Your Experience Drinking Before Cold Approaching

[Jim88]

I've been struggling a lot with cold approaching sober, and so far the best I've done during the daytime is saying "hi, how's it going" to a few random hot girls. Today I walked by these two girls sitting in the grass talking (one was a 10 for sure), and I walked past them 4 times but never actually approached. I rationalized that it would never work because I had no idea what to say to keep a conversation going. I'm sick of sabotaging myself. I have analyzed this more and realized I have a major overthinking problem that was caused by my mom being an undiagnosed BPD who exploded with anger pretty much every day of my entire childhood if anyone said something even slightly confrontational or out of the ordinary. My dad always did whatever he could do avoid conflict and has told me she often "makes him want to cry." My mom also used to kick him in the balls and he just stood there and took it and didn't even say anything back. In other words, he's a hardcore beta male and I had no solid male role model. As a result, my natural sober state is passive and probably even submissive toward women. I'm realizing that I have a problem big enough that I'm willing to turn to alcohol and other substances TEMPORARILY if that's what it takes to get some momentum going in the right direction and prove to myself that I can do some approaches.

In the past, I rarely have gotten drunk because I've always thought it unhealthy, but when I do, I get loud and confident and stop giving a fvck what people think. I also become a really good liar and can easily make stuff up to sound cool and don't run out of things to say. I haven't been drunk in months though, the last time I did, I remember I asked a female friend a ton of inappropriate questions and she literally just stopped talking to me completely after that. That was after at least 6-7 drinks though. I think with a bit less I would be in the zone. What, in your experience, is the right amount to drink before approaching?

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Well, for starters, dont walk by people 4 times, that is ****in' creepy bro im not gonna lie... But if thats creepy, that means approaching the first time, is confident.

Do it the first time, get her number and keep it moving, its really not hard man... Dont even introduce yourself, get right into it and when you hit a lull, you have that introduction to use... Work off of what she is wearing, one time compliment, one time sleight, get her number and get out.

Typically I can cold pull a number in under a minute, but I put it together pretty well, I could do this before I ever came here, its just... That confidence is rare today, they really crave it and want it.

 

[backseatjuan]

Have you read the DJ Bible?

 

[Jim88]

Well, for starters, dont walk by people 4 times, that is ****in' creepy bro im not gonna lie... But if thats creepy, that means approaching the first time, is confident.

Do it the first time, get her number and keep it moving, its really not hard man... Dont even introduce yourself, get right into it and when you hit a lull, you have that introduction to use... Work off of what she is wearing, one time compliment, one time sleight, get her number and get out.

Typically I can cold pull a number in under a minute, but I put it together pretty well, I could do this before I ever came here, its just... That confidence is rare today, they really crave it and want it.

You're probably right it was creepy although they were pretty far away and I don't think they really noticed. I'll keep trying. How long did it take you to get good at approaches? Did you have a period where you had trouble starting? I think I'm kinda moving in the right direction by at least saying hey how's it going to random girls but I need a big confidence boost

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

You're probably right it was creepy although they were pretty far away and I don't think they really noticed. I'll keep trying. How long did it take you to get good at approaches? Did you have a period where you had trouble starting? I think I'm kinda moving in the right direction by at least saying hey how's it going to random girls but I need a big confidence boost

I sold life insurance on and off for 2 years, also sold Kirby vacuums door to door for a while... That is like a $3500 vacuum by the way, if you can approach somebody and build enough value to even consider them buying that, selling yourself is easy.

