You will learn when you get married....

[Heretolearn]

shudders.

So at work today, a guy was getting frustrated spending an hour on the phone connecting a mobile phone for his wife which he gave her. Now maybe its just me, but this guy works 10 hrs a day in an intense job and pays for his wife and 2 kids who sit at home. He buys tem everything.

The wife was too lazy to connect it. Anyway, I said should'nt your wife do this considering she has all day and you should be working. He replied, you will learn when you get married.........

Man, I NEVER want that. My god.

He is 30 and i am 29. I do not have a gf even yet people are so surprised where i live that I am not even married. (small country town). It was so wonderful to visit NY and see the focus on careers/hobbies things OUTSIDE relationships/kids also. 30 yr olds in relationships not marriages lol

 

[trent81]

I wanted to talk about this. I always wanted to move to a big city exactly because of trying to hang with more professionals and maybe meet a single woman who put education and work first like I did. Tell me more about New york and what you saw.

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

shudders.

So at work today, a guy was getting frustrated spending an hour on the phone connecting a mobile phone for his wife which he gave her. Now maybe its just me, but this guy works 10 hrs a day in an intense job and pays for his wife and 2 kids who sit at home. He buys tem everything.

The wife was too lazy to connect it. Anyway, I said should'nt your wife do this considering she has all day and you should be working. He replied, you will learn when you get married.........

Man, I NEVER want that. My god.

He is 30 and i am 29. I do not have a gf even yet people are so surprised where i live that I am not even married. (small country town). It was so wonderful to visit NY and see the focus on careers/hobbies things OUTSIDE relationships/kids also. 30 yr olds in relationships not marriages lol

Not a problem if it's your wife who does the learning when you get married.
(Of course she should already know as you've probably been together for a while.)


Sorry, but a p*ssy is a p*ssy if he is married or not. This guy would be doing the same thing for his girlfriend and probably his girl friends.

 

[Sinistar]

Sorry, but a p*ssy is a p*ssy if he is married or not. This guy would be doing the same thing for his girlfriend and probably his girl friends.

Wells said. I know there's a pretty strong anti-marriage sentiment on this board (and for many good reasons). But how often does a best friend with a GF do exactly the same thing (does stuff for her, spends more time with her, etc). There are lots of valid reasons to avoid marriage, but if someone is placing this in their top 10 they're not definitely not getting the point of these forums.

This is also like the recent (and all to predictable, boring and common) rants about guys changing once they got married - BS! Most of the time, if the guy was going to change significantly, he started doing so within a month or two of meeting her.

Plus, I've always wondered - when we have a good friend that starts spending more time with a new bud and less and less with us, why don't we see posts here about it here? It's pretty much the same thing (less time doing stuff together)? Maybe if it's another guy, complaining about it would not seem masculine or sound like whining so it's taboo.

Get to the root of it, if you need to blame someone or something, focus on the guy not the woman or the LTR. And if you lost a best bud to a LTR, guess what - life changes deal with it - whining is the quickest way for a man to sound like a woman.

 

[Heretolearn]

Great responses guys - thanks. So the key is not to accept this on any level. Its not the level of the relationship but the nature of it. I.e stand up for yourself in life.

What about if you don't feel like the struggle. It seems like girls/guys want to fight/contest things. I just find it easier to either agree or avoid as I hate what seems a waste of energy in the 'fight'

 

[jophil28]

What about if you don't feel like the struggle. It seems like girls/guys want to fight/contest things. I just find it easier to either agree or avoid as I hate what seems a waste of energy in the 'fight'

Do you understand what "default power" means ?
Women begin to understand how to acquire it from about age 2 .They gradually hone their skills and by early adulthood they are experts at extracting it from males who, "..find it easier to agree or avoid (conflict ) ."

 

[Heretolearn]

Do you understand what "default power" means ?
Women begin to understand how to acquire it from about age 2 .They gradually hone their skills and by early adulthood they are experts at extracting it from males who, "..find it easier to agree or avoid (conflict ) ."

Thanks. Can you please elaborate and let me know how I can improve this for myself. Also are there are some people that you can not establish this with? Thanks

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

Thanks. Can you please elaborate and let me know how I can improve this for myself. Also are there are some people that you can not establish this with? Thanks

I agree with Jophil on the "default power" thing. But I don't think it poses a problem in all but the most out of touch girls and weak guys.


The most important thing you can do in any relationship is set the frame from day one. If you don't set the proper frame starting from the first day then it becomes almost impossible to change.

