You Don’t Need a Wingman, You Need a Therapist

[BaronOfHair]

"You Don’t Need a Wingman, You Need a Therapist"

Goose didn't survive that ejection back in '86, and Iceman departed this chunk of dirt to join Jim Morrison and Doc Holliday a couple weeks ago... No worthwhile wingmen remain

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

I can tell you've given this a lot of thought and I don't think that is a bad thing. At the same time, you sound very idealistic which probably makes sense given your age.

I will agree with you 100% that "the goal should be self-improvement for the sake of flourishing, not just access to 'better' women." And, in fact, that very tenet is preached here over and over by a lot of members. Focus on yourself and the women are simply a bonus. Your OP directly disputes that notion, but it is true. You just need to know where to look on this forum. You can of course find the black pill or MGTOW malcontent posters here and I think that is what you are (wrongly) focusing on.

I hate to break this to you, but dating IS transactional with primarily time and to lesser extent money. Whether you see women as equals or simply a piece of meat to stick your d1ck into doesn't change that fact. But let's be completely clear on this: this site preaches that YOU as the man are the "prize." Not the woman. That is part of the transformative process that SS puts men through.

I can understand how dating can sometimes feel transactional, and I appreciate the perspective you're offering. However, reducing relationships to just calculated exchanges misses the deeper emotional connections that truly make them fulfilling. The idea that men do all the “heavy lifting” suggests a lack of trust in mutual growth and assumes that men always provide while women simply take. In reality, relationships should be based on mutual respect, care, and emotional investment, where both partners contribute equally through vulnerability, trust, and support.

Self-reliance is certainly valuable, but it's also important to recognize that no one thrives in complete isolation. Focusing solely on self-sufficiency can sometimes prevent us from embracing the vulnerability that forms the foundation of genuine connections. Ultimately, relationships aren’t about who does more or less. They’re about building meaningful connections where both partners can grow, respect each other, and flourish together.

I appreciate the insights you’ve shared and agree that personal growth is a key focus. Ultimately, relationships should enrich that growth and provide space for both partners to thrive.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

Decent point. The problem is once a woman knows a man values her, she will use it to her advantage and eventually destroy him, it
The intimacy, complexity, and emotional growth, that’s fine, but a man shouldn’t look for it. It should come becomes the woman values the relationship and the man sees value in keeping her around.

ALL women look at relationships as transactional. Tit for tat. They don’t look for closeness or emotional growth, they look for “what resources can I extract from him?”



You don’t know that, That’s like saying when people say “I am fine with my salary”, they are masking anger, frustration, and lack of skills. You are assuming with that statement,



Again you are talking in a way where you believe vulnerability and connection is what turns a woman on, It doesn’t, A woman gets turned on by a man’s look, his height, his hair, his presence, His vulnerability means nothing to her. She will be like “this guy is going to protect my children?: Not saying don’t ever open up, but be VERY careful what you reveal to any woman,



Decent point.

But a man should ask himself, what does he need a relationship for? I don’t think men are alone out of fear and bitterness, I think it’s more “the return isn’t what I want”

A lot of men don’t want to get into a relationship with a woman who is getting less attractive by the minute, who does not allow him to sleep with any other woman, who has legal, social, economic power to destroy him at any time, who has society to protect her in case he does anything wrong, who has sex based on her schedule, who expects more out of the relationship the longer it goes, Not a great deal.

That being said, I think a lot of men DO want to be in a relationship with a woman.

Real relationships work best when both people trust, support, and help each other grow, not when they’re treated like business transactions.

 

[BadBoy89]

Real relationships work best when both people trust, support, and help each other grow, not when they’re treated like business transactions.

That's an assumption.