I think most people will say sales techniques work best

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I've been struggling a lot with cold approaching sober, and so far the best I've done during the daytime is saying "hi, how's it going" to a few random hot girls. Today I walked by these two girls sitting in the grass talking (one was a 10 for sure), and I walked past them 4 times but never actually approached. I rationalized that it would never work because I had no idea what to say to keep a conversation going. I'm sick of sabotaging myself. I have analyzed this more and realized I have a major overthinking problem that was caused by my mom being an undiagnosed BPD who exploded with anger pretty much every day of my entire childhood if anyone said something even slightly confrontational or out of the ordinary. My dad always did whatever he could do avoid conflict and has told me she often "makes him want to cry." My mom also used to kick him in the balls and he just stood there and took it and didn't even say anything back. In other words, he's a hardcore beta male and I had no solid male role model. As a result, my natural sober state is passive and probably even submissive toward women. I'm realizing that I have a problem big enough that I'm willing to turn to alcohol and other substances TEMPORARILY if that's what it takes to get some momentum going in the right direction and prove to myself that I can do some approaches.

In the past, I rarely have gotten drunk because I've always thought it unhealthy, but when I do, I get loud and confident and stop giving a fvck what people think. I also become a really good liar and can easily make stuff up to sound cool and don't run out of things to say. I haven't been drunk in months though, the last time I did, I remember I asked a female friend a ton of inappropriate questions and she literally just stopped talking to me completely after that. That was after at least 6-7 drinks though. I think with a bit less I would be in the zone. What, in your experience, is the right amount to drink before approaching?

Its like women thinking they invented the wheel by taking off their clothes and having sex for money. Getting inebriated throwing off brain chemistry and destroying your health to do pickup is low testosterone. Man up.

You can read books like MM, you can tor every program, and find old rsd archive on cyberspace. Or you csn actually go through the fire and come out the other side. Transcend. Become something else.

You don't need to go full retard and spend +/- a decade on pickup. Don't. 3x approach per day. DONE!

Julien blanc 101. Stack 3 approaches. Likely you do more. Bars are closed. Clubs are closed. Expect more lockdowns pre election. I don't care. My d won't suck it self. What is the worst thing to happen? She says no? Runs away? Lol my first cold approach was during a lightning storm, from behind and she jumped out of her skin. Her umbrella went flying down the street and i just kept spitting game in uncalibrated manner. It was hilarious and made for a great story.

Lose alcohol. Drop drugs. Cannon ball on in. Get references for your experience and help you build from the bottom up. You aren't going to get hammered before a workout just to grow balls to pickup at the gym. Let your balls drop. Take what jlaix calls a man's blow out. Its hilarious. It loses its sting, iz funnyyy and more importantly you get laid off what you would expect to be a blow out.

Unplug fitness went on about going 1/40. He's not my style but it's about right man +/- game, smv, lifestyle, aesthetics, looks and elements of randomness.


Op, get a skill. Learn to code or get a trade. Start a biz. Have something going. Women are a hard 2nd. After PURPOSE. Have paper. Not for women. You. Meditate. You will take Ls. Its a numbers game. Women are on easy mode in life during top form SMV 18-23. Its a hard fall thereafter. Rsd tyler describes the frog in the boiling water. If too hot. It gets out. On a low simmer it frys. It's women today drink on ig and girl power till its game over.

Do your reps. Approach 3x minimum a day. Stack. Do harder sets. Seek competence in game not master status. Have fun. Its all practice.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Don't use drinking as a crutch, if you drink everytime you approach you will become an alcoholic

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Don't use drinking as a crutch, if you drink everytime you approach you will become an alcoholic

Lmfao jmulv aka John anthony lololol banned from rsd for being too crazy and rapey.

 

[Serenity]

If you approach and put yourself in the situation where you have to come up with something to say, I ensure you that you will come up with something. If only to avoid the embarrassment of awkwardly walking away again.

Also, tell your mother to fvck off and ignore all attempts at communication for at least a year. Worked wonders for me.

I have been in your exact situation, there's no easy way out of it. You need to go to war against your fear, beat it into submission and tell it who's boss.

 

[SW15]

@Jim88 - You're probably going to need to do some mental health/therapy sessions based upon the childhood trauma you describe.

With that said, it is normal to have some hesitation regarding cold approach when sober. A large percentage of men are unable to cold approach women in a nonbar venue when sober. This is why swipe apps (and websites like Match.com before swipe apps) became popular. "Day game" is a still a bit of a niche behavior, although the niche has grown in the last 10-15 years.

