Your dating a great woman... BUT....

[NewMan]

So I'm dating a great woman for over a year now....



Never been in an argument.

Great sense of humor

Giving

Low Maintenance

Attractive

Young

Physically a very good relationship

Non demanding






Pretty much - on paper - exactly the kind of woman you'd want.

So what is the problem?

The hell if I know.

It's almost as if she's into me to much. Almost as if I've lost respect for her, paerhaps, because she's to into me.

I've not told her I love her - although she tells me all the time. She talks about the future.

I've tried to cool the relationship several times - and now only see her 2 times a week - although she calls me every day. Even though I've done that, it takes perhaps 2 weeks, before she assumes things are good again.


I don't know what my problem is.

Anyone encounter this?

 

[Ricky]

You are afraid because it is going too good.

Well guess what. I havent a Fing clue what to tell you.

I've had it where it was too good for a few months but never for a year.

Consider yourself blessed.

 

[WaterTiger]

Exactly what Ricky said. Thiings are going "too good" and you're waiting for her to turn into a screaming harpy or dump you for some unknown reason.

Be careful that you don't sabotage the relationship with your "she's going to dump me" attitude. Don't let the fear of suceeding screw this up.

 

[averagejoe]

Newman you are thinking too much. It is coming too easy and we never want what we can have. I bet if she started becoming distant or told you she wanted to see other guys you would wish things were the way they are now. So be thankful that it is going good.

 

[Slickster]

Sounds like one of these scenarios....

She'll eventually lose interest because she's going to realize that you are closed off to any future plans with her.

She'll dump yo ass and then for the next year you'll be posting all about this great girl you let get away and how foolish you were.

Hopefully that won't happen.

Great women are hard to come by. Your instincts are your best guide.

 

[Now What]

Originally posted by NewMan
Anyone encounter this?

Not personally, but I have seen something like this with one of my friends in college.

He started dating this girl his freshman year. He's a good guy, looks good enough, smart, etc. Though frankly kind of a dull guy. Social, but not overly fun or exciting as I recall. Come to think of it, a good guy on paper, but not too exciting - if I were a girls dating him I'd probably drop him for someone with a little more "spark".

She was cute, not a supermodel, but definitely cute. Fun, social, but in a good girl way - always with him. They spent holidays and vacations together, and seemed like a great couple for three and a half years. I didn't consider him overly good with women, and as such I thought he was quite lucky to have her.

Halfway through senior year he accepted a job in a distant state. At that point she wanted to get married, or at least move with him.

He refused, I'm really not sure why, but in any case, with the realization that their relationship would be over anyway within a few months due to distance, they broke up.

Two months later, she had a new boyfriend. No bitterness, no jealousy, it was almost as if the relationship had never happened at all.

That's the end of the story, I'm not sure what happened to her, and I've lost contact with him.

As far as your situation goes, I don't know. Maybe find someone you're more into.

 

[NewMan]

That's exactly it - I'm really not that into her - even though she's a great girl.

Almost like she's to accomodating and I need someone with a little more edge...

 

[Gravyboat]

Originally posted by NewMan
So I'm dating a great woman for over a year now....



Never been in an argument.

Great sense of humor

Giving

Low Maintenance

Attractive

Young

Physically a very good relationship

Non demanding






Pretty much - on paper - exactly the kind of woman you'd want.

So what is the problem?

The hell if I know.

It's almost as if she's into me to much. Almost as if I've lost respect for her, paerhaps, because she's to into me.

I've not told her I love her - although she tells me all the time. She talks about the future.

I've tried to cool the relationship several times - and now only see her 2 times a week - although she calls me every day. Even though I've done that, it takes perhaps 2 weeks, before she assumes things are good again.


I don't know what my problem is.

Anyone encounter this?

All of those are great characteristics in a relationship, but there's one I don't see there--"she's interesting and fun to talk to."

You're hinting that you're bored, and often that's ultimately the reason people start to question the relationship (that or serious emotional baggage, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.)

