"You have competition"

[ENIGMA16]

So I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks now, she's pretty into me and it seems like she might want to lock me down, she hasn't brought it up but just how she acts around me I can read it. Anyways, so I haven't really seen her play any games before and I'm guessing that she's getting antsy with me about it because things have been going great and all of a sudden over FB chat she dropped this:

Her: I'm headed to the gym, longest day ever tomorrow. work 8-8, feel free to call me on wednesday with a really good idea to hang out... and by really good idea i mean movie and sleep... a lot of sleep. and maybe some making out, but mostly sleep.
Her: you've got competition
just a heads up
Me: I never have competition
Her: it's good to be confident!
Bye

I didn't respond after that. I didn't give the best response but I was sort of thrown off by it because I haven't seen her play games before; I guess lesson learned here is that they all do eventually, to some extent, play these childish games.

Anyways, just wondering how to respond. I don't do competition, I go for what I want and if a girl shows the slightest bit of disinterest I drop her and if she escalates again I'll dive back in. She wants me to contact her on Wednesday but I don't think I'm going to at all, I'm actually pretty p!ssed that she even did this and want to just drop her entirely.

I think that's just me being angry about it talking, though. Would the best option just be to go NC until the weekend? Should I act as if she never said that and contact her on my own terms or go NC for a while to call her bluff and punish her?

 

[Serg897]

Its just a sh!t test. Dont be fazed by it, otherwise you fail the test. Just proceed as usual mate. Dont bring it up again unless she does, and if she does just deflect it with humor. Your retort was fine imo.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Hey man thanks for the advice, I think I agree with you and even if she's telling the truth I shouldn't be approaching this any different anyways. I have a problem with wanting to get into game playing with girls to "punish" them and whatnot for doing stuff like this to try to get them back in line. A lot of people here subscribe to that theory, but whenever I try that I come off needy and immature and fvck it up. Besides, I think I disagree with that idea anyways because the real DJ just is unfazed, shrugs his shoulders and finds other plates to spin instead of trying to spread hate or control people.

I'll proceed as normal, thanks again.

 

[f283000]

Its just a sh!t test. Dont be fazed by it, otherwise you fail the test.

True although there are sh!t tests then there are super obvious sh!t tests that piss me off so much I lose interest in a girl faster than a coin falling from a skyscraper. This one would be one of them.

 

[AlexLefty]

I didn't respond after that. I didn't give the best response but I was sort of thrown off by it because I haven't seen her play games before; I guess lesson learned here is that they all do eventually, to some extent, play these childish games.

Anyways, just wondering how to respond. I don't do competition, I go for what I want and if a girl shows the slightest bit of disinterest I drop her and if she escalates again I'll dive back in. She wants me to contact her on Wednesday but I don't think I'm going to at all, I'm actually pretty p!ssed that she even did this and want to just drop her entirely.

I think that's just me being angry about it talking, though. Would the best option just be to go NC until the weekend? Should I act as if she never said that and contact her on my own terms or go NC for a while to call her bluff and punish her?

#1 This girl is a female player and she is good at what she does.

#2 Yes the games are childish, yes the games are ridiculous, but realize that they are not going away, ever. Accept this and deal with it. It's called game because you have to play it.

#3 It's a sh!t test. They've all been sh!t tests. And you've failed every single sh!t test if you've dropped the girl so quickly. A woman needs reassurance, she needs to feel completely sure about you and she needs to KNOW that like her. To do this she will do sh!t tests in which she will seem uninterested. You fail the sh!t test by coming on too strong (needy/beta) and you fail the sh!t test by not coming on at all (jerk/her suspicions that she had of you are validated). Women do not have the same logical programming as men, they think differently, they NEED to do sh!t tests to validate themselves. You can not get mad at women for this, it is their nature. Play along, play the game, and pass the sh!t tests.

#4 You're too phased by this sh!t test.

