You're the one for me....fatty

[Reykhel]

So I came home for Christmas and to my dismay my younger brother is still
with his land mammal of a "girlfriend"...

This girl is FAT.....but does she make up for it with a winning personality or quality talents or
charms? No. She's a lazy lifeless disrespectful cvnt...

Could he do better? Christ yes.

She can only be a physical manifestation of his low self esteem...

I think he can do better....a lot better....and I've been trying to convince him of this for a few years now (he must be with her 5 years or so...Jesus Christ)

I thought I had made a break through about a year ago....but he's seemed to slip back into easy street with her. I bought him Rollo's book....I bought him Corey Wayne's book...I bought the fvcker "The Game".....I emailed him a link to the DJ Bible and this site....but it would seem to no avail....

he even gave me the cold shoulder on Christmas day because apparently "I gave a few digs..."

Now, Rollo says unplugging is a dirty job (and a thankless job....)

am I pissing against the wind?

should I give up on him? (I've tried...)

is it a lost cause? (I'm thinking it is....but it's difficult to bear witness to it)

 

[Konada]

You're failing because you are trying to convince him. Nobody likes to be criticized for what they do.

Let him fail, let him become miserable, only then will he start reaching out and be open to advice. Likewise, I believe most of us found this site because we got burned by women in the past and started looking outward for help.

 

[dustmuffin]

Give up...fatty will dump him for the next guy that has front row seats to the buffet....give your brother bad advice that will chase fat stuff off...then when bro is broken hearted introduce him here...

 

[NSX-R]

This fat chick seems to be the only chick he's ever had.
The only reason is that he might had tried to pick up some chicks and they rejected him and since this fatty one accepted him , he sees the world in her because she seemed different than the others ( the ones he got rejected) .
What i hate most about it is why he has spent 5 years of his life for low quality meat?

There is nothing you can do dude, say nothing from now on and wait till he breaks up with her. Only then you can convince him otherwise you are making him hate you more and more.

 

[RangerMIke]

You have to be willing to participate in your on self-improvement. The issue is that he thinks he's fine just the way things are. He has a GF, and she's a miserable tool that he's not going to have to worry anyone will steal from him. I know many men that are not comfortable being a DJ... because it's a lot of work...

Just allow them to live their lives in the blue pill world... it's just too much of a shock to many men to open their eyes and see the world for how it really is. It really sucks when you first realize that half the world only sees you for what they can take from you, and the other half, wants to stab you in the back for the right to be stolen from. If it weren't so fvcking stupid it would be funny.

Anyway... most men need to hit rock bottom before they do anything... the good news is that once you hit rock bottom, then you are on a solid foundation to re-build.

 

[Reykhel]

You're failing because you are trying to convince him. Nobody likes to be criticized for what they do.

Let him fail, let him become miserable, only then will he start reaching out and be open to advice. Likewise, I believe most of us found this site because we got burned by women in the past and started looking outward for help.

Agreed.

However, I didn't say anything until after 3 years. Nothing. Until I could no longer hold my tongue. My mistake but I was kind of torn....

My philosophy was kind of what Robert Greene says in the 48 Laws of Power....Never was time on the affairs of others....the price is too high. It's a sure way to drive you crazy. But I was watching him get fvcked over by a piece of ****e land mammal and wasting his prime years and wasting a life changing experience that he had and I felt an obligation to point him in the right direction.....

Hmmm know that I think about it........My thoughts were, I'm going to say this to him, I'm going to give him some information and what he chooses to do with that is up to him....at least I've tried.....

...ooops realising now my mistake has been that I've not let up.......and probably my first email to him was super harsh....

It came with a link to Law 10 : infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky......he didn't take to it to kindly.......4 month radio silence

 

[Reykhel]

This fat chick seems to be the only chick he's ever had.
The only reason is that he might had tried to pick up some chicks and they rejected him and since this fatty one accepted him , he sees the world in her because she seemed different than the others ( the ones he got rejected) .
What i hate most about it is why he has spent 5 years of his life for low quality meat?

There is nothing you can do dude, say nothing from now on and wait till he breaks up with her. Only then you can convince him otherwise you are making him hate you more and more.

