You guys are my last option.

[Tkay]

Hello PUA's.

You guys are currently my last resort. Besides visiting a shrink.

Where I've been: I was a total AFC loser. I had no idea how girls worked. I was a nice guy & proud of it.
Fell in love with a girl in my class. We got to be good friends, but ofcourse it never worked out. But because of her I changed my looks, got rid of my glasses & got lenzes, got a cooler haircut and new clothes.
Some time later, I got lucky and dated a UGchick when I was about to turn 18. I was too scared to kiss her, after 3 dates she gave up on me.
She even told me she wanted to kiss, but I was just too scared for some reason.
I was heartbroken. The love of my life was gone. lol.
Around that time I came in contact with David DeAngelo. My whole perspective on girls changed. Big step forward. Didn't do much with it though.

I had a summer job in august 2004. There was a girl of my age as well. I was too scared to start talking to her, but suddenly she asked me what my name was. I brabbled a response, thinking she was just being polite. She asked me where I was from and ran off.
Saw her a few more times at work, talked about a party that was going on that saturday. I told her I was going as well, but my not much of my friends were coming. She misunderstood and thought I was going alone, so she invited me to come with her. (I still didn't really see the hints).

The evening of the party she sent me a SMS. "Hey, Can I pretend you're my boyfriend if my ex calls me again on the party, so he leaves me alone?". No, I still didn't see the hints.
At the party she said I was quiet. I thought,bah, here we go again, another girl doesnt like me because I'm too quiet and dont have anything to say.
We started dancing. She danced with me. Pretty damn close even. Nope, still didn't think I could get her. She had to use the bathroom, so me and her chickfriend walked with her.
We had to climb up a little wall, I helped her up, but we didn't let go of eachother hands. That's when I started getting a clue.
Anyway,when we were back she came lying in my arms because she was cold. After 15 minutes I didn't sit comfortable anymore so I brabbled something about her getting up.
Next thing I know we were kissing. She always told me I kissed her.

*fastforward*
We were a couple for about 1 year. I went from not having kissed a girl, to losing my virginity in about 10 days. I figured I played her, so I keeped "alpha" (aka, I was a jerk to her). After 1 year I broke up with her. I was bored of her. I got pissed because we didn't have sex for over 3 weeks. We would have broken up anyway, I was a jerk to her alot. I couldn't care less, she always came back crying to me when I was pissed at her anyway.

Woops. She had enough of it. She didn't come crying back to me. She went crying to some other guy. A week after I broke up she was already sleeping with him. Before I found out, I kept calling her, crying, begging her to come back, although I KNEW that would screw it up even more. Then it was GFTOW for me. Or trying to at least


Where I am now...
It's now been 4 months or something. I'm still not over her, although I didn't really care about her, her emotions or her personality. I only cared about sex.
Why do I miss her then?
I don't really know, but I think because I still see her as my only possibility to get a girl!
Since I often think "damn, If I wouldn't have screwed up with her, I would still have a girlfriend"
But yet I KNOW I'm better then that, and I shouldn't have a problem getting girls!


I started reading up on DYD again, and found mASF and this site. I followed a few forum bootcamps, but it keeps failing as I'm just not a good conversationalist, or whatever.


Besides not acting like a pvssy anymore, like I did 2 years ago, I haven't improved sh*t. I think about sarging all the time, but I nearly never actually approach a girl. I don't even really know why I keep failing. I can never think of anything to say.


I only see girls I don't already know on bus rides, or at parties. I have been friends with the same people for 5 years now.
All my friends are in LTRs now, besides one who is trying to become a PUA like me. We sometimes go out to sarge, but rarely cold approach. I've done "approaches", but I never knew anything to say; like I said, I'm not much of a conversationalist.


I'm puzzeled. My life is shyt at the moment. I go to school, do stuff I have to, and on weekdays there's nothing to do so after school its just computer or tv. I'm even doing shyt at school. Whenever I do go out, I just don't get to know new people.


I don't know what to do anymore! If I continue the path I am on now, I won't get anywhere with girls, and besides that I will even screw my school year, which will cause me to lose my fundings I get from the government to go to school.



Hey Sapiens, Why don't you come over to belgium. I don't have 5k $ to spare though.

