Younger women at the gym

[_-_WOLFSBANE_-_]

Alright. Im gonna humble myself and just say it. Idk wtf I'm doing.

Lately when I've gone to the gym I just get this strange feeling/weird scenario that's been happening. Tonight was a perfect example. I can't tell if I'm autistic and can't read the social cues or I am actually reading them correctly.

I get into the gym and I go to the stretching area. I see this cute girl shes got a bra on and sweatpants w headphones on. Shes working out, doing some step-up thing. I see her from a distance(to far to tell if she actually looked in my eyes or what) and she walks over by me to get a kettlebell. I'm looking right at her to make eye contact but she doesn't make eye contact, grabs the kettle bell and walks back over to what she is doing.

I forget about it, oh well. finish my stretching and then I walk over to the dumbbells by the mirror to do my shoulder work. I'm doing my work and all of a sudden I look over and this girl is on the decline sit-up bench like 5 feet away from me. She took her sweatpants off and now she's wearing the booty shorts and her bra and she's like...getting ready to do her stuff. I try not to oogle her, but I look over at her and again it's like she does not make eye contact. She does like 1 half of a baby set, like is kind of just like fidgeting with her phone, looking in the mirror, stretching and walking around the decline situp bench but does not make eye contact with me......then she gets her stuff and walks away....

what is going on? Was I supposed to walk up to her and just say hello? Am I reading the situation correctly that if she wanted me to talk to her she would have made eye contact at least? I feel like this has been happening alot lately where younger women are putting themselves in or near my vicinity but they do not make eye contact, they do not smile, and it almost feels awkward.

Am I retarded or whats going on?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

How about you go to the gym to actually work out?

If you were focused on that you wouldn't have time for any of that other stuff.

 

[_-_WOLFSBANE_-_]

Thanks for answering my question. If you just switch gym with the supermarket the same question still applies. My gym routine and my physique is doin well I appreciate the pointer I'm trying to understand the social cues....

 

[saige]

I'm looking right at her to make eye contact but she doesn't make eye contact, grabs the kettle bell and walks back over to what she is doing.

does not make eye contact with me......then she gets her stuff and walks away....

I'm sorry, but dude, what? I think you're misinterpreting what's going on here. She happens to be within your proximity of distance but is giving you no signals of interest, avoiding eye contact, and does not smile.

She is simply working out with a kettlebell, and it happened to be where you were, so she picked it up. What do you mean, were you supposed to walk over there and say hello? I understand you might not read social skills as you pointed out yourself, so I'm here to tell you there was nothing that indicated interest on her part.

Focus on your own workout. The gym isn't a place to pick anyone up imo, unless someone is giving you very clear signs of interest. And by very clear I mean direct eye contact, smiling, you guys have already stricken up conversation.

For me and most of the women I know, this topic hit close to home because we are just trying to get a work out in, and remain focused while doing so. I have recently developed a bit of anxiety when it comes to working out because interactions are a bit stressful when the intention behind them are obvious. I wear baggy clothes, I have headphones on, I focus on my form, but I feel like I have to avoid eye contact and not smile at all or some people won't get the hint (not saying this is you, but my own personal experience). Whenever I am with my bf, I get respectful treatment and basically no leers/stares that last for minutes.

I know there are attention seekers at the gym, yes there are some women who record themselves and try to flaunt their assets and whatever, but I can't help but feel like this is blown out of proportion. My friend was recently yelled at because she had her phone tilted a certain position while she was drinking water, some guys were asking her why she was recording them and what she was trying to do.

You said you tried not to ogle her and after a while she walked away. Its fine to glance or look at women in the gym who you think are attractive, but just blatantly ogling for minutes on end is not prosocial behavior.

 

[SW15]

I'm sorry, but dude, what? I think you're misinterpreting what's going on here. She happens to be within your proximity of distance but is giving you no signals of interest, avoiding eye contact, and does not smile.

She is simply working out with a kettlebell, and it happened to be where you were, so she picked it up. What do you mean, were you supposed to walk over there and say hello? I understand you might not read social skills as you pointed out yourself, so I'm here to tell you there was nothing that indicated interest on her part.

I agree with you. In the situation that the OP described, there were no IOIs.

I try to make eye contact and smile with many women as I go through my day-to-day life when I am trying to meet new women.

There are many instances when my eye contact and smile is not acknowledged in any way. I don't run to SoSuave and make posts about it. These are women that aren't interested and I quickly forget that they ever existed.

OP likely thinks he gets more IOIs than he actually gets. These women aren't inviting him to approach in any way.

He is having difficulty reading social cues.

He did the right thing in the gym not approaching a woman wearing earbuds that didn't give him any IOIs.

