How to unofficially diagnose BPD

[fastlife]

i have seen BPD girls that are afraid of commitment and instead date guys for a month or two at a time before jumping to the next, so there's not always love bombing. This one BPD girl I know read "the rules" and plays those games so she won't love bomb at first.

The biggest way to tell if a girl has BPD is the intensity of the feelings. If you feel like you met your soul-mate (thanks to the mirroring) very quickly and she has some kind of family issues and history of rocky relationships, chances are she has BPD. You can see it in the eyes.

By far the most spot on answer.

Might seem a little too intuitive--but you'll have the feeling even before she starts showing any observable symptoms. By far the best feeling you'll ever have with a woman--but that's why it's so important to be able to walk at the first red flag (like apple mentioned, the first red flag will be a sob story early on). Or at least know what you're dealing with.

If things start feeling impossibly perfect with a girl early on, I just wait for it--and enjoy that drug-like euphoria with one foot already out the door.

 

[GeoMan]

Studies show that ~3% of the population experience BPD. There is a large discrepancy between the people who are clinically diagnosed by a professional and the people who are diagnosed by SS. Why do you think there is a such a large discrepancy? I think that by blaming women as being crazy, some men don't have to deal with the fact that they also made mistakes in a relationship.

Red flags in a relationship are more often than not a sign of incompatibility first, and then, potentially depending on the severity, mental issues. Let's take a look @ the OP's list for example:



I meet the criteria for BPD for 85% of the OP's suggestions. The fact is that these vague checklists, and the want to categorize women as crazy is not helping the community get better at understanding and dealing with women. It is creating a narrative that says "Any woman who breaks up with you is crazy"

My former wife's sister is a BPD, and my wife ended up doing a counseling master's. I knew a lot about it before I ended up having one as an off and on gf for a while.

BPD is a need to experience abandonment, typically to re-live a traumatic childhood abandonment, like daddy dying or running off. They can't experience love without it. If you are close, they have to push you away. If you are far, they draw you in. They always want you to be on the border like that, thus the name borderline.

Usually they have kids, but are not raising them themselves. They need to abandon the kids in order to love them.

Other signs:
history of substance abuse
sexual promiscuity
almost always smoke cigarettes
tattoos and piercings
fanatic about what they love, favorite band, etc.
every ex is the Worst Person in the World
you are the Best Person in the World, until you're an ex
gravitates toward impossible relationships, like married men and convicts
inability to keep a job or get an advanced degree
mostly guy "friends" who are really just orbiters
emotional detachment - you don't exist to her when you're not around
horrible with her money and likes to waste yours

A BPD girl will be the most fun you've ever had with a woman. They are experts at achieving emotional intimacy very quickly. That intimacy is required in order to feel the abandonment that is going to follow when she pushes you away.

exactly what happened to me. Kinda sucks thinking il never have as much fun with another girl tho

 

[Infern0]

By far the most spot on answer.

Might seem a little too intuitive--but you'll have the feeling even before she starts showing any observable symptoms. By far the best feeling you'll ever have with a woman--but that's why it's so important to be able to walk at the first red flag (like apple mentioned, the first red flag will be a sob story early on). Or at least know what you're dealing with.

If things start feeling impossibly perfect with a girl early on, I just wait for it--and enjoy that drug-like euphoria with one foot already out the door.

Absoloutley.

My bpd ex told me she had been raped in the past actually before we were even dating, during one of the first times i met her.

I later found out that she tells almost everyone as soon as she meets them, i think theres a gameplan to it as she told me and one of my friends around the same time, my reaction (sympathy) green lit further research on me before i was selected as a good supply source, my friends reaction (weirded out/confused) meant she didn't waste time on him.

I also agree with what the other poster said about the eyes, i can't belive i never picked up on it before, i always liked her eyes but when i look at pictures now that i know, i see haunting, hypnotic but most importantly empty, dark eyes.

I think the saddest thing is that after it all goes down and you get educated on the disorder, you realise that you had basically been compensating for their missing personality (they really do not have a unique individual personality, just a script they follow with every new person they meet) with your own imagination, and when you hear from them now and again, it really is like they are on rails automotons, completely predictable and governed by their disorder, there's very little, if any, free-thought going on in there. It's unnerving.

I remember once toward the end i said to mine "i wish we could just have an open, honest conversation about things, and just discuss thingsand come up with a solution"

and she said "we can"

and i said "go on then"

and she just sat there, confused, almost crying, completley unable to rationally discuss things.

It really was tragic, i think she wanted to, but i'd just made her realise she couldn't do it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Sometimes the eyes are always freakishly wide-open, as if in a perpetual state of shock.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Girls only act BPD cause you let them

This is true of women with BPD-like characteristics, but a woman with actual BPD has a broken, irreparable core.

For those men who decry the BPD "diagnosis", if you experienced one you would be able to tell them a mile away. It is positively uncanny how they all fit a certain template. The universality of symptoms seems impossible to every man until he becomes consumed by one.

