Young women and daddy issues

[Jitterbug]

I'm 25 turning 26, I date a lot more than my peers and most women I date are 18~25. I got into few relationships relative to the number of women I've dated, and earlier this year when I sat down & went through the things that stop those dates from turning into relationships or fail the relationships, one major thing stands out: daddy issues.

Examples of what I've experienced:

* Mild cases (very typical, most common):

- AFC daddy treats her like a princess, she believes she's a princess and can do no wrong
- AFC daddy breaks his back to support the family, gets treated like dirt by mommy and that affects daughter's relationship with men.

* Serious cases:

- Parents divorced, she lives with mommy, who poisons her mind against daddy.
- Daddy cheated.
- Alcoholic daddy beats up her mom.

* Really fvcked up cases:

- Serious DV & incest (incl her sisters - both married too). When I was suddenly denied the poon, I suspected that someone else was getting it, but I could never guess that someone was her daddy - and she did it to "keep the family together". That one talked about her family as if it was the most normal, loving family on earth. :crazy: She acts normal too most of the time.

As someone with a decent family, I simply don't want to and don't have the capacity to deal with them. While I'm sure that I will find (and have found) women with positive father figure and decent role models for relationships, the sheer number of women with daddy issues I've dated or met is disturbing! Before anyone says "club", I met very few of them through bars or clubs. The majority are through social circles & hobbies.

No wonder the dating field is so fvcked up! To the DJ uncles on this forum, what the hell did the men in your generation do to cause this???

 

[Hooligan Harry]

Boys and girls are not raised in a home with functioning gender roles anymore. There is no bigger influence in life then a persons parents. From womb to grave, almost everything you are is often the result of the environment they created or the genes they passed onto you.

Treating your daughter like a princess is not the problem. The problem is when you are a doormat for your wife in front of her. She thinks its normal behavior. She wont understand why she is attracted to the jerk and wont understand why she cant stay faithful to the guy who is like her father.

The best way to look at the situation is to look at the people in your own family. For example, I have an uncle who is so beaten in life he asks his wife if its ok to wear shorts to the golf course that day. She sleeps until 9 every day, refuses to cook more then 3 times a week, has him do his own laundry and ironing most of the time. Every new car they purchased, she drove while he got the hand me down. As thick as a brick, she is constantly talking about womans equality and sexism. You cant go through a family dinner without something coming up about how women have it so hard.

My cousins are both so ****ed in the head its not funny. The boy they have is homosexual without a doubt (genetic or environmental, he had no chance the poor kid) and the daughter is a 25 year old teenager. Has the maturity of a 12 year old, cant hold down a job, has excessive debt and has latched onto some snot nosed spoilt boyfriend who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

Compare that to my father. Treated my sister like a princess when she was smaller. There were different rules for us. My old man though called the shots. Always has, always will. My mother often got her way, but never by trying to take him on directly. She stayed at home and never went to work unless things were tight financially. She always had a say, but my father made the final decision.

My sister, who was treated like a princess, would rather stay at home and raise kids then work. Although she works, and although she has a degree, she is cutting back on the hours now that she can afford to to spend time with her son. She has been with the same guy for the last 9 years, married after 6.

Divorce is a major issue. Children, both boys and girls need strong fathers in their lives. Feminism and AFC men are the other problems. They are not setting the right example for their kids when they let the women in their lives treat them like ****.

But Jitter, I have the same problems at the moment. Its scary how many people come from broken homes. Whats even more alarming is that they tend to be the people with the most issues. As divorce becomes more common and children are raised in homes where there are no gender roles, this problem will only increase.

If you think you have it bad, wait till our sons and daughters start dating.

 

[darkstarrr]

Touche my friend.

I've had 4 serious relationships in my time and only 1 was normal. Is it a coincidence that her family was mostly functional, particularly the relationship with the father?