That she's so into you is only compounding the problem if you don't find her all that engaging--it's a double whammy for lowering interest.

I could be wrong about her not being interesting, since you do mention she has a great sense of humor. I wonder though--do you guys laugh at stuff together, or is she just easily entertained? For me, the former is much more satisfying than the latter.

One last thing--the "never been in an argument" kind of makes me wonder. If she's far too agreeable, that's another reason you might be bored. I've been in one relationship where we NEVER fought, and I've been in another one where we fought ALL THE TIME--and I wouldn't do either again. A little disagreement now and then keeps things interesting, and reminds you that each of you are your own person. As long as you still like each other, you'll forget all about those things once you make up and bang her on top of the dishwasher.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

i think the challenge of the hunt isn't here for ya newman. you know this in the back of your mind.

 

[Wyldfire]

Never being in an argument can mean that rather than argue she simply disagrees, talks about it and resolves it rather than having a screeching match. That's actually a very good trait to have.

 

[Gravyboat]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Never being in an argument can mean that rather than argue she simply disagrees, talks about it and resolves it rather than having a screeching match. That's actually a very good trait to have.

Could be, but I didn't infer that from what I was reading. It sounded more like she's agreeable to anything, goes along with anything, and doesn't offer her own opinion very much.

Disagreeing, talking about it, and resolving it is a GREAT trait, because it's still challenge, but with less drama. I'm just guessing that this isn't necessarily the case. Maybe NewMan can clear it up for us.

 

[San]

yes, it's the fear as fellow don juans already mentioned.

The fear of losing that, because if you've found your (true) love then comes also the fear of losing that something beautiful!

But isn't fear in a kinda sense our greatest thrive?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Gravyboat
Could be, but I didn't infer that from what I was reading. It sounded more like she's agreeable to anything, goes along with anything, and doesn't offer her own opinion very much.

Disagreeing, talking about it, and resolving it is a GREAT trait, because it's still challenge, but with less drama. I'm just guessing that this isn't necessarily the case. Maybe NewMan can clear it up for us.

Actually...he doesn't say that she agrees with him all the time. He only says that she is low maintenance, giving and isn't demanding and that they don't argue.

It's very rare to find a relationship like he has found. If he dumps this girl she won't be single for long...and he'll likely kick himself in the rear end for letting her go eventually. But you'll have that sometimes.

 

[penkitten]

but can she cook?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

"Familiarity breeds contempt."

 

[NewMan]

Yes she can cook and she'd actually rather cook than go out to dinner - she actually likes to cook new kinds of foods - and oftentimes she's bring food to my appartment for my roomies and I.

As for the arguements and agreements.

I find she lacks some desire. She doesn't have a great desire to do anything on weekends - but would rarther go along with what I'm doing.

Example - Last Tuesday she told me he and her GF's were going to hang out Friday. Fair enough. Friday roll's around and she call's me in the day and ask me what I'm doing. I tell her no plans - just going to go get dinner then hang at home. I had to be up early Saturday morning. Well she blows her firends off to hang out with me because she would "Rather do that". I tell her she needs to spend time with her friends and not flake out on them.....


As for arguments - nothing has ever come up where we have disagreed to such an extent that we find it necessary to cause a big argument. Sure she may disagree with something I say - but it never get's to the point where we are agruing with each other. More like discussing and then agreeing to disagree.

She is certainly old fashion - where she will do everything for a man. I mean, if I make a comment that I'm cold, she'll go to get up and get me a sweater or to close the window. I have to jump up and stop her - because I really don't want her to "Mother" and "Smother" me.

Final example.

I'm in a bookstore looking for something to read. Just wonderign around - and she is following me. Almost smothering me. I ask her if she has any books she wants to look for and she says yes.... so I tell her to go look.... but she doesn't. She follows me around. In the end I had to tell her - look I'm capable of finding this book on my own. Why don't you go look for what you want.....

