You guys really woke me up, NOW how do I overcome my emotions (and sluts?)

[otr4]

I’ve really reached a turning point in my life.
I’ve listened to what people have had to say, concerning my last post about this girl leaving me, and realize I’ve become a slave to my emotions.
In a way, I’ve reached my goal. I’ve dated a number of attractive girls over the past half a year, coming off a dry spell too long in duration to mention.
I realize this past girl I was dating (which ended a week ago) was a total freak/slut, whatever you want to call her. I knew this about her going into spending time with her and I also realized this while with her on a more intimate level. Despite realizing this, I still developed feelings and emotions while with her and I can’t really figure out why.
I wrote a very pathetic post almost a week ago concerning the girl (who I just referred to) and how she has seemingly “out of the blue” sent me an e-mail saying we were over. I was hurt, and could feel it deep in my stomach. Now, I simply can’t understand how I could have been so blind and pathetic in regards to this girl.
A few people mentioned how pathetic it was that I had been posting here for nearly two years and still wrote a post like I did (bemoaning the loss of this girl). The truth is that I’ve been coming to this site for nearly three years now, have read most of the online books about dating and women, purchased audio CDs...the list goes on and on.
The trouble is, I keep letting my emotions get to me...
My skills have improved tremendously with women. I can now, pretty much, bring a girl home the first night we date. I’ve done this about 4 times now. Girls really seem to dig me for about the first month of hanging out, then things change. Honestly, I’m not clingy or possessive, it just seems that there is this loss of a spark or feeling after my spending the beginning, initial time with a woman.
How can I be unhappy at this point? Sure, I’m not screwing the hot girl I had a few weeks ago, but if I could have seen myself two years ago, and seen the girls I’ve recently been with, and seen some of the kinky, crazy s*** I’ve pulled off recently, I would be jumping with joy and saying “WHO GIVES A F*** IF ONE OF THESE GIRLS DOESN’T WANT TO BE WITH YOU ANYMORE? YOU’VE SUCCESSFULLY BEEN WITH A SUCCESSION OF HOT GIRLS AND THERE ARE COUNTLESS MORE WOMEN OUT THERE!”
But the thing is, I keep getting caught up in the moment, and my emotions get the best of me.
SO, I’m at this turning point. Part of me wants to become the a****** jerk and simply go on a spree of f****** and using women. I’m really not in the mood anymore for looking for a “GOOD” woman because a large part of me is starting to believe that ALL WOMEN ARE SLUTS (when you get right down to it) and should be treated as such...AND there really aren’t good women out there–that is, a “GOOD” woman is just a myth.
THEN, there’s the other part of me that thinks “Nooo OTR4, there ARE good women out there and you should keep looking...” but then, that other side comes back and calls me a big P****.
I’m so torn right now.
How do I keep myself from letting emotions about women get to me. I really want to be the guy who can HONESTLY, FOR REAL, “take ‘em or leave ‘em” and not give a s*** about any woman. I think this is the one, major obstacle that I have not been able to overcome, bu tneed to in order to really reach the level of success I want.
I would really appreciate your advice.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

OTR4,

So you want to wake up from your long slumber, do you?

Well, I'm sad to say that is out of our hands and the task of handling your emotional ups and downs can only come from within you. You have been here for three years, so there is no need to go through step by step instructions.

Why don't you tell us what YOU have to do - I'm sure you have the answer - reach within and find yourself!!!

 

[Dudeman]

Frankly, it sounds like what you really want is a stable, long-term relationship that could lead to marriage. Not all DJ's are womanizing "take 'em or leave 'em" badass', and they don't have to be. You often need to look in places other than bars and clubs to find "good" women.

Don't try to be something you aren't by sleeping with tons of women and "not caring". What you do need to do, however, is make sure not to become "attached" to a women before you really know her and she really knows you.

 

[Zossima]

"Know Thyself".......... Socrates

"And this above all to thine own self be true." ....... Shakespeare


The problem with most guys here is they believe that their happiness will come from a woman and a relationship. The opposite is true. If you are not whole and don't know yourself first, a relationship will just hand over all your power and self to someone who probably doesn't deserve it and create misery.

I suggest a little emotional "fasting". Say for about 2 months you tell yourself you will give no emotional energy or thought to women and relationships. If you start thinking about them, use your inbred strength to change the thought. Keep at it. Soon, you'll inherintly get to know yourself and enjoy your own company and woman will become part of your life at your choosing not out of some unconscious emotional need.

The problem isn't women. It's you.

 

[E-Z Rider]

It's good that you're coming to terms with your emotional lack of control. You seem to realize that it's not women who, ultimately, are causing you pain, but yourself. And that is a big breakthrough.

I think DEKKA made a very good point in another post comparing women 'giving it up' and men falling in love. Men want sex, and women want love and commitment. When both get what they want, they are happy- but only if they both have earned it.

Women who give it up too easily are not respected by men, and I think the stories on this site suggest that women don't respect men who 'give up' their hearts too easily.

