Your advice on cheating...

[Rez]

This is a touchy subject for me so I'll lay everything out on the table.

Lately I've been presented with many opportunities to sleep with women other than my girlfriend. It's like as soon as you're in a relationship, all these other women all of a sudden want to jump your bones.

The temptation is really really strong but I know that my loyalty and commitment to my girl is even stronger. For those of you who have ever cheated on someone you loved, here's what I'm wondering:

"If you've ever cheated on someone you loved, someone with whom you shared a serious monogamous relationship with, why did you do it and did it help answer anything? If so, do you have any regrets from your actions or lessons you could share?"

Women usually cheat due to a lack of emotional stimulation. Men usually cheat due to a lack of physical stimulation. I'm not saying this is the same for everyone, but just asserting it as a broad generalization.

However, I (being a man) have been thinking about cheating due to a lack of emotional stimulation. In the beginning things were so great. But now, it's like she's a completely different person. If you have any advice on this I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks guys.

 

[(JJ)]

I guess I don't understand... why "emotionally cheat" at all? as you said, that's kind of a womanly thing. Why not just break up with her if you're looking for a better emotional connection?


and no, i've never cheated on anyone.

 

[Rez]

I guess I don't understand... why "emotionally cheat" at all? as you said, that's kind of a womanly thing. Why not just break up with her if you're looking for a better emotional connection?

When I say I'm thinking about cheating due to lack of emotional stimulation, that means I've been thinking about sleeping with other women because my girlfriend has recently been very different from when we first met. And yes, this is actual physical sex not just make-believe-think-about-other-women-when-I-masturbate-sex.

I can totally see how it looks like the roles have been reversed but that's not the case. I'm just the type of guy who prefers a strong, constant emotional connection/progress and she just hasn't been supplying it. I keep hoping that she'll come to terms with how she's been behaving but it seems as if every chance I give her she fails. Then on the other hand, I remember all the amazing memories we've shared and look forward to sharing even more with her.

To be honest, I was thinking that if I were to sleep with someone else and enjoy the experience much more than I do with her, then I could break up with her and be with the new girl. But then I started thinking what if I feel extremely regretful and the new girl is just the same, or worse?

It's hard to say what I want to say without coming off as an a$$hole. I'm just lost here and could use some real world advice...

 

[Slickster]

I've cheated in the past more than once and it sucks. I always ended up feeling sh!tty about it WAY longer than I could remember any pleasure I received.

If you are thinking about cheating it is always best to break up first. The drama you invite into your life by cheating is never worth it.

Lets look at the facts:

- Women and men cheat for different reasons. Emotional vs Physical. You admit your desire to cheat is emotional.
- Women commonly look for a new guy to replace the one they are currently with before breaking up with him. The monkey grabbing a new branch before letting go of the old one. This is based on the womanly need to feel security. Isn't this what you are doing here?
- Everyone knows cheating brings unnecessary drama to your life. Also women love drama.

So my question to you is why are wanting to act like a woman?

If you want to play the field be a man and let her go.

 

[PRMoon]

What you're going through is fairly standard. When you get a girlfriend and stay with her for a while then go out socially, your social presence shifts dramatically. When you were looking for girls to date or sleep with or whatever your social demeanor reads as with that intent. You're trying to get something out of the girls, your conversations are all geared towards leading up to something (sex, a phone number, a date etc). After you have a girlfriend you're out being social just to have a good time. The only reason you're talking to girls at this point is because you want to have some fun mixin it up. You're not trying to impress anyone because you really don't care what they think anyway. You could give two sh*ts about them and if you never saw them again you wouldn't care because there's no pressure. That tends to attract a lot of people and give you a popularity boost.

Conversely you're with some one for a while now which means...wait for it...yep "the honey moon is over". You're past the lovey douby phase where everything your girlfriend did was cute and you two were so eager to see each other all the time, and the long cute and might I add disgusting phone conversations about how you two compliment each other in every way imaginable. Now you are starting to notice the other things that your infatuation previously blinded you to. It's not that she changed, in fact she's always been like this. She had annoying tenancies from the get go but now they're starting to wear down on you, slowly and painfully. Don't think she hasn't thought the same about you because she does. Suddenly some of your guy friends are bad influences and she doesn't want to tolerate you going out with them as much as she did when you started.

