Orbiters, One-itis, Respect

[Desdinova]

Today, my gf invited me to her orbiter's 60th birthday party at an Italian restaurant. If you've read my recent thoughts on orbiters, you know where I'm sitting right now. If you haven't, basically I believe that having orbiters of the opposite sex is disrespectful when in a committed relationship. Whenever the orbiter pops into the picture, I begin thinking that the relationship is already doomed. Like Tenacity says, all women are good for is companionship and sex.

So this 5hit sent me spiralling down. On Facebook, I took a journey back to the hellish Christmas I had three years ago. I had all kinds of 5hit clobber me in a very short period of time, namely divorce court, a car accident, a broken furnace, and getting dumped by what was probably the best damned girlfriend I'd ever had. Three days before she ended the relationship, I accompanied her shopping. While she was looking at clothing, I was being silly by dancing around the store with her winter coat as my partner. That's just the way I am; being upbeat, funny, and able to have a great time no matter what I'm doing.

That chick truly blindsided me. I didn't see it coming. There were no signs of her interest waning. What it boiled down to was her family didn't like me and they were hounding her to get rid of me. She finally caved and gave in. I don't think I've been the same since then. I was with that chick for well over a year and there wasn't anything even close to an orbiter in her life. I was the only man present. That 5hit was important. I was important. I was the masculine, she was the feminine. It worked really well.

Every woman since then has been a plethora of worlds with multiple orbiters.

Back to my current situation...

Without me questioning anything, my gf has kept telling me "he's a really good friend of mine" as if she KNOWS that she's being disrespectful. It drives me fvcking crazy. Since it's all just companionship and sex, I told her I'd go with her. Then she asks "do you really want to?" Of course I don't. It's disrespectful to even be invited to this 5hit. But It's all in the name of companionship and sex. However, I now have the desire to start opening my options for a new woman. I expect respect and good behaviour if I'm going to be in a LTR. Orbiters go against both of those expectations.

So why did I say I'll go? It certainly isn't for the fvcking pasta. Basically, I'm going to see where this guy stands. As far as I can tell, he's the only orbiter. If he's interested in her sexually, he'll hang himself from my presence.

That damn voice inside me still keeps telling me that I shouldn't have to put up with this 5hit. I didn't define barriers at the beginning of the LTR like I should have. The truth is my interest isn't exactly sky high for this woman, so I didn't bother. She treats me good, but I've been with a better looking, younger woman with NO orbiters. Yup, the one from three years ago, and that dumb bytch hasn't landed herself a new man since we split up.

Not sure why I'm writing all this crap. Just needed to vent.

 

[logicallefty]

Des I think you are handling this perfect. Go to the party, size him up, and see what your gut tells you.. Watch her closely and how she interacts with him... That's more important then how he interacts with her... If you get the slightest bit of a bad vibe, go with it. May be time to boot her especially if your IL isn't the best...

Back with I was with the bigamist wh0re she had two orbiters who my gut told me something wasn't right.. I even let one of the b@stards come to a party at my house.. Drink my beer. Eat my food.. And be around my kid... My gut was telling me something was wrong... But then I said "No Lefty quit being a paranoid pu$$y they are no threat to you.." Eventually I found out later she was railing both of them.. My gut spoke to me but I told it to shut up.... Never again...

 

[zekko]

Damn, the guy is 60 years old? Doesn't make it any less disrespectful, but wow.

The fact that your ex still hasn't landed a man makes me think she has unhealthy issues with her family. It's good to love your family, but you can't let them run your life for you.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

IMO if you MUST go, then after the function you need to have it out with your gf. When I say have it out, I don't mean long winded girl drama sh1t. I mean lay down the ground rules, going forward, in a fair, precise, manly manner.

Orbiters - they are a fuk1ng curse. But the woman that likes (loves) having those orbiters around, while she is with you, is an even bigger curse still. As you previously found out.

Trust your gut.

 

[Desdinova]

Des I think you are handling this perfect. Go to the party, size him up, and see what your gut tells you.. Watch her closely and how she interacts with him... That's more important then how he interacts with her... If you get the slightest bit of a bad vibe, go with it.

Yeah, that's basically what I'm planning on doing. Seeing how she interacts with him will tell me a lot about her. Seeing how he responds to me will tell me a lot about him.

One thing that sticks out in my mind is that she kept herself single for 4 years before she started dating me. This guy is apparently an old co-worker. If she wanted to be with him, then she had 4 years to do it.

Back with I was with the bigamist wh0re she had two orbiters who my gut told me something wasn't right.. I even let one of the b@stards come to a party at my house.. Drink my beer. Eat my food.. And be around my kid... My gut was telling me something was wrong... But then I said "No Lefty quit being a paranoid pu$$y they are no threat to you.." Eventually I found out later she was railing both of them.. My gut spoke to me but I told it to shut up.... Never again...