A descent into the maelstrom of BPD is so traumatic that it gives a man vision that the uninitiated are unable to understand even exists. It is an esoteric knowing that is there because she has penetrated directly into his core. This is the real danger of the BPD woman. She is a virus that injects herself past all resistance into your core. Until you experience it, it is beyond your perception and those who have experienced it are dismissed because these men have knowledge that is completely invisible to you.

 

[usernamedox11]

girls with BPD have this look in their eyes: http://www.stargods.org/ReptilianStare.htm

 

[Infern0]

This is true of women with BPD-like characteristics, but a woman with actual BPD has a broken, irreparable core.

For those men who decry the BPD "diagnosis", if you experienced one you would be able to tell them a mile away. It is positively uncanny how they all fit a certain template. The universality of symptoms seems impossible to every man until he becomes consumed by one.

A descent into the maelstrom of BPD is so traumatic that it gives a man vision that the uninitiated are unable to understand even exists. It is an esoteric knowing that is there because she has penetrated directly into his core. This is the real danger of the BPD woman. She is a virus that injects herself past all resistance into your core. Until you experience it, it is beyond your perception and those who have experienced it are dismissed because these men have knowledge that is completely invisible to you.

I always find it funny when guys come on here and try to say that our exes werent bpd and they are just normal slutty women

My ex had a DIAGNOSIS of bpd and i can always spot the tales of true bpd's on here. It's rare that a guy questions it and his stories dont sound highly likely to indicate traits at a minimum, normal girls just cant get under your skin on the same level.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Very true. You get it.

As I always say, it is astounding how these women fit a complex template of traits with such universality. That's why it's hard for the unexposed to believe it.

 

[GeoMan]

I always find it funny when guys come on here and try to say that our exes werent bpd and they are just normal slutty women

My ex had a DIAGNOSIS of bpd and i can always spot the tales of true bpd's on here. It's rare that a guy questions it and his stories dont sound highly likely to indicate traits at a minimum, normal girls just cant get under your skin on the same level.

Exactly I been dumped before and never thought there was anything wrong with those girls. Just wasn't feeling it. However my BPD ex chewed me up and spat me out and a lot of weird uncommon behavior in them. I'm starting to realize that she would get a weird stare/gaze when she would feel insecure because of lack of attention from me. And when something was clearly bothering her(like some sort of insecurity) she would want to have sex but you could tell it was more to make herself feel better then because she was horny. I didn't notice these things in the heat of the moment but looking back its obvious. Kinda creepy in a way. Like I wonder what really would go through her head when we were together.

 

[exhausted]

It is like a dead lifeless I dont give a **** nothing fazes me looking through the tv not at it....Stare...

That is what I noticed when she was mad or not getting her way or what she wanted.


When a bpd is in full desperation that is when you finally see a normal side of humanity and humility, the desperation side seems very genuine and real, it is the side of emotions you have been craving and looking for in the relationship. They are never there until the bpd is in full desparation ''dont leave me i cant live without you'' mode.

That is when you actually see and feel genuine human emotions and its like a high that keeps you around. You finally think, wow, she does care and love me, it is not all about her look how much she cares, when in fact she is only pretending to care to help herself, not make you feel loved.

A bpd is a ****ng life draining vampire...

Another reason it is hard to leave them is because at the end point you honestly realize these girls have problems they truly cant help, it is not ill will it is a disorder they dont know about and can not improve so u feel sorry for them. Like a mentally handicapped child, you cant be mad at them or blame them for their faults...

This all seems ridiculous but it is true.

 

[christoff522]

They are almost all completely unable to acknowledge their disorder, and then when a doctor diagnoses it it becomes a badge of honor. I feel so sad for the BPD people in my life, it is WAYYY more than ~3% of the population, unless I'm a BPD magnet. I know at least two, and in my retail job probably encountered a good 4 or 5 more. It's sad, but part of growing up, we all have encountered male/female BPDs, those people who just seem a little bit off, the overly zany, the people who have a different haircut and outfit style every week as they try to find their identity - I can attest to the weird stare as I've seen it in all the BPDs I know.

BPD is very real, if you have a friend with BPD and they will gossip about you, they will make up stories if you ever cross them and you will be the WORST FRIEND EVER.

Get into a relationship with one and they will drive you insane, they will keep you up at all hours of the night cos they don't want to be alone. They will start love triangles. They will use you and abuse you and you will get dumped - but hey, you never really went out with them, you were a tool that they used until it had no more fuel left in it, and then they will want to be your friend when you've recovered somewhat.

Mine is now pregnant with another mans baby, and he's left her - apparently.

 

[Infern0]

The thing is the smart asses who come in here and write off guys who've been out with BPD's and had a seriously bad interaction, if you haven't been through it you have honestly got no idea what you are talking about.

My experience was the worst, most desperate time of my life, and if my codependency issues had been any worse than they were, i'm not being melodramatic to say I probably wouldn't be here today. I barely survived it. Barely.

