Any veteran Don Juans care to decipher this? She told me this to my face and I really didn't know how to respond. I was thinking about saying, "What, you'd rather me be into you? *wink*" But I kept my tongue in check.
"You're too into yourself" WTF does that mean?
- Thread starter AmIAFC
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frivolousz21
Master Don Juan
sounds like your going from afc to dj.
****y is ussually before the real confidence sets in
****y is ussually before the real confidence sets in
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
I know first hand, girls USED to tell me that, and it was when I was making the transformation from an aFC to a DJ... I developed an extraverted personality, kinda like a jerk...
For instance, say a girl would try to say well... she can't make a date because she has homework to do.. very legit excuse... i would say something along the lines like "you need to put me before your homework or I'm out the door".. something that sounds ****y..
Now, I just say that's cool and go on a date with someone else... Same results, and you don't come off as thinking too much of yourself.
It's one thing to be sure of yourself, and it's another thing to be arrogant
Arrogance is usually insecurity.
For instance, say a girl would try to say well... she can't make a date because she has homework to do.. very legit excuse... i would say something along the lines like "you need to put me before your homework or I'm out the door".. something that sounds ****y..
Now, I just say that's cool and go on a date with someone else... Same results, and you don't come off as thinking too much of yourself.
It's one thing to be sure of yourself, and it's another thing to be arrogant
Arrogance is usually insecurity.
Alphathree
Senior Don Juan
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You're probably TOO INTO YOURSELF...
****y and funny will make you that way. That's why you don't need ****y and funny.
REAL "****y and funny", the kind that no one has to teach, is called FLIRTING, and it's really, really, really subtle.
You guys are all David DeAngelo slaves though, so I can't possible make you see that there's another way...
So have fun with that little problem of yours.
See, you probably think you are the SH_IT. Well, you need to think you are ENOUGH, NOT you are AMAZING. That's the difference.
****y and funny will make you that way. That's why you don't need ****y and funny.
REAL "****y and funny", the kind that no one has to teach, is called FLIRTING, and it's really, really, really subtle.
You guys are all David DeAngelo slaves though, so I can't possible make you see that there's another way...
So have fun with that little problem of yours.
See, you probably think you are the SH_IT. Well, you need to think you are ENOUGH, NOT you are AMAZING. That's the difference.
EquityPrivate
Don Juan
This is a test.
The answer: "Well, you know, since I've met you I guess I'm starting to think your right..." is the failing answer. You'll be LJBF'd immediately.
The answer: "Sure, why not? I'm actually the coolest person I know." *sly smile* "Wanna kiss the coolest guy I know?" *wink* is the passing answer.
You're a man. You are there for you. She's along for the ride.
If she wants a more sensitive man to give her foot rubs while she watches Sex and the City and tells you about her problems with men and her girlfriends before sending you home at 9:30 without otherwise touching her then- NEXT!
If she wants a guy who has his own world (and by the way it is a pretty damn cool world to be in) and she wants a peek inside, well then: "Hey, where's my kiss?"
EquityPrivate
Don Juan
This all depends on your objective. If you aren't looking for someone who is actually into the things you are, and you don't really mind pounding yourself into a square hole (if you'll excuse the image) in order to please her, then by all means, tone things down the way she likes them.
If, on the other hand, you aren't One-itis'd on this one, then she can either move up the value chain for you or find another guy who is more "into her" to go along for the ride.
It's very Zen really. Be you.
If you are the guy who likes to give footrubs and wants to wait and hope she will someday feel like you two would be good in bed together, stick it out.
If you are the guy who likes to do it his way and is looking for someone else who won't complain when you do it your way then make that obvious.
Don't be someone your not. Being "****y Funny" if you aren't up for it is just as fake as playing "Nice Guy" if you are going to come here and post about how it's not going anywhere for you and you're frustrated.
Be you.
I agree. I went through the arrogant phase on my way to becoming (quietly) confident too.
Despite what some guys will tell you, women don't like arrogance...nobody does. People generally like to feel good about themselves and like people who make them feel this way.
But of course, it all depends on how she said it. If you were being ****y + funny and she responded in a playful way, don't fret. If she said it as a criticism, maybe it's time to tone it down or at least be a bit more funny or tongue in cheek with your comments. If you're using ****y and funny, as Alphathree said, it's meant to be a way of flirting. It should really be used in a cheeky kind of way.
No reason to stress or snap (she WILL think you are an arrogant arsehole, read, not the attractive type of ****y guy). You can just play it along:
You: Well, I'm into interesting people. *with a sly smile*
BTW, watch it with the CF. Remember CF IS CF because you are bieng ****y AND funny at the same time. Notice that you can only count it as "funny" if it gets at least a smile from the girl. If she playfully punches you etc, you're in.
Worst thing a guy can do is get emotional over a shyt test.
white_hype
Master Don Juan
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dont assume he is arrogrant b/c of what one chick says
what one precieves as their reality and what you/anyone else precieves can be TOTALLY different
if you start getting this a lot though realise that you are on the right track to complete confidence but aren't there totally yet
I had this happen to me a lot when I was starting out... eventually you will understand and will be viewed by most as just really confident; however there will still be some insecure ppl seeing that you are totally secure with yourself and they will think "man he is really into himself" or something like that...
what one precieves as their reality and what you/anyone else precieves can be TOTALLY different
if you start getting this a lot though realise that you are on the right track to complete confidence but aren't there totally yet
I had this happen to me a lot when I was starting out... eventually you will understand and will be viewed by most as just really confident; however there will still be some insecure ppl seeing that you are totally secure with yourself and they will think "man he is really into himself" or something like that...