 

[Damian]

First of all, you need to get over your fear of women. From what you've written, it seems like you are wayy too self-conscious when it comes to approaching and holding a conversation. Just talk to her as if she were one of your guy friends. Remember your DYD material, and you should be fine.

Try practicing your cold approaches. The more you do, the less awkward and more instinctual it becomes. Don't worry if you make a bad impression, worry that you don't have courage to approach.

Go out sarging with your wingman. Motivate each other to approach and criticize each others'a actions. All I can tell you is to practice.

Reading may help you learn, but Practice will let you KNOW.

-Damian

 

[Gnr7112]

Try doing the next boot-camp. That way you can get alot of peer-review to focus on the specific problems you may have, wether it's approaching girls, or actually striking up conversations. DOing it with others will also inpsire you to get out there & do it because you've "commited" your self to it by signing up for the bootcamp. That's the best advice I can really offer - hope it help's!

 

[Tkman]

Originally posted by Tkay
Hello PUA's.

You guys are currently my last resort. Besides visiting a shrink.

what is a shrink ?

 

[Damian]

A psychologist. Think some man with a tweed suit and a white beard, sitting in a plush chair while you tell him about your mother.

-Damian

 

[LittleElf]

If we are your last option...you are already f****d.

 

[fyrefly]

I can see exactly where you're coming from, last night for about twenty minutes i was sittin in the corner of a club feeling like no girl would ever find me attractive, that i wasn't unique that i was stupid and that i had nothing to say and nothing to offer and that going up to a girl and saying something would be the last thing i could possibly do in the world.

Half an hour later i'm out the front waitin for my friends to come out, the bouncer won't let me back in, then two ABSOLUTELY STUNNING (i use capitals because these girls were drop dead hot, one was wearing this incredibly thin black boob tube under this dress that didn't quite cover her tits, tongue stud, belly ring). And i just politely ask as they walk past

Me: hey.....is it still like....busy in there?
Them: kinda.....sorta medium really...why
Me: oh i'm waitin for my friends, they're all in there and the bouncer won't let me back in
Them: oh that's so mean, so what are you doing now
Me: waiting for one of them to message me or something
Them: why don't they come out
Me: i think they're havin too much fun
Them: oh thats horrible......hey why don't you come walk to maccas with us then
Me: hmmm yeah i'm waiting anyway lets go

I became a PUA after that moment for about 2 minutes, i just let loose on body language, routines, lines, everything i could get out smoothly i did, i walked back to the entrance of the club with a hb10's number in my phone and a huge grin on my face.

The point being

DONT BE AFRAID OF GIRLS, it's absolutely gut wretchingly awful and it tears you up how much your body and mind refuse to just walk up to a girl and talk to her. I used to not be able to do it at all, but now, depending on my mood, i can approach the hottest chick in the place and have a small chat, i might not get anywhere but it's progress. At times i feel like the man and smile at girls and i get them brushing my arm just from my eye contact and attractive aura, but sometimes i feel insecure and can't bring myself to even look at in the eye, much less talk to a hot chick, why, BECAUSE I'M STILL LEARNING.

If you throw a child in the water who can't swim, the child will drown. If you throw an adult in the water who can't swim, he will drown, the same if you put that adult or child on a bike if they don't know how to ride, they will fall off.

1. YOU FEAR WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW

2. SWIMMING/RIDING A BIKE/APPROACHING GIRLS:

YOU WILL STRUGGLE TO STAY FLOAT,

YOU WILL FALL OFF YOUR BIKE

YOU WILL MAKE A **** OF YOURSELF,

BUT YOU WILL LEARN THROUGH TRYING, AND SOMEDAY

YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SWIM,

YOU WILL BE ABLE TO RIDE A BIKE

YOU WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE HOME SOME HOT BIRD AND GIVE IT TO HER LIKE NOBODY EVER HAS BEFORE.


- fyrefly

 

[green69]

Originally posted by Tkay
I figured I played her, so I keeped "alpha" (aka, I was a jerk to her). After 1 year I broke up with her. I was bored of her. I got pissed because we didn't have sex for over 3 weeks. We would have broken up anyway, I was a jerk to her alot. I couldn't care less, she always came back crying to me when I was pissed at her anyway.