#5 Your answer was fine. Don't worry about it. Another answer could have been: "Sweetheart, I didn't know I was in competition to be your friend" or even better "You're so funny, d@mn, I'm really craving a sandwich"

#6 Don't bring it up, not at all, it doesn't matter. If you do, you fail the sh!t test and seem too needy. Don't let it phase you.

 

[pipe007]

her: you got competition
you: true, but eventually I'll pick the best one

you are missing the "catch" attitude man, she beliefs she is the prize here, and she probably is. she basically told you when to call her, what to ask her, and how the evening was going to do... and if you get lucky, you might get a make out lol!!!

dumb girl, i would have been like " your plan sounds boring, why dont you call me on wendesday instead, and invite me to go out for a drink or something more stimulating lol be creative!.. well see ya"

 

[In2theGame]

here would be my response:

Her: I'm headed to the gym, longest day ever tomorrow. work 8-8, feel free to call me on wednesday with a really good idea to hang out... and by really good idea i mean movie and sleep... a lot of sleep. and maybe some making out, but mostly sleep.
Her: you've got competition <-- i would of Just ignored this part
just a heads up
Me: Ok, Ill try to come up with a really good idea, like Making out.... Alot of making out, yeah some sleep but mostly making out.
Her: it's good to be confident!
Bye

ive dealt with girls like this and They love when im straight forward like that, i dont say it like a serious way but playful and let them know what I want. Get the F*k out of here with that competition BS, You let her know you want her and not in a too ****y or jerk type of way, be playful confident throwing hints here and there and many girls get mentally stimulated by this, imagining things. What i mean by this is that a few times i would say things like that and somehow it would turn into phone sex lmao.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Thanks for the tips guys, this is all real helpful stuff and helps me get out of my normal way of thinking. I see what you're all saying but I tend to agree with f283000 in that I don't have time for this bullsh!t.

However, I completely disagree with the idea that you have to "play the game"; I'm not here to impress her or massage her ego, or to give reassurance or worry about validating her feelings. I'm not trying to tow the line here; she's either on board or she's not. I do my own thing and she can tag along in my life or scram. No game playing, no balancing act, my way or the highway.

you are missing the "catch" attitude man, she beliefs she is the prize here, and she probably is. she basically told you when to call her, what to ask her, and how the evening was going to do... and if you get lucky, you might get a make out lol!!!

Yeah I think this is what she's trying to do, I think the plan on here is to not contact her until the weekend to set something up. If she texts or calls me Wednesday I'll just tell her I'm busy.

here would be my response:

Her: I'm headed to the gym, longest day ever tomorrow. work 8-8, feel free to call me on wednesday with a really good idea to hang out... and by really good idea i mean movie and sleep... a lot of sleep. and maybe some making out, but mostly sleep.
Her: you've got competition <-- i would of Just ignored this part
just a heads up
Me: Ok, Ill try to come up with a really good idea, like Making out.... Alot of making out, yeah some sleep but mostly making out.
Her: it's good to be confident!
Bye

ive dealt with girls like this and They love when im straight forward like that, i dont say it like a serious way but playful and let them know what I want.

I agree, I should've completely ignored it. I'll keep this in mind from now on, I don't plan on acknowledging it ever again.

 

[AlexLefty]

However, I completely disagree with the idea that you have to "play the game"; I'm not here to impress her or massage her ego, or to give reassurance or worry about validating her feelings. I'm not trying to tow the line here; she's either on board or she's not. I do my own thing and she can tag along in my life or scram. No game playing, no balancing act, my way or the highway.

You can think like this, but you'll loose more women than not.

 

[Johnnyventana]

Maybe the competition was the "gym" and her need of "sleep?"

She might not have been talking about a dude. Re-read it.

 

[zekko]

You can think like this, but you'll loose more women than not.

This may be true, but so what? The women that you do keep around after filtering them out will be higher quality and higher interest.

This reminds me a little of Jophil's (God rest his soul) post about the girl he was dating and her therapist:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=168190

Jophil was not going to play games with the girl. He was not going to be put into a position where he had to compete for her.

