We All Go Through It

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Well a couple days ago my relationship of two years ended. Before the relationship I rebounded from another relationship after 5-6 months of being single and messing with a variety of women.

Let me give everyone a background of me and my ex and at the end I'll give you lessons to be learned from my situation.

Background:


We have been in a relationship for two years. When we met she just moved from Florida to Georgia. During the time we got engaged we moved in together. Also she quit her job in hopes of finding a better job. After a couple months of living in the apartment I went ahead and rented a house a little bit farther then my job at the time. I just needed a little bit more space. After getting the house I figured out she was pregnant. Also during this time I allowed her not to have a job and become a stay at home mom.

During that time I was able to get a new career started doing independent consulting and I was making a lot more money but I'd have to travel out of state a lot to work. This was good because I really couldn't afford all the expenses before and after starting a new career I started making around then 3x what I was making prior and I worked contract work which means I make my own terms in contracts.


Before the pregnancy, during, and after we would argue constantly abou every little thing. One of the main arguments was because I never liked to go to clubs/lounges. I told her that's for single people and am not interested in going. Because I didn't like her going she would call me controlling. This issue arises before the pregnancy.

During the pregnancy she would get mad at me because I was never home at all. I was traveling, working, and trying to put as much money in my pocket so I can afford to support her and my son.

After the pregnancy we argued because she was mad that I never take her anywhere and the sex was falling off. Since my son has been born my sex drive has dried up. I rarely want to have sex. Not to mention I'm working 60+ hours a week minimum I've been really tired.

After my son was born I made sure my fiancée had the option to travel with me and live in the hotels I was living at while working. While I was in these other states I made sure to take her out to nice restaurants and do family oriented dates with her and my son.

So I've been recently working a contract for a hospital 8 hours away from my home and I did fly my fiancée there. I'd take her out to nice restaurants at least once every couple days and after work spend time with her and my son. The hospital let me have one week off to spend in my house so I took it and me and my family went back to Georgia. On the first day I ran some errands and then got a PS4 game and was playing video games at the house. That same day I let my parents keep my son for a couple days.

After the first day my fiancée wants to go to the mall. I didn't feel like just loitering around the mall as I didn't want anything and told her no. Afterwards we got into a big argument because I never want to do anything but chill in the house. I do admit I am a homebody and like to chill at home but I'm willing to take my family out as well. So I tell her we had planned to go to fright fest at six flags and also go to the dog park and watch a movie. Even after all that we still argue and she kept being agressive calling me boring and just saying negative things.

Mind you I'm only off for 7 days and I have to go back to work at the hospital. So for the next 2-3 days we just continue to argue. Even though I go to six flags two x with her she is still angry at me. The next day I get upset and we get into a huge fight when my son comes back. It ended up getting physical and I made a mistake and got too angry. ( I ended up pushing her against a cabinet). She didn't press charges and afterwards I just left to my parents house.

So afterwards she calls her family and her entire family is telling her to move back to Florida with my son. So in the next couple days I have to go back to work and she is moving back to Florida with my son and we are broken up.

The entire relationship was a struggle has I worked a lot and never really had a social life outside my family because I travel so much. ( I did make a lot of friends out of state, but didn't have too many friends at home and I'm not concerned about that, I'm more of a loner anyway). So my ex would always get mad at me because I never had too many friends. We were in a relationship for two years and I can say for a good year and a half all we did was argue about little things. I thought having a child would calm us down but it didn't at all. Also we would argue because she wanted to go to a football game and a tailgate and I rather watch football on tv then go to the game.

So now she is moving back to Florida and I'm going back to work in another state for work tomorrow. Since she's moving out of the house I'm renting I might as well not pay rent next month and save the extra money and just live with my parents whenever I'm in town.

Lessons:

It sucks but I guess this happens to the best of us. The things I've learned in the situation is I should've ended it before we even got the new house. We argued then and we argued all the way throughout. Another lesson I learned is that people do not change in relationships. In the beginning we'd argue about me not wanting her to smoke and go to clubs and stuff. During the pregnancy we never argued about that but after my son was born the same problem occurred. Also another lesson is I have to get my anger out of control. To do so much and support her for so long and me feeling like she brought nothing to the relationship except caring for our son made me really angry. She was never appreciated of the lifestyle I gave to her.


Like I said before the best of us go through the same situations that AFCs will go through. Any comments/feedback is all welcome. I guess this means I can bring my journal back!!

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Also after the physical altercation I acknowledged what I had did was wrong. I apologized and the next day have her flowers and an I'm sorry card. I do really feel bad about it and I had lapse of judgement. I will go through anger management classes to insure nothing like that happens again. I do understand that if she pressed charges I could've ruined my career.

