Zero Tolerance Policy

[Bluntmaster]

There should be a Zero Tolerance Policy for bull**** behavior from felames and I have adopted it.

A few weeks ago I had a girl at my house and she starts crying for no reason. I called her out for being stupid, and she left and I never heard from her again and I didn't care.

I had plans to meet a new girl tonight. We were supposed to meet at the bar at 7. Well, 7:05 comes and I hadn't heard from her all day so I left. She contacts me at
7:20 and says she's on the way. I told her I already left.

She said "We were supposed to meet at 7 right?"

I said "Yep. We agreed on 7 and I got tired of waiting".

She said "Well sorry to make you wait"

I never responded. I feel GREAT that I didn't wait around for her like a chump.

 

[jophil28]

The effort and the willingness of a new woman to show up at the agreed time tells you a TON about her sense of entitlement and her own ego beliefs .
I agree with BluntMaster.
I have a IRONCLAD rule on this issue. No exceptions.
If a new woman is more that ten minutes late and she does not call or text me with an apologetic explanation inside that time, I just leave .
There is NO excuse for a woman NOT showing up at the agreed time or at least contacting you if she is held up or in traffic.... they all have phones, but not all of them have good manners.

A woman who contacts a new guy at 7:20pm, for a 7pm meet, and says that she is "on her way" is self centered and just plain rude. She is showing how inflated her own sense of importance is and how little she regards your time and patience (or men's in general ).

 

[Bluntmaster]

The willingness of a new woman to show up at the agreed time tells you a TON about her sense of entitlement and her own ego beliefs .
I agree with BluntMaster.
I have a IRONCLAD rule on this issue. No exceptions.
If a new woman is more that ten minutes late and she does not call or text me with an apologetic explanation inside that time, I just leave .
There is NO excuse for a woman NOT showing up at the agreed time or at least contacting you if she is held up or in traffic.... they all have phones, but not all of them have good manners.

A woman who contacts a new guy at 7:20pm, for a 7pm meet, and says that she is "on her way" is self centered and just plain rude. She is showing how inflated her own sense of importance is and how little she regards your time and patience (or men's in general ).

Thanks jophil.

Basically, what my gut was telling me is that she is not interested in me enough to show up on time. So why am I waiting around for her?

She will show up, she will have drinks and we will eat and who is going to pay the tab?

Me.

I have another girl to meet tomorrow who seems more interested, so why waste my resources on a girl who is late?

 

[dj_china]

should've let her get there before telling her you left

 

[Bluntmaster]

should've let her get there before telling her you left

When she texted me that she is on the way, I replied to her that I had already left. I agree, I should have made her drive all the way there. I should have said something to make her think I was still waiting.

I'm not much of a game player.

I left, I saved my cash and I'll use it on a girl who is on time.

 

[KingofHearts]

should've let her get there before telling her you left

Karma is *****. So is a woman scorned. Its best to play nice and let it be. The OP is right no need to stick around like a chump. She either has low interest or she can't keep track of time. Either way, your time is better served doing other things. And even if you have no other options, waiting for her to show up sets a poor frame.

 

[3countriesPlan]

zero tolerance will piss alot of girls off, they will say you are trash, will call you a bunch of hilariously incorrect insults and basically its cause there are so many damn AFCs out there. Its good for us and damn its also bad cause most girls have already tweaked their game to diss men without guys even picking up on it. Some girl wanted to go on a group date with me so I told her to grow the fvck up, girls who are late, or who try to control the frame also get eliminated from the game too.. zero tolerance! the way to go!

 

[jophil28]

A few years ago I was dating a HB9 who was still living with her ex fiance. However they had broken up three years prior, and she and he were sleeping separately in the same house (while she looked for his replacement...)
( yeh, I know what you all are thinking)

One Saturday night we set up a date to go out dancing and I agreed (chump that I was) to pick her up outside her place and wait a few houses up her street to avoid the fiance.. I arrived at 7:30 as agreed and parked about 100 meters from her house. I waited and waited, and after about 20 minutes I sent her a "where are you " text. She replied," Oh, time just got away from me. I am doing my hair . Won't be long."
So like a good chump I waited for another ten minutes, in the dark, up the street, in the cold, while she blow-dried her royal hair.

Something snapped in my brain - I started my car and drove slowly down past her house- no sign of HB yet so I continued to drive another 60 meters or so and stopped.
I looked in the rear view mirror and I saw her walk out onto the street. She looked up to where I was originally parked and called me on her cell.

HB, "Where are you?"
Jophil," Turn around and look down your street. See those Lexus tail lights , that's me leaving ." I hung up and drove away.

She blew up my phone with all manner of abuse for the next three days...
Geez ,some women just don't know how to behave, do they?.

 

[GhostWriter]

I'll definitely adopt this policy.

 

[kingsam]

should've let her get there before telling her you left

no he should have been making out with a hotter chick when she got there!

late woman: "whats this!!!"
bluntmaster: "oh sorry hun, you were late, so i met someone else"
late woman : *ego totally crushed!*

---------------------------------------------------

on a serious note i think its even more important for older guys to have this standard as you are likely dating with finding a long term RL in mind...

 

[Ease]

So you left there and you felt good for not being a chump. She leaves confused, surprised and upset.

What did you gain?

I'd understand if you did this during a relationship to lay down the law, but this was a new girl you goon. You just threw an oppurtunity away.

 

[Warrior74]

So you left there and you felt good for not being a chump. She leaves confused, surprised and upset.

What did you gain?

I'd understand if you did this during a relationship to lay down the law, but this was a new girl you goon. You just threw an oppurtunity away.