I could go on and on like that but really dude, you're in what we call a relationship. Instead of emotionally cheating on her, why not just find some one impartial to your relationship, (preferably some one who doesn't do too much talking themselves) and vent. You'll find when you actually say what's on your mind at length you'll feel a lot better. After you do that you'll have opened the communication gates and will be able to talk to your girlfriend about your relationship further and you can both act like adults and get your petty grievances on the table to be hammered out. If you really want to make your relationship work I assure you that this will help clear the air and make you two stronger together.

 

[everywomanshero]

Depends... if the girl you are with deserves 110% of your respect, if she demonstrates an ability to think outside the box, if she isn't another media brainwashed idiot... then I say do not cheat. It's not worth it.

Outside of that rare circumstance, I say why not? Experience is life! Don't surprised by the number of women who are open to a 3 sum with another lady as well. Just make sure you don't pay too much attention to the third party.

Some of my best memories are of women I have been with for only a night or occasional rolls in the hay. You should recognize that, like anything, there are also certain risks.

 

[Joe Stud]

I did, and had fun. she never found out, so no harm done. It was strictly for fun. but can you keep it at that?

 

[Accension]

Only cheat if you don't care about losing your girlfriend, and the chances are high that you will.
You can try have your cake and eat it but I'm too ethical.

When I cheat, I consider it my breaking up with the girl and promptly tell her, bracing for a cluster fuc>.
Cheating is fun; I highly recommend it as it'll make you realize how expendable girls are.

 

[Slickster]

What you're going through is fairly standard. When you get a girlfriend and stay with her for a while then go out socially, your social presence shifts dramatically. When you were looking for girls to date or sleep with or whatever your social demeanor reads as with that intent. You're trying to get something out of the girls, your conversations are all geared towards leading up to something (sex, a phone number, a date etc). After you have a girlfriend you're out being social just to have a good time. The only reason you're talking to girls at this point is because you want to have some fun mixin it up. You're not trying to impress anyone because you really don't care what they think anyway. You could give two sh*ts about them and if you never saw them again you wouldn't care because there's no pressure. That tends to attract a lot of people and give you a popularity boost.

Conversely you're with some one for a while now which means...wait for it...yep "the honey moon is over". You're past the lovey douby phase where everything your girlfriend did was cute and you two were so eager to see each other all the time, and the long cute and might I add disgusting phone conversations about how you two compliment each other in every way imaginable. Now you are starting to notice the other things that your infatuation previously blinded you to. It's not that she changed, in fact she's always been like this. She had annoying tenancies from the get go but now they're starting to wear down on you, slowly and painfully. Don't think she hasn't thought the same about you because she does. Suddenly some of your guy friends are bad influences and she doesn't want to tolerate you going out with them as much as she did when you started.

I could go on and on like that but really dude, you're in what we call a relationship. Instead of emotionally cheating on her, why not just find some one impartial to your relationship, (preferably some one who doesn't do too much talking themselves) and vent. You'll find when you actually say what's on your mind at length you'll feel a lot better. After you do that you'll have opened the communication gates and will be able to talk to your girlfriend about your relationship further and you can both act like adults and get your petty grievances on the table to be hammered out. If you really want to make your relationship work I assure you that this will help clear the air and make you two stronger together.

Awesome advice!!

 

[Johnny_Kage]

Personally, I don't see the point in getting into a committed relationship if you're gonna cheat on them (might as well just break it off in my opinion).

But to each their own. If you want to cheat and that's in line with your values, then do it.

 

[Brighty]

I'm assuming this is a legitament relationship.

If so, it isn't alpha to cheat. Being a true DJ, you would have chosen a quality girl for a relationship and be used to the abundance in women that when a girl comes onto you, you aren't swayed. You would have the strength and resolve to be above a ONS for someone you truly care about. If you want to be alpha and hook up with a ton of girls, then don't get into a relationship. Easy. If you are and you're still hooking up with other women, it speaks less of your character that you would go behind your partner's back and betray them like that, then look them in the eye the next day like nothing happened. That's not masculine, confident, dominant, whatever you want to call it and that certainly isn't any of the qualities or characteristics of anyone or anything admirable.

If you want to play the field, by all means, but if you do it while in a committed relationship you're demeaning yourself.

 

[Rez]

You guys have all been great. Thank you especially for the sound advice. I've read every post and have come to the following conclusion:

If I were to sleep with other women while still in my current relationship, what if no matter how safe I was I still ended up catching an STD? Then, I'd either have to:

A) Explain the entire situation honestly to my girlfriend.

or...

B) Break up with her anyway cuz I wouldn't want to give her the STD.

or...

C) Live with the fact (for the rest of my life) that in a moment of weakness I did an extremely stupid thing and now I'm the one suffering the consequences.

