The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[KittyHon]

Hey KittyHon, welcome to SoSuave

The short version is this:
Go to the gym, men are visual creatures and you will meet a lot more and better men if you are in shape.
Work your smile, grow your hair out.
Never become entitled, act pleasant and don't expect men to bow down to you because you are a girl.
Ignore your ex, delete his fb, delete his number etc. Tell him you need to do it if you must but don't feel that you have to tell him.

Try to avoid social media, don't use tinder/online dating/facebook if you can avoid it. That road will only take you to a point where no man can possibly measure up to your expectations and you'll never feel in love again.
Hold onto your virginity as long as you can realistically. I'm not saying to hold onto it until you're 30 or married, but you need to learn to vet men as fast as possible. The good men these days know that sex is cheap and plentiful and won't wait forever, so you need to make sure he's good enough for you as soon as possible, yet at the same time he won't leave you the next day.

Thank you for your advise.Even myself, I think I am not mature enough.I have a long hair and my body shape is not bad, but I will do what you advised, I mean the gym.

In fact, I am doing NC for almost 2months.(This website is he gave me and suggest me to do, so he knows the rule and we never contact each other since the day after 1 week we broke up)

He helped me to delete all the photos and bring the things ,that relative to him, to his place(He said he will keep them and send them back to me if I want after really can forget him)

I am living the world without him already, But suddenly these days cannot stop thinking about him.And image the situation if he still besides me. Even I am really busy for my work and housework and daily live.
That make me feel painful and stressed. I like eating and sporting but I couldn't eat and feel tired to do sports.
I tried several things that suggested through the net but seems not work.
Sorry for the capricious reply.

 

[Glumix]

Second night of insomnia.
Can't stop thinking. My mind is on fire.

Wondering if my ex will change. Wondering if my relationship would have been different if I had no fear.

Can't get rid of those thoughts.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Second night of insomnia.
Can't stop thinking. My mind is on fire.

Wondering if my ex will change. Wondering if my relationship would have been different if I had no fear.

Can't get rid of those thoughts.

I don't know if you go to the gym, but if you don't, go, it will help you sleep better and to get more control of your thoughts. I wonder too sometimes if thing could have been different, but the reality is that it does not matter anymore. Once you break a relationship it will remain broken, so do your best and stay busy.
You can do this mate.

 

[KittyHon]

Until just now,I felt I'm good cause I think about my dream and the things I want and need to do. But suddenly, I am feeling bad without alarms and just want to meet him, remember the situations one year ago just in relationship and cannot stop imaging if he is beside me right now. And I have a feeling that I can meet him this weekend. (We met once or twice per month at weekends)

But I not see his fb(his fb is open so even I deleted him I still can know if I want) and anythings about him
But he can't go away from my thinking and I am really busy to do houseworks but...
I don't even know and understand why ppl can give up so easily or have other lovers.

 

[Glumix]

I don't know if you go to the gym, but if you don't, go, it will help you sleep better and to get more control of your thoughts. I wonder too sometimes if thing could have been different, but the reality is that it does not matter anymore. Once you break a relationship it will remain broken, so do your best and stay busy.
You can do this mate.

I do not "hit the gym" but I do a lot of outdoor sports. I will go for a run tonight or something.

I know my ex is the worst person I have ever met but still I have those thoughts. But I hate myself more than her. Hate the fear, hate my inability to walk away, my inability to reject her, to refuse her behaviors.

Sometimes I want to go back with her just to train myself harder.

But I have learnt a lot by sealing the break-up with her. Just need to internalize, which takes a lot of time.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

But I hate myself more than her. Hate the fear, hate my inability to walk away, my inability to reject her, to refuse her behaviors.

I know what you mean. Pain is the way to becoming stronger. You push your limits, let your body/mind take rest, and you become stronger. Look, we've been raised like little pusshies, we've been trained to endure all the humilliations and **** that women could throw at our faces, but you have realized that you don't have any reason to tolerate that. So you hate yourself because you tolerated the behaviors of a crazy wh0re, but what could you do? You didn't know better man, almost no one of the men of today now better. We are trained to endure everything. Don't hate yourself, accept that you were weak like everybody else is these days, and aim to be stronger each day.

Also, you like outdoor sports? Maybe go hiking with a friend for a couple of days or something. I would not recommend to do it alone tho, but being away from civilization makes wonders.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I do not "hit the gym" but I do a lot of outdoor sports. I will go for a run tonight or something.