You're not far off the mark...

He's had others....from what I gather he was with a chick that he was into (supposed to be very good looking from what I'm told......I live abroad so don't know much about his affairs....only what I hear second hand......I don't hear it from him as he's like silent Bob) anyway, apparently she dumped him and he went into a dark period.....it would have been a good moment to find this site....but instead he found alcohol and ...Fatty....

It's so true what's said...the one who cares the least has the power in the relationship...

I think he initially just saw her as something to bang from time to time.......then a drinking buddy.....then two years pass and he has an opportunity to work abroad for two years.......he apparently wants to dump her and go abroad and take the opportunity. The family is happy. Then he allows her to convince him that she goes with him......Weak fvck. One year later and the lazy biatch can't hold down a job......he's paying the rent and having to try get her up in the morning....

This is the moment where I could no longer hold my tongue.....

It gets worse....

He starts talking to an ex via text or friendface.....she finds out.....breaks up and moves in with friends.........now I don't know if they got back or stayed friends at that moment but she layed down some ground rules one being:

I'm not available to see you at the weekend....only Monday through Thursday....and he accepted!! She started standing him up and generally disrespecting him....and that's when I turned up the heat.........fvck that fat landwhale! Cut her off everything! block her! go full NC!!!!!

.....but no...there back one year and the same story....

Time to let go.....it's a lost cause. Lesson learned.

 

[Reykhel]

You have to be willing to participate in your on self-improvement. The issue is that he thinks he's fine just the way things are. He has a GF, and she's a miserable tool that he's not going to have to worry anyone will steal from him. I know many men that are not comfortable being a DJ... because it's a lot of work...

Just allow them to live their lives in the blue pill world... it's just too much of a shock to many men to open their eyes and see the world for how it really is. It really sucks when you first realize that half the world only sees you for what they can take from you, and the other half, wants to stab you in the back for the right to be stolen from. If it weren't so fvcking stupid it would be funny.

Anyway... most men need to hit rock bottom before they do anything... the good news is that once you hit rock bottom, then you are on a solid foundation to re-build.

Yeah you're right.....it's a lot of work.....and I think that's his problem.....a lazy sod...

"Allow them to live their lives in the blue pill world"

Yep. Motto for 2016 No point casting pearls at swine......

 

[Reykhel]

Give up...fatty will dump him for the next guy that has front row seats to the buffet....give your brother bad advice that will chase fat stuff off...then when bro is broken hearted introduce him here...

This would be the best case scenario....

This time last year my mother hated her....mainly because of her pig behaviour when they were abroad and she went as far as to say "I don't want her in my house"...

This year I arrived home and the mother says to me.....'The Christmas tree is done nice, isn't it? ....yeah the (land mammal) put it up for me' whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?????

If he was to breed with her............

oooooh perish the thought...

 

[CuddleJunkie]

I'm having a similar situation with a close friend, he's with his first pusshy, and I suspect she may be BPD. Anyhow, we were b¡tching the other day about b¡tches being b¡tches and he revealed to me all the crap his gf makes him deal with. She's truly crazy. Well, so I give my friend a Red Pill Speech about Hypergamy and being a Macho, and he agrees with me in EVERYTHING, but still says "but I love her, I believe she will change".
I stopped in the moment, I don't want to lose this very good friend by trying to red pill him. What I am trying to say Reykhel, is that you can't do **** if they don't want help.

 

[Reykhel]

I'm having a similar situation with a close friend, he's with his first pusshy, and I suspect she may be BPD. Anyhow, we were b¡tching the other day about b¡tches being b¡tches and he revealed to me all the crap his gf makes him deal with. She's truly crazy. Well, so I give my friend a Red Pill Speech about Hypergamy and being a Macho, and he agrees with me in EVERYTHING, but still says "but I love her, I believe she will change".
I stopped in the moment, I don't want to lose this very good friend by trying to red pill him. What I am trying to say Reykhel, is that you can't do **** if they don't want help.

Hahahaha he actually said something to me very similar last Christmass....

I was saying to him that basically she's a liability. I asked him would he run a business with
her. And his answer was no (so I got through to the logical ) then he blurts out a stupid
disney statement that has no logic...."But I love her....that must mean something"!!!! Even my 15 year old nephew turned around and said "that makes no sense!!"