In a grocery store, with a woman not giving any IOIs but not wearing earbuds, he could approach with a strong opening line. That's also going to be a lower percentage effort. I have done some of these approaches because I found them so appealing that I couldn't resist opening them.

 

[saige]

I try to make eye contact and smile with many women as I go through my day-to-day life when I am trying to meet new women.

Yes, that's good. Keeping your expression open and friendly invites the woman to reciprocate any signs of interest from you.

OP likely thinks he gets more IOIs than he actually gets. These women aren't inviting him to approach in any way.

He is having difficulty reading social cues.

Exactly, I think OP either overestimates the cues he gets or doesn't read women/people well in situations where they have no indication of interest. This might be indicative of a slight psychological condition or misinterpretation of social cues. Either way, he seems to remain open to learning and I hope he'll find a better approach to this.

In a grocery store, with a woman not giving any IOIs but not wearing earbuds, he could approach with a strong opening line. That's also going to be a lower percentage effort.

Actually, I have to comment on this. This is a really clever idea, the grocery store is a much more laid back environment than the gym where women are more likely to be receptive to approaches. If they are simply walking around alone, and don't appear in a hurry, this is a great opening starter. I took a neuroscience class last year, and one of the things I learned is that women will actually think of you in a higher light if you are associated with a positive environment. This is why your way of grocery store approaching is superior to a more stressful place.

I personally am not a fan of OP's method at the gym. Its a high-tension environment especially in the middle of a workout, where many women can be prone to anxiety, not wanting to be perceived all sweaty and trying to focus on getting their workout in, or getting overstimulated by stares. As I said, the only way I'd recommend a gym approach is if the woman doesn't: have earbuds in, not exercising, seems relaxed and looking around casually, giving high indicators of interest.

 

[Gamisch]

Yes, that's good. Keeping your expression open and friendly invites the woman to reciprocate any signs of interest from you.

Exactly, I think OP either overestimates the cues he gets or doesn't read women/people well in situations where they have no indication of interest. This might be indicative of a slight psychological condition or misinterpretation of social cues. Either way, he seems to remain open to learning and I hope he'll find a better approach to this.


Actually, I have to comment on this. This is a really clever idea, the grocery store is a much more laid back environment than the gym where women are more likely to be receptive to approaches. If they are simply walking around alone, and don't appear in a hurry, this is a great opening starter. I took a neuroscience class last year, and one of the things I learned is that women will actually think of you in a higher light if you are associated with a positive environment. This is why your way of grocery store approaching is superior to a more stressful place.

I personally am not a fan of OP's method at the gym. Its a high-tension environment especially in the middle of a workout, where many women can be prone to anxiety, not wanting to be perceived all sweaty and trying to focus on getting their workout in, or getting overstimulated by stares. As I said, the only way I'd recommend a gym approach is if the woman doesn't: have earbuds in, not exercising, seems relaxed and looking around casually, giving high indicators of interest.

PREACH!

I get it, most men will see most (fly looking) women in the gym. Especially if you work in a man dominated field. So it's EXTREMELY tempting to think about getting your fresh supply of p00sy from the gym.

It's ill-advised though..let's take OP for example. Dude is unable to tell whether said woman is into him or not. For all we know someone will advice him to " just go after her bro"( in a bro voice) . So he does, gets rejected nicely and now ..

Now he has planted what I call a seed of insecurity. No disrespect, but if you struggle this much with reading IOI I can tell you struggle with women in general and are more on the beta side of the spectrum. Now you've gave yourself a reason to not be in the gym. Unconsciously.

You see, our body and mind is always playing tricks on us and if you body can choose between sitting on a couch in a warm safe environment eating doritos versus going to the gym to risk your limps it will obviously pick the former.

 

[_-_WOLFSBANE_-_]

Appreciate the feedback..
Im my defense. I didnt stare her down. I was just confused. She walked by me, I went on with my workout. I walked to another part of the gym and next thing I knew she was right next to me without pants on and was lingering. I just glanced, and did not to stare.

 

[Gamisch]

Appreciate the feedback..
Im my defense. I didnt stare her down. I was just confused. She walked by me, I went on with my workout. Next thing I knew she was right next to me without pants on lingering. I just glanced? Tried not to stare. This was a 5 minute interaction.

The most positive turn I can give this is saying that you might be improving to such a degree that women are drawn to you like a magnet.

Hold up before you jump on that high horse though..what I mean is that the better you become, the more this will happen the more this happens the less surprised you'll be and the more you'll be able to distinguish between true interest and anything else.

But again, that's quite a stretch from my side, and more how I approach these things in general. I tend to become more confident and c0cky when these things happen and I just enjoy it. If anything your aim should be to become as irresistible as possible.