I know my ex is the worst person I have ever met but still I have those thoughts. But I hate myself more than her. Hate the fear, hate my inability to walk away, my inability to reject her, to refuse her behaviors.

Sometimes I want to go back with her just to train myself harder.

But I have learnt a lot by sealing the break-up with her. Just need to internalize, which takes a lot of time.

Hey bro. You simply love the "wrong one", please don't let her feel bad about yourself. I understand though feeling bad about being unable to release her, but eventually you will have to.

If you are not ready to drop her, you can cheat on her for a while and let her find out. Sometimes it changes a cheaters perspective when it's done to them in return and you will likely look more desireable in her mind. You might as well if you are going to stay in that hell hole. I feel for you, but I've been in the same position.

 

[Glumix]

You push your limits, let your body/mind take rest, and you become stronger.

I pushed really hard with that girl. It was 21 months of conscious mindfvck, every fvcking day. It was my program and I knew that from day one. Actually, I walked away many times, but every times I came back so she could hit me harder and so I could grow stronger.

But you are right, perhaps I just need some rest and be a bit more gentle and compassionate with myself for some time.

I am some kind of perfectionist.

Hey bro. You simply love the "wrong one", please don't let her feel bad about yourself. I understand though feeling bad about being unable to release her, but eventually you will have to.

If you are not ready to drop her, you can cheat on her for a while and let her find out. Sometimes it changes a cheaters perspective when it's done to them in return and you will likely look more desireable in her mind. You might as well if you are going to stay in that hell hole. I feel for you, but I've been in the same position.

I already dropped her, 2 months ago.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I pushed really hard with that girl. It was 21 months of conscious mindfvck, every fvcking day. It was my program and I knew that from day one. Actually, I walked away many times, but every times I came back so she could hit me harder and so I could grow stronger.

But you are right, perhaps I just need some rest and be a bit more gentle and compassionate with myself for some time.

I am some kind of perfectionist.




I already dropped her, 2 months ago.

Healthy choice. Amazing she had to keep smashing you harder and harder.

 

[Glumix]

Healthy choice. Amazing she had to keep smashing you harder and harder.

I tried many things on her : walking away, soft-NC, being more attentive, taking the abuses with humor, taking the responsibilities of everything, I dumped her a few times, talking about my need to feel loved, my vulnerabilities, I gave her ultimatums, etc...

Nothing changed her behaviors.

I talked to her, let her come back and she started the abuses and humiliations Every. Single. Time.

She just created more excuses and grew more subtle. After a year, she found some excuses for abuses she did a year before. It was always my fault. Every time she dropped some apologies, they were followed by a "but ...".

She is completely disconnected from the reality of who she really is. Her prefered sentence was "I have the impression that you...". She bases her whole life on impressions.

The only thing she wanted is being rejected. To the point she dumps you or you dump her and then she is all nice and want to be friend. I still don't understand how that can be validating for her self-image or what kind of needs she fullfils doing that.

Man, that was really an experience.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I tried many things on her : walking away, soft-NC, being more attentive, taking the abuses with humor, taking the responsibilities of everything, I dumped her a few times, talking about my need to feel loved, my vulnerabilities, I gave her ultimatums, etc...

Nothing changed her behaviors.

I talked to her, let her come back and she started the abuses and humiliations Every. Single. Time.

She just created more excuses and grew more subtle. After a year, she found some excuses for abuses she did a year before. It was always my fault. Every time she dropped some apologies, they were followed by a "but ...".

She is completely disconnected from the reality of who she really is. Her prefered sentence was "I have the impression that you...". She bases her whole life on impressions.

The only thing she wanted is being rejected. To the point she dumps you or you dump her and then she is all nice and want to be friend. I still don't understand how that can be validating for her self-image or what kind of needs she fullfils doing that.

Man, that was really an experience.

And you learned once abuse starts it's almost impossible to stop it.

 

[Glumix]

And you learned once abuse starts it's almost impossible to stop it.

Yes. Among many other things.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes. Among many other things.

The abuse creates an image in her mind, it's also feeding a certain type of greed within her. The greed grows as they get away with attacks on you. You also learned how much of your life this type of involvement with someone sucks out of you, and how it can "block your blessings".

