like they are likely to be much worse either.

Oh? Go look for a woman who has no guy friends? Okay, well let's take into consideration the time you need to put into dating, the time it takes to date a woman and find out how many guy friends she has, the rejection rate for women who aren't interested, and let's throw in some sex to satisfy my needs and maybe a couple more STDs for me to deal with.

It CAN take a while to find a girl if you have standards. The key is to find someone who has the same basic philosophy as you overall, someone who tends to think the same as you across a broad spectrum of things. That will make it more likely that she will agree with you on some of the more specific stuff.

 

[LiveYourDream]

When your ex says, "you'll never find anyone like me," just smile and reply, "that's the point."

 

[LiveYourDream]

"Break-ups hurt, but losing someone who doesn't respect and admire you is actually a gain, not a loss."

 

[Prime_Beef]

Don't get this. .You haven't done her in a month.. she is Cuban, yes? Went to Cuba, came back, and now nothing.. no news of dying parents, other tragedies taking her time..Prime_Beef ' s rule #1: If you're not doing her, someone is. Who, what, how, when .. not important. Only the why.. she's not interested, you don't ring her bells as much as someone(s) else. Just tell her it's not working out, I need to see more of you than I'm seeing. Proceed to date others. If she's interested or wants to be a bootie call in between seeing the guys in Cuba or elsewhere that ring her bell, she can. Permanent off girlfriend prospects list. I don't understand you young guys, wtf is the deal with facebook.com that you want to advertise your ststus, and share personal information with strange women with? Women u meet and may potentially date? Facebook, where your friends, family and maybe kids check up on you? Too much power and information over you. Foolish. No woman unless you are in a strong relationship of some time should have that, know those people. It's none of those women's business if you're single, if you ate crab cakes at the crabby patty last night, that you live square dancing and believe in saving the whales...a little mystery goes a long way. You kids give these people too much information, without the context to properly frame it. Stop it. Good luck on the next one. Btw, I was a single dad for years. .. i hope you're not introducing these chicks to your kids. Not until you know for sure this is going g the distance. Damage done will be substantial. ..

 

[LiveYourDream]

"Never apologize for having high standards. People who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them."

 

[Desdinova]

she is Cuban, yes?

No

I don't understand you young guys, wtf is the deal with facebook.com that you want to advertise your ststus, and share personal information with strange women with?

I generally don't share personal information on Facebook. I share my personality. Big difference.

Facebook, where your friends, family and maybe kids check up on you?

My family is not on my Facebook.

It's none of those women's business if you're single, if you ate crab cakes at the crabby patty last night, that you live square dancing and believe in saving the whales...a little mystery goes a long way.

Again, I don't share that boring 5hit on Facebook unless I add a punchline. I treat Facebook like I'd treat a bar with all my friends and acquaintances in attendance. I don't walk up to people and say "I had a hamburger for supper, and then I watched TV." Nobody gives a fvck about that. Instead, I'll write something like "I had a hamburger for supper, and it laughed at me when I realized I forgot to add mustard". It's fvcking stupid, but it's more entertaining than being flat out honest.

When I run into my facebook friends in real life, it's quite often they comment about how funny my status updates are. It's gone to the point where my social circle actually TALKS about my Facebook when I'm not in attendance. THIS is where you want to be. You want to be on people's minds when you're not around them. You become memorable because you're interesting.

Anyway, I have a breakup letter to write...

 

[channingtatum]

Be a man and break up with her already, Christ.

 

[Desdinova]

Be a man and break up with her already, Christ.

That's like saying "be a man and just unplug your dad from life support". For fvck sake, permit me to be a human with feelings. I spent 8 months with this chick.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

She went to Cuba for two weeks on vacation [without you]

I saw her once shortly after. I'm about to head into week 3 of not seeing her.

The last contact she had with me was on Thursday. She claimed that she was really busy with work that week. The only reason she called me was because I ran into her best friend who asked how she was doing. I told her I really didn't know because I haven't seen much of her over the past month.

No overt breakup necessary.There is nothing to end. This "exclusive" relation already ended. She ended it with the covert, behavioral language quoted. How do you respond? Disappear. You treat indifference/disinterest with ABSOLUTE removal of your time and attention.

In the past, I think I've been a bit too quick to cut women off,

No such thing. If you had cut off preemptively, a woman of high IL would have fought her way back. If she didn't come back, your "quick" cut-off was indeed merited.

so I'm giving her until the end of Tuesday to initiate something.

Nothing to give. It's over. Disappear.

 

[logicallefty]

In your situation Des I would end it with the text "Hey I hope all is well. With our schedules these days and both of us being so busy it doesn't seem like the right time for us to be together. Maybe later this year or another time. It's been fun. Take care."

 

[LiveYourDream]

"Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise again."

Hang in there (((Des))).

Take care of yourself.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

while the positive approach of guys like Rollo, Sl!ckster and Guru1000 leads to unhappiness....

Um, I haven't seen 'Guru' 1000 on here in ages, in fact if I'm not mistaken, he didn't even finish some experiment he posted on here ages ago. He also gave out some dodgy advice IMO - but each to their own. So Im not so sure your role models are all great guys.

 

[grayclif]

@Desdinova why did she go to Cuba?

Watch "Cuban Men - Why Foreign Women Fall Hard" on YouTube

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@Desdinova why did she go to Cuba?

Watch "Cuban Men - Why Foreign Women Fall Hard" on YouTube

They didn't go there to do nothing and that follows for almost any of these type of trips. They going to want saucey stories to tell to their girlfriends. If she didn't need to do anything there she would've insisted you come.