The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Armourhead]

Day 0 reset.
The first 30 days of my NC was very successful. Other than a small blip when she had to contact me to get some of her items from the house, and I had to deliver them I did not contact her and felt myself recovering. About a week ago she sent me messages on FB at 2 am, and logged into her wayyy old email address to find her POF logon details from when we met there 4 years ago. She sent me 2 messages on there at 340 am saying she missed me and wanted to hang out like we used to. She also asked me to message her back to get her address to drop off her stuff (instead of telling me right then and there lol). I dropped off her stuff and she initiated some small talk, I played it cool, didn't act mean but said I had to get going. She even complimented me on my beard I've started growing.

Since then she has suggested twice hanging out again through FB, I've always been slow to respond and told her the first time I was going to Toronto for the weekend and was unavailable. The second time she told me she was totally free to hang out before work anytime (she works nights) and that her two off days she was totally free too. I told her ok we could hang out (on the last day she was available) and she could tag along while I did my xmas shopping. We walked around the malls and I got my gifts. I noticed that she had gone out of her way to put on lots of makeup/do her hair etc. It felt just like normal, lots of laughs, bugging/teasing her the whole time and felt like we'd never broken up.

I had no intention of taking her back into a relationship but I wrongly assumed she was interested romantically because she went so far out of her way to contact/hang out with me/put on makeup/freed up entire schedule etc. I probably took too long to make a move but went and kissed her a few times. They weren't totally dead kisses but being honest with myself she probably didn't want to. Wasn't long after that I decided to take her home and go our seperate ways. Allowed myself about a half hour to feel like **** and then got back up and have decided to carry on with my life. Being miserable doesn't fix anything.

Game plan going forward: Ignore her entirely, no contact initiated on my part. If she does contact me then I'll continue to respond slowly, and be busy if she wants to hangout. Unless the fruit is dangling very obviously low on the tree I will make no effort or pursuing her for sex or as a plate. In the meantime I will keep working on my own happiness, and try to work in a few other dates/plates to move on.

 

[_Dream_]

Day 18

60 days from break up.

I have no intension of contacting or spying on her, but i still have bad days now and then..

I forced myself to be active. I went hiking, ate in a fancy restaurant with a plate im spinning, had sex, then went to a heavy metal concert. I finished reading Mistery Method book and I wanted to apply what now I know about getting into social circles.

I came to the club not knowing anybody. In one hour I was really good with the entire staff of 10 people and bunch of random social groups. I got really friendly with the main band a bit later. So good that they actually called me up in middle of concert and introduced me to the entire crowd. After that all social circles were opened, girls were buying me drinks and lining up to meet me, and I spent most of my night in the VIP room drinking. I have a status of a legend there at the moment.

But even there, when I was the hearth of the party, and being loved by bunch of strangers, I secretly felt sad. I thought I was done with all of that, I partied hard during college and was always a social monster, but I thought that part of my life was over. I was about to get married, settle down, spent my night quietly playing video games and watching movies with my gf/wife.

For last 1.5 years I stopped going out because I knew how I get when im drunk and I didn’t want to put myself in a position where I could possibly cheat. And then I got cheated on by my LTR… Learn from me, girl will never appreciate you distancing yourself from other girls to stay fateful. The chase is what keeps them going. Stay popular, stay social.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Keep this on mate, 6 years are not going to disappear in 60 days, so just keep doing what you are doing because you are doing good.

 

[Glumix]

Day 1 - Restart

So I went NC on the 12th of November, 3 days after we broke up. Never told her I went NC. Last message I sent her was "Bye now".

Today she sent me a text because she still have one of my DVD :

Her : "Hi, how are you? Do you want me to put the DVD in your mailbox?"
Me : "Hi, I am fine and you? Yes, please. ;-)"
Her : "So so. I thought that."

And I didn't answer.

At first I felt good because 1. I showed her I was fine and 2. She showed me she was not that fine.
But then I wondered if it was a good idea to even answer, or just say "Yes, please.".

So well, I restart the NC for 60 days.

Just an update, 21 days and counting. Broke-up 44 days ago.

21 days ago she asked me about my DVD, this was just a way to retake control over me as I suspected. She never dropped the DVD in my box. She just wants to keep a link of some sort with me. Being a b!tch is just who she really is, to the end.