 

[_Dream_]

Day 22
2 months after breakup

These holydays were amazing. I am learning so much about picking up girls and escalating things. In past 10 days I:

• Was dragged into the bathroom by a girl that has a boyfriend. We made out, her shirt was off, but not much else but groping happened since she didn’t want to cheat all the way
• Invited a girl I don’t know over facebook to a pub where I was drinking. She was taller than me and 5 years younger. I gamed her so hard, but the end of night she was at my place cuddling with me under the blanket
  
• I was in a pub with two girls next to me. One was a girl that friendzoned me 6 years ago, other one I barely knew. By the end of the night I was freely grabbing both of them, while we jokingly were comparing their boobs. That frindzoned girl eyefvcked me so much, I told her to kiss my lips, and she did as I said. I tried to get the other girl to go home with me, but she said "I would but I have my period" and she wouldn’t budge
  
• Invited a girl I met on a party a week ago to coffee. I didn’t even ask, I commanded. She is a real snob, pretty girl used to guys hitting on her all the freaking time. It took all my game skills to keep her interested. I had only 90minutes of time for coffee, but by the end we were making out in my car.
  
• Went to drink in a another city with my friend. She set me up with her best friend and gave us a room and a bed. I quickly escalated kino and got started kissing her in 10 minutes. Moments later we were rolling in the bed and my hands were everywhere. Yet again a girl said she was on her period… We spend next 5 HOURS, making out, touching, joking, rolling on each other, cuddling..it was perfectly fun

These are just the top moments with girls. I organized 4 great house parties ( 30+ people), met tons of people. People generally instantly trust me, many times I just spend 2-3 hours with them and they agree to go back to my place to continue drinking.
I also had many failures, most of them in loud night clubs. New year was a nightmare, nothing was working, I was tired, couldn’t get any girls, felt very lonely and low confidence. But I take pride in at least trying. Also if i am competing with another guy for a same girl i instantly get disgusted since then she seems like a prize, and not me ( I have to work on that)

books The Rational Male and Mistery Method enabled me to do all of that. Thanks to group openings, kino-escalation, compliance checks and indications of interest getting to a kiss or a second base is a child’s play now... no more nervous first kiss its just one smooth ride.

I still suck very much at escalating things to sex, but not even I want it that much. Im still working on getting rid of that ol’ romantic mindset of first getting real close emotionally.
Im sorry for the long posts, so much is happening in my life and im not sure where to share it.
Its amazing how easy is to get to a girl when you aren’t searching for anything serious. Girls that would never give you attention now see you being popular, you hook up with them, dont start anyhing serious, and in turn become even more popular....its so stupid. Put me next to even the nicest girl in a place where I can drink and talk in peace and she is mine. Same girl I would in the past spend weeks first joking with over facebook hoping she starts to fancy me.Now i despise facebook talks.

It blows my mind how quickly you can get to a high physical level of comfort with a person you just met that day. Girls that claim they first need to spend months talking to a person to feel comfortable feel down so easy.. I see how freaking abused by my ex I was before, and how her "saving virginity for marriage" was all a one big manipulation.

 

[S. Aureus]

Day 6
This is the first time I write in here
In those six days the only contact that I had was her saying hello and hugging me in the back saying good bye.
After trying to get her back and I couldn't for like 2 weeks, I felt pretty good until today
In a Whatsapp group I saw her and the man she told me 2 years before that she "liked but now I don't" in the same photo. In those 2 weeks trying to get her back his name came off and I told her "The same guy you liked" and she told me "That was a long time ago".
I kinda return to my AFC mode. I wanted to change, nearly 15 friends and one of her BBF told me I can get better but this day hit me hard.
I've been a AFC and Nice Guy nearly all my life. My first kiss was 2 weeks ago with another girl.

Let's say that I was her friend for 2 years and her best friend for 1 year, seeing her boyfriend treating her like **** and thinking that I could be better.

The only thing that confort me is that next week a friend of mine will help me setting up with a cute and I will try not to screw up. Nealy finishing The Book of Pook and trying to change some of my appearance and attitude

 

[Sprayarc]

Here is my story and I am not english native so, if there is mistakes or rude words plz forgive me

My ex-boyfriend(ex-bf) (He was my first bf and one year elder than me(27)) broke up with me in Beginning of November because he said no feeling on me.

