You've got a Girlfriend, now invest in your Future

Slickster

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So you found your Dream girl. It wasn't easy, it took a lot of work.
All the time spent searching the clubs, pubs, shopping malls, and libraries. The money and effort put into all those dates with the Wrong girls. But now that you've found her though, things sure are great. You're happy, she's happy, the whole world is a wonderful place. But for how long?

Too many guys will get themselves into a relationship, and while things are seemingly going well they are falling into a trap. The trap is complacency. All the things the guy was doing before he found Miss Right seem to cease when the relationship begins. The focus goes from Women to Woman and this works for awhile but will eventually cause problems.

You have to take advantage of the fact that you have a girlfriend.
This is the prime time to work those DJ skills on other women. Albeit in a different way. I'm not talking about wheeling multiple women, cheating or anything like that. What I'm suggesting is that you use the social proof of having a girlfriend to meet, make friends and build rapport with as many women as you can.

While single we're taught NOT to make friends with women or else we end up in the friendzone. But when you have a girlfriend it is the smartest way to invest in your future.

Women love guys who have girlfriends or wives. All the other single guys are viewed as players, but not you. You are safe.
Every woman's guard goes down once she knows you have a girlfriend. You're off limits so there's no harm in chatting with you.
Its amazing what they will tell you too. They'll openly discuss their feelings, relationships, deep secrets, and sex.

The pressure is off you too. You already have a girlfriend so no more anxiety about approaching or being rejected. It all becomes very easy. This is a great time to practice your attraction and conversation skills.

Other benefits: You reduce the chance of developing oneitis. Also your girlfriend sees that you have many female friends and knows she better be treating you right, or else you just might be down the road. You become the type of friendly guy who chats with everyone. You do this from the onset of your relationship so that jealousy does not become a problem. Your girlfriend just accepts that this is who you are.

The women you befriend become your best allies. If they are friends with your girl then they boost you up in her eyes. They talk about you with their other friends too and tell everyone how great you are. You'll begin hearing things like, "Your girlfriend is a lucky woman" or "Do you have a brother?"

Like any investment you won't reap all the rewards immediately.

But if, and when you and your girlfriend split. You'll be miles ahead of all the other players that have been trying to impress those women you have already built rapport with.

So if you have a girlfriend, you're in a relationship, don't just let your DJ skills go soft. Don't become complacent and let things go stale. Keep on doing what you were doing before you met her. It will keep your relationship fresh and make your girl work to keep you interested. And if things don't work out. Thats okay too.

You've been investing.




:)
 

vudufixit

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Excellent post...

I second a lot of what the original poster has said.

I'd also add this - don't let having a relationship derail your fitness program, distract you from your job, or take you away from your hobbies.
If anything, those commitments will help keep her Interest Level high.
I noticed something about a lot of the men an ex of mine had relationships with. They had a burning passion (whether occupational or recreational), and I could tell that she relished the challenge of trying to get them away from their pursuits and pay more attention to her.
 
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I barely reply in the Don Juan Tips forum, but this one was worthy enough of a response....great strategy!!!
 

$ Cap Wun $

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This post touched me especially, since I'm in a LTR right now, and I DO have plenty of female friends, and I DO use them as practice on my conversation skills. It helps a lot, there have sometimes been arguments between us that I have too many girl friends. Many times, she'll find out that another girl likes me, or wants to do something, but she's accepted the way I am. Knowing that a lot of girls like me, she has 3 times the reason to treat me better. lol. Life is good.
 

sano

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WOW! that is so true! I have been with my GF for a year now and man. My DJ skills are rusty...very rusty. This is good motivation to get back out there and "sharpen the saw"
 

MDgood

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Slickster, damned good advice! The same idea occured to me while I was dating my girlfriend of two years... get an emergency backup hottie prepared in case things go wrong! And yes, things went wrong.
 

Slickster

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Originally posted by Lt dan
you got anymore ltr tips?
Yeah, if you're 17 you shouldn't be in an LTR.

Have fun enjoy your youth cuz not much comes of LTR's at that age.
 

Bungo Pony

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A couple things I agree with this post:
You become the type of friendly guy who chats with everyone. You do this from the onset of your relationship so that jealousy does not become a problem. Your girlfriend just accepts that this is who you are.

If they are friends with your girl then they boost you up in her eyes.
It's good to keep up your conversation skills, and approach people you don't know - male and female. It's also good to become friends with your gf's friends. If her friends like you, they'll be very supportive of your relationship.


A couple things I disagree with this post:

What I'm suggesting is that you use the social proof of having a girlfriend to meet, make friends and build rapport with as many women as you can.

Other benefits: You reduce the chance of developing oneitis.
Making friends with other women while in a relationship won't get you anywhere. First of all, if you become friends with other women, you risk putting the relationship at risk. It's not difficult to develope a desire to fvck another woman you're friends with. Also, when you're in a relationship, you can still fall into the friend zone with other girls. If you become single again, your friendship with the other girls still won't get anywhere. They'll always just see you as a friend. You still end up with no women after your LTR ends. The only resources for getting a date will be more cold PUs, and your girl-friends setting you up with your friends.