The main emotion I still feel is anger against myself for staying with that b!tch for so long. Sometimes I still can't sleep. I rethink about all the abuses I let her go with and that make me sick. I wrote all of them on a paper and what I think about her and re-read that from time to time.

So many things I have learnt in 44 days I would have loved to know 2 years ago. Ah well, getting better everyday.

I met another girl, but she's a single mom, very emotional, dumped her ex 1 month ago, scar on her wrist. Red flags everywhere but never disrespected me so far. She is nice and sweet (seduction phase?). We have had some fun, sex one time but not anymore even though we always end up naked and kissing but she stops. She wanted to see me this week but I told her no, that I had no time unfortunately and that we will see each other when I come back from travel early next year.

But I can still feel the BETA inside of me. My life is good on every aspect, I have a job, I travel, I have good friends, I have passions, etc... I just don't know yet how to handle my emotion when I am around a girl I could fall in love with. And I know they can feel that.

It's reflexive, unconscious.

To the point I think it is much easier to hang out with a BPD because you just fvck her hard and there are no emotion involved except hate and hate is much easier to handle than fear.

I wonder if I should go monk for a few months and improve (improve what?) or go for as many women I can during a year to train hard my emotions and go see some hookers so I can objectify women?

 

[Mr_Stinky]

It's been 8 days. I will win this battle

 

[_Dream_]

Day 9 (after the reset since i spied )
53 days from the break up
I messed up the dates in my last post, NC hasnt lasted for as long as i thought

Anyways im back in my hometown for Christmas holidays.
Going to spend 2 weeks here.
It much harder than i thought, everything in this town has a memory connected with my ex.
She spent last 6 winter breaks in my house. I miss that, i miss that feeling of being really close with someone and enjoying holidays with them. Ye sure going out with friends is fun, but cuddling up with her was the best part..
I can't even start to imagine how somebody that used to be married and had kids feels, alone at Christmas.
At every moment i am 10 minutes of car drive away from her. I don't feel a need to go and see her, but i wish she would come to see me, its messing with my head.
It was much easier when i was half way across europe away from here.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Keep this on Dream. You wanting her to go see you only has to be with your ego, and you now it. Its nice to feel that ego boost but it will be bad for you in the long term. So be happy if she does not go to see you.
I completly understand your feelings about Christmash, my x was an excellent cooker and I ****ing miss those cakes and other **** she used to make. Just keep this on mate, we're going to do this, for us.

 

[Lozboss]

For all you guys going through the healing at Christmas- keep fighting the good fight. Chins up!

Christmas is a coupley time and hard- stay NC and get through it!!

 

[CuddleJunkie]

For all you guys going through the healing at Christmas- keep fighting the good fight. Chins up!

Christmas is a coupley time and hard- stay NC and get through it!!

Thanks Lozboss, you are a really supportive guy, and it's to be aprecieted. The Christmas night kind of sucked at first because its been 4 years attending it with her, she was part of the family. It's really her loss, my family is awesome and they loved her. Luckily my grandpa's wine, and whisky made the night a really fun experience. By next year's holidays I won't even remember her.

 

[Lozboss]

Thanks Lozboss, you are a really supportive guy, and it's to be aprecieted. The Christmas night kind of sucked at first because its been 4 years attending it with her, she was part of the family. It's really her loss, my family is awesome and they loved her. Luckily my grandpa's wine, and whisky made the night a really fun experience. By next year's holidays I won't even remember her.

Good man.

My family is awesome and it's my Exs loss not to be part of it.

Keep on trucking dude- I know it's hard.

 

[Glumix]

So she gave me my DVD back... She had 21 days to choose from and she chose Christmas Day to recontact. Ahah !

She dumped me on my birthday btw.

And she is like: why don't you want us to be friends ?! I don't know, perhaps because you are a ***** ?




So cute...

 

[Armourhead]

So she gave me my DVD back... She had 21 days to choose from and she chose Christmas Day to recontact. Ahah !
She dumped me on my birthday btw.
And she is like: why don't you want us to be friends ?! I don't know, perhaps because you are a ***** ?
So cute...

Hang in there, they can be very methodical when it suits their needs. My ex keeps sending me probing questions and asking to hang out and how is my xmas going. But she only sends those messages when she is at her new house and is bored/has no friends. Basically just an attempt to get my attention because nobody else is available at the time.