Similarly, back to the original post, I would not allow a girl to put me in a situation where she was trying to pit me against some other dude to vie for her affections. As the computer said in War Games, the only winning move is not to play.

A girl is either on my team or she isn't. I don't compete for her, she needs to compete for me. Otherwise, she is the prize, and she has the frame.

Now if you're just out for a lay and don't give a rat's behind about the girl (or yourself, for that matter), then sure go ahead and treat it like a sh!t test and ignore it, if that's what you're wanting to do.

 

[The_411]

Her indication that there is competition should be irrelevant because you've got enough irons in the fire that if she's gone it's of little to no consequence.

Best way to deflect is through humor.

Her: You've got competition
You: Do I need to bring my track suit or are we settling this the old fashioned way with pistols at dawn?

You're defusing her test by mocking her concept of competition.

Whether her intent is declared or not you are always in competition her declaration is an attempt to gauge response (Yes, I'm Captain Obvious and don't you forget it!), or a warning that you need to step up your game.

Either way it falls back to the concepts of being in demand and being able to walk at anytime.

Hence the reason her declaration should be of no consequence as she's telling you something you already know.

And if by chance it due to you not stepping up your game chances are she's already gone anyway.

 

[backbreaker]

This may be true, but so what? The women that you do keep around after filtering them out will be higher quality and higher interest.

This reminds me a little of Jophil's (God rest his soul) post about the girl he was dating and her therapist:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=168190

Jophil was not going to play games with the girl. He was not going to be put into a position where he had to compete for her.

Similarly, back to the original post, I would not allow a girl to put me in a situation where she was trying to pit me against some other dude to vie for her affections. As the computer said in War Games, the only winning move is not to play.

A girl is either on my team or she isn't. I don't compete for her, she needs to compete for me. Otherwise, she is the prize, and she has the frame.

Now if you're just out for a lay and don't give a rat's behind about the girl (or yourself, for that matter), then sure go ahead and treat it like a sh!t test and ignore it, if that's what you're wanting to do.

I will take this one step further.

Anytime you are dealing with an attractive girl, espeicalyl one that works out and is shape, there is always "competition". Rather she admits it or not, there are always guys jockeying for her attention / affection. just ab out everyy girl i have dated since i have been grown I have had compeityion for. I would actually be more of a red flag if NO one was interested in her. i would want to know why.

that to me, is not the red flag at all.

the red flag to me, is that she OVERTLY suggested it.

A hot woman does not have to tell me that I have compeitoin. water is wet. the sky is blue. what else is new? duh.

so the point has to be framed.. the issue is not that that she has other guys, it's the fact that she told you to try to pit you against him overly. so i have to ask why?

women who really like you, even if they have other men who like them, don't go out of their way to convey this to you. when I was spinning paltes that's not something I did either. if the ASKED i didn't lie but i didn't just call a girl and say yeah, come up with a good idea, by the way i 'm getting my **** sucked by someone else before i come over there. what would be my incentive in doing that? ovbilusly i'm willing to risk losing this girl by telling her that. i want her to ovbiously out preform the girl who is sucking my **** by doing something more extravigant. maybe, taking me out to eat then sucking my **** lol.

and if that is the case, I really do not like the girl. I just want her to do something for me.

compeittion is normal if not healthy. the best will rise and the ones who aren't won't, i don't have an issue with thi9s. but the fact that she came out and said this, i would just cut ties. she isn't ntersted in you like you think she is. she is at the very least pitting you against him to see which can wine and dine her the best, basically she's a super attention *****. or at worst she doesn't give a **** about either of you.

 

[Duffdog]

You know, if you took the a55hole route (which most girls profess they don't like, but really like inside) You could just have said: so do you...

And leave it at that. Already this girl has let you know that she thinks she is too hot for you, or that she has better options, so why give her anything that acknowledges it?

Best response to "I wasn't really serious with you" is "I know, thats why I have been fvcking this other girl who is way hotter than you." And since you actually were (you were, right?) it shouldn't matter.

