My Situations: Am I On A Downward Spiral?

[Tenacity]

I think I'm currently going through what I guess, might be defined as a "storm" of life. Just coming to terms with everything and realizing this.

- Career: My current sales position structure is dying off, due to changes within the industry, marketing costs, etc. I have been looking to branch off into W-2 positions or starting up another sales office, or doing both. I have no idea what other sales office to start up profitably, and the W-2 positions haven't been going well as I have been having a hard time with the interviews. My career counselor said my resume looks great and I interview great (during mock interviews), but I'm not getting any offers back from Employers despite in my opinion doing a great job at the interview. Why is that? I have no clue. To keep things in perspective, I have an MBA, almost 10 years of commercial finance/sales experience, and three different bachelor's degrees. I'm 32.

- Fitness: My 6 pack finally came in this year, but my diet has been causing significant stomach problems. I'm bloating, having stomach pains, etc., all throughout the day and it's extremely uncomfortable. When I was eating fast food everyday, I had no such issues.

- Women/Dating/Children: Even though my Vasectomy is rescheduled for December 18th, I still don't want to do it (psychologically/emotionally) even though I believe I have logically come to the right conclusion. It just feels like I'm giving up on everything. My entire point and dream in fixing up myself from a romantic standpoint, wasn't to just spin plates the rest of my life. I was looking to find one decent girl and start a family with that one girl, create two kids. I feel as though I'm being forced, pushed, etc. into this situation of doing the vasectomy.

- Family Situation: Never hear from this people, unless it's random off conversations about literally nothing. Nobody checks up, nobody even asks where I stay, nobody comes to visit, nobody calls, basically I'm not even fvcking alive. And I have done nothing to these people.

- Close Friend(s) Situation: I truly have none. Associates are all over, mainly people I have done business with in some way, but I don't have what you would call "a close group of guy friends".

I'm starting to think that I'm about to go on a downward spiral. That in some ways I have peaked, and now I'm going right back down to the piece of shyt gutter where I came from.

My biggest critics from this site have made mention that I come off very negative, I don't know how else to come off when my life has been pretty much a significant challenge in every category.

I don't know what I'm going to do, but I wanted to share this here because it might be other guys going through the same shyt, and starting this discussion might provide some assistance for them while it provides assistance for me as well.

 

[AttackFormation]

I know I'm under the age limit for this, but I have to write.

I can't give you advice on your career or stomach problems because I don't have the required knowledge/experience. But..

Cutting off your own testicles is symbolically one of the two ultimate ways to give up on life, the other more practical one being to never try to achieve anything you feel good about. I was going to advise that you don't do the vasectomy for this reason, but when I counted the other reason it occurred to me that you gave up in the other way too (creating a good family unit). Are you going to let your genes die out and not have any children, which you yourself want to have, because what? no one is forcing you to do it. You are just, as you yourself say, giving up - on your own life, and you take that out by mutilating what makes you a man. You have not "logically" come to the right conclusion, you have come to an emotional conclusion. Logically, life does not give up on itself.

Guess what? today, especially if you're black (my father is black too), odds are you won't have had a good or productive family background. This is not something you can change. Let it be that way and build your life without it, you do what YOU can to make it as good as your circumstances and own effort allow and adjust your expectations accordingly. And it's not about ignoring the emotional pain telling yourself it's fine, it's about acknowledging it, facing it and then going through anyway and dealing with it. Look at a kid in a Bangladeshi sweatshop wasting his life away and ask yourself why you are complaining over this. This is not really a concern about your family so much as it's either feelings from your childhood still in your subconscious and/or lack of intimacy like you'd have with a good girlfriend and kids. I think even if it is the first reason, you can cover that with intimacy - which you, of course, currently don't have any of, like myself. The fact that you haven't had a good family background and aren't in jail or more or less of a loser is a show of strong character if you look at statistics.

The one point I'm going to give you ground on is the close friends situation, because I don't have close friends (at least I don't think I do or don't seem to anymore) nor a group of guys to hang out with either. If you summed up what your personal values and outlook on life is along with your hobbies and social contact areas you frequent are though, I could look into what can be done from my perspective.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Just off the top of my head, I'd say you're worried about too many things at once. Focus on finding a decent income stream and forget about everything else for the time being. Cancel the vasectomy, stop worrying about dating, lay off on the six pack obsession, and just focus on getting decent work that you can build from.

A dog can only chase on rabbit a time. Chase too many you won't catch any.

If you're up for it you may benefit from visiting some kind of group session, of whatever sort suits not. If anything just to hang out and blow off steam without having to worry about any particular outcome.

 

[hithard]

Ten you went and tried to improve on strengths you already had and ignored the weakness in your inner game right from the start.
You basically went for the strengthening of yourself by building more and more walls around you instead of roads that connected you to others.
You are already good at the solo sh.it. In fact do you exercise with others or by yourself?
I'm not really up to date on where you are in your social game and building your connections with others.