Yippeee lets talk about the other 3, this is so much fun!!! :cheer:

#1

- AFC daddy treats her like a princess, she believes she's a princess and can do no wrong

I'm not qualified to ascertain causation by any means. But the first one turned out to have bulimia for 5 years before I met her. She was drop dead gorgeous at the time (17-21) but her looks really plummeted after 24. Tits shrunk and everything. Turned out to be fully and legitimately diagnosed bipolar. Never met anyone more insecure in my life. Was a complete AW wacko who cheated and came back crying over and over again, draining my life force like a leach. She was older than me, too which made it worse. So glad I finally cut her out of my life. :kick: :wave:

#2

- AFC daddy breaks his back to support the family, gets treated like dirt by mommy and that affects daughter's relationship with men.
- Serious DV & incest

Holy cup cakes JB. This one was the daughter of a Minister! Seemed perfectly normal and homely, absolutely gorgeous, amazing tits; she could *** so easily, one time it took me about 20 seconds flat to get her off with my hands down her pants I sh1t you not. Seemed completely normal, other than the fact that she threw herself at me and was head over for me right off the bat. Until 6 months in when she told me her brother raped her over 25 times between the ages of 5 and 13, and he tried it again when she was 16 but she told him to get out and get off of her ( I guess she was too young to know right from wrong all the other times). Odd because they seem to have this one big happy normal family thing going on as if:

That one talked about her family as if it was the most normal, loving family on earth.

#3

- AFC daddy treats her like a princess, she believes she's a princess and can do no wrong
- Parents divorced, she lives with mommy, who poisons her mind against daddy.
- Alcoholic daddy beats up her mom.

Holy canolies. The fat lady has sung. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I mean how could it? Mom and dad were FBs. Mom 34 and dad 24 when they met at the bars (be careful of those cougars people). Mom had coke habit dad was hard core booze machine. Accidental pregnancy considred abortion but never followed through. Dad turned into ragingly abusive alcoholic AFC who cried a lot while mom was a distant, detached, heartless biatch. Actual food fights took place in the household growing up. Come to find out daddys mommy is a crack head. This girl was so awckward (this face is a perfect description of her = :nervous the only thing I can compare it to is a fly (me) going straight into one of those neon blue bug zappers.

And now I'm single and free from the insanity! :woo:

 

[STR8UP]

My first h0bag, er, I mean, girlfriend lost her mom from cancer when she was young. She was quite a piece of work.

Another one lost her dad a couple of years before I met her, then lost her little sis of leukemia a few months after we started dating. Raised by her step mom, real mom was pretty distant.

Third one, her dad abandoned her and mom when she was little. She verbally expressed issues she has with that situation. Really liked step dad who treats her as his own, but i think he cheated on her mom. I loved her mom and her mom loved me, BTW. Step dad was a little more leary of a 31 yr old guy with his 21 yr old step daughter. Mother and daughter were both born in the Philippines, so they would be more tolerant.

Lotsa people have family issues, it seems women especially.

 

[jophil28]

No wonder the dating field is so fvcked up! To the DJ uncles on this forum, what the hell did the men in your generation do to cause this???

Daddy issues - yep, a killer of LTRs.

I had a recent intimate experience with a 47 year old professional educator. She was hyper 'everything', BPD, compulsive liar, a cheater all her adult life including in her first marriage , and a mindfvcker extraordinaire.

The source ? ALcoholic family of origin. Physical and emotional abuse, cheating parents. Violent daddy, weak mother.

SHe told me this story... when she was a pre adolescent , her mother would wake her up late at night just before daddy arrived home.
HE was usually drunk and the child's job was to divert his attention and protect her Mom from his drunken demands to have sex...she was not allowed to go back to bed until daddy passed out..

Mom stayed married "for the children" and continued to have six of them. Irish catholics.

By comparision. I had a G/f back in the 80's who had a traditional family. Dad was a strong leader who just took care of his family and was adored by his wife and daughters. Great "headship".
( Jitterbug, she was raised in the Albury-Wodonga area) -

I had NO problems with that young lady. She was great. (Unfortunately I was not )

 

[Jitterbug]

But Jitter, I have the same problems at the moment. Its scary how many people come from broken homes. Whats even more alarming is that they tend to be the people with the most issues. As divorce becomes more common and children are raised in homes where there are no gender roles, this problem will only increase.

If you think you have it bad, wait till our sons and daughters start dating.

I'm so not looking forward to that. :/

I had a recent intimate experience with a 47 year old professional educator. She was hyper 'everything', BPD, compulsive liar, a cheater all her adult life including in her first marriage , and a mindfvcker extraordinaire.

I think it was you who posted about how the worst basket cases tend to be in those social / carer jobs. It's so true in my experience. The worst I've met have been teachers, nannies and nurses.

