Your father, and the advice he gave you

[Desdinova]

After reading a couple other threads, I'm just wondering what kind of good or bad advice your father gave to you.

Here's mine:

Good:
- Taught me that work pays off

Bad:
- "All women are b1tches"
- "Don't start shaving or you'll have to do it for the rest of your life"
- "You don't need glasses!"
- "You don't need to see a doctor. It'll go away."

 

[ethnomethodologist]

My father always come through for me with excellent advice.

Either after I fvck up hardcore, or if I have the perfect question.

He hates me coming to this site, all this psychobabble is messing with my brain he says.

He loves that I am becoming more active, and that I speak to new people everyday. He's proud of the progress I have made in the past year with my life.

My dad in my eyes is a great DJ. He made some bad choices in his past that he now has to deal with, he comes to me to give me advice on what to stay away from. Since I am still 'young' and learning, I decide to test his advice, instead of following blindly.

My parents have instilled a sense of learning and a desire to be natural. Though their teachings versus my community teachings versus mainstream 'hollywood/media' teachings versus my own inferences have left me torn between multiple worlds.

I voted DJ advice, though I seek to learn how NOT to waste my time. I am seeking a proverbial 'kick in the ass' that is how I found SoSuave.

Thank you for bringing up this subject Dessy, I've never been able to put those feelings into words before. I don't feel any empowerment from them though... way too much stress went through my system today

I love stress, even though it gets me so angry

Here is another grand viewpoint by TooColdUlrik concerning life. I hope he comes to this thread and elaborates.

 

[TheoTiger]

Some good advice my father gave me (it doesn't have to be about women, right? )

- earn good money. With money comes financial freedom, which gives you an easier way to to the things you want to do in your life
- if you never risk anything, you won't gain anything
- no choice in your life is a bad one. There's always something to learn!
- learn to control your emotions

bad advice:
Actually I can't think of any, but I'm sort of disappointed he never mentioned to me how to deal with women (I guess he thought my two older sister would take care of it...and in their ways they surely did! )

 

[penkitten]

my dad gave one piece of advise ever to me:
be a good solider.


i would always say "but im a girl"

 

[backbreaker]

my dad basically told me to **** anything that moves... not AFC but definatly not DJ.. my dad has no goals or ambitions.. when he visits my house, the dog hides

 

[Visceral]

My father has never made much of an impression on me. He's a quiet, low-key kind of man - it runs in the family and I got it in spades - who I guess I just didn't see as anyone worth emulating. He also works all day, so I really only see him during dinner, and when I was a kid I preferred to play alone in my room, so there wasn't much more contact between us during the weekends, which we both spend watching TV whenever we don't have to work.

Whatever values he holds or advice he has to give, I'm never paying enough attention to pick up on them, and they certainly don't stick. The man has no charisma, nothing to compel you to listen to him, much less obey him. He was fortunate that I was so mild-mannered and sedentary; I don't think he could've handled a normal boy. To his credit, I do remember hearing some of the standard "Work is it's own reward" type of stuff, but it was no more inspiring than if Ben Stein had done it ... and I'm so fvcked up that nothing inspires me anyway.

 

[ethnomethodologist]

Wow, visceral, no wonder you went so indepth with that argument on Owl of Minerva's thread "How do I have the DESIRE to socialize".

One thing, I can tell you. If you are not compassionate in the least, you have no desire. If you don't try something, you won't know what it's really like. If your not motivated now, try to motivate yourself.

hehe, start to copy your dad. Ask him if you are doing it right. Your dad will either feel, pity or pride, and he should open up alittle bit more.

For the guys that know nothing about their family, start to change your seduction methods and apply it to your family. Stare, but not too long, express desire, but don't be desperate... etc. You know the basics.

 

[resilient]

My pops has read books and newsletters in his library/study almost my whole life after working his financial practice. Never taught me anything about women; except one word that I could never fathom: confidence. Funny how we've lived with each other, but the only words I get from him are "feed the dogs," "do the dishes," or "groceries, come help" I think I've been dumped 4 times in STRs because I was basically raised by my mom with a heavy religious upbringing and lacked the courage to stand up for myself and end it. Thankfully, now there's sosuave. So that shouldn't happen ever again on my own volition.

Besides the overbearing negative. He did tell me this:

Education/Financial stability first, Women second.

He was a total player who got so much play before he hooked up with my mom, but he never gave me any advice on how to be a man.