You could also argue that she feel so comfortable that she does whatever stretch exercise she has to do there without having shame because ..yeah..it's a gym so it's basically the only public place where you can do this. Like a dude taking off his shirt and flexing his muscles in the mirror is somewhat acceptable in most gyms.

 

[_-_WOLFSBANE_-_]

So what action/items things to read or things to do after reading this thread? I'm open to more feedback/advice.

 

[Gamisch]

So what action/items things to read or things to do after reading this thread? I'm open to more feedback/advice.

Difficult one. I'm traveling so I have to much time on my hands now lol but perhaps someone else has a better answer than me.

I guess you should be sharper and see if this happens more often, all the while without turning into the type of creep who is constantly trying too hard.

To ME the gym is a sanctuary . I do obviously see plenty of women but I don't wanna poison that well in any way shape or form. If I do feel like I get strong IOI I would test the waters by simply being social and saying hi or something easy-going like that.

What do you want? What's your goal? What do you try to achieve on the forum?

 

[_-_WOLFSBANE_-_]

I want to improve social skills and understanding the ways that women communicate interest. Like when is the right time to approach or introduce yourself or whatever the case is:

To me what I'm not understanding(autism) is the general guidance I've read seems to be:
1. when a girl glances at you and then looks away and looks back - but not always when she glances at you
2. when she makes eye contact with you - but sometimes its by accident and she isn't interested
3. when she smiles at you - but sometimes she's just being polite and smiling at everyone
4. when she fixes her hair - but sometimes she's just fixing her hair for no reason
5. when she moves closer to you/puts herself in your proximity - but sometimes she just happens to be near you
6. when she feels intimidated/shy and doesn't want to make eye contact - but sometimes she just doesn't like you

I want to be able to attract/build connections with the type of woman I'm attracted to(typically these are women who are involved in some kind of fitness activity).

I want to understand frame more and how to maintain it and what it means when you're talking to a new person.

Once I'm on the date everything usually goes well.

 

[SW15]

Keeping your expression open and friendly invites the woman to reciprocate any signs of interest from you.

That's the idea of why I do it. Reciprocation rates are low.

I think OP either overestimates the cues he gets or doesn't read women/people well in situations where they have no indication of interest. This might be indicative of a slight psychological condition or misinterpretation of social cues. Either way, he seems to remain open to learning and I hope he'll find a better approach to this.

OP should test professionally for autism if he hasn't already. This was a big nothing.

In a grocery store, with a woman not giving any IOIs but not wearing earbuds, he could approach with a strong opening line. That's also going to be a lower percentage effort. I have done some of these approaches because I found them so appealing that I couldn't resist opening them.

This is a really clever idea, the grocery store is a much more laid back environment than the gym where women are more likely to be receptive to approaches. If they are simply walking around alone, and don't appear in a hurry, this is a great opening starter. I took a neuroscience class last year, and one of the things I learned is that women will actually think of you in a higher light if you are associated with a positive environment. This is why your way of grocery store approaching is superior to a more stressful place.

I like approaching in grocery stores. The typical approach in grocery stores is not likely to lead to a first date but it is less of a hectic, stressful environment as compared to the general gym floor. What you learned in neuroscience class is valid.

Each grocery store has a different environment and customer base. Approaching in Walmart isn't the same as approaching in Whole Foods.

It can be difficult to tell who is in a hurry pre-approach at times. Some women have obvious body language on that. Some women who are in a hurry will be more standoffish and the conversation will fizzle fast.

I rarely ever get harsh blowouts in the grocery store (or any venue). It's because I am better than average in selecting who to approach.

the only way I'd recommend a gym approach is if the woman doesn't: have earbuds in, not exercising, seems relaxed and looking around casually, giving high indicators of interest.

Very few women on the general gym floor will meet that criteria.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I'm doing my work and all of a sudden I look over and this girl is on the decline sit-up bench like 5 feet away from me. She took her sweatpants off and now she's wearing the booty shorts and her bra and she's like...getting ready to do her stuff. I try not to oogle her, but I look over at her and again it's like she does not make eye contact

Sounds like she's been re-watching The Maax

, feared that you might be Mr. Gone, and thus made it her primary mission to get out of there without her limbs being separated from her torso, wrapped in plastic, and chucked into a dumpster somewhere

 

[_-_WOLFSBANE_-_]

Sounds like she's been re-watching The Maax

, feared that you might be Mr. Gone, and thus made it her primary mission to get out of there without her limbs being separated from her torso, wrapped in plastic, and chucked into a dumpster somewhere

yikes man it wasn't that serious. think you might be going overboard. i didn't go near her. she came near me and lingered. Jeezus forget I even posted anything