As for the bloating and stomach pains do you use whey protein powder or creatine at all?
Try dropping creatine or the protein powder for a couple of weeks and see if it is still a problem. Or changing protein brands

 

[grayclif]

If your drinking protein powder mixed with milk then it could cause some gastric problems. Try using almond milk. Creatine definetly causes bloating. Fast food is fine, just watch the fat intake. Example if you get a whopper get it no cheese / no mayo and skip the fries and sugary drink. That's 480 caliries. Technically if your in the gym you could have 4 of those bad boys and be under you calorie limit (and keep your six pack).

Your whole post came across as negative and you have so much to be positive about. You seem a man amongst men.

Stay one step ahead of the game by staring a new sales office. Continue to start new ones as sales trends shift and new products arrive.

Join a class or men's group something with only men. There are lots of guys like you out there. My fantasy football group has been excellent. No wife/girlfriend talk just guys being guys. A member starts a new business or has an achievmant the group puts the word out. Just a few idea. Good luck to you.

 

[amoka]

As others suggested, get a good income stream and all other things will fall in place. As I recall, most folks here advised you against doing the vasectomy, except for one or two people that already have kids, but you feel it the best thing for you to do. Good luck

 

[Konada]

I have a hunch that something is off within you which is why you are experiencing little success in all areas of your life. Looking at things objectively, barring your family, the common denominator in all interactions is you.

It could be a sub-conscious part of you that you aren't even aware its there and permeating through your interactions as incongruency, which might account that you're not experiencing any magnetism in your life (i.e attracting people and success into your life).

Its seems like you're overwhelmed with everything and I've been down that road a couple of months ago. It is taboo but everyone in this world is fvcked up one way or another, seek therapy (with proper assessment of course, we don't want a feminist b!tch fvcking up a good man) and sought your inner stuff out.

Having seen your posts around here, there's alot of underlying anger I sense. Whether you accept this reality or not is entirely up to you. All of us here won't know what is the sh!t you've been sweeping under the rug over the years, get that cleared out so you can let go of the past and live in the present.

 

[btownbuck2012]

OP,

I can relate.

I'm only 26, but I do have my bachelor's degree and 2+ years of "professional" sales experience under my belt. I have always wanted to work for the government, ideally a federal agency in Washington, D.C. I came close several years ago with the NSA, but was denied a security clearance as I failed the polygraph. They told me I was lying even though I was not.

I'm originally from Indiana and have worked hard/saved up a bunch of money to move to the east coast. I spent a year in D.C. and am currently living and working in NYC.

In terms of professional opportunities in my career of choice, it's very disillusioning. Every government job that I'm interested in gets 100's of applications and usually people with military experience get pushed to the front of the pile, which is fine. I've got no beef with that.

But at the end of the day, I'm starting to see nothing but a sales career laid out in front of me. The hard part is that I'm trying very hard in my spare time to apply for all these different jobs and network with people here in the city. So far, I've taken 3 "Directors" at several different government agencies here in NYC out to coffee. It's always the same old story, "I don't have any open positions in my department/agency/etc."

Also, I thought once I got some experience out in D.C. and now in NYC that my resume would cut through all the others because of how unique it looked. Keep it mind I was thinking of how neat it would look to people back in the Midwest. Out here in NYC, I'm just another average Joe with a bachelor's degree and a few years of "business development" experience. We're a dime a dozen.

In terms of your thoughts on feeling like you're being forced into having a vasectomy, I understand that feeling too. I too, when I first set path down the long self improvement highway, did so with the intentions of becoming a better man for a good woman someday. I read sosuave and rational male and slowly but surely internalized it, but all the while it's like I kept this hope up in the back of my mind that things weren't really that bad. But they are that bad.

I mean look at your profile man. You're jacked. You're in good shape. You've got an MBA and you've got almost 10 years of experience, yet you're finding it hard to tolerate and put up with the crap that has become the way of the modern american woman. That alone should say something about the state of society we live in. I talked about this in my last post. I ranted about feminism. I described my experience as being similar to a bull trapped in a cage. Just outside the cage there is a fat, snot nosed chubby little kid laughing at me. He/she (can't tell the gender due to the overall fatness of the little thing and it's unisex haircut) is waving a red flag at me and teasing me nonstop. My nature as the bull is to want to break free from this cage and embrace my masculine. To pierce/conquer this world. But I literally can't. Men can't do it anymore no matter how bad the desire is there to want to. Feminism has killed it. And what's gonna happen when Hillary gets elected?

 

[Tenacity]

Guys, this is a great discussion and I appreciate the comments thus far. I wanted to add more information here.

