The debate will rage on about how older men should or should not date younger women. I PERSONALLY have absolutely no qualms with befriending, dating, and sexing any female who is old enough within the eyes of the law, HOWEVER.....there are certain things about this type of arrangement that might make an older man reconsider (or at least handle in a different way) this type of relationship. Here are a few of the pitfalls I have found.
First off, when I say "older man" I would be referring to someone over the age of 30. When I say "younger woman", my definition would be a girl who is under 25. I firmly believe that men grow up quite a bit when they hit their mid 20's, and it might be even more true for women.
Depending upon the type of relationship you plan to have with a younger woman, be prepared for others to judge you, usually unfairly. Truth of the matter is, the are lots of people out there who buy into the idea that there is a "proper" age for men and women to be together. The problem is everyone has their own idea of right and wrong. If you ask me, I say, "Who's to say?" Just keep in mind that there are people out there who love to judge others based upon some kind of warped sense of morality. THE LAW IS THE LAW. If you follow the law, you aren't wrong, and you aren't a child molester, PERIOD.
Another consideration is THE PARENTS. My last LTR had just turned 21 when we started dating. I was 31. Until that time I had no idea what it was like to feel intimidated by a girl's parents. I had always gotten along well with them. This was no exception, in the fact that I got along with them, but I always knew that her dad didn't completely approve. I actually got along really well with her mom, but the tension coming from dad was always there and it made me uncomfortable. I'm sure what made matters worse was the fact that she still lived at home, and it wasn't until after we started dating that her mom found out she wasn't a virgin.
Friends can also be a huge factor in having any kind of a relationship with a younger woman. Not only from the standpoint of them being judgemental, but also in the fact that even if YOUR GIRL is very mature for her age, it doesn't mean her friends will be. My last g/f's best friend was 19 and acted like she was 14 most of the time. That sh!t gets old. Not to mention that towards the end I had as much of a problem with the FRIEND being against me as I did the g/f, DESPITE the fact that my girl pretty much cheated on me. Sometimes it isn't worth the baggage, and this chick was almost to the point where I would have considered her just that.
Another thing to watch out for is the "cinderella" syndrome that so many women have, especially when they are young. They haven't had a chance to become jaded enough to realize that real life doesn't usually work the way it does in the movies and romance novels. This idealism can create a HUGE problem between a younger woman who feels that she deserves a knight in shining armour, and an older man who knows the real deal. NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO WAKE THEM UP FROM THIS DREAM. THEY MUST LIVE AND LEARN.....THERE IS NO OTHER WAY. Don't even think of wasting your time trying.
The thing that made me write this post (aside from the fact that it seems to be such a big issue) is that I just got off the phone with a girl I know. She's the best friend of a chick that I hooked up with last week. It seems that since I am the "older one" I am fully responsible for this girl having had too much to drink and having sex with me that night. Although they are both adults, they both think that since I was the older one that I shouldn't have let her consume so much alcohol, and that I was the one who took advantage of her because she drank so much. They are both cool about it (cause they both know they are REALLY just trying to justify actions), but it's kind of annoying to know better yet not be able to defend yourself!
Now we all know that women are professionals when it comes to passing blame and avoiding accountability. But throw in the fact that you are quite a bit OLDER, and they won't hesitate to use that fact to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. I tried for a couple of minutes to explain that it was HER who wanted to drink more, stay out later, and SHE was the one basically coming on to me, but it was of no use. Just count on the fact that your age can and will be used against you.
I'm gonna try to think of some more. I know there are plenty!
Feel free to add to the list.
First off, when I say "older man" I would be referring to someone over the age of 30. When I say "younger woman", my definition would be a girl who is under 25. I firmly believe that men grow up quite a bit when they hit their mid 20's, and it might be even more true for women.
Depending upon the type of relationship you plan to have with a younger woman, be prepared for others to judge you, usually unfairly. Truth of the matter is, the are lots of people out there who buy into the idea that there is a "proper" age for men and women to be together. The problem is everyone has their own idea of right and wrong. If you ask me, I say, "Who's to say?" Just keep in mind that there are people out there who love to judge others based upon some kind of warped sense of morality. THE LAW IS THE LAW. If you follow the law, you aren't wrong, and you aren't a child molester, PERIOD.
Another consideration is THE PARENTS. My last LTR had just turned 21 when we started dating. I was 31. Until that time I had no idea what it was like to feel intimidated by a girl's parents. I had always gotten along well with them. This was no exception, in the fact that I got along with them, but I always knew that her dad didn't completely approve. I actually got along really well with her mom, but the tension coming from dad was always there and it made me uncomfortable. I'm sure