That's basically what happened with the last GF I had. I went to her 4 year old kid's birthday party. A good chunk of the attendees were guys she was friends with. One kept on picking her up and carrying her. The other bought her kid a fvcking playstation. Not only that, she invited the kid's dad who was apparently jealous as hell of me being there. After I dumped her, I got confirmation from a guy on Facebook that she was fvcking him the same time I was fvcking her. After I ended the relationship, I took a much needed 7 month break to get all the anger out of my system.

The fact that your ex still hasn't landed a man makes me think she has unhealthy issues with her family. It's good to love your family, but you can't let them run your life for you.

That's exactly what I saw when I was with her. There were no problems until she came to my place, got drunk, and slept over. The next morning she told me she was just going to stand up to her parents and tell them she was old enough to make her own decisions. It didn't go over like that. They started hounding her even harder to get rid of me. Two weeks later, I was history.

 

[grayclif]

That's exactly what I saw when I was with her. There were no problems until she came to my place, got drunk, and slept over. The next morning she told me she was just going to stand up to her parents and tell them she was old enough to make her own decisions. It didn't go over like that. They started hounding her even harder to get rid of me. Two weeks later, I was history.

I recall something like this with my ex's Mom and her mom's siblings. Depending on who she was dating would determine her inheritance. So if they disapproved of a guy the moms family would say we're writing you out if the will. This woman liked dark men so disapproval was inevitable. The ex's Mom died broke and was survived by three daughters, all from different men.

 

[dustmuffin]

Today, my gf invited me to her orbiter's 60th birthday party at an Italian restaurant. If you've read my recent thoughts on orbiters, you know where I'm sitting right now. If you haven't, basically I believe that having orbiters of the opposite sex is disrespectful when in a committed relationship. Whenever the orbiter pops into the picture, I begin thinking that the relationship is already doomed. Like Tenacity says, all women are good for is companionship and sex.

So this 5hit sent me spiralling down. On Facebook, I took a journey back to the hellish Christmas I had three years ago. I had all kinds of 5hit clobber me in a very short period of time, namely divorce court, a car accident, a broken furnace, and getting dumped by what was probably the best damned girlfriend I'd ever had. Three days before she ended the relationship, I accompanied her shopping. While she was looking at clothing, I was being silly by dancing around the store with her winter coat as my partner. That's just the way I am; being upbeat, funny, and able to have a great time no matter what I'm doing.

That chick truly blindsided me. I didn't see it coming. There were no signs of her interest waning. What it boiled down to was her family didn't like me and they were hounding her to get rid of me. She finally caved and gave in. I don't think I've been the same since then. I was with that chick for well over a year and there wasn't anything even close to an orbiter in her life. I was the only man present. That 5hit was important. I was important. I was the masculine, she was the feminine. It worked really well.

Every woman since then has been a plethora of worlds with multiple orbiters.

Back to my current situation...

Without me questioning anything, my gf has kept telling me "he's a really good friend of mine" as if she KNOWS that she's being disrespectful. It drives me fvcking crazy. Since it's all just companionship and sex, I told her I'd go with her. Then she asks "do you really want to?" Of course I don't. It's disrespectful to even be invited to this 5hit. But It's all in the name of companionship and sex. However, I now have the desire to start opening my options for a new woman. I expect respect and good behaviour if I'm going to be in a LTR. Orbiters go against both of those expectations.

So why did I say I'll go? It certainly isn't for the fvcking pasta. Basically, I'm going to see where this guy stands. As far as I can tell, he's the only orbiter. If he's interested in her sexually, he'll hang himself from my presence.

That damn voice inside me still keeps telling me that I shouldn't have to put up with this 5hit. I didn't define barriers at the beginning of the LTR like I should have. The truth is my interest isn't exactly sky high for this woman, so I didn't bother. She treats me good, but I've been with a better looking, younger woman with NO orbiters. Yup, the one from three years ago, and that dumb bytch hasn't landed herself a new man since we split up.

Not sure why I'm writing all this crap. Just needed to vent.

Of course he is interested sexually. What man wouldn't bang almost any woman if given the chance.

 

[Fatal Jay]

I almost stopped reading at 60th birthday party, don't know why.

 

[Huffman]

I almost stopped reading at 60th birthday party, don't know why.

Good to see you still managed to post though.

 

[Fatal Jay]

It was a toughy, but I knew you would appreciate it Huff

 

[bmp2cpm]

Des,

My thought with the older guy is that it is very likely she has had a strong emotional connection to him for years. Not so much sexual, but emotional. Still, women tend to have sex with men they have a strong emotional connection too.

Maybe your girl likes father figures?

 

[Fatal Jay]

You shouldn't be with a chick who is trying to make you feel jealous, that mean if you marry her on down the line she will be doing a lot of shiesty stuff. What's even funnier if she is trying to make you jealous with a 60 year old guy then I'm sorry my friend she is a joke if she can't do better bro.