Most girls do believe they have the power. What most guys don't understand is how weak a girl's frame typically is and it only exists because NOBODY has ever shown her a different reality.

If you consistantly call a girl on her BS and set limits on unacceptable behavior then I promise you you'll never have to worry. How can I be so sure?

Because the girl will either enter a new reality with you, or she won't be able to leave her reality and she'll leave you. Either way, problem solved.

Most girls will enter your reality provided you are a "good catch" (whatever that means) and you truly believe (i.e. you're not being phony or unconfident)in your reality.

So then the question becomes, how to set the frame?
Beats me.

I guess if I think about me, I set it "matter of factly."

You know, like right know I can say, "I have a half a gallon of milk left in my fridge." It's a matter of fact, undeniable, and there is no reason for me to attach any emotion to it.

The same thing goes for women. Your work friend could have said, "Babe, this is something you need to get done today." Simple as that. It's a matter of fact, undeniable, and there is no emotion.

Of course, had your friend said that, his wife would probably get upset because he lives in HER reality.

But who knows, maybe we neglect the fact that she is really a good wife. Maybe at home she does everything she can to make him happy. And in return he does everything he can to make her happy. And they really love doing stuff for each other and trying to make each other happey. I know most people on this board will refuse to believe that might happen, but it can and does.

 

[squirrels]

The problem isn't that "he learned", it's that "he didn't learn".

 

[dark god]

shudders.

So at work today, a guy was getting frustrated spending an hour on the phone connecting a mobile phone for his wife which he gave her. Now maybe its just me, but this guy works 10 hrs a day in an intense job and pays for his wife and 2 kids who sit at home. He buys tem everything.

The wife was too lazy to connect it. Anyway, I said should'nt your wife do this considering she has all day and you should be working. He replied, you will learn when you get married.........

Man, I NEVER want that. My god.

He is 30 and i am 29. I do not have a gf even yet people are so surprised where i live that I am not even married. (small country town). It was so wonderful to visit NY and see the focus on careers/hobbies things OUTSIDE relationships/kids also. 30 yr olds in relationships not marriages lol

The only thing this fool learned was how to surrender and be a beta. This crap didnt happened over night. shes probably been grooming this schmuck since first gave him a hint of pvssy. Hes one of many tools that unwittingly buy into Todays womans bull****.

 

[Heretolearn]

But who knows, maybe we neglect the fact that she is really a good wife. Maybe at home she does everything she can to make him happy. And in return he does everything he can to make her happy. And they really love doing stuff for each other and trying to make each other happey. I know most people on this board will refuse to believe that might happen, but it can and does.

Superb post. I was reminded of the frame. THanks

Your last part above though - perhaps in other cases but not in this case. She cheats on him which he knows and refuses to move to where he works (I work in a mine at the moment. Miles from anywhere but minimum wage is about $100,000 seriously just for cleaners etc. Anyway, his wife refuses to move with the kids. He sees them one or two weeks a year and they lecture him on how he should be home with them. Problem is they cost so much, the mine is the only place he can work to maintain their lifestyle.

He just says 'you will understand when you are married'. Well gee, i Hope he STAYS married if he loves it that much because if she divorces him.............


*this is quite common at the mines by the way, lots of guys earning large amounts and divorcing many times. Eg. MY step father (see other thread) was earning about $80,000 in the eighties and could have made MILLIONS on investments etc. Instead, 5 kids and one very spoilt ex wife. He has nothing and actually met my mum in significant debt despite working 2 jobs most of his life. Scary stuff.

 

[Colossus]

Get to the root of it, if you need to blame someone or something, focus on the guy not the woman or the LTR. And if you lost a best bud to a LTR, guess what - life changes deal with it - whining is the quickest way for a man to sound like a woman.

Yep.

Guys will see pussified men and immediately blame marriage or the woman, not him. "See?!? Marriage sucks." That's a knee-jerk reaction akin to blaming the president for everything wrong with the country.

I was at a wedding yesterday, and I saw a friend that I havent seen in years. He kind of went down in infamy with those of us who knew him because he basically married a succubus who totally owns him. Once they got together he just dropped off the face of the earth. We were talking about how he's a good guy and we miss him, and everyone wants to blame his wife; but the fact of the matter is he's an inexperienced AFC who was predisposed to finding this type of woman. If it wasnt her it would have been someone else.

AFC isnt simply defined by lack of game. I know guys who dont have any appreciable pick up game but still have chosen good women and maintain a masculine frame. I think some of that is just innate. Again other guys have decent pick-up skills but cant hold frame for more than a couple of weeks.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

"You'll learn when you're married." Psshaw. I intend to TEACH if/when I am married.

