"your such a nice guy"

[ozzfest]

kiss of death right?

Whenever I hear this i cringe. Lately I've been hearing it a lot. Heard it 3 times in 1 week alone. Not sure how but I give off this freindlly vibe instead of a dj vibe. Girls I know constantly saying what a catch I am and how I deserve a nice girl and how they can't believe I'm single. Now 2 of the 3 that said this to me are married but the other one is single.

The single one showed interest in me in the past but now somehow I have bypassed that and somehow thought of as just a friend. Even though she thinks I am "a great guy". Its really bizarre. If i'm such a great guy then why isn't she all over me? And I know she finds me attractive because she has said so many times. Whats the deal??? She has even tried to set me p with one of her friends (who by the way was no looker).

Just the other day in talking to this single girl she even mentioned something about "if we ever hooked up" and I said "well why don't we"...and she replied "yeah,...right". As if to say thats crazy.

How did I get into this trap and how do I get the hell out?

 

[Viking25]

Could it be that you hear this from insecure uglies who don't believe they can date someone good?
If it's not the case...then I would tell the to shut up and make a move. Invite the girl over or ask her out on a date.
I don't think when girl says that you are such a nice guy it is a bad thing.

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

eh, depends

It's not always the kiss of death, although the examples you give are definitely kisses of death.
If you're not supplicating, classy, outgoing, this can be a great compliment. It also depends on where you are. For instance, you DON'T want to hear this at a club.
I pride myself on being super-classy with the ladies. Granted, not all of them appreciate that, but that's their loss, not mine. However, I'm not supplicating. I love to get into friendly debates with them. I always go for the kiss close.
I've had experiences where I took the girl out, was extra-friendly with everyone we met, gave the waiter a nice tip at the place we ate, and at the end of the night they'd say, "You're one of the nicest guys I've dated." Then I'd kiss them, take them inside and be "nice" some more.

 

[Porky]

Analyze this and it'll all become clear.

1) Your friend thinks you have a great personality.
2) Your friend thinks you're attractive.
3) Your friend is not attracted to you.

She doesn't see you as a sexual person. My guess is that this isbecause of lack of kino or C&F. I think you're too timid and afraid of offending women to show your sexual side.

The solution? Stop masturbating.

The number of compliments I have received since I stopped is insane. I'm not only hornier and thus more willing to show attraction, but I find it easier to talk to people who I just met or who I don't know that well. I also ge ta lot more attention from everybody. It's fantastic. It will be hard, but there's a thread about it in the off-topic forum where you can read about the bonuses.

More importantly, my entire personality has apparently changed. I was walking around with my friend today and saw a girl I know. Afterwards my friend, who is also a girl, said that when I talk to just about any girl I have an attitude that says, "I am Matt. I could have sex with you, because I'm cool."

Awesome. Use kino more. It won't offend her if you start it right off the bat and don't make a big deal about it.

 

[Tails]

ozzfest,

http://www.sosuave.com/niceguys/default.htm

read all that, and you'll be cured. that link changed my life

 

[Dirtheart]

Oh yes, I've heard that one a lot too and it sends a shiver down my spine.

When they say "you're such a nice guy" what I hear is "you're so naive" or "you're such a pushover".

I really feel like I'm being undermined and patronised when a woman says this to me and I don't yet have a good response to it.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

"you're such a nice guy" is almost always uttered when a chick dumps a guy. right?

that phrase is the kiss of death, early in a "relationship".

i once told my sister that if she really liked a guy, NEVER, EVER, EVER, say those words. why? it has such a negative connotation to guys because it's ususally,

"you're such a nice guy....BUT..."

"nice guy" and "i'm dumping you" go hand in hand. usually, anyway.

the way to get out of this is to never get yourself into it in the first place. stop being so nice. i'm not saying be mean, however. just treat her like a spoiled brat, not too heavy, and you'll be okay.