...but the only thing red he's going near is the red wine.......blue pill washed down with red wine........

 

[NSX-R]

I feel your concern dude. When you are the big brother you do your best to protect your younger siblings, like a parent.

I have 2 younger sisters and I'm doing my best to hold secret from them my sexual life and how i treat the other girls. The reason is that if they see me treat girls as the forums suggest and i believe ,then another guy would do the same and they would think it's something normal , so I'm trying to protect them .

That's why i can feel you. You want the best for your brother. My suggestion is to tell him that he is worth for a better chick . That way his egoism ( if he has any) will kick in and maybe wakes him up. Don't need to mention the fat whale he's after , he will be able to realise it on his own that he has to dump her.

There is also the opposite way that you make him completely worthless of having a proper chick ( like " you are so stupid that only a fat whale is after you")and again his egoism might kick in and do things right. Again don't mention the whale to much .

The 2nd is a bit riskier to follow but depends on you relation with your bro , you pick what's suits better.

After you do this, never mention it again and let him move on alone.

I think an ego attack is the only solution because he's not believing in himself and somebody has to shake him a bit.

 

[marmel75]

His girlfriend is a physical manifestation of what he feels his self worth is.

Pretty close to zero from what I'm reading.

 

[Tomo]

Why not try from a different angle. While I do also believe in the falling on your sword method, I don't think I could bear to watch if it was after someone had been married a few years and popped out a few kids. As blokes, we do by actions so kill two birds with one stone and get him into the gym and lifting. Use the New Years as an excuse.

If you can force it onto him, the gym will teach him to become a better man and build his confidence. I wouldn't be surprised if your little brothers HB then tries to follow suit or ups her game. But you are the bigger brother and it is time to get those competitive juices spinning and turn his life around.

 

[Afrei]

I know you want the best for your brother but be careful it been 5 years, this chick might have way more power over your brother than you might realize. Also No amount of reasoning or dj material will make him snap out of it,if anything he might just come to resent u. for him to wake up I think life has to slap him on the face until then there is not much you could do ...just try to make him work on improving himself

 

[Reykhel]

Why not try from a different angle. While I do also believe in the falling on your sword method, I don't think I could bear to watch if it was after someone had been married a few years and popped out a few kids. As blokes, we do by actions so kill two birds with one stone and get him into the gym and lifting. Use the New Years as an excuse.

If you can force it onto him, the gym will teach him to become a better man and build his confidence. I wouldn't be surprised if your little brothers HB then tries to follow suit or ups her game. But you are the bigger brother and it is time to get those competitive juices spinning and turn his life around.

Tried it from a distance (I live abroad). I was getting through to him....sent him an article on SMV and he started talking about gyms and martial arts.....he went to one martial arts class with a friend. That didn't last. He did manage to read one book I sent him (about success/goals/personal development) and it seemed to be having an impact.....but then he went back to his old habits......drinking, smoking, watching and betting on sports..........

I give up. I tried. But like @RangerMIke said "You have to be willing to participate in your on self-improvement"

So, fvck it. 2016 I focus on my goals and keep myself out of the affairs of family and friends. Unless I'm approached....

 

[Reykhel]

The conclusion...

The conclusion is the the problem was not him......it was me.....
I had entered into a codependent dynamic.....

"Everybody's got to live their life. And got know's I've got to live mine" The Smiths

Everybody has their own life goals, their own tastes, their own motivations....everybody's on
their own life journey.....everybody's on different stages of growth....

Furthermore, if I am overly concerned about how I think somebody else should be living their life, I'm in
essence neglecting my own goals and my own well being. Well so far as being overly concerned with someone else life, how could I possibly be living fully my life in the present moment....

.....and what a tangled mental mess it becomes trying to change other people........"Lost in a maze of my own making, no way out that I can find"...The Stone Roses.............

Since then, this is the maxim I have tried to apply in all my dealings in real...

"Never give advice. The wise don't need it and fools won't heed it" Benjamin Franklin methinks.

Now, people like to get ****e off their chest and talk about issues...........in my opinion the majority of people jump in and give unsolicited advice....