To be able to approach sober at a nonbar venue, it takes a number of lifestyle hacks. You want to max out your testosterone so as to increase your risk taking behavior and put out an irrationally confident attitude. You've got to eat a clean diet and exercise regularly, preferably with weight bearing activities. With gyms somewhat risky right now, bodyweight exercises are an acceptable solution. In addition to a clean diet with no soy-based foods and no processed ingredients and exercise, you must also not watch porn or masturbate. Doing all these things will out your testosterone and attitude. You are going to be quite horny if you do this and you'll be focused on getting vag to an extent where you'll exhibit less hesitation. If you do diet and exercise correct, you'll have a better physique which will make women's vaginas tingle. That can only be good if your goal to seduce more.

In the early 2010s, I changed my game focus. From the time I turned 18 until I was nearly 30, I was doing far more of my approaching at boozefest college parties (before turning 21) and bars after 21. I only dabbled in day game before my 30th birthday. The bar scene has had a lot of obstacles. The late hours are tough, alcohol can impair boner function, isolation can be trickier, and female behavior can be pretty nasty. Additionally, no one now knows the future of bars post-COVID. If you can manage the lifestyle hacks to do "day game", you're better off. App swiping and night game at bars/clubs have a lot of downsides. While "day game" isn't ideal, I think it has less downsides than the other options out there.

 

[andreihaha]

Read. Work on yourself. Try to get more spiritual, look for God. Approach more if you're lonely and inexperienced.
Don't expect alcohol or drugs to help. You are trying to trick yourself with that. Same with lying. It will get your heart broken.
What's most important is to find yourself, your desires, qualities and weaknesses and work on them. It won't happen overnight, but it will be worth it. I guarantee it.

 

[Jim88]

Don't use drinking as a crutch, if you drink everytime you approach you will become an alcoholic

I didn't say every time, I said temporarily i.e a few times

 

[Jim88]

If you approach and put yourself in the situation where you have to come up with something to say, I ensure you that you will come up with something. If only to avoid the embarrassment of awkwardly walking away again.

Also, tell your mother to fvck off and ignore all attempts at communication for at least a year. Worked wonders for me.

I have been in your exact situation, there's no easy way out of it. You need to go to war against your fear, beat it into submission and tell it who's boss.

Yeah youre right, guess I have to just walk up and put myself in situations where I HAVE to say something.

 

[fastlife]

Come on my man, I told you what to say if you can't think of anything else lol. But even if you can't remember those, it's not an excuse not to approach. Just walk in and say anything--I don't care how awkward it is or even if the girls run away, it's a step in the right direction. It's more proof to your brain that you can do this and nothing bad will happen.

Using alcohol isn't going to solve this problem. Relying on anything external to yourself isn't going to change who you are. Even if you do get buzzed and make a few successful approaches, you're going to wake up sober tomorrow and be the same passive, stifled, overthinking guy you are RIGHT NOW. This isn't a process you're gonna able to do in a couple weeks. There are no shortcuts. Stop looking for them.

Drop the victim mentality. You're 23--how much longer are you going to blame your mother? Sure, she's responsible for the first 18 years of your life, but after that? It's all you. 100%. No one else is going to care if you don't get this part of your life handled. I know that might sound like I'm being a d1ck, but this is for your own good. Drop that sh1t. I spent way too long being angry at my parents and my upbringing, because by focusing on things outside of my control I could avoid taking full responsibility for not being the man I wanted to be.

You're not going to become that man overnight. It's going to take time. It's going to take pain and effort. Embrace the process. When I first learned about this stuff, I spent the first 2 or 3 months going out by myself 4 or 5 nights a week, too scared to approach anybody at first and getting rejected over and over again by girls I didn't even really want. It sucked lol. It wasn't fair. But it was probably the best thing I ever did for myself. And even if it takes you longer than that, and it might depending on where you're starting from, what else are you gonna do? You only have one shot at life.

