ELMER_GANTRY
Don Juan
In my book, I discuss the red flags to watch out for, before you enter a relationship with a BPD. Men will gloss over most these red flags when they first get acquainted with their BPD. Often times, men might suspect something might be a little off with her, but the BPD is so cunning, she knows how to captivate her man under her spell. It's all a part of her magic that gets you hooked, as you brush the red flags aside and ignore the others. It's not until after the debacle is over, that you remember where you went wrong. You just thought she wasn't that way until you actually found out that she was.
BPD's are narcissistic and are always trying to gain attention through various attempts to control you. They will tell you all sorts of fabricated stories about themselves trying to appear more worthy of your affection. BPD's will exaggerate the truth or outright lie because of all the insecurities and self loathing they endure. Your instincts will tell you that these stories don't really add up, but you don't believe for one minute that this woman would lie to you. How could she when she is so amazing and sweet?
One borderline that I used for the book, always had some amazing story or adventure that happened to her everyday. Just going to the grocery store turned into an epic tale. "You wouldn't believe what happened to me today." Then she would proceed to tell me all the magnificent accounts that she encountered. Also, she would embellish the truth about her life, making it sound like she was the happiest girl on earth with the perfect family. Even though none of that was true, she wanted me to believe that, as she was living in her fantasy drawing me into her world.
Maybe you told her story about something that happened to you. The next day she will tell you that the same thing happened to her. Now, you start to think that something is off here, but again, you brush it aside.
Another thing they will do is try to conform to your identity and replicate you. She will like all the things that you like and take an interest in activities you enjoy. I call this being a chameleon, because she will continue to change colors at whatever moment she needs. Her true colors will eventually show as the relationship begins to decline, but you will never really know who this terribly damaged woman actually is.
Also, she will change colors with every new guy that she is with, just like she is doing with you. Every guy she is with, she tries to become a replica of him, the woman that he wants. So BPD's are ever changing creatures who you will never know who they really are. Not only that, with their black and white thinking and their "splitting" they can change from colors from one minute to the next. Changing their personality at a drop of a hat. She can be a raving lunatic one minute, then a sweet caring girl the next. It's quite bizarre and an experience that you will never forget.
BPD's are infamous at being chameleons because you see her as the perfect girl that you've always wanted. So why would you not want to be in a relationship with her? It's just another part of her scheme to suck you in, as well as telling you that you are the greatest guy she's ever met. Even though you just met her a couple of weeks ago.
All of these behaviors will start in this "First Phase" right after you met your BPD. She will begin to sexually escalate starting in the "Second Phase" before the "Third Phase" right before the relationship. When you hear the exaggerated stories, see her as a chameleon, and you are getting such great praise after a short time of knowing her, then you know you what type of woman you have on your hands.
BPD's are narcissistic and are always trying to gain attention through various attempts to control you. They will tell you all sorts of fabricated stories about themselves trying to appear more worthy of your affection. BPD's will exaggerate the truth or outright lie because of all the insecurities and self loathing they endure. Your instincts will tell you that these stories don't really add up, but you don't believe for one minute that this woman would lie to you. How could she when she is so amazing and sweet?
One borderline that I used for the book, always had some amazing story or adventure that happened to her everyday. Just going to the grocery store turned into an epic tale. "You wouldn't believe what happened to me today." Then she would proceed to tell me all the magnificent accounts that she encountered. Also, she would embellish the truth about her life, making it sound like she was the happiest girl on earth with the perfect family. Even though none of that was true, she wanted me to believe that, as she was living in her fantasy drawing me into her world.
Maybe you told her story about something that happened to you. The next day she will tell you that the same thing happened to her. Now, you start to think that something is off here, but again, you brush it aside.
Another thing they will do is try to conform to your identity and replicate you. She will like all the things that you like and take an interest in activities you enjoy. I call this being a chameleon, because she will continue to change colors at whatever moment she needs. Her true colors will eventually show as the relationship begins to decline, but you will never really know who this terribly damaged woman actually is.
Also, she will change colors with every new guy that she is with, just like she is doing with you. Every guy she is with, she tries to become a replica of him, the woman that he wants. So BPD's are ever changing creatures who you will never know who they really are. Not only that, with their black and white thinking and their "splitting" they can change from colors from one minute to the next. Changing their personality at a drop of a hat. She can be a raving lunatic one minute, then a sweet caring girl the next. It's quite bizarre and an experience that you will never forget.
BPD's are infamous at being chameleons because you see her as the perfect girl that you've always wanted. So why would you not want to be in a relationship with her? It's just another part of her scheme to suck you in, as well as telling you that you are the greatest guy she's ever met. Even though you just met her a couple of weeks ago.
All of these behaviors will start in this "First Phase" right after you met your BPD. She will begin to sexually escalate starting in the "Second Phase" before the "Third Phase" right before the relationship. When you hear the exaggerated stories, see her as a chameleon, and you are getting such great praise after a short time of knowing her, then you know you what type of woman you have on your hands.