Some of you have mentioned the anger issues, I do have anger issues, but I don't believe they come from some type of mental illness or mental health issue, I believe they come from injustices that I keep going through in major areas of life that I'm just getting frustrated with.

- Career: I had a big debate with Guru on here a couple months ago, it started with Guru talking about being a millionaire and how all you needed to do was "believe" it. I knew I was about to start having to go through some career changes so I start to ask this guy about damn specifics, what industries, what positions, what products, etc., can allow someone to hit this level of money? He never provided any information, just like nobody else provides this information and just like I haven't been able to FIGURE OUT this information. So it frustrates me that I can't seemingly hit my financial goals and being called a Piker in the midst of it (like that's my first objective), is frustrating as hell. I'm interviewing for positions that quite honestly, I'm more qualified than the damn Manager of the Department, and these people flat out won't call me back for what I believe to either be jealousy or they are afraid I won't kiss enough a$$. Both of which are shyt beyond my control, I can't control some idiot Hiring Manager's insecurities.

- Fitness: I have no idea where the stomach issues are coming from, you go to the damn Doctor and this guy wants to order a test here, a test there. With my insurance I have it setup mainly as a form of catastrophic insurance, which means it's there to mainly cover major problems. When I have to see the Doctor outside of the routine exam or any test done outside of routine, I have to pay out of pocket for that shyt. I explained to the Doctor that I haven't started having these issues until I changed my diet in April. Apparently I went from almost 200lbs around April to about 165 by July.

- Women/Dating/Children: My first choice was to do the traditional Blue Pill shyt, it is what it is. I wanted to find a chick that was decent that I could build something with, make 2 kids, raise the 2 kids, and that's that. I understand that in order to attract this decent chick, I have to work on myself (looks, personality and finances). I fix my looks to where I have a damn 6 pack and chicks all say I'm attractive. I fix my personality to where I can easily build rapport, have a good convo, etc., with not just chicks, but anybody. I fix my finances to where I'm in the middle class. I have no issue getting consistent new dates, new numbers, new lays. But god damn it, every single fvcking chick is on bullshyt. Either the fvcking chick has major financial issues, kids already, weight issues, fickle fvcking personality issues, just GLARING shyt that I can't build a god damn thing with any of these people. And I keep pulling these "same" types of chicks, I just wanted one (just ONE) fvcking chick with some god damn sense and I can't find one. That's why I concluded on getting the vasectomy, it's because I don't want to stop fvcking the chicks I get, but I can't get any of them pregnant!

- Family Situation: This shyt pisses me the fvck off. I was told growing up to become somebody, leave Flint, MI (which is a shythole now, don't let me get started with just how fvcked up Flint is right now) and I do that shyt, and apparently that means you go 6 - 8 months and don't say shyt to me? When you do say shyt to me, it's some random bullshyt, nothing about how have you been, where have you been, WHERE the fvck do you stay, WHEN the fvck are we meeting up, nothing??

- Close Friends: Every supposed close guy friend I had has stabbed me in the back over dumb shyt, a lot of them it's been related to women. It would just be a pattern, a group of chicks come around and this motherfvcker starts I guess, doing what the Manosphere calls the Alpha Male Other Guy? Then you can't trust them at all, they are just as disloyal as the damn chicks are.

Yes, I'm angry, I'm bitter and I'm frustrated. But I don't have a mental illness, so talking to a "Psychologist" about this shyt does what? I have even tried doing that before and it was a waste of time. All they do is sit there, let you talk, and say/propose nothing.

I tried going to Church and praying to God about it, if God is listening, he does nothing about it. And the Pastor in the Church can care less, all that damn idiot wants is 10% of your gross (not your net, your GROSS) income so he can continue funding his mansion in the suburbs and Escalade payments on 26 inch chrome rims.

I'm pissed the fvck off with everything about this damn life. You get older and just realize that most things about life you were lied to about, scammed about, etc. From women, to college, to how the job market works, to family, to fitness, to the financial system, to the banking system, to the political system.....everything is a god damn scam.

*Rant Over*

 

[Konada]

I'm talking about life coaching, it has done alot for me in terms of self-actualization and understanding how I'm sabotaging myself sometimes.

Psychologists are a bunch of bull, basically useless mental masturbation. Good that you know where your anger is coming from and do you realize how these experiences are driving your behavior around people?

 

[dustmuffin]

Think about this. Does your anger change anything? No...how to rid yourself of it? Try going to a budist church. I rid myself of anger by finally coming to the conclusion that there are many things beyond my control. Accept it and move on. Don't dwell on it.

I lost my job of 22 years. It took me two years to find another. I didn't give up. You will find another job. Be patient and keep trying.

Dont get the vasectomy. You are young. You may find s good woman yet.

Kill your anger, your desperation, your hopelessness.

In a period of five years i lost my job, divorced, my brother died. Unemployed 2 years. I have diagnosed clinical depression and my son is not making good choices.