Woops. She had enough of it. She didn't come crying back to me. She went crying to some other guy. A week after I broke up she was already sleeping with him. Before I found out, I kept calling her, crying, begging her to come back, although I KNEW that would screw it up even more. Then it was GFTOW for me. Or trying to at least

Looks like another AFC went to the Dark Side. Using your 'nice guyness' as an excuse for lack of success, you decided to play the jerk role and overcompensate. Inside you are just an insecure boy, trying to pretending to be some kind of 'alphamale' or 'jerk'. Whatever act you're trying to do, stop wasting your time because it's not the right way to go.

But if you want to keep reading forums on how to be a player, seduction lines to get women to fall for you, then by all means do it. We all know it's not your true personality, however.

 

[Socialreject]

Only one way to go...

You have to jump in the deep side of the pool!

That being said... There isn't much point in jumping in the deep if you can't swim for sh1t. You will just drown and end up b1tching to God (or whoever you think will be there to greet you when you die) for letting you drown.

What i mean with this is. You 'game' comes from within. Lots of great PUA have no inner game. It's fine for them, they go with canned routines but in the end what does it get them? A lay, a quick screw? What good is that in the grand sceme of things. There is more to life than screwed asmany chicks as possible... a lot more!

You want to be fearless, attractive, confident and well balanced? Then just be it. There is no other way. Conquer your fears. Start with the small ones and move your way up. Women sometimes slap me, throw drinks in my face (can really sting your eyes btw) but it's all moot. I don't like drinks in my face of course, it ruins my clothes for the evening. However, this isn't my fault, it's their insecurity that causes it. Nothing i can do about that. I don't just have this 'attitude' because i made myself believe it's the 'right' attitude. I have this attitude because i KNOW it's the truth. I know i'm attractive, confident and handsome. This isn't stuck up, it's simply an observation and i behave accordingly. I don't 'need' to tell anyone about myself... it shows. So no need to be big headed, arrogant or a jerk about it (like you did). I don't fear women at all so i have no reason not to approach them. I don't fear any guys either. Sure, there are some guys i'm less ****y around. That's because i made a quick calculation and realized they would prolly kill me in a fair fight... There is no shame in that, it's simply logic.

This is inner game. This is being an integer and strong man. This is what you don't have and must learn. Don't make excuses for things you feel! If you see a girl that you like, just go talk to her. You're a fun, strong and integer man. There is no reason why she wouldn't want you in her life. So help her on her way hmmm? If she blows you off it might be because of a hundred different reasons who alltogether have nothing to do with you. It's not that hard to understand really.

You must first become a better person. Don't spew that nice guy stuff around, it doesn't do anyone any good. Realize your own flaws and work at them! Then challenge your fears and chop the head off the monster... your free to be who you want to be. Don't be a quitter, don't be a whiner, don't be an excuser. Life tosses you unfair punches, roll with them and retain your integrity, honor and strenght...always.

If the devil makes you a deal... all your dreams and desires come true but you have to do just one thing that conflicts with your integrity and honor... what are you going to do?

 

[Sapiens]

Originally posted by Socialreject


If the devil makes you a deal... all your dreams and desires come true but you have to do just one thing that conflicts with your integrity and honor... what are you going to do?

There is nothing the devil can offer you for your integrity and honor that you can't get for yourself.

-Sapiens

 

[Socialreject]

Originally posted by Sapiens
There is nothing the devil can offer you for your integrity and honor that you can't get for yourself.

-Sapiens

Exactly ;-)

 

[DJ4Real]

Boot Camp and read the bible.

Getting over "fear of women" takes a confidence booster.

Realize that women should want you and not that you should want women.

 

[Tkay]

Re: Re: You guys are my last option.

Originally posted by Damian
First of all, you need to get over your fear of women. From what you've written, it seems like you are wayy too self-conscious when it comes to approaching and holding a conversation. Just talk to her as if she were one of your guy friends. Remember your DYD material, and you should be fine.

Try practicing your cold approaches. The more you do, the less awkward and more instinctual it becomes. Don't worry if you make a bad impression, worry that you don't have courage to approach.

Go out sarging with your wingman. Motivate each other to approach and criticize each others'a actions. All I can tell you is to practice.

Reading may help you learn, but Practice will let you KNOW.