 

[Wildebeest]

im new to this but I would do think like this

"You have competition"
"...and you think you don't? what's your point"

OR

"You have competition"
"so do you, what's your point? "

OR

"You have competition"
"and you just lost ground to yours, haha "

 

[ENIGMA16]

Hey guys I really appreciate all of the attention this thread is getting, I think that this tactic is commonly employed by girls so it's good that everyone's interested. Anyways, my suspicions were entirely confirmed tonight and it was exactly as I thought.

She's not a player. In fact she's pretty bad at playing the game, which is why this sounded so out of place to me. It sounds like she's just used to having chumps fall all over her so she's never had to deal with a real man before and this was a pathetic attempt to use her elementary school games against a DJ college graduate. :rockon:

Talked to her on FB tonight and this is an excerpt of how it went down:

Her: can i be honest
well,
im going to be honest anyways

Me: i sure hope so

Her: you are awful at communication

Me: Am I?

Her: Yes

Me: Haha how so?

Her: you're just very hard to figure out

Me: Well I do have this mysterious aura about me

Her: normally, when im seeing someone, for like over a month, actually, over like two months, and we go on multiple dates, and meet friends, and sleep together, i tend to hear from them more than once a week, but you on the other hand, you're just weird

Me: I talked to you yesterday weirdo, and two days before that

Her: well

Me:

Her: that didn't go how I thought it would

Me: howd you thought it would? you're clearly upset about something

Her: I'm not upset
It's just new
and weird for me
I'm used to dating guys who like to get super serious super fast, which means like constant updates throughout the day
so you're throwing me off

Me: If you want I can text you Cat Facts every hour

Her: hahahaha TOTAL REDEMPTION

Me: don't tempt me

Her: ok ok

Me: btw this is really weird for me too, I'm used to girls who like to get super serious super fast, which means like constant n00dz throughout the day
So uh get on that

Her: well shoot
haha
I don't like to be all girl crazy
and I'm trying realllly hard not to be girl crazy with you

Me: can I just marry your dog
I have to be honest, I'm just using you to get to your animals

Her: I'm just using you for your video games
I"ll have to be honest as well then

Me: Yeah I can tell, the most comfy bed ever and awesome sex are all just a means of getting to my Xbox

Her: Caught me

Me: I can accept this

Her: the fact that you are hilarious, a work out diet freak like me and a little off your rocker have nothing to do with it

Me: and.....

Her: and what

Me: go on....

Her: oh that about sums it up
oh....i forgot
really
big

Me: HEART
knew it

Then the subject was changed.

Her indication that there is competition should be irrelevant because you've got enough irons in the fire that if she's gone it's of little to no consequence.

I think it really got to me because I was so offended that she thought I was dumb enough to fall for it more than anything.

Best response to "I wasn't really serious with you" is "I know, thats why I have been fvcking this other girl who is way hotter than you." And since you actually were (you were, right?) it shouldn't matter.

Yes, I'm fvcking another girl right now (see the other thread I made where the other girl met this one ), only at two but I don't generally count because I don't really care about how many. TBH two right now is more than enough for me because I don't have much time during the week to do much with girls.

 

[LostAndConfused]

^ I know conversations like this.

These are usually the ones that go down soon before L&C gets laid.

 

[john315]

Agreed. This chick is going to try and lock you down and quickly. You were playing right into her trap there - how insecure to let you know how easily valued she is "normality". It's an attention trap.

From your last post it seems like they are both showing signs of wanting to be a priority, and this usually doesn't allow to keep both in rotation.

 

[ENIGMA16]

You were playing right into her trap there - how insecure to let you know how easily valued she is "normality".

What? How did I "play right into her trap"?

EDIT: NVM saw that you only had two posts, discounting what you said.

 

[john315]

You can think that, but 100% next time you see this chick she will start with the "where is this going" BS as you didn't discount it right away.

Think of it this way - how would this one react if she knew about the other? Sounds like even worse than your last situation.