 

[speed dawg]

Do what you have to do to take care of your son.

It seems you've learned your lesson, you know when you should have turned loose of her. The physical altercation part - I don't know, I wasn't there - but I know women love to play around that line that should not be crossed. They will agitate and agitate and agitate because they know they can. It's human nature to play that victim card, so I'm not sure there are any answers there. As men, we do not get the benefit of the doubt. We have to be better than that, and rise above. Consider it a blessing rather than a curse.

Either way, top priority should be your kid. Going to be hard though, she can always throw that violent father tag on your when it comes down to it. Sorry, man.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Yea, my son has to be my number one as he was before.

It's crazy too because when the altercation happened I was telling her that I would take her out more but she has to come with me in communication not aggression. When I was doing that she just disregarding what I was saying and went on the offense.

I listen to Tom Leykis in the past and he has mentioned getting a personal therapist. Regardless of what happens I'll invest in that whenever I have time. I can't ever have react that way again.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Question to people here that pay child support. My ex wants me to pay 800$ a month for my son. My son is 5 months old and I easily make 100k a year with my job.

Do you think I'm paying too much or will the courts make me pay more?

 

[dustmuffin]

Question to people here that pay child support. My ex wants me to pay 800$ a month for my son. My son is 5 months old and I easily make 100k a year with my job.

Do you think I'm paying too much or will the courts make me pay more?

Depends on the state and how it is set up. In Oklahoma they have a formula they use that takes into account your and x wifes earnings. I pay 1000 per month for two teenaged boys and paid 500 alimony a month for 3 years. Ask an attorney. You need thier help asap.

As far as your anger issues therapy is Good. What really helps is being able to walk away or leave when tempers escalate. That's what I did with my x wife. Believe me there were many times i wanted to punch her.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I'm 25 years old. Can my thread be moved. Ask to the mature forum please.

Thanks to my boy brad I got this link.

http://www.flsenate.gov/Laws/Statutes/2013/61.30

800$ is a lot for a 5 month old boy but it looks better then what she would get if she put me through the system...

Damn

 

[dustmuffin]

Be

I'm 25 years old. Can my thread be moved. Ask to the mature forum please.

Thanks to my boy brad I got this link.

http://www.flsenate.gov/Laws/Statutes/2013/61.30

800$ is a lot for a 5 month old boy but it looks better then what she would get if she put me through the system...

Damn

Better get her to put that in writing. If she gets an attorney he will tell her go through the system. You might get an attorney to write up the paper work and she can sign it.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I got it in hand writing both signed by both of us. Even damn well I know my son doesn't cost 800$ a month.

I need to hire a lawyer ASAP because it's against the law to move someone's son to another state without a court order so I'll fight that if things don't work out in my favor. It may favor against me though because we got in a physical altercation and I travel to different states to work.


Edit/

Just talked to one lawyer and the child support number of 800$ is fair based on my income. Also because I wasn't married and she is custodial parent I can't do anything about her moving. I'll call more attorneys in the morning.


This sucks bad but in the back of my head I knew this day was going to happen. I should have prepared myself better smh

 

[Tenacity]

AJ it's not your fault, it's the market man. It's what I have been preaching on here that led to some guys saying I was just "too negative and too bitter," but reality always smacks us in the face.

Here you have a 25 year old, hard working, relatively good looking, YOUNG black professional who is doing the right thing. He was taking care of his chick AND his child, and consistently striving to make more money.

And he STILL got screwed.

AJ played the Traditional Male role, which is what I said is the guy that will get slaughtered, used, abused, etc. with this new marketplace of women. Now he has to pay money for a child, that he can't even god damn see that often. How can a man Father his child if the child is clean across the country and the chick most likely won't even let him see the child without raising hell?

Everybody should review this post here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....of-women-recommendations.226942/#post-2260442

Which is apart of this thread here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/this-market-of-women-recommendations.226942/

 

[dustmuffin]

I didn't realize you were single. It sucks that you won't have access to your child. On a positive note she won't get any of your stuff. I am counting the days till my child support ends. I put one boy in military school and still pay full child support so that ***** can keep a roof over the other's head. She is a lazy fat worthless *****.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Good perspective Mac,

I think it all comes down to communication and how she could've communicated that to me. If she wanted to go out so bad she could've planned something. Out of our two year relationship I only planned a handful of things. She acted like everything was so good until she reaches a boiling point then goes off on me. It has always been that way.

I thought she was happy. I'd figure we go out to fright fest and watch a movie for the weekend but apparently that wasn't enough for her. She wanted more and the only way to communicate that to me was to call me boring and pretty much attack me saying I'm not social. I understand I'm not that social but I have done many things just to try to make her happy. As long as it didn't involve clubs and lounges.