One of the things that helped me when I was starting out was learning from YouTube videos. Unfortunately, most of the stuff I was using at the time has been deleted, but there are still plenty of good resources out there (I've linked a couple of the guys who are legit below--pick one or two that you feel align best with your natural personality and see what you can learn). Don't use these as an excuse not to actually approach. All the videos in the world won't help you if you aren't putting in the legwork, but use them to get ideas for your own game. Hell, you can even copy some of the lines word for word until you get a better sense of your own personality and get better at expressing yourself. Pay attention to their eye contact, tonality, and body language. Pay attention to how they keep the conversations going and lead the interactions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vi0E3lbT96A

 

[RangerMIke]

I sold life insurance on and off for 2 years, also sold Kirby vacuums door to door for a while... That is like a $3500 vacuum by the way, if you can approach somebody and build enough value to even consider them buying that, selling yourself is easy.

I think most people will say sales techniques work best

True. Dating is sales: sales is dating.

One thing I learned when I started by first business 20 years ago is how much the OWNER of the business has to be good in sales. You have to get customers. I had to learn this really fast. There is really a lot of really good books on sales but you only get good at it with experience. A good salesperson understands these principles:

(1) You have to have a clear understanding of what the customer needs... not what you want.
(2) Your pitch has to reflect the customer's needs.
(3) The pitch is pointless unless you close the deal.
(4) It's a numbers game, not every customer will want what you have.
(5) Don't waste time with customers that do not have what you want (money) or don't need what you have.
(6) You work with the GOOD customers, and drop the bad ones.

To put this is dating terms:
(1) The only thing that matters is if SHE is interested in YOU, how you feel about her is completely irrelevant.
(2) If you do not have what a woman needs, your pitch is pointless.
(3) Always push for what you want, get the number, ask for the date, escalate.
(4) Don't waste time with women that aren't giving you what you want.
(5) If a woman is not meeting you wants and needs, dump her.
(6) If you are dating a woman that is fun, giving, and likes you then you have to compromise more... reward good behavior, if she isn't then get rid of her.

 

[Jim88]

Come on my man, I told you what to say if you can't think of anything else lol. But even if you can't remember those, it's not an excuse not to approach. Just walk in and say anything--I don't care how awkward it is or even if the girls run away, it's a step in the right direction. It's more proof to your brain that you can do this and nothing bad will happen.

Using alcohol isn't going to solve this problem. Relying on anything external to yourself isn't going to change who you are. Even if you do get buzzed and make a few successful approaches, you're going to wake up sober tomorrow and be the same passive, stifled, overthinking guy you are RIGHT NOW. This isn't a process you're gonna able to do in a couple weeks. There are no shortcuts. Stop looking for them.

Drop the victim mentality. You're 23--how much longer are you going to blame your mother? Sure, she's responsible for the first 18 years of your life, but after that? It's all you. 100%. No one else is going to care if you don't get this part of your life handled. I know that might sound like I'm being a d1ck, but this is for your own good. Drop that sh1t. I spent way too long being angry at my parents and my upbringing, because by focusing on things outside of my control I could avoid taking full responsibility for not being the man I wanted to be.

You're not going to become that man overnight. It's going to take time. It's going to take pain and effort. Embrace the process. When I first learned about this stuff, I spent the first 2 or 3 months going out by myself 4 or 5 nights a week, too scared to approach anybody at first and getting rejected over and over again by girls I didn't even really want. It sucked lol. It wasn't fair. But it was probably the best thing I ever did for myself. And even if it takes you longer than that, and it might depending on where you're starting from, what else are you gonna do? You only have one shot at life.