 

[ethnomethodologist]

My pops has read books and newsletters in his library/study almost my whole life after working his financial practice. Never taught me anything about women; except one word that I could never fathom: confidence. Funny how we've lived with each other, but the only words I get from him are "feed the dogs," "do the dishes," or "groceries, come help" I think I've been dumped 4 times in STRs because I was basically raised by my mom with a heavy religious upbringing and lacked the courage to stand up for myself and end it. Thankfully, now there's sosuave. So that shouldn't happen ever again on my own volition.

Besides the overbearing negative. He did tell me this:

Education/Financial stability first, Women second.

He was a total player who got so much play before he hooked up with my mom, but he never gave me any advice on how to be a man.

So did you ever follow his advice? Education and charity start in the home ya know.

 

[Shiftkey]

My father has never made much of an impression on me. He's a quiet, low-key kind of man - it runs in the family and I got it in spades - who I guess I just didn't see as anyone worth emulating. He also works all day, so I really only see him during dinner, and when I was a kid I preferred to play alone in my room, so there wasn't much more contact between us during the weekends, which we both spend watching TV whenever we don't have to work.

Whatever values he holds or advice he has to give, I'm never paying enough attention to pick up on them, and they certainly don't stick. The man has no charisma, nothing to compel you to listen to him, much less obey him. He was fortunate that I was so mild-mannered and sedentary; I don't think he could've handled a normal boy. To his credit, I do remember hearing some of the standard "Work is it's own reward" type of stuff, but it was no more inspiring than if Ben Stein had done it ... and I'm so fvcked up that nothing inspires me anyway.

Perfect description of my dad too lol. I used to be that way also, but I've made tons of progress. I used to be a total introvert, but now I'm a lot more sociable and outgoing. Though I still have plenty of room for improvement, which I strive to fulfill every day. That's really what this site is about IMO, not just how to pick up girls but how to improve your life overall.

 

[Visceral]

Wow, visceral, no wonder you went so indepth with that argument on Owl of Minerva's thread "How do I have the DESIRE to socialize".

Unfortunately, I was arguing with Nocturnal about the merits of laissez-faire capitalism and Ayn Rand's "enlightened self-interest" philosophy ... it had nothing to do with the desire to socialize

One thing, I can tell you. If you are not compassionate in the least, you have no desire. If you don't try something, you won't know what it's really like. If your not motivated now, try to motivate yourself.

My problem has always been that what something is like is what all my desire and motivation are based on. I want and am motivated to do things that I enjoy, and I don't want and am not motivated to do things that I don’t enjoy. I’m essentially a hedonist, in that it’s never been rewards that I seek, but rather physical pleasure. My shrink tells me about my attitude that if it doesn’t make my d!ck hard, then it doesn’t exist, but I'm starting to think that deep down, that’s what I want out of life, that intense, primal level of stimulation ... and I want it now from the action itself, not later from the benefit.

hehe, start to copy your dad. Ask him if you are doing it right. Your dad will either feel, pity or pride, and he should open up alittle bit more.

The thing is, I'm not sure I want to copy my dad. I'm already so much like him, and I believe that's part of my problem. I tend to visualize the masculine ideal as the exact opposite of my dad (and myself) - an irresistible force instead of an immovable object.

 

[wavejams007]

My adopted father is my hero. Go ahead and try and flame me for saying that, it doesn't matter to me. My biological father was a one bad muthaf*cka, and if I ever met him I would kill him.

My dad doesn't give me much advice all the time, he lets me learn things for myself, and helps with the analysis of the results. He has taught me the meaning of persistence, endurance, and dealing with hardships. But I guess the best advice he has given me is to do the right thing, fear no one and no girl, and he'll always have my back.

just my two cents.

 

[Brian20o2]

A little of both. My dad is a great role model for me in some ways and not so much in others.

 

[RedPill]

Other seems to be the common response here. I'd be in that category. My dad isn't 100% AFC, but nor is he by any means a DJ. I've come to the conclusion that my grandpa must've been a pretty androgenous or non-masculine role model for his children, because all of the male ones primarily exhibit AFC behaviors and one is flamingly gay.