 

[Tails]

girls that tell this to you usually mean they are just not interested in you sexually. they don't want to hurt your feelings because they know/think that if they sleep with you, you will get all clingy and start falling in love the next day. they don't want that just yet. they're young and want to fool around with the guys who also want to fool around. it's usually the older girls that are looking for a "nice guy", however, there ARE younger girls that dig LTR's and all that. they're just hard to find

being nice isn't a bad thing, you just gotta have a combo. be nice, be smart and ****y, tell them off from time to time, tease them, etc. they love that. all in one. "jerks" and "nice guys" however, don't last in top interest levels with a girl for long. you need to have more than one quality!

 

[Jvesti]

yep i used to get:

He's so sweet and nice
&
Yep I'd probably go for him if he wasn't gay/didn't act like a momma's boy OUCH

now it's (The transition wasn't difficult at all, this was my true nature. Which I used to pick up the bad stuff from other people. I just had no clue from environmental influences)

You are such a ****y bastard
You are the kind of guy my mom warned me about
I haaate you (with a smile on their face)

gotta love it!

 

[Tails]

haha, yes! same for me. i had no idea how to reel the girls in. i thought treating them with total respect and making them feel like a princess would get them around. oh, but three years later. look out! i'm a completely different man, and i love it. hell, i tease girls just for the fun of it. it's funny and they're getting more and more predictable everyday. just knowing how they think makes it so much easier and fun. for instance, last night i was with a friend and this girl we had just met. we was in the car and someone said to turn the music on. i said:

"yeah, good idea, that means we won't have to listen to her anymore." of course it was done in a ****y smart ass way.

she looked back with: "hmmpf!" *how rude* kinda look. don't let girls own you, own them! and when you do, it's great! cause they love it and so do you!

 

[drumr2]

Interesting theories. I too, was born with the "nice guy" curse, but shedded it off long ago. Now, that I work with mostly women.....my "womanising" (as they call it) behaviour comes to light. They are ALWAYS ragging on me about how much of a jerk/commitment-phobe I am, and how I need to start treating women with respect. I'm not sure this is the image I prefer.

However, these chicks are constantly talking about me to their husbands (based on what they tell me their husbands say), and they are always asking me questions about myself that actually require me to give deep, thoughtful answers They are also ALWAYS talking about and/or teasing me in one way or another. Soooooo....it seems that if they were single, and I was interested (neither is the case) that I could land these chicks without a drop of sweat.

Ultimately....it does seem that while they may not "like" me or the things I do in my relationships, I obviously intrigue them, and one is always trying to "change" my way of thinking/behaviour. This tells me that (subconsciously, at least) I interest her. As opposed to the girls who would swoon over my romantic escapades, and tell me of how much of a nice/sweet guy I am. Then, completely ignore me for the rest of the time I knew them.

This was made even more apparent the other day, when one girl asked me what kind of a woman I am attracted to and would give up my "player" lifestyle for. I told her that I am most attracted to girls with class and maturity. Both of the girls I work with took that as a personal attack on them, and thought I was saying that they had no class or maturity. WTF?? I have never hit on any of them...EVER....and they both know that. Obviously, that's not what I said, but it sure exposed the true nature of the question, didn't it?

 

[cffrmw]

I am most attracted to girls with class and maturity

I have never hit on any of them...EVER....and they both know that

Both of the girls I work with took that as a personal attack on them, and thought I was saying that they had no class or maturity

you seriously don't get why they would think that? "I like girls with class and maturity. I don't like you." That sort of implies something... but if you're not attracted then who cares.

p.s. lmao over this one porky: "I am Matt. I could have sex with you, because I'm cool."

 

[Porky]

Swear to God those were her exact words. It surprised me.

 

[Trickster_guy_2001]

Originally posted by ozzfest
kiss of death right?

Whenever I hear this i cringe. Lately I've been hearing it a lot. Heard it 3 times in 1 week alone. Not sure how but I give off this freindlly vibe instead of a dj vibe. Girls I know constantly saying what a catch I am and how I deserve a nice girl and how they can't believe I'm single. Now 2 of the 3 that said this to me are married but the other one is single.