One-itis is the whole point of a LTR. If you don't have one-itis for your girlfriend, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with her.

...And besides, what the hell is wrong with having a period in your life when you have no women? It gives you a nice break from the whole dating thing, and you can catch up on projects you've been neglecting because of the time you were spending with your gf.

The only way I could see this working is if you make "aquaintances" with other girls that you run into frequently. It's best NOT to become friends with them, but rather be friendly to them whenever you see them. This way, you don't end up in the friend zone at all. The two of you just happen to know each other. This would be the best way to do "investing". This also provides just enough social proof to keep your girlfriend on her toes.
 

Slickster

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Originally posted by Bungo Pony

Making friends with other women while in a relationship won't get you anywhere. First of all, if you become friends with other women, you risk putting the relationship at risk. It's not difficult to develope a desire to fvck another woman you're friends with. Also, when you're in a relationship, you can still fall into the friend zone with other girls. If you become single again, your friendship with the other girls still won't get anywhere. They'll always just see you as a friend. You still end up with no women after your LTR ends. The only resources for getting a date will be more cold PUs, and your girl-friends setting you up with your friends.

One-itis is the whole point of a LTR. If you don't have one-itis for your girlfriend, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with her.

Hey Bungo! Good criticism.

Your line about becoming friends with other women puts the relationship at risk is a little off. I think most guys will develop a desire to fvck other women regardless of whether they are friends or not. Its natural for males to want to spread their seed.
The relationship will always be at risk as long as the guy isn't blind. Its whether or not his girlfriend is satisfying his needs. And still that might not be enough. Hey, some guys can't help themselves.

As far as ending up in the friendzone. Well that can be okay too. You say they will "always" think of you as a friend. "Always" is too extreme don't you think? Besides not all women are opposed to hooking up with friends anyway. Also you end up getting hooked up with their girlfriends too.:)

quote Bungo Pony: "if you don't have oneitis for you girlfriend then you shouldn't be in a relationship with her."

I'm all for commited relationships but man I can't believe you said that! If your girlfriend becomes the end all be all of your life then you've pretty much given up everything. Not having oneitis is what will keep the relationship fresh. Oneitis puts her on a pedestal and will turn you AFC. Hey Bungo marriage may be different, agreed. But for your girlfriend? C'mon oneitis can't happen or the relationship is really doomed.

Thanks for the response and criticism
 
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STR8UP

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Great post.

This is a problem I have ran into in the past.

You get a girlfriend, next thing you know you're kicked back eating potato chips watching Friends reruns 6 1/2 nights per week (you gotta have half a night to do laundry) while your life wastes away right in front of your eyes.

You should ABSOLUTELY cultivate female friendships while you are in a relationship. You don't have to DO ANYTHING, but your girl will always know she needs to be on her toes cause you might have other options.

Not to mention the fact that when you DO end your relationship you have a social network to get you plugged back into the scene. It took me the better part of a year after the breakup my last g/f to establish another set of friends that like to go out and have a good time. Not gonna let that happen again.
 

56andre

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I used to be laying off having a girlfriend because of commitment but this guy totally changed my perspective, fvcking genius!!!
 

Slickster

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Wow! A blast from the past. I wrote this so long ago I forgot about it. :)

I was out drinking with a bunch of buddies recently and a couple young girls came over and sat with us for a bit. I ended up chatting with them for quite a while. When they got up to leave one of them bent down and gave me a hug. The other guys at the table looked a little shocked.

One of the married guys says to me, "Hey, you're married now, you shouldn't be talking to other girls!"

I said, "That's exactly why I'm talking to them." However, I don't think he got my point.

There is nothing better for your relationship than walking into a room with your girlfriend/wife and having other women that she doesn't know talk to you like you are an old friend.
 

It doesn't matter how good-looking you are, how romantic you are, how funny you are... or anything else. If she doesn't have something INVESTED in you and the relationship, preferably quite a LOT invested, she'll dump you, without even the slightest hesitation, as soon as someone a little more "interesting" comes along.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Szyzzlin

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I agree with making friends with other women.... however, I also agree with trying to nail them. When you walk into a place with a hot girlfriend, all the other girls get jealous and want a piece of you. might as well take advantage of it!
 

jtlancer

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Slickster said:
Wow! A blast from the past. I wrote this so long ago I forgot about it. :)

I was out drinking with a bunch of buddies recently and a couple young girls came over and sat with us for a bit. I ended up chatting with them for quite a while. When they got up to leave one of them bent down and gave me a hug. The other guys at the table looked a little shocked.

One of the married guys says to me, "Hey, you're married now, you shouldn't be talking to other girls!"

I said, "That's exactly why I'm talking to them." However, I don't think he got my point.

There is nothing better for your relationship than walking into a room with your girlfriend/wife and having other women that she doesn't know talk to you like you are an old friend.
Yup. I almost wish it wasn't true.
 

juan95

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I made this very mistake in my last relationship.
It isn't gonna happen again, either.
 
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