As for her breaking up with you on your birthday, just think of it as the best birthday gift you could get. Rather than wasting any more of your time/affection she has given you your freedom to find a better girl or to pursue your own happiness. Hang in there, xmas sucks but try to spend as much of it with family/siblings/best friends.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

So she gave me my DVD back... She had 21 days to choose from and she chose Christmas Day to recontact. Ahah !

She dumped me on my birthday btw.

And she is like: why don't you want us to be friends ?! I don't know, perhaps because you are a ***** ?




So cute...

How the hell can they do this ****? I was reading in TRPsub about a lot of guys getting dumped around finals dates. Can they jusst wait for 2 weeks?

 

[Glumix]

How the hell can they do this ****? I was reading in TRPsub about a lot of guys getting dumped around finals dates. Can they jusst wait for 2 weeks?

Because they want you to talk about it for years.

As men, we want to forget them and move on as fast as we can but they don't want us to do that. They want to fvck us up one more time to be sure they stay in our memory some more and so they can keep up that illusion of control they have over us.

They just don't care they look like b!tches because they already have moved on, rebuilt their reputation within their own circle of friends and they have plenty of excuses for whatever they do. And if you appear to complain about the way you got dumped or anything, this will drain you some more manliness and will justify why they dumped you at first.

But doing that she just showed me once again who she really is. So I don't care. It's not about me.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Because they want you to talk about it for years.

As men, we want to forget them and move on as fast as we can but they don't want us to do that. They want to fvck us up one more time to be sure they stay in our memory some more and so they can keep up that illusion of control they have over us.

They just don't care they look like b!tches because they already have moved on, rebuilt their reputation within their own circle of friends and they have plenty of excuses for whatever they do. And if you appear to complain about the way you got dumped or anything, this will drain you some more manliness and will justify why they dumped you at first.

But doing that she just showed me once again who she really is. So I don't care. It's not about me.

That makes sense. Damn, this is the thing about being male, that you can't even imagine these games being true. Keep this one Glumix.

 

[Lozboss]

These people only have power over you if YOU let them.

Its tough, you can't just switch it off. But you can make a conscious decision to not let that b*tch ruin anymore of your life

 

[_Dream_]

Day 15
59 days after break up

I have to tell you all im feeling like im on the top of the world..
In one week i went out to party 3 times, and every time i ended up with a new girl. My ex was holding me back for so long. She hated drinking, partying, socializing, all the I am a genius at.
Big money i earned while working abroad enables me to do magical things like go out every day.
At a huge party i made the following happened ( 30 people came ):

• Girl that has a boyfriend was showing me high level of interest. When the moment was right i jokingly grabbed her boobs. She dragged me into my bathroom, took of her shirt off and we started to make out. Things were hot for few minutes, but before things could escalate she decided she doesn't want to cheat on him all the way, but told me "if things don't work out between me and him, im coming for you"... i laughed at that
• One hour after girl that was pure 9/10 dragged me into my bathroom and madly asked me why aren't i hitting on her (i barely know her, invited her friend over and she came along). She started explaining to me what a perfect body she has (lol). I told her there are many pretty girls in the world but it would be nice if someone is actually interesting. Thaaaaaaat started an avalanche of her explaining her hobbies, her college degree, her language skill... justifying to me like im some judge. Thing is... my friend, who basically saved my life by introducing me to the red pill ( and gave me 15+ books on that subject), was working his game on her since the start of the night. So we just made out a bit and i took her back to him. He took her home and fvck-ed her properly. I dont regret it, he means much more to me than her.

Two days after:

• Went to a pub in middle of a day with a buddy of mine. As time went by i used facebook to invite people over. Soon there was 8 of us, among who few girls i just met 2 days ago. A girl sitting next to me was 5 years younger, half a head taller than me and was a definition of a pretty girl. I went by the books and i was having time of my life just experimenting with psychology, messing with her head, using compliance tests to see where im at. My goal wasnt even to get with her, the game is fun enough for me. Anyways, at 01:00 in the night i called a big van-taxi, took us all to my place, where we continued the party. She spent last 2 hours cuddling up with me under the blanket while people drank around us. At 06:00 people ordered a cab and she reluctantly went home home. In middle of the night i got a message from her saying "how sorry she feels for leaving, she just met me and sleeping over was a bit weird and how cold and lonely her bed feels"

I still suck at escalating things to sex, but i have to say my confidence is incredibly high at this point in time. Sorry for the long post, thank you all for your support. Every kind word meant so much at the hardest moments.