And I sad for 2weeks but tried to meet new friends and had new live, also
I worte letter or record voice recorder that never send to him when I felt bad. It worked and i though I am ok from the break up.

But few days ago,i suddenly miss him again and want to meet him and hear his voice and cannot concentrate on everything.And i dream about him last night and he told to me softly and tender in my dream. I really missing him and want to repair the relationship. And the writing and recording no more work. And all the new fds I met not close to talk private things and felt more sad after i back from meeting with them.
How I can do? Will I meet another one better than him? Can I fall in love with someone in future again?Anyone can please any suggeston or talk with me?

If you don't mind, you can read this long and complicated story of him and me. Here is the background.

My ex-bf and I met and began as couple when we studied at Japanese school at japan and he is Egyptian and Muslim.

We met almost everyday in first 3months until I moved to another place for job which is far away to each other. Mostly I back to the place he had living and we met once per month (I think It's ok)until September.

And he moved near to me again cause he found job nearby too.But after one month,He moved to another place again also cause of his job

He changed me a lot. I afraid to fall in love and cannot have sex before marriage but what he did made me believe and worth to rely on him.
Also, I gave up easily and always listen to my parents and have no own idea. But he gave me brave to make decision and let me learn to be responsible on my decisions.
He introduced his american fds to me and It's first time to know the real american culture and style and it's really interesting.
Before that i didn't care these and only focus the things i like.
He has the same dream as me-go travelling around Japan, and he has various knowledge, especially the science and myth that I liked even I am not good at or remember the knowledge.We discuss the science topics after watched movies. It's the first person I met can to do so.
He also knew me well even sometimes i said nothing.

Even the last dating or the evening we broke up, he took care me very well. He mentioned everythings,e.g., the places of hospital, or i should drink sugar water when i feel dizzy, to lock the door and windows and so on and on.He's still kind and tinder to me.He said he will not dissappear in the first week so that whatever I want to tell him I could to do so and he introduced some groups to me so that I could find new friends.

These days, where ever I went, it mentioned me about him and I really missing him and want to talk to him and repair the relationship!(I even though that I don't mind to get marry with him before we broke up)
How I can do? Will I meet another one better than him? Can I fall in love with someone in future again?

You have a vagina. This makes it much easier for you. Start dating a new guy.

 

[Stigma92]

2 years she had been in my life. We started as friends and she was there for me in middle of my break-up. I healed she started dating and texting me everyday for 6 months. I cut her off because i dont want to talk everyday to girls who have bfs. After that she broke up and for a year we were like a couple but no strings just empty promises and words from her. In that year she once walked off my life but came back asking me to be with her after she slept with some guy and it didnt work out and said it was a mistake. I said you got one more chance because i believe you can be something better. I was wrong. Now last 6 months i lost my virginity to her and when i went away for a week and came back to city she had changed and didnt want to be with me anymore. She said i want to keep contact with you. Then in the same day she said i see you around sometimes because we are neighbours.. I was hurt. Then she said it was a mistake coming in to your life. I was 7 days without no contact but then i saw her sitting in a cafe and sent her a joke through text. She never responded now im in day 4 nc..

 

[Stigma92]

Day 4 NC. I have trouble sleeping and i sometimes stalk her online status. I dont know should i block her. She hasnt blocked me but i guess in my mind im hoping she will send me a message but im also thinking that i never wanted her to come to my life. She always just forced it and i just allowed it. Idk yet what i want because i like talking to her but i dont want to be with her anymore. Thats why idk should i block her or not... Hmm i'll wait couple more weeks then decide. It would be easy for me to move on if i didnt live in a country where there is so empty and only so few people.

 

[Glumix]

Day 4 NC. I have trouble sleeping and i sometimes stalk her online status. I dont know should i block her. She hasnt blocked me but i guess in my mind im hoping she will send me a message but im also thinking that i never wanted her to come to my life. She always just forced it and i just allowed it. Idk yet what i want because i like talking to her but i dont want to be with her anymore. Thats why idk should i block her or not... Hmm i'll wait couple more weeks then decide. It would be easy for me to move on if i didnt live in a country where there is so empty and only so few people.

You MUST stop stalking and on social media the best way to do it is to block / unfriend.

Stalking is a mark of interest. She deserves only indifference.

 

[Stigma92]

But i dont want to block her for 60 days and then unblock her. She will notice this on whatsapp