I am in the process of overcoming these issues and have made headway. You can too!

Concentrate on one issue at a time. Don't get your vasectomy. Work on getting a new job and then go down the list.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Tenacity,

Here are my thoughts:

1) You are in a better place than you think right now.
2) Career uncertainty is a very troublesome issue for any
man. You need to make resolving this issue a priority. But it' s very addressable.
3) The biggest issue you are not facing is your childhood. Your parents and your childhood are responsible for about 80% of what got you where you are today. The sooner you address this, the sooner you can take full control over your life. Best to do some self-reflection on this.
4) Abs are a bonus, but women don't choose men for relationships based on abs.

Good luck!

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I do have anger issues, but I don't believe they come from some type of mental illness or mental health issue, I believe they come from injustices that I keep going through in major areas of life that I'm just getting frustrated with.

As long as you keep this belief in your head, you will be angry and frustrated. If you are expecting the world to change to make your life easier, you'll be waiting a long, long time.

Accept it for what it is, and operate within it.

You seem to have some kind of expectation that the world is supposed to be fair. It is not.

If you want to create a certain effect, then it is up to YOU to figure out what cause will generate that effect.

It has nothing to do with belief or positive thinking or God or the right prayers. There is only cause and effect.

The world is not the problem. It is your expectation of the world that is the problem.

Change your expectation of the world, and it will be much easier.

Learn to base your expectations on ONLY YOUR EXPERIENCE and not the promises of others (real or imagined).

 

[Bible_Belt]

I tried going to Church and praying to God about it, if God is listening, he does nothing about it.

To this, God would reply; Where were YOU when I made the heavens and the Earth? One of my favorite baseball players has that tattooed down his arm.

I don't see anything in your posts about you having a passion in life and pursuing that passion. That's why you feel unfulfilled.

 

[Yewki]

- Family Situation: Never hear from this people, unless it's random off conversations about literally nothing. Nobody checks up, nobody even asks where I stay, nobody comes to visit, nobody calls, basically I'm not even fvcking alive. And I have done nothing to these people.

- Close Friend(s) Situation: I truly have none. Associates are all over, mainly people I have done business with in some way, but I don't have what you would call "a close group of guy friends".

It seems like you expect your family to reach out to you, without you ever reaching out to them. Yeah it would be nice if your family got in contact with you more often, but considering they don't why don't you get in contact with them yourself?

I feel like this also ties into your no close friends situation. Maybe you need to work on reaching out to people more.

 

[LiveFreeX]

I would think that selling guns or weapons would be an easy business to get into. Everyone needs sales people, I'm guessing Lockheed martin or Atlantic firearms are probably hiring right now. Also you could try and get on with an airline, booking flights or a manufacturer who sells aircraft. If you follow the trends, I'm sure you could probably find a ton of stuff.

War? Sell Guns
Famine? Sell Food/Farm Equipment
Feminist takeover? Sell pet accessories

Pizza and Coke never go out of style... could always wrangle a corporate position there.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

1. So what are YOU going to do about it?
2. Have you taken at least one step per day in each area mentioned in your original post to improve your situation?
3. What beliefs are you holding on to, that may be restrictive and MUST be surrendered for you to achieve your short- and long-term goals (This requires real objectivity)?
4. Anger is a product of fear. Further, I sense much fear in your writing. Are your decisions guided by fear or by love?

 

[sodbuster]

First thing you need to do is say " F*** it, it just doesn't matter"..... scream it in your car if you have to.Next step is to figure out the income situation. IF you aren't eating, not much else will matter. Then sort out the rest of the problems one at a time. When I got Divorced, saving money was a priority I could kind of work on. BUT only to a point.... my house was flooded about a month before the Divorce was finalized. I went almost full Hermit, Got the house fixed and paid for before worrying about my figure OR women.

 

[Konada]

3) The biggest issue you are not facing is your childhood. Your parents and your childhood are responsible for about 80% of what got you where you are today. The sooner you address this, the sooner you can take full control over your life. Best to do some self-reflection on this.

bmp2cpm hit the nail on the head with this. I got fvcked up because of how I was raised as a child. The hardest part about this Ten, is facing up to the situation that you do have a problem that needs to be solved with your family. Whether you like it or not, your years spent growing up with them has had an significant impact on how you are today as a person.

Your problems with career, women, friends pale in comparison to the biggest conflict you've been running away from - your family. A few posters already have pointed out that there is indeed problems waiting to be solved in your family, whether you choose to accept this reality and have the courage to face it, is up to you.

If this post gives you that uncomfortable feeling somehow and you find yourself saying 'Fvck that, its their problem, not mine.' Believe me, there is something there.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Everyone needs sales people,

^^^

If you can sell, you can make money anywhere anytime. No degrees or MBA required.