As I said there is nothing I can point my finger at and say that it is wrong. And I know that I don't feel the same way about her as she feels about me. That is the tough part. I don't want to hurt her to much (and I've been honest with her about my feelings) - but at the same time I wonder what is wrong with me? Am I looking for perfection, because I'll never find that.

 

[NewMan]

Very good points Gravy.

I wonder though--do you guys laugh at stuff together, or is she just easily entertained? For me, the former is much more satisfying than the latter.

We both laugh at the same things. We love Seinfeld kind of humor. Actually - I don't think I've ever seen her upset, mad, or angry. She is always happy. Always has a skip to her walk. She never seem's down or sad (except the one time I broke it off when she cried). Oh - she does have road rage though - when she's driving and we are talking she often shout's at other drivers - but then so do I.

She's the female version of me..... almost reminds me of the Seinfeld episode....

And there might be the problem.

 

[Slickster]

Newman, I too am considering calling it quits with a woman I've been seeing for quite some time. I'm going thru alot of the same thoughts as you are right now. Its funny you bring up the Seinfeld stuff cuz that's who you/we pretty much are acting like right now. Jerry was always the nit picker guy who would dump a chick cuz she ate her peas one at a time with a fork or something right?. Not saying that's you but it is also interesting you've chosen Newman as your name . Fussiness is a problem I have with women as well and I too feel like sometimes its a losing battle. There is no "perfect" woman and sometimes I feel like an arsehole breaking some great girls heart cuz I'm just not feeling it. Each of us has the right to search for his ideal companion though. Sometimes you just get a gut feeling that this isn't "it". She's not the one for me. That's why I said trust your instincts cuz only you really know what the situation is between you and this girl.

Do you remember reading that post in the DJ Bible. "The relationship begins before you meet her." Its something about writing down a list of requirements for your "perfect" mate. I think if you read that post and make that list. Then compare it to your current woman, you'll have a pretty good idea what to do.

Another great thing I've read about knowing whether or not a relationship should continue is a quiz. Ask yourself these three questions.

1. Can you live with her mood swings and annoyances for the rest of your life?

2. Do you have the same views on money and financial issues?

3. Is the sex good and plentiful?

If you answer No to any two of the questions then its time to move on. When you really think about those questions they really do spell out what a successfull long term relationship is going to require. Stuff to think about anyways.



From what you describe of her she sounds pretty amazing to me. Bringing you and your roomies food and stuff. And she dotes on you all nice and shyt. Caring, should be near the top of your list for requirements in a woman and it sounds like she's got that covered. Actually it sounds like her overall interest level is in the stratosphere buddy. Newman you've got this game mastered!

Anyways, only YOU are going to know for sure though whether its going to work . How's the sex?

 

[Gravyboat]

I'm in a bookstore looking for something to read. Just wonderign around - and she is following me. Almost smothering me.

Hmm. Maybe that's the key here--she's clingy. Neither gender particularly likes this trait (women ESPECIALLY hate it when guys are clingy.) Maybe that's the "something" you can't quite put your finger on, since many of those other qualities are good ones.

You used the term "smothered," which is interesting. Maybe you are starting to fear losing your independence because of her clinginess? Not in the sense of her trying to control you, but that she always seems to want to be around you could be preventing you from feeling like you have your own life--that you don't have the freedom to just do your own thing sometimes.

I know I'd die without alone time.

 

[NewMan]

Slicky...

That is interesting - I seem to remember you ended a LTR around the same time my did as well....

Sex is fantastic - she's actually got a higher drive than me - I never thought it possible.... Only last night did she leave me a voice mail telling me that she hoped I feel better because she's frisky and wants to see me tonight (I've been sick).....

I've not thought that it was her that was the problem - but rather it is me that has the issues. It seems that when I meet women and get into an LTR - I can't seem to fully commit. This will not be the first one I've fvcked up.... and probably will not be the last the way I am going....