None of these possibilities appeal to me so I'll keep my d*ck in my pants. I just couldn't bear the thought of giving someone an STD just because I wanted to sleep around. And hell, I'm clean as a whistle and an STD is the last thing I would ever want to get myself involved with.

Thanks for helping me stay level-headed fellas. I truly appreciate your support and guidance.

 

[Reyaj]

Dude i just wrote a thread on my cheating experience last week. Read it. Make sure you glove up if you are going to have intercourse. The chance of an STD is probably the only thing I'd feel bad about.. I don't feel guilty at all and I actually realize that I can have a monogamous relationship and be content with my current girlfriend because of it.

I mean bottom line... if you aren't married you owe it to yourself to experiment.. the worst thing for you would be to be married 5 years to her and not be happy and then think back to the chances you had prior to being married.

It sure beats cheating on her when you are married, doesn't it?

 

[Slickster]

I mean bottom line... if you aren't married you owe it to yourself to experiment.. the worst thing for you would be to be married 5 years to her and not be happy and then think back to the chances you had prior to being married.

It sure beats cheating on her when you are married, doesn't it?

Yeah exactly. You should be SINGLE and experimenting like crazy. Why bother kidding yourself with the girlfriend?

It's funny but if the script was flipped and you found out your girlfriend was cheating on you I bet you'd be on here complaining about women being untrustworthy.

Good luck

 

[eaglez1177]

You guys have all been great. Thank you especially for the sound advice. I've read every post and have come to the following conclusion:

If I were to sleep with other women while still in my current relationship, what if no matter how safe I was I still ended up catching an STD? Then, I'd either have to:

A) Explain the entire situation honestly to my girlfriend.

or...

B) Break up with her anyway cuz I wouldn't want to give her the STD.

or...

C) Live with the fact (for the rest of my life) that in a moment of weakness I did an extremely stupid thing and now I'm the one suffering the consequences.

None of these possibilities appeal to me so I'll keep my d*ck in my pants. I just couldn't bear the thought of giving someone an STD just because I wanted to sleep around. And hell, I'm clean as a whistle and an STD is the last thing I would ever want to get myself involved with.

Thanks for helping me stay level-headed fellas. I truly appreciate your support and guidance.

Heres my two cents:

First off, the possibility of catching an STD should definitely not be a deciding factor in your decisions at all. Every man who is single is at the same risk for catching STD's, you can greatly decrease your risk by simply using a condom. YOu shouldnt just assume that since your cheating on your gf, your going to catch an STD and then give her one lol. Thats just a ridiculous and paranoid excuse that your mind is coming up with to give reason behind NOT cheating on your gf.

Secondly, I know exactly how you feel right now. I used to have a gf, and after a while, I started going through exactly what you described, and began to get thoughts about cheating. I ended the relationship, and got a lot more ass. It was fun. IMO, I agree with what Jayer said: "I mean bottom line... if you aren't married you owe it to yourself to experiment.. the worst thing for you would be to be married 5 years to her and not be happy and then think back to the chances you had prior to being married."

 

[Reyaj]

Yeah exactly. You should be SINGLE and experimenting like crazy. Why bother kidding yourself with the girlfriend?

It's funny but if the script was flipped and you found out your girlfriend was cheating on you I bet you'd be on here complaining about women being untrustworthy.

Good luck

You are right, I would absolutely write a thread trashing my girlfriend for cheating. But I'm a man.. and just as women have certain worldly privileges just because they are female so do men. 1 of them is being permitted to cheat at at least 1 point in their lives.

I prefer to do it when I'm single... :rockon:

 

[Rescue Mission]

what in the world is wrong with cheating?

nobody cares in the long run, there is no need to be stupid and illogical about things - if you stupidly decided to commit to someone who you truly do not want a commitment to, and you are too much of a p*ssy to just break up, then feel free to cheat all you want - what's the difference? What does it matter if the chick that you don't care about gets hurt?

you only have 1 life, it is your DUTY to do with that 1 life whatever you wanna do, no limits

 

[Reyaj]

what in the world is wrong with cheating?

nobody cares in the long run, there is no need to be stupid and illogical about things - if you stupidly decided to commit to someone who you truly do not want a commitment to, and you are too much of a p*ssy to just break up, then feel free to cheat all you want - what's the difference? What does it matter if the chick that you don't care about gets hurt?

you only have 1 life, it is your DUTY to do with that 1 life whatever you wanna do, no limits

Or what if you do care about your girlfriend but just want to have superficial hook-ups with other girls?

I say the answer is the same, do it!