One of the things that helped me when I was starting out was learning from YouTube videos. Unfortunately, most of the stuff I was using at the time has been deleted, but there are still plenty of good resources out there (I've linked a couple of the guys who are legit below--pick one or two that you feel align best with your natural personality and see what you can learn). Don't use these as an excuse not to actually approach. All the videos in the world won't help you if you aren't putting in the legwork, but use them to get ideas for your own game. Hell, you can even copy some of the lines word for word until you get a better sense of your own personality and get better at expressing yourself. Pay attention to their eye contact, tonality, and body language. Pay attention to how they keep the conversations going and lead the interactions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vi0E3lbT96A

thanks. today I tried to approach (if you could even call it that) some girls sober. I interrupted two very hot girls in the middle of a conversation to say something like Hey how's it going!, and they just ignored me and then I said hi again to try to get them to say something and one girl just glared at me a little and still said nothing and then i just kept walking. I guess I'm making slight progress, maybe, but I always feel like I don't do enough.

 

[SW15]

thanks. today I tried to approach (if you could even call it that) some girls sober. I interrupted two very hot girls in the middle of a conversation to say something like Hey how's it going!, and they just ignored me and then I said hi again to try to get them to say something and one girl just glared at me a little and still said nothing and then i just kept walking. I guess I'm making slight progress, maybe, but I always feel like I don't do enough.

The mere fact that you were able to utter words is a good start.

You have a lot to address.

In day game, you want to approach women who are alone. That's the main advantage of day game. The isolation that you'd have to create at a bar is already baked into stopping a woman outdoors/on the street or in a retail setting (in a no mask setting).

Two hotties in the middle of a conversation aren't going to acknowledge most men. They are in their own world and not receptive.

 

[fastlife]

thanks. today I tried to approach (if you could even call it that) some girls sober. I interrupted two very hot girls in the middle of a conversation to say something like Hey how's it going!, and they just ignored me and then I said hi again to try to get them to say something and one girl just glared at me a little and still said nothing and then i just kept walking. I guess I'm making slight progress, maybe, but I always feel like I don't do enough.

Props for taking action. Most guys will never approach 2 hot girls EVER in their whole life—no matter how much they beat their chests online. That’s good stuff. Beats walking past them, huh? In the future, when you feel yourself b1thcing out, focus on your feet. Move them towards the girl. Once you’re close enough it’ll be even more awkward if you don’t say anything and your brain will come up with something.

So why didn’t they open? I’m a betting man—its probably tonality and eye contact. You’re probably not loud enough or authoritative enough—you’ll know you’re on the right track when girls get more of a deer in the headlights look—not fear (if you start startling the fvck outta girl, dial it back) but more like, Woah, this guy must be important. Better pay attention. Think of the way you’d tell an unruly dog to sit or the way a cop would tell you to stop and channel that into your ‘hey.’

Some sets won’t open. But 99% of them will at least acknowledge you once you have those two things down. After all, most people are walking around in a daze and you have to be able to cut through that sh1t. Also, girls get stifled too. You have to just keep talking to give their brains time to kick things into gear. That’ll come with time.

Group situations are also a little trickier, but fvck lurking in the shadows until you see a girl by herself. Open anyways. Hot girls between 18-23ish will almost never be anywhere by herself unless you just happen to catch her running errands. Just know you have to engage the friend as well. One of my go to’s if I’m drawing blanks is to just roll up and say, “Why are y’all over here talking **** about everybody.” Most girls will either qualify so they don’t seem like bitches or they’ll playfully go along with it. Then I just cold read: “Blonde hair. So stuck up.” Or “You must be bank tellers.” Then you can just say, “Sorry I’m just fvcking around. What’s your name?” and then transition to a more normal conversation. It’ll at least be more interesting than, “Hey, how are you doing?” lol (get away from that—that’s what you say to randos you don’t really want to talk to just to be polite).

Or it could be something more direct like, “Hey. You’re hella cute and I had to say hey. What’s you’re name?” To the girl you like. Then look at the friend and say, “I’m [so and so’s] new boyfriend—do I have your approval.” Then drop a false time constraint (“I’m on my way to meet some friends so I only have a few minutes. But anyway...” and just have more of a normal convo.

But remember, baby steps. I was doing the same “Hey, how are you?,” getting brushed off by girls routine 5 years ago lol. Also, watch those videos. Compare their vibe with yours.