......when people are talking about stuff, and I'm talking about the outside world here, not when people post looking for advice on internet sites, usually they are not looking for advice....

....they are looking to be heard and to be understood.......yes they are probably entering into the child ego state...........

Stephen Covey states: seek first to understand and then to be understood..........whereas most people have that backwards....

So when they are let's say "getting stuff" off their chest, which everybody does, just randomly start going on about their job or something..........my initial reaction used to be...."jesus there just complaining" and then offer unsolicited advice........I think the hidden message given when you offer unsolicited advice is the following: I don't believe you're intelligent enough to work out the problem yourself, so i'm not going to let you get it off your chest and work it out yourself, I'm going to butt in and give you the solution and then I will feel superior and you will feel belittled and instead of walking across a communication bridge together we will instead erect a small rift with my condescension and your resentment.....

I've been trying the following in my interactions and the result has been good...

Understand
Empathize
Elicit

Eliciting the answer from them instead of offering the solution to them on a plate allows them to work it out for themselves and frees me from getting tangled in their problems.

How questions are great.....

How do I get what I want? What is it that you want? How can you make that happen?

An example: a plate had started to go on about her job.........
In a nutshell, she's weighing up whether to move on because 1. She's not progressing and 2. an apparent b¡tch of a manager was suppose to be leaving and she would have got her position....is now not leaving and is apparently being a b¡tch...

She was making the manager the issue when really it was the question of progression. It would have been easy to jump in and tell her about keeping her frame or whatever. So the question they love....."how does that make you feel? (understanding) she's able to get it off her chest......."yeah, I don't blame you....." (empathy).........."but what will you do if you change jobs and you find yourself working with an even bigger b¡tch?" (eliciting) her: Well I'll just have to learn to not let her get to me and concentrate on doing my job.............Well what's stopping you applying that mentality to this b¡tch? (eliciting) it could be an opportunity to practice dealing with a difficult person..................her, looking at me : you're right.....


back to my brother......off course he was not coming to me with issues......talk about unsolicited codependent advice............everybody has different goals......and different interests.........so I've been a little more Dale Carnegie with him........talk in the other persons interests.............don't get me wrong....I talk about my own life and my own interests....I'll also tell stories about women and if that rubs off in a positive way it rubs off in a positive way, if not oh well.....but in place of offering him unsolicited advice about how I believe he should live his life......I'll talk about his interests........the result has been better communication......

It reminds me of something Bill Hicks said about smoking weed.....
When people offer their unsolicited advice saying "weed will kill your ambition"
his response "what if my ambition is to sit in my underwear and watch cartoons in
my living room, while smoking weed..."

 

[mrgoodstuff]

So I came home for Christmas and to my dismay my younger brother is still
with his land mammal of a "girlfriend"...

This girl is FAT.....but does she make up for it with a winning personality or quality talents or
charms? No. She's a lazy lifeless disrespectful cvnt...

Could he do better? Christ yes.

She can only be a physical manifestation of his low self esteem...

I think he can do better....a lot better....and I've been trying to convince him of this for a few years now (he must be with her 5 years or so...Jesus Christ)

I thought I had made a break through about a year ago....but he's seemed to slip back into easy street with her. I bought him Rollo's book....I bought him Corey Wayne's book...I bought the fvcker "The Game".....I emailed him a link to the DJ Bible and this site....but it would seem to no avail....

he even gave me the cold shoulder on Christmas day because apparently "I gave a few digs..."

Now, Rollo says unplugging is a dirty job (and a thankless job....)

am I pissing against the wind?

should I give up on him? (I've tried...)

is it a lost cause? (I'm thinking it is....but it's difficult to bear witness to it)

What if he had a "finer" one that treated him a little worse and cheated on him more, would that be any consolation prize?

 

[Reykhel]

What if he had a "finer" one that treated him a little worse and cheated on him more, would that be any consolation prize?

I think you may have missed the conclusion....

That was then, this is now.......

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think you may have missed the conclusion....

That was then, this is now.......

LOL. I think if he concludes it is not acceptable behavior and like you said, it's a physical manifestation in how much he thinks about himself he will do better.