( Jitterbug, she was raised in the Albury-Wodonga area)

Are you telling me that country-raised girls are awesome?

Well I thought so too, but the DV/incest case I mentioned is a country girl who described her family in a similar manner to what your great 80s gal did.

Having said that, I do find those country girls irresistible and very pleasant to deal with (except that odd one - but apart from her horrible family, she did treat me very well & tried her best).

 

[jophil28]

I think it was you who posted about how the worst basket cases tend to be in those social / carer jobs. It's so true in my experience. The worst I've met have been teachers, nannies and nurses.

Teachers, at the bottom of the academic food chain, seem to make the worst SO's, and don't forget to add in the social workers, clinical psychologists, guidance officers and even some HR managers.

IT seems that the 'caring professions" have a magnetic pull for the loonies, ClusterB's, and the broken and wounded.

These women all work with the ill, the young, the powerless or the disadvantaged..Unfortunately their job encourages them to believe in and promote their personal superiority and self importance rather that deal with their own damaged psyches..

Avoid 'em all, trust me.

 

[decades]

to the boys here examining the "family of origin" issues of the women they date. If you allowed one of these women to hang around even ONE DAY past her expiration date, then it makes sense to examine your own FOO issues....

 

[darkstarrr]

I had a recent intimate experience with a 47 year old professional educator. She was hyper 'everything', BPD, compulsive liar, a cheater all her adult life including in her first marriage , and a mindfvcker extraordinaire.

I think it was you who posted about how the worst basket cases tend to be in those social / carer jobs. It's so true in my experience. The worst I've met have been teachers, nannies and nurses.

Teachers, at the bottom of the academic food chain, seem to make the worst SO's, and don't forget to add in the social workers, clinical psychologists, guidance officers and even some HR managers.

IT seems that the 'caring professions" have a magnetic pull for the loonies, ClusterB's, and the broken and wounded.

These women all work with the ill, the young, the powerless or the disadvantaged..Unfortunately their job encourages them to believe in and promote their personal superiority and self importance rather that deal with their own damaged psyches..

Avoid 'em all, trust me.

Intruiging. My ex is in the process of becomming a teacher. Could this phenom be part of the viscious cycle of people/kids becomming more tweaked? Teachers should be comprehensively screened and then be granted pay raises.

*in comes Twilight Zone theme*

Ever seen the movie Gremlins?

Gizmo -------> Gremlin

 

[Heni]

we all just need to grow up

All of us have our "childhood traumas".
Let's be honest with ourselves. Try to see what irrational behavior/reaction stems from childhood events. Once you pinpoint your pattern - you have the ability to change it. If it's the behavior of another, point it out to them.

Most importantly:
For those of us who are now parents, don't repeat the mistakes of your parents. The traditional gender roles are are no more. Like it or not, this is a new world. Teach your children to live in it. Teach your children to thrive in it.
"Be the change you want to see in the world!"

No matter what our problems are with our parents, we have to show our children that we do our best to get along with our parents and to respect them. We can "use" their flaws as a teaching tool.

None of us are perfect. Not our parents. Not us. Not our children.
Deal with it.

 

[horaholic]

All of us have our "childhood traumas".
Let's be honest with ourselves. Try to see what irrational behavior/reaction stems from childhood events. Once you pinpoint your pattern - you have the ability to change it. If it's the behavior of another, point it out to them.

Most importantly:
For those of us who are now parents, don't repeat the mistakes of your parents. The traditional gender roles are are no more. Like it or not, this is a new world. Teach your children to live in it. Teach your children to thrive in it.
"Be the change you want to see in the world!"

No matter what our problems are with our parents, we have to show our children that we do our best to get along with our parents and to respect them. We can "use" their flaws as a teaching tool.

None of us are perfect. Not our parents. Not us. Not our children.
Deal with it.

Are you a female?

 

[jophil28]

The traditional gender roles are are no more. Like it or not, this is a new world. Teach your children to live in it. Teach your children to thrive in it.
"Be the change you want to see in the world!"

The gender roles are no more ? Why? did the UN pass a binding resolution?
Did the World Court in the Hague hand down a judgement ?
IF any role assigments have changed it is because weak, timid husbands and fathers abdicated their rightful leadership and handed it to woman.
There is absolutely NO reason why a traditional family cannot exist, prosper and thrive today.
YOu are the man of the house -act like one.