So, you can think of yourself as a 'love slvt'. lol. You've got to change your ways- women have to EARN your love from now on. Sure, you can like them and like having them around, but don't get serious about them until they really prove themselves worthy.

If you keep yourself from falling for a girl for at least two or three months into a relationship, then you will fall in love with the REAL her, and not some false image of her. It usally takes at least 2-3 months for people to show their true selves in relationships. Make her work for it. You'll probably find yourself falling for a smaller percentage of the women you date, but its worth it.

It's all about control. Controlling emotions. The best way to help yourself control those emotions that make you want to fall for a girl is to be involved in other things- namely, your own life and other women. Perhaps institute a philosophy of not dating any girl exclusively until she's proven herself worthy- and that would mean not worrying about what she's doing with other men while you're just dating. If you have several women on your plate, it's harder to fall for any one of them, and it makes you more selective, which is good. Besides that, having real passions in your life outside of women will help deter that attatchment feeling.

But even if you're dating 50 women and have tons of passions, it still comes down to self-control in the end. The human mind CAN be strong enough to control its own emotions. Sometimes it takes practice- maybe those self-talk exercises would help.

And in regards to your last paragraph- I don't think that's what you want. If you take your statement to its fullest extent, I think you'll see that its ultimately unnatural. The best you can hope for is to not give a sh!t about MOST women (which is how it should be). Men have feelings of love for a reason, and its ultimately pointless to try to fight them. Just put it to good use; work with it rather than against it.

Other thoughts:

You say you weren't clingy or needy with this last girl. I say that at the very least you APPEARED that way to her. And I would bet that you were, in fact. You probably didn't realize it, and still don't, but in time you'll most likely see that you were more needy and clingy than you should have been. Which is all a by-product of giving a girl undeserved love. A woman who more deserves your love, by showing a deeper care for you, will have less strict standards of what is 'too clingy' for you. She would enjoy e-mails from you, and a phone call even better. (Not that you should innundate her with e-mail or phone calls).

I think something you wrote in your post should show you why NOT to try to think like you mentioned in the last paragraph: you say you're still unhappy despite having had very respectable success (by success, meaning getting laid) with hot girls. This just goes to show that, primarily, women aren't a cure for happiness, and secondly, the best happiness you can get from woman is in a *real* relationship.

And, judging by your comments on 'good' and 'bad' girls, you need to rethink both what REAL women are actually like (deep down) and what you want out of a woman. I think you have distorted/unrealistic views. Look at women more as people instead of 'good' or 'bad', and think of them more as the syrup of your life instead of the ice cream. Women, like all people, are basically the same at the core, and the differences are actually few in number (with most of them being only the blatantly obvious), even between a crack-ho and a church girl. Ponder that.

Hope this helps. Post any time here, we'll help. Also, you can always PM me or IM me (my AIM name is in my profile I think) if you need any help.

Best of luck- -E-Z

 

[PlayerSupreme]

I was going to congradulate you on your inner work until I read:


You need to be honest with yourself on this issue
Honestly, I’m not clingy or possessive,


If you were not clingy and needy then you wouldn't get the following results:

it just seems that there is this loss of a spark or feeling after my spending the beginning, initial time with a woman.


In looking at your posts I would say definately that you have some issues going on. It's good that you've read probably as many books as I've read on women. Knowledge is power...if you use it right

I do have to disagree with you when you said: ALL WOMEN ARE SLUTS

?

Is your mother a slut! Were you born in a sluts womb? And if so what does that make you?

Now I realize your just venting and I feel you dog.

Let's face facts you have never even tried looking for a GOOD GIRL. They do exist...you just need to stop dating sluts. The good girl is the modestly dressed one next door or in the office near you who takes her lunch or eats modestly.

With all of your new founded techniques you learned in those book which tell you how to go up and meet them...but not how to handle them which is where one of my students is at. I will post our IM convo from the previous day for you to see if your at that stage also.


This is the problem with not becoming a player/don juan and only learning the techniques of one. If you BECOME you then start acting like one in all aspects of your life. As I told a student of mine in the following IM convo.

 

[PlayerSupreme]

I am going to put up a whole thread just for you otr. I am not going to edit it down you can dig through the game lessons on it yourself if you want to...if not the so be it.

 

[crack_her]

The trouble is, I keep letting my emotions get to me...

I'm going through the same thing. For me, it was that I was spending too much time with her. When you do this, it's very easy to fall for the chick. If you plan to make the girl your FB, don't do any bf/gf things with them. If you only want to her for sex, then take her home first thing the next day. Maybe call her later in the day, but that's it. For me, I started doing stuff with the girl the next day such as lunch, walking in the mall, cruising the beach, long talks and sh!t like that. That's just asking for trouble. I did those things to come across as if I didn't just want her for sex so I could get it again. What a mistake that was. I grew too attached, and now suffer the consequences.

 

[otr4]

PlayerSupreme--
Where is this post you are talking about?