 

[dustmuffin]

What books have you read?

 

[KittyHon]

Here is my story and I am not english native so, if there is mistakes or rude words plz forgive me

My ex-boyfriend(ex-bf) (He was my first bf and one year elder than me(27)) broke up with me in Beginning of November because he said no feeling on me.

And I sad for 2weeks but tried to meet new friends and had new live, also
I worte letter or record voice recorder that never send to him when I felt bad. It worked and i though I am ok from the break up.

But few days ago,i suddenly miss him again and want to meet him and hear his voice and cannot concentrate on everything.And i dream about him last night and he told to me softly and tender in my dream. I really missing him and want to repair the relationship. And the writing and recording no more work. And all the new fds I met not close to talk private things and felt more sad after i back from meeting with them.
How I can do? Will I meet another one better than him? Can I fall in love with someone in future again?Anyone can please any suggeston or talk with me?

If you don't mind, you can read this long and complicated story of him and me. Here is the background.

My ex-bf and I met and began as couple when we studied at Japanese school at japan and he is Egyptian and Muslim.

We met almost everyday in first 3months until I moved to another place for job which is far away to each other. Mostly I back to the place he had living and we met once per month (I think It's ok)until September.

And he moved near to me again cause he found job nearby too.But after one month,He moved to another place again also cause of his job

He changed me a lot. I afraid to fall in love and cannot have sex before marriage but what he did made me believe and worth to rely on him.
Also, I gave up easily and always listen to my parents and have no own idea. But he gave me brave to make decision and let me learn to be responsible on my decisions.
He introduced his american fds to me and It's first time to know the real american culture and style and it's really interesting.
Before that i didn't care these and only focus the things i like.
He has the same dream as me-go travelling around Japan, and he has various knowledge, especially the science and myth that I liked even I am not good at or remember the knowledge.We discuss the science topics after watched movies. It's the first person I met can to do so.
He also knew me well even sometimes i said nothing.

Even the last dating or the evening we broke up, he took care me very well. He mentioned everythings,e.g., the places of hospital, or i should drink sugar water when i feel dizzy, to lock the door and windows and so on and on.He's still kind and tinder to me.He said he will not dissappear in the first week so that whatever I want to tell him I could to do so and he introduced some groups to me so that I could find new friends.

These days, where ever I went, it mentioned me about him and I really missing him and want to talk to him and repair the relationship!(I even though that I don't mind to get marry with him before we broke up)
How I can do? Will I meet another one better than him? Can I fall in love with someone in future again?

 

[Armourhead]

Here is my story and I am not english native so, if there is mistakes or rude words plz forgive me

My ex-boyfriend(ex-bf) (He was my first bf and one year elder than me(27)) broke up with me in Beginning of November because he said no feeling on me.

And I sad for 2weeks but tried to meet new friends and had new live, also
I worte letter or record voice recorder that never send to him when I felt bad. It worked and i though I am ok from the break up.

But few days ago,i suddenly miss him again and want to meet him and hear his voice and cannot concentrate on everything.And i dream about him last night and he told to me softly and tender in my dream. I really missing him and want to repair the relationship. And the writing and recording no more work. And all the new fds I met not close to talk private things and felt more sad after i back from meeting with them.
How I can do? Will I meet another one better than him? Can I fall in love with someone in future again?Anyone can please any suggeston or talk with me?

Hey KittyHon, welcome to SoSuave

The short version is this:
Go to the gym, men are visual creatures and you will meet a lot more and better men if you are in shape.
Work your smile, grow your hair out.
Never become entitled, act pleasant and don't expect men to bow down to you because you are a girl.
Ignore your ex, delete his fb, delete his number etc. Tell him you need to do it if you must but don't feel that you have to tell him.

Try to avoid social media, don't use tinder/online dating/facebook if you can avoid it. That road will only take you to a point where no man can possibly measure up to your expectations and you'll never feel in love again.
Hold onto your virginity as long as you can realistically. I'm not saying to hold onto it until you're 30 or married, but you need to learn to vet men as fast as possible. The good men these days know that sex is cheap and plentiful and won't wait forever, so you need to make sure he's good enough for you as soon as possible, yet at the same time he won't leave you the next day.