 

[Trader]

shudders.

So at work today, a guy was getting frustrated spending an hour on the phone connecting a mobile phone for his wife which he gave her. Now maybe its just me, but this guy works 10 hrs a day in an intense job and pays for his wife and 2 kids who sit at home. He buys tem everything.

The wife was too lazy to connect it. Anyway, I said should'nt your wife do this considering she has all day and you should be working. He replied, you will learn when you get married.........

Man, I NEVER want that. My god.

We are all living in the matrix - our own individual matrix or world so to speak.

Your friend believes his world is THE only world out there - that his type of
marriage is the only one out there.

What's really interesting about a man's progression from AFC to DJ is that he begins to see and truly understand that there are actually multiple 'realities' out there - it's just that he has been *locked* in his own pathetic reality so far.

He is now free - he realizes he can now create his own reality.

 

[speed dawg]

"You'll learn when you get married...."

"Happy wife, happy life...."

"That's just what you do when you have a woman...."

All bullsh1t. Only people I know who subscribe to this crap end up getting their poor hearts broken. Unless they have money/status, which only delays the inevitable.

 

[Da Realist]

To be real, giving a person a phone as a gift and then making them set it up is like giving a kid a bike that hasn't been put together. But when a guy says something like that, it sounds like he's defeated, which is the real problem. He's probably scared she'll divorce him and take him for all he has while he's stuck doing the hard work. Thing is that either he's gonna have to lay down the law and show he means business or just waste his life making some waste of space happy.

 

[Da Realist]

I'm curious. Out of all the members who post here saying he's whipped,a AFC or something along those lines....whom of which are married or may have been married?

Almost was. Had problems, but I think a lot of it was that I asserted myself, what I said didn't rhyme with "yes" all the time, and she got mad. I'm not in the "putting my foot on a woman's neck" school of thought, but I believe in drawing a line in the sand. A man shouldn't stand over his wife like she's a child, but she shouldn't be running over him also.

 

[Nutz]

Thanks. Can you please elaborate and let me know how I can improve this for myself. Also are there are some people that you can not establish this with? Thanks

Here's a simple way to get started. Whenever a woman asks you to do something, which she's assuming you'll just do because she's a woman and is entitled to having her way after all otherwise she's biitch and moan, just say this magic line:

"I'll think about it."

Later on you can learn the power of saying "no".

The next step in the progression when they get uppity is showing them the door. When they realize you've got a backbone and won't buckle to their pvssy pressure they may huff and puff and storm out and/or leave for a while, but if they value the relationship they'll eventually come back.

 

[Mr. Me]

"You will learn when you get married..."

Meaning, "to keep the peace" if you marry the wrong woman or she's inept. Then you have to do things like this so she stays happy.

Hey, have you guys realized that "marry" and "martyr" are almost the same word?

Of course, when you're in a relationship, there's nothing wrong with doing something for your partner as an expression of your love, especially if she sees acts like that as tokens of love, but it should be because of that and not because doing so saves you some grief.

 

[jophil28]

"You will learn when you get married..."

Meaning, "to keep the peace" if you marry the wrong woman or she's inept. Then you have to do things like this so she stays happy.

Most guys start off their relationship by doing kind and generous acts for their new woman to 'entice' her. Dinners, dates, trips, flowers, jewelery, gifts and so on.
Perhaps he also fixes her plumbing while she sits on the couch with a cool drink or he washes her car or rotates her tires. All these gestures WORK. THey achieve their basic objective in drawing her closer by demonstrating his VALUE to her as a guy who can 'provide', and take care of the everyday stuff.
These acts are seen by many women as his attempts to 'win' her and keep her.
It is almost guaranteed that she will continue to expect this arrangement to continue into marriage. Why wouldn't she ?

Contrast that situation with one in which the more aware DJ does much the same things for her BUT within a context of 'reward' for her exemplarary behavior, her respect and devotion to him, and her compliance with his expectations of her.
He treats her well and is generous AFTER she has shown by her actions that she deserves to be treated generously. She earns those privileges.

Again, if this relationship proceeds to marriage, it does so on the basis of the fine print in the behavioral 'contract' which has been established between them.

It is all about context gentlemen.And it also about being consistent and congruent though all her tests.

Ultimately you have the choice to become her slave, or her hero. Like it or not, you will initiate this process from the first moment that you and she meet.