Guys that go through it real bad, have some issues of their own from childhood that need sorting, and the problem with these issues is that modern society treats all this as though it's perfectly normal. You watch any rom com and you see AFC guys chasing after hot women like it's perfectly normal, and then in the end in a very unrealistic manner they "get the girl", plus with the rise of feminism and all of that adding to it.

We usually if we are lucky wash up on here and get told everything we thought to be true about women and relationships is a lie, and begin our rebuilding process.

The last thing you need at that point is some smartass coming in saying "all women are like that" or belittling what we went through.

 

[exhausted]

A bpd has a constant push/pull relationship of getting along and not getting along, of stress and no stress, tension and peace. If you are with one a year or more they let their fake guard down and all this becomes evident.
I found myself at the getting off of her boat so to speak and letting her rock it alone, not allow myself to be involved or tricked into the boat of arguing stress tension and peace and then repeat. This particular girl could not go a full week without having this, it was like an addiction she could not kick. I remember once I was sick with a fever for 2 days and did not see her or go out of my way for her, I was in a bed 3 days in a row and instead of asking if I need anything (meds or food or anything) she started a fight by saying I just find excuses not to see her and wont go out of my way for her. When I calmly responded explaining being sick and apologized ( i did this not being beta but to allow herself to be in the crazy boat herself) she just got more erratic and mean because i would not give her anything negative to feed off of and be the bad guy. Her response was she was leaving me alone forever and I could seek her out if I ever wanted to see her again. 16 hours later i dont make contact and she calls me mad at me that i dont want to see or talk to her and if she never contacted me she would never hear from me again once again finding a reason to be mad at me... These girls are never happy and never at peace no matter what. it is sad and disturbing

 

[Bingo-Player]

i am finding these days its almost fashionable for women to be bi-polar

 

[Dgwizdal]

This particular girl could not go a full week without having this, it was like an addiction she could not kick. I remember once I was i would not give her anything negative to feed off of and be the bad guy. Her response was she was leaving me alone forever and I could seek her out if I ever wanted to see her again. 16 hours later i dont make contact and she calls me mad at me that i dont want to see or talk to her and if she never contacted me she would never hear from me again once again finding a reason to be mad at me... These girls are never happy and never at peace no matter what. it is sad and disturbing

Cosigned. Their hamsters literally spin off the wheel if you withdrawal any attention (positive or negative) which causes them to manufacture reasons to justify abandonment. Pushing you away to see if you will chase and when you don't - self defeating prophecy fulfilled. Pretty fascinating how every dudes bpd pulls the same fvxked up sh!t in their heads. The above is a perfect example of their mentality.

 

[Tictac]

The thing is the smart asses who come in here and write off guys who've been out with BPD's and had a seriously bad interaction, if you haven't been through it you have honestly got no idea what you are talking about.

My experience was the worst, most desperate time of my life, and if my codependency issues had been any worse than they were, i'm not being melodramatic to say I probably wouldn't be here today. I barely survived it. Barely.

Guys that go through it real bad, have some issues of their own from childhood that need sorting, and the problem with these issues is that modern society treats all this as though it's perfectly normal. You watch any rom com and you see AFC guys chasing after hot women like it's perfectly normal, and then in the end in a very unrealistic manner they "get the girl", plus with the rise of feminism and all of that adding to it.

We usually if we are lucky wash up on here and get told everything we thought to be true about women and relationships is a lie, and begin our rebuilding process.

The last thing you need at that point is some smartass coming in saying "all women are like that" or belittling what we went through.

__________

That is exactly correct! They may be wackos. But it hardly matters if they are BPD, NPD, bi-polar or whatever. Or they may be just 'off' and not part of the DSM codes. That doesn't amount to much.

It's who YOU are, where you are and how you manage it that counts.

It's not them, it's US.

 

[christoff522]

__________

That is exactly correct! They may be wackos. But it hardly matters if they are BPD, NPD, bi-polar or whatever. Or they may be just 'off' and not part of the DSM codes. That doesn't amount to much.

It's who YOU are, where you are and how you manage it that counts.

It's not them, it's US.

It is true that what really matters is how WE deal with it. We cannot spend our lives emotional wrecks because a girl (as insane as she may be) treated us like crap.
What this has to do is alter our frame, personality and level of understanding about ourselves. We have to grow from it. We will encounter more because we are like magnets for them. We have to de-romanticize it, we have to analyse the situation, the BPD and ourselves and understand how we ended up being trampled all over.

I would say that the end result is that we were massive AFCs, and the process of growth into DJs begins.

 

[Atom Smasher]

True. It's important for men to become aware of the phenomenon of the BPD because for the duration of the "relationship", men who are victims of these vampires think "WTF is wrong with me?" as they stumble through the utter confusion. Then at the end when they finally achieve escape velocity they are confused, shell-shocked and completely without understanding about what happened.