It's not an opportunity if she doesn't have high enough interest to show up on time. It's a burden waiting to happen.

 

[Wilko]

I make an effort to frame it more positively, buried in one of my online profiles is the line 'Punctuality is dead sexy'. That probably keeps the worst of the flakes at bay but it only goes so far, most girls will have a shot at flaking, changing plans or turning up late. I've been pretty diligent at applying the two strikes rule, it's a good rule of thumb though sometimes the second chance isn't warranted. I'm hard pressed to think of a situation where giving a girl a second chance led to a decent outcome.

Bluntmaster, that really is textbook stuff, I remember a virtually identical situation; second date, scheduled for 7PM, second time she was late by over ten minutes, downed my drink, walked out and texted her an abrupt thanks but no thanks, at 7:20PM I get a text back, "are you serious?", "yup", and that was the last contact we ever had.

I have to share this one though, I'll try to be as accurate as possible. Starts with a local girl just a few streets away, she flakes on a coffee date, claiming to be sick. It turns out she was sick...it also turns out she's a run-down workaholic with a pack a day habit, but I digress.....found the original texts, enjoy!

This takes place after I told her to make new plans if she wanted to catch up, emphasis on her plans.

Her - "Hey you sorry again but i just got called into work for a bit I will be finished about 10 but that's probably a little late for a catch up huh?

Me - "You can't seriously expect me to let you off the hook again. You either turn up tonight or I put you in the too hard basket (its getting crowded in there)."

Her - "So you want me to give up on working to meet you tonight"

Me - "That's your decision. Let me be clear, if you're not there at seven thirty tonight you're not getting another chance. Weigh it up, let me know."

Her - "Well just called a friend of mine she [can] do the early shift if i do the late so I can come but it has to be earlier."

Me - "OK then, what's your ETA at [cafe]."

Her - "I will be there at 615"

ME - "Doable. See you there."

Her - "Wow you make this hard dont you"

Me - no reply

6:20PM, I'm where we agreed to meet, she's five minutes late, I go have myself a coffee.

Me - "Heading in, if you can find me you can join me."

At this point, I wasn't expecting anything out of it, I was just proving a point to myself and to her. She turns up, flustered and whingeing about what a hardass I was, I don't budge an inch. The rest of the date ran the normal course. Nexted, no contact. Nice when you manage to surprise yourself.

 

[Serg897]

I have a story that fits with this thread -

Almost a year ago (incredible its been this long already) I had been dating my most recent ex for a couple of months (we were exclusive at this point). It was a Friday night, and we had made plans for her to show up to my place after I was done with a school event and just hang out.

Before I was even home, she sent me a text saying "hey my friends wouldnt let me stay in tonight - I'll be at x place for a while I'll call you when Im heading over".

I thought, okay, I'll just go out and get some drinks with a friend or two while I wait for her.

A few hours pass, and I still hadn't heard from her. I decide to text her for an update.

Her reply was something like "Yeah I'll be there in 45 minutes" - this was around 10 or 10:30 pm. Those 45 minutes came and went, with no word from her. At this point I just decided "fvck it", and I went home and went to bed.

Woke up at around 9 in the morning and saw that she had left a text and a voicemail at around 2:30 am, saying she would be right over, and sounding confused. I saw this and sent her:

"Fell asleep. FYI - next time you say 45 minutes but actually mean 4 hours, you should let me know" Not super harsh, but she definitely got the message - she called back immediately apologizing profusely. I saw her again soon afterwards and made it clear that that sort of behavior wont be tolerated. She never did anything like that again.

 

[jophil28]

When I was a young enlisted man, my platoon leader said to me,
" Son, when the shooting starts remember this, you can only be reasonable with reasonable people . Bring the hammer down on the rest. "

 

[Bluntmaster]

Some people are trying to tell me this behavior is "normal" with women in the beginning.. But if it was normal I'd be used to it by now. I've had tons of dates like this and most of the time they are on time, or they let me know beforehand they will be late. This girl deserved what she got and I'll never hear from her again. Do I give a damn if I never hear from her again?

Nope.

 

[jophil28]

Some people are trying to tell me this behavior is "normal" with women in the beginning.. But if it was normal I'd be used to it by now. I've had tons of dates like this and most of the time they are on time, or they let me know beforehand they will be late. This girl deserved what she got and I'll never hear from her again. Do I give a damn if I never hear from her again?

Nope.

BluntM, you did the right thing.
Unfortunately she will probably never acquire the smarts to realize that she caused the problem and that you left because of her self centered disregard for social courtesy.
If you had waited meekly for her to turn up because you saw her as an "opportunity", then you would have diminished yourself and traded your personal standards for the possibility that you might "get some" .

The way you start is the way that you finish in most relationships. A woman who is allowed to turn up late on a first outing instantly KNOWS a lot about you and your passivity. You have just informed her she owns the frame and you will comply with her schedule without objection.

That is the way of the chump.

Women often have a casual disregard for punctuality when it comes to dating.
That does not mean that we have to accept tardiness, ever.

 

[handle]

I think this rule is still subject to some cultural norms. I've lived in regions where 7:00 means anytime between 7 and 7:30.

 

[jophil28]

Dupe post...

 

[Warrior74]

I think this rule is still subject to some cultural norms. I've lived in regions where 7:00 means anytime between 7 and 7:30.

Translated : I don't have the balls to stand up to a woman who is late, and I'll just accept it because every other chump does. Ever in my life. You have to draw a line. Your line. What works for you. If your line is at, I will not be kept waiting, then she has to adapt or leave.