 

[G_Govan]

The man is 60... If he can still get it up and pound away with the best of them I'd probably shake his hand and ask him what his secret is so I can be like him when I grow up.

I get the frustration but I honestly couldn't even force myself to care about a guy that old. If he's an actual option for her it really isn't very flattering.

 

[Desdinova]

What's even funnier if she is trying to make you jealous with a 60 year old guy then I'm sorry my friend she is a joke if she can't do better bro.

I get the frustration but I honestly couldn't even force myself to care about a guy that old.

I've thought about his age playing a factor into it. It's really difficult to tell what the nature is of the relationship, so that's why I'm going to go and check it all out for myself.

Just as a side note, I've been pretty much done with the whole idea of women being true, faithful, and all that other 5hit that goes along with a LTR. The only reason I'm in a LTR is because it's a necessary step if you want to keep a chick around for a lengthy period of time. If other opportunities arise, I can't see myself saying no. I'm just not actively seeking them out. I've been fvcked around enough by women that it's just not worth putting such a high amount of effort into them, whether it be remaining faithful to only one, or having a revolving door of them. The reward from each scenario just isn't worth a huge amount of effort put into them.

I can deal with one 60 year old orbiter. I can't deal with a bunch of 30 year old ones like the last two GFs I've had.

 

[zekko]

I've thought about his age playing a factor into it. It's really difficult to tell what the nature is of the relationship, so that's why I'm going to go and check it all out for myself.

60 is old, but remember women don't view men the way we view women. That is, the signs of youth and fertility that drive us crazy aren't as big a deal for them. If the guy has maturity, experience, and power, he may still have some charm. I know that guys have dismissed me as the "old man" yet I walked away with the girl.

I'm not saying he's a threat to you, mind you.

 

[Desdinova]

60 is old, but remember women don't view men the way we view women.

Yes, I'm very aware of that which is why this thread exists.

 

[dustmuffin]

Would like to hear the outcome of the party. This thread is interesting.

 

[hithard]

Des are you sure you are not just wasting time with this chick?
Sounds like you just kind of settled for whatever came along and not that into it.
Orbiters must be like the fad at the moment because they are fricken everywhere. Facebook ain't helping either. The only thing I would bother with, is making the emotional connection strong. I am outplaying the guys with private jets, Ferrari's, yachts simply by doing the basics of fulfilling emotional needs. I don't worry about orbiters for two reasons:
1. If the guy can take her away from me, then I want her gone anyway.
2. Generally the tighter her connection to me, the orbiters just drop away.


So you need to ask yourself- is this girl just a fill in?
Sounds like your past stained your view a lot and is boiling over into new relationships. Actually it sounds like you gave up.

 

[Desdinova]

Des are you sure you are not just wasting time with this chick?

Depends on what you define as wasted time. I'm getting laid and I've got a bit of companionship. I don't want to live with her, and I don't want to marry her. She's filling my needs perfectly fine for the time being. If something more interesting comes along, then I'll weigh my options. Until then, my needs are getting met so I don't have much to complain about right now.

Sounds like you just kind of settled for whatever came along and not that into it.

I settled for something that's not pissing me off to the same extent that the last two did. I have no problem with the LTR status as long as she's not pressuring me to live with her. I only see her two days a week, and it's never for a large amount of time. She may eventually want more, and I'll cross that bridge (or jump off) when the time comes.

Honestly, I don't have the time, effort, nor desire to go out pursuing other useless women who have more orbiters and more issues. I don't need all that stressful bull5hit in my life. I'm going to the party because I need to find out if this guy is going to induce stressful bull5hit into my LTR. If he is, then I'll start focusing on the positives of ditching her. If he's no threat, then I'm not going to worry about it.

Orbiters must be like the fad at the moment because they are fricken everywhere. Facebook ain't helping either.

Orbiters are part of the modern woman and the feminist agenda to make everyone equal. The feminist agenda cries that "the sex of the person shouldn't matter" solely for the purpose of women getting to do whatever they want. This is something you have to accept if you're going to be dating women this day in age.

So you need to ask yourself- is this girl just a fill in?

All of them are a fill in. I have yet to see the ideal woman to keep for the rest of my life.

Sounds like your past stained your view a lot and is boiling over into new relationships. Actually it sounds like you gave up.

You hit the nail on the head. Why keep chasing the pipe dream of the loyal, respectful, dedicated woman when nobody's proven that she exists? I'm just going to take the best that comes along, enjoy it while it lasts, and replace it when it's finished.

 

[zekko]

Why keep chasing the pipe dream of the loyal, respectful, dedicated woman when nobody's proven that she exists? I'm just going to take the best that comes along, enjoy it while it lasts, and replace it when it's finished.

Sounds like a completely practical and realistic point of view in this day and age. Guys should just accept that every relationship has a shelf life these days, and go with that.