The single one showed interest in me in the past but now somehow I have bypassed that and somehow thought of as just a friend. Even though she thinks I am "a great guy". Its really bizarre. If i'm such a great guy then why isn't she all over me? And I know she finds me attractive because she has said so many times. Whats the deal??? She has even tried to set me p with one of her friends (who by the way was no looker).

Just the other day in talking to this single girl she even mentioned something about "if we ever hooked up" and I said "well why don't we"...and she replied "yeah,...right". As if to say thats crazy.

How did I get into this trap and how do I get the hell out?

HA HA HA HA HA HA. GOOD LUCK!

I've been seriously trying to get away from the chump lifestyle since 4 years ago. And even more seriously in the last year.

I still got old ladies telling me this crap.

And you know, no matter what I'm doing, the women don't want anything to do with me. which means that somehow I'm still giving off a nice guy chump aura, which I can't quite figure out why. I'll just have to hope to remain strong, and on the right path, and hope things improve.

You'll have to do the same... remember to say "no" more often. lol.

Good luck.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Back in the AFC day, I was always getting the line 'you're a nice guy but...' because I never liked to show sexual interest in a woman, thinking it 'disrespectful' etc.

It just means the girl doesn't see you in a sexual way so you need to practice more EC and kino so that she can't avoid this.

You will still get the line occasionally but it will just be a brush off from someone who doesn't find you physically attractive.

 

[locrian]

I know what you mean, I've gotten this a number of times too. Usually for me it was "you're such a wholesome guy" I took that to mean "asexual momma's boy." When I realized what this all meant, the next time a girl told me that I said "well you still have a few things to learn about me" and winked (winks are key!) What do you know, we hooked up!

But the best way to get ouf of that perception is not to get into it in the first place. Nice guys are guys who are polite, asexual, and avoid confrontation at all costs. Great guys are guys who are honorable but aren't afraid of their sexuality, and aren't afraid of offending people by being themselves, and they can get away with it. You can get away with a lot if you're funny and you can tell it like it is, the best compliment I got from a girl is "you're so bad" and "you're so mean" but if I'm such a bad, mean person, why can't she stop laughing, and why is she laying the kino on me so heavy?

So lesson learned - establish yourself early on as a sexual, take-no-****, funny, tell-it-like-it-is kind of guy.

 

[ozzfest]

I'm glad some of you have the same problem....well i'm not glad but misery loves company.

Yeah the problem is being brought up to be a respectful person ..you have to almost retrain yourself and be something your not. However you are all right..its the aggressive guys that almost seem to come on TOO strong that do seem to get the girls. I see it all the time ..and frankly when they do it its almost repulsive behavior. I mean if I was a woman I wouldn't want these guys pawing me or flirting in such suggestive ways. By no means am I a prude but what some of these guys say is kinda rude. However, now that you all mention it..it does work. It gets these ladies hot and bothered for some reason and when you don't do it they think you are somehow asexual or not interested.

Man is life strange!

 

[ScrewIt]

once you hear those dreaded words, you're in the dead zone.

the best results i've gotten was when girls said "you're mean" in a pouty kind of way

oh...i've had heard that from every girl that i've used dj skills on.

so if you hear that, then it's a high chance they have high IL in you.

 

[ozzfest]

hahahahahaha ok so if they say "you're a nice guy" you don't stand a chance...but if they say "you're so mean"...theres a good chance they have high IL? hahahaha actually your right...i mean as bizarre as that sounds - you are damn right

oh my god this is ridiculous!!

women are nuts!

 

[Tails]

ozzfest,

did you look at this link?

http://www.sosuave.com/niceguys/default.htm

trust me, if you're still having trouble with the whole nice guy thing. THAT link will change your life. it did for mine.

read it pal. it's very interesting.