-Damian

About the self-concious thingy, it comes in phases. The moment I wrote that post was clearly a bad phase. Maybe I really do need a shrink, lol.
One day I feel good, talk good and everything.
Like today. I saw a girl I used to know, and walked her home and stuff. We had a laugh etc. This boosts my confidence in conversation skills.
On another hand, I've just set up a date with my first ex(who I never kissed). Although she is seeing someone. But I think she'll flake,that's her habit. She's only getting 1 more try though.

At the bus stop there was this HB7. I never saw her there before, and I was going to ask her if she had the same line as me. I didn't do it, and she ran off after a minute. But I feel I am getting closer...

Originally posted by green69
Looks like another AFC went to the Dark Side. Using your 'nice guyness' as an excuse for lack of success, you decided to play the jerk role and overcompensate. Inside you are just an insecure boy, trying to pretending to be some kind of 'alphamale' or 'jerk'. Whatever act you're trying to do, stop wasting your time because it's not the right way to go.

But if you want to keep reading forums on how to be a player, seduction lines to get women to fall for you, then by all means do it. We all know it's not your true personality, however.

It was actually more just a misunderstanding of the term alpha male. And also fault on her part.

But no worries, I've seen my fault, and I'm making sure I don't make the same mistake. That's what it's all about, learning.

Originally posted by Socialreject
Only one way to go...

You have to jump in the deep side of the pool!

That being said... There isn't much point in jumping in the deep if you can't swim for sh1t. You will just drown and end up b1tching to God (or whoever you think will be there to greet you when you die) for letting you drown.

What i mean with this is. You 'game' comes from within. Lots of great PUA have no inner game. It's fine for them, they go with canned routines but in the end what does it get them? A lay, a quick screw? What good is that in the grand sceme of things. There is more to life than screwed asmany chicks as possible... a lot more!

You want to be fearless, attractive, confident and well balanced? Then just be it. There is no other way. Conquer your fears. Start with the small ones and move your way up. Women sometimes slap me, throw drinks in my face (can really sting your eyes btw) but it's all moot. I don't like drinks in my face of course, it ruins my clothes for the evening. However, this isn't my fault, it's their insecurity that causes it. Nothing i can do about that. I don't just have this 'attitude' because i made myself believe it's the 'right' attitude. I have this attitude because i KNOW it's the truth. I know i'm attractive, confident and handsome. This isn't stuck up, it's simply an observation and i behave accordingly. I don't 'need' to tell anyone about myself... it shows. So no need to be big headed, arrogant or a jerk about it (like you did). I don't fear women at all so i have no reason not to approach them. I don't fear any guys either. Sure, there are some guys i'm less ****y around. That's because i made a quick calculation and realized they would prolly kill me in a fair fight... There is no shame in that, it's simply logic.

This is inner game. This is being an integer and strong man. This is what you don't have and must learn. Don't make excuses for things you feel! If you see a girl that you like, just go talk to her. You're a fun, strong and integer man. There is no reason why she wouldn't want you in her life. So help her on her way hmmm? If she blows you off it might be because of a hundred different reasons who alltogether have nothing to do with you. It's not that hard to understand really.

You must first become a better person. Don't spew that nice guy stuff around, it doesn't do anyone any good. Realize your own flaws and work at them! Then challenge your fears and chop the head off the monster... your free to be who you want to be. Don't be a quitter, don't be a whiner, don't be an excuser. Life tosses you unfair punches, roll with them and retain your integrity, honor and strenght...always.

If the devil makes you a deal... all your dreams and desires come true but you have to do just one thing that conflicts with your integrity and honor... what are you going to do?

I love this post. It's exactly what I'm looking for. I'm not just DJing to get laid, but to become a confident MAN. It still needs work on however.

Originally posted by fyrefly
I can see exactly where you're coming from, last night for about twenty minutes i was sittin in the corner of a club feeling like no girl would ever find me attractive..............................................................

- fyrefly

Yea man, exactly the same. In certain situation I suddenly just open, without thinking. It hasn't brought me any success yet, but still,I opened. It's like this little PUA inside me that suddenly makes me do things, lol.





Anyway, thanks for all the replies. I'll just keep trying, and getting back up. Any more comments ofcourse very welcome.