You guys are great!!

[Tajmya]

I need advice. I am a woman who has dated a man for about a month (yes, we have), and he has flaked. He seems intelligent, witty, and we have a great time together. I may have gotten a little too serious too quick when I asked him what were his intentions with the relationship! I am in my thirties, and in retrospect, I do know better than to pressure men, but he seemed to be wanting the same things I did......oh well. He stopped returning my phone calls this past week, and when I did get up with him I said "Look, I don't want to make a fool out of myself by calling without feedback, tell me what's going on?" His reply: I hear you, but I definitely think we need to slow things down".

This is what I need....How can I salvage this relationship without games or drama? On the other hand...I don't want to waste my time. In your opinion, does this guy really want to continue building a productive relationship with me slowly? Or is it a nice way of saying get lost?

 

[Don Juanabbe]

How long were you with him before you spread your legs for him?

Did you go into it wanting a long term relationship?

 

[rgeere]

It's dead ... or dying ...

 

[Tajmya]

I was with him about two weeks of everyday calling, emailing, and going out before it happened (it was unplanned). Yes I did go into it wanting a long term relationship. I haven't been involved in a year and I feel stupid!

 

[Don Juanabbe]

You shouldn't have been so easy, he probably thinks you are a hor now and attaches little value to you.

 

[Tajmya]

I have figured that out...painfully. Once this opinion is established, what can I do to change it?

 

[PRMoon]

give him some room to breath. Calling and what not everyday over the course of two weeks is probably to fast for him. Space out the times that you two talk a little bit to let him think things over a bit. Take interest in his seperate life and all but don't try to force your lives to be joined so quickly.

 

[tmpgstx]

No .. two weeks was plenty of time before having sex, especially considering all the email/talking and going out.

He was just out to get into your pants .. this guy is not good. You should definitely move on. If he was decent, he wouldn't be 'flakey' at this point or any point for that matter.

There are alot of intelligent, witty and successful men out there who are not flakey, find one of them.

 

[NewMan]

It's got nothing to do with you putting out to soon.

Look - of course he wanted the poon - what guy doesn't - but don't confuse the two issues here.

You came on to strong - and he was not ready for that. I can certainly understand that - since the first thing he probably thought was..... "I'm getting trapped here".

There is a fine line between to strong and easy. You've got to find that.

I assume he is in his 30's? if that is the case it could be a case of him being somewhat of a commitment phob.

Anyway - you've got to temper your enthusiasim - don't move to fast, what is the rush? I know you want to make sure that there is some kind of future here - but be realistic - some people don't develop feelings and such for a while.

Back off.

Don't call him as often.

Don't mention "Relationship"..... "Where is this going" (the four words fo hell)

If you are cool, fun and not high maintenace (plus respectfull of him) - he's going to want to be with you. He's not going to leave the single "I can bang and do what I want" life for a needy woman.

Think about it.