The good advice/wisdom:
- strong leadership qualities
- good business skills
- work ethic
- pride and tradition
- hours upon hours of sports

The bad:
- upper middle class suburban attitude (snobby fake wealth, keep up with the Jones)
- could not teach me anything remotely masculine (i.e. how cars work, how to lift weights, carpentry, hunt/fish, etc)
- afraid to get dirty, out of shape and afraid of injury
- "do as I say, not as I do"
- has zero game with women, you can tell the guy's needs are repressed - my mom is the only chick he's ever been with
- married a woman from a poor family - good because she worships him, but brings so many qualities of a poor person to the table.
- Lets women run the show - pure AFC style. My mom and sister are like twin princesses that have unlimited access to his bank account.
- Very negative most of the time, enjoys intimidating other people to feel superior, not very friendly
- cannot take criticism of any kind
- very ambtionless
- gets mad at people (like myself) who "rock the boat" and act against the AFC Agenda

 

[ethnomethodologist]

good because she worships him, but brings so many qualities of a poor person to the table.

Dig down deep, and say that sentence again fvcker

 

[RedPill]

Dig down deep, and say that sentence again fvcker

Huh?

Would you like that clarified? Alright...I'm talking the poor mindset. He married a woman who always treated her children like the victims, who's family is full of ridiculous dramas, etc. I don't hate my mom or anything but it were me, I would not invest in her as a spouse. Maybe that's a mean thing to say, but it's being objective. She is largely responsible for having made me a huge AFC during my formative years.

 

[vorbis]

My dad didn't really give me much advice. I was fairly academic as a kid (read nerdy) and he just couldn't relate at all.

+ Gave me a good grounding in hard work and in treating people right

- ZERO game with women. To this day (I'm 23) I have never had a conversation with my dad (or mom) about sex, about girls or about anything whatsover to do with women. It doesn't come up at home. My older sister has been dating a guy for 3 years and the most he would talk about him is if he was talking about cars.

- Made me far far to serious looking. Mostly he's about as far from a smooth talker as you're likely to get. He can joke around a bit but only when he's really really comfortable with the people involved. Thats real useful if you want to seduce your cousin.

I do like my dad and he has provided well for us but feel that socially he gave me and my brother next to no advice while growing up.

 

[XSilverStarboyX]

My father never taught me anything. Of course that sucks because he was a great DJ. He had 5 girlfriends in college at one point

 

[NHY]

My father never really gave me any advice ( apart from maybe ' work has its rewards ' )

My parents used to work away from home when I was a child, leaving to be looked after by grandmother, who was religious, not to mention my ******* brother forcing to play soccar, essentially killing any inkling of interest in sports in me ( which sucks because I know I would have being a great sports player )

One thing they totally messed up on was how to handle me becoming a teenager, lets just say I was told ' Shed all childish ideas and grow up - or else! ' , lets just say doing that was the worst mistake I ever made. My inner child is what makes me who I am. It could partly why I was an AFC, throwing me into the real world without first at least giving me some form of preparation, coupled with the fact I was a interverted person didn't help either!

My father has an alcohol problem, in fact theres a history of it in BOTH sides of my family! When hes drunk, he spits out macho bull**** about how I'm Tarzan at me and such. There have being times where my anger get the better of me and I attacked him! Just last week, I flung coins at him because he P***ed me off and wouldn't let explain something because he was drunk! Its the reason I don't drink because I don't want to catch the bug BUT an unexpected side effect is that it a factor in what drives to get a college degree as I dream of one day being able to leave the hole that is my hometown behind me, I might have being raised here but I don't belong here.

 

[Desdinova]

Wow, this turned into a very interesting thread.

To those who consider themselves to have/had good fathers, you guys are definately the lucky ones. wavejams007 - I won't flame you for giving props to your adopted father, you're lucky to have someone who gives a damn about you and truly wants to see you do well in life.

To those with inbetween and not-so-good fathers: We have to make up for what we weren't provided by our role models. Some of us have to do more work on ourselves than others. Actually, in some cases, I believe it might benefit some people when they learn life skills on their own. However, too much of a "good" thing can be bad. If we're left with little to no guidance from our parents, we'll end up resenting them because of all the work we need to do on ourselves.

Lately, I've been reading into how Generation X was affected by their baby boomer parents. One of the things that I keep reading (and this is a generalization) is that many Baby Boomer parents were extremely busy working all the time and pretty much left their kids to fend for themselves. GenX parents are working on avoiding this with their children.

As a child, my father would usually work during the day (sometimes he'd get put on nightshift) and on the weekend he'd drink himself into oblivion. He was a fvcking a55hole when he was drunk, so my mother would rush me off to bed before he'd get home from the bar.

My family life was a dysfunctional mess.