 

[darkstarrr]

All of us have our "childhood traumas".
Let's be honest with ourselves. Try to see what irrational behavior/reaction stems from childhood events. Once you pinpoint your pattern - you have the ability to change it. If it's the behavior of another, point it out to them.

Most importantly:
For those of us who are now parents, don't repeat the mistakes of your parents. The traditional gender roles are are no more. Like it or not, this is a new world. Teach your children to live in it. Teach your children to thrive in it.
"Be the change you want to see in the world!"

No matter what our problems are with our parents, we have to show our children that we do our best to get along with our parents and to respect them. We can "use" their flaws as a teaching tool.

None of us are perfect. Not our parents. Not us. Not our children.
Deal with it.

Perfect! Now all you have to do is meet as many troubled women as you can and repeat this. Surely your wisdom will spare many unsuspecting men from falling victim to the Captain-Save-a-h0 schematic. Me? I enjoy carrying a little extra toilet paper around wiping these's ones butts for them.

 

[Jitterbug]

All of us have our "childhood traumas". blah blah blah

You wish!

My childhood was awesome!

There are plenty of people who grew up in happy families, but the ****ed up ones will find it very hard to see or acknowledge their existence.

jophil28

While we were having that discussion (and also during the first time I saw you post that), coincidentally, I was dating someone who's in the process of becoming a teacher. I was only in it long enough to see that they are "emotionally unstable" - to say the least. Saw enough signs that suggest that I would not trust them teaching any child. One is going to be an English teacher but her spelling & grammar are sh!thouse!

 

[grinder]

The only universal is you.

If you are here then you have an advantage. I post so rarely because I feel I owe SS a debt.

Learn your licks man, then get out. Live your life. You will see your query is inconsequential if you have learned what is here.

 

[vitor]

All my friends that are teachers, are great people, but 75% smoke pot regullary, drink a lot, and it is scary sometimes. I am surprised they do not drug test teachers.....

 

[jophil28]

All my friends that are teachers, are great people, but 75% smoke pot regullary, drink a lot, and it is scary sometimes. I am surprised they do not drug test teachers.....

Ha ha ! I have seen the same. Booze and drugs.

" Children, stay still for ten minutes and just read your work until I get back. I have to deliver my urine sample to the Principal's office."

 

[jophil28]

All my friends that are teachers, are great people, but 75% smoke pot regullary, drink a lot, and it is scary sometimes. I am surprised they do not drug test teachers.....

Friends? Fine, but perhaps you need to try an LTR with one.

The last time I tried that, she and I did not break up in the normal way , I got "expelled" .

 

[Warrior74]

I knew a girl who would openly rant about how she hated her father and how all men are dogs and players and how men are stupid. And she wonders why she can't keep a man. When they leave, she falls back on those same statements to sooth her feelings of rejection and stays stuck in that cycle. What man want's to hear that crap all the time? Not me. I didn't even bother to hit it and quit it. It wasn't worth it.

 

[Colossus]

Teachers, at the bottom of the academic food chain, seem to make the worst SO's, and don't forget to add in the social workers, clinical psychologists, guidance officers and even some HR managers.

IT seems that the 'caring professions" have a magnetic pull for the loonies, ClusterB's, and the broken and wounded.

These women all work with the ill, the young, the powerless or the disadvantaged..Unfortunately their job encourages them to believe in and promote their personal superiority and self importance rather that deal with their own damaged psyches..

Avoid 'em all, trust me.

Valid point, Jophil.

I have a few female friends who are teachers, and I have dated some as well. Seems an incredibly common career choice, actually. I cant count the number of chicks I've been out with who were or wanted to be teachers. And you know what? More often than not, they were crazy women in some way or another. That seems to be the consensus here.

Interesting tidbit--

A good buddy of mine here in Boston is a cardiologist. We talk about medical work a lot. He says that the most wicked, difficult, and malignant chief residents are ALWAYS women. Men usually realize they are on the same team and find a way to get along and get the work done. Women, on the other hand, seem to just breed contention. They get an inkling of power and turn into "dragon ladies", as he calls them. My preceptor at the lab can be a real ice b!tch as well. Difficult to work with at times.