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
if a woman can tell you are arrogant, and can not only you, is so annoyed by it that she actually says something aobut it... you are pretty damn arrogant...
Me and my Ex GF almost didn't start dating because I was so arrogant... part of that was on purpose,b ut part of it was geniunine, I think I am better than you, arrogance.
Now, I am self confident... that's one thing she liked about me... but I usually do think I am better than most people, ,because I work on myself to be better than most people...
but that should build confidence, not arrogance.
Arrogance is when you build yourself up to let other people know you are "special"
The trick is being confient enough in yourself to make everyone around you feel good to be around you
Me and my Ex GF almost didn't start dating because I was so arrogant... part of that was on purpose,b ut part of it was geniunine, I think I am better than you, arrogance.
Now, I am self confident... that's one thing she liked about me... but I usually do think I am better than most people, ,because I work on myself to be better than most people...
but that should build confidence, not arrogance.
Arrogance is when you build yourself up to let other people know you are "special"
The trick is being confient enough in yourself to make everyone around you feel good to be around you
tmpgstx
Master Don Juan
There's a fine line with this though. If the girl is insecure about herself and already thinks you're out of her league, one comment that wasn't meant to be sarcastic from you (and most people would find funny or witty) can often be taken the wrong way. It gives her an excuse to slam you before you slam her.
Case in point:
An average guy can go up to a bar flake and say 'hey, dam your eyebrows look good .. do you comb them too?". Often she'll just laugh, why .. thank you etc.
A really good-looking handsome guy can go up and say the same thing and get a totally different result .. she takes as an insult, by thinking he is really arrogant and full of himself.
A big difference and goes back to that thread about really handsome good-looking guys having to tone down the ****iness etc., because coming from them looks like they're really 'full of themselves'.
Case in point:
An average guy can go up to a bar flake and say 'hey, dam your eyebrows look good .. do you comb them too?". Often she'll just laugh, why .. thank you etc.
A really good-looking handsome guy can go up and say the same thing and get a totally different result .. she takes as an insult, by thinking he is really arrogant and full of himself.
A big difference and goes back to that thread about really handsome good-looking guys having to tone down the ****iness etc., because coming from them looks like they're really 'full of themselves'.
white_hype
Master Don Juan
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great post man
Girls have thought I was arrogant by NOT talking to them... WTF? they think "he doesn't want to talk to me, he thinks he is too good for me, he is so arrogrant and full of himself." uh... no I was just tired and thinking of something else...
Dr Box
Don Juan
Actually ****y and funny teaches you how to act like your the sh-it it doesnt make you think you are the sh-it there is a subtle difference. You start to think your the **** because you start having success with more and more women. Yes flirting is a different way of C&F but unfortunatly most guys dont know how to flirt so it took someone like david d (and all the other guys) to coin it in a phrase that guys understand. Unfortunatly david d doesnt explain to guys that c&f should only be used at certain times (not all the time) that is where the downfall of c&f is. But having said all that, if i has to choose between thinking I was the sh-it and thinking i was a piece of sh-it then i would take option a and day.
I talked to her again a few days ago to explain and clear the air between us. She has a boyfriend already, so there was nothing really there, but I didn't want her to spread this BS to her other hen friends, some of whom I think are pretty attractive.
To paraphrase an old Klingon saying,
"Destroying an Empire to win a battle is no victory. And losing a battle to save an Empire is no defeat."
To paraphrase an old Klingon saying,
"Destroying an Empire to win a battle is no victory. And losing a battle to save an Empire is no defeat."
B-Lemond
Master Don Juan
Ready guys, I'm gonna pull an E_ze05. Check it out:
yeah, what the guy on top of me said.
yeah, what the guy on top of me said.
Im going through the arrogant phase atm, ive had two people tell me im very arrogant, and one gal tell me to stop being a sarcastic knob, and that im acting stupid, definatly think im on the verge of this gal telling me im arrogant
how do i move on from the arrogant phase into the just self confident?
ill happily admit right now that im putting this arrogance on a bit and im telling people im great and stuff, mainly because the more i say it out loud the more i believe it!
i know this wrong and i was wondering if anyone has any expierence or advice on this matter and how long will it take for this phase to pass and how to make it pass?
thanks
how do i move on from the arrogant phase into the just self confident?
ill happily admit right now that im putting this arrogance on a bit and im telling people im great and stuff, mainly because the more i say it out loud the more i believe it!
i know this wrong and i was wondering if anyone has any expierence or advice on this matter and how long will it take for this phase to pass and how to make it pass?
thanks
you dudes are complicating things for newbies..telling them you can act a lil ****y and still not be arrogant..the truth is you cant act ****y and confident without comming across as self centered to others.so its best you keep with the confident attitude and respect those who respect you or give those ppl respect and in in turn if you dont get the respect back then you have the right to act as ****y as you can.
i dont get that act a lil ****y but not to ****y crap thats just bull**** talk right there.
just act like a normal person who deservs respect and if other dont see that then fuk them.
i dont get that act a lil ****y but not to ****y crap thats just bull**** talk right there.
just act like a normal person who deservs respect and if other dont see that then fuk them.