And I can't really explain the sex thing. All the constant arguing made me in a bad mood all the time and that affected. Even before we argued about going out we would argue about every small thing. Example: she would get mad if I was getting dinner with coworkers and tell her I'll call her back after. Or she gets mad when she calls me during a football game and I tell her I'll call her on commercials. Or she gets mad if I don't text her first in the mornings. Or she gets mad if I don't let her know exactly when I get of work.

All these things should be disagreements but all of them were huge fights....

 

[exhausted]

AJ it's not your fault, it's the market man. It's what I have been preaching on here that led to some guys saying I was just "too negative and too bitter," but reality always smacks us in the face.

Here you have a 25 year old, hard working, relatively good looking, YOUNG black professional who is doing the right thing. He was taking care of his chick AND his child, and consistently striving to make more money.

And he STILL got screwed.

AJ played the Traditional Male role, which is what I said is the guy that will get slaughtered, used, abused, etc. with this new marketplace of women. Now he has to pay money for a child, that he can't even god damn see that often. How can a man Father his child if the child is clean across the country and the chick most likely won't even let him see the child without raising hell?

Everybody should review this post here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....of-women-recommendations.226942/#post-2260442

Which is apart of this thread here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/this-market-of-women-recommendations.226942/

Read the first link and now am depressed more than ever about our chances. I am 37 single and raised a 16 year old son by myself thus far and will continue this lifestyle. I am the traditional male but will not commit and be that guy because there are no worthy females. I never have trouble getting a date, gf, ltr, one night stand or anything. What I do have trouble with is finding one worthwhile to hold onto. My son has two years of hs left then off to college. When that happens I will be on the golf course daily. F these women.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Tenacity has got a point.

After talking to her on the phone I realize we were never compatable. We argued this way throughout the entire relationship. It was never happy. I don't like to go to parks and go to restaurants all the time. Sometimes I like to just work chill and play a game or something. I did however make sure to take her out at least 1-2x a week every week however.

She'll always be the same person nagging and complaining and wanting but not giving. She called me asking me for her to move. Mind you I gave her 100$ 2 days ago and even bought her a new battery for her car that cost 100$. But because I won't give her 600$ for a truck then I'm just abusive and the worst and her decision of leaving me is easier.


It's the same things its always been. She's always going to want to take from me but not give to me. And she took my iPad and wants to take one of my tvs. I said **** it. Have it and leave me alone. As for paying for her to get a moving truck I said I'm good. We aren't together so why pay her more then what I've already have which is already excessive?

Good riddance.

 

[Desdinova]

She'll always be the same person nagging and complaining and wanting but not giving. She called me asking me for her to move. Mind you I gave her 100$ 2 days ago and even bought her a new battery for her car that cost 100$. But because I won't give her 600$ for a truck then I'm just abusive and the worst and her decision of leaving me is easier.

Why in hell did you give her that money. When I found out my wife was cheating on me, I kept it to myself for about a week and a half, trying to figure out my next move. In that time she asked me for $600 to get her car fixed. There was no way in hell I was gonna give that cheating bytch another penny, so I told her to go ask her mother.

Whether you like it or not, you've spoiled her with your income. She was able to get anything she wanted. Once the relationship had officially ended, you should have started saying "No, we're not together anymore. It's your job now to find these solutions".

When the bytch that drove me to sosuave was trying to disassemble the bed and needed help, I told her "No, you wanted to 'do things for yourself', so disassemble the bed yourself. Then she starts crying. Poor baby was having a hard time.

The relationship is over. Your job of supporting her is over. The only thing contact you should have with her is to support your child, and you can bet she'll use that money for other 5hit. Pay what you're legally required and THAT'S IT.

 

[Slash Dolo]

No one else here will say it, and you can call me an assh*le for it, but nothing kills a relationship faster than having a child with someone. Nothing. And the pregnancy was the beginning of the end from the sound of the story. Lack of sex, working more to support two people instead of one, your lack of ambition and drive because you're working out the ass to support another mouth, her gaining copious amounts of weight from the pregnancy, her raging hormones... it kills it. It's one big cesspool of negativity. It's both of your faults.

With that said, if you are happy that you have a child now, it was worth it; but you sacrificed your relationship for it.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

My son is my world. That's my boy!!

As far as the mom is concerned though I know it's gonna be a lot of her begging me for money. I'm not giving her anymore money except child support. I gave her 100$ and changed her battery because I felt guilty about what I did.

Anyways hate to say it. But I wouldn't be surprised if she gets another sucker as soon as she gets back in Florida and she's gonna pick back up where she left off. Having some sap pay for her. I just have this feeling because I've been thinking while on the plane to travel to work.

When I met her she was a couple week fresh from moving from Florida. She admitted during the relationship when she first got to Atlanta she would have guys take her out just so she could get food. So I really should have just known what the deal was if I thought more clearly. She just used me for $ and to live for free and now she's leaving and gonna find someone else to do it in Florida. The game is a cold one. It's play or be played and I got played.

 

[Tenacity]

I don't know, I think AJ is correct lol. If his chick is physically attractive, some SIMP will be right there to finish funding her high maintenance lifestyle.

I'm telling you guys that we are in a different day and time when it comes to women. There's only SO MUCH control you have over this shyt. Other than being "attractive", there's nothing else you can control with the dynamics of the relationship because I believe women are manipulative from the onset.

Looks, Personality and Money make you attractive to women, and being attractive to them is just being the best "appliance" on the marketplace she can find at the time to fulfill whatever entertainment based desire she has such as to want to laugh, to want to fvck, to want to go places, to use your "attractiveness" to make her girlfriends jealous, to get money out of you, etc.

Then once you get into the relationship stage, her entire purpose is to DRAIN you of all of these benefits as much as she possibly can, then FLIP on you and start nagging, bytching, being a pain in the a.ss, all on PURPOSE to sabotage the relationship.

I'm sorry, I know a lot of you guys are going to disagree with me, but the entire game with this market of women is a fvcking manipulative scam from the very beginning. She NEVER loved you, all women do is USE the benefits/resources you have until she's bored with doing so.

So knowing this, you need to play the damn game. That is treat women like Penny Stocks and not Blue Chip Stocks. Become as good as you can with your Looks, Personality and Money so you can attract and fvck women. But DO NOT help them with bills, finances, or anything of the sort, if you pay for anything let it be the occasional "dates" you go on but don't make a habit of doing it everytime. Let her take care of her own financial shyt.

Let the basis of your relationship be ENTERTAINMENT, which means you guys come together and go have fun together. Sex and Companionship, that's it. The moment the chick starts pushing for you to pay for this, help with that, kick her to the curb.

I'm telling you guys....this sounds harsh...but I didn't create this market, I'm just "making my moves" and responding accordingly.

 

[sodbuster]

once they THINK they have you, they start pulling that sh1t. They always need to be kept on their toes..... IF you are a good man, they think you are a wimp and can control you. They sadly find out different

 

[Young OG]

I don't know, I think AJ is correct lol. If his chick is physically attractive, some SIMP will be right there to finish funding her high maintenance lifestyle.

I'm telling you guys that we are in a different day and time when it comes to women. There's only SO MUCH control you have over this shyt. Other than being "attractive", there's nothing else you can control with the dynamics of the relationship because I believe women are manipulative from the onset.

Looks, Personality and Money make you attractive to women, and being attractive to them is just being the best "appliance" on the marketplace she can find at the time to fulfill whatever entertainment based desire she has such as to want to laugh, to want to fvck, to want to go places, to use your "attractiveness" to make her girlfriends jealous, to get money out of you, etc.

Then once you get into the relationship stage, her entire purpose is to DRAIN you of all of these benefits as much as she possibly can, then FLIP on you and start nagging, bytching, being a pain in the a.ss, all on PURPOSE to sabotage the relationship.

I'm sorry, I know a lot of you guys are going to disagree with me, but the entire game with this market of women is a fvcking manipulative scam from the very beginning. She NEVER loved you, all women do is USE the benefits/resources you have until she's bored with doing so.

So knowing this, you need to play the damn game. That is treat women like Penny Stocks and not Blue Chip Stocks. Become as good as you can with your Looks, Personality and Money so you can attract and fvck women. But DO NOT help them with bills, finances, or anything of the sort, if you pay for anything let it be the occasional "dates" you go on but don't make a habit of doing it everytime. Let her take care of her own financial shyt.

Let the basis of your relationship be ENTERTAINMENT, which means you guys come together and go have fun together. Sex and Companionship, that's it. The moment the chick starts pushing for you to pay for this, help with that, kick her to the curb.

I'm telling you guys....this sounds harsh...but I didn't create this market, I'm just "making my moves" and responding accordingly.

I agree. They are only interested in what you can offer them. My kids mom is a very expensive woman. She cost me a lot of money while I was with her. She pretty much owes money to everyone and there mom. Now she is her new boyfriends problem. He wanted her so badly, now he can have her and what comes with her. What's funny is today she was texting me and telling me that she only stays with him because she has no choice. She said she can't make it financially alone. I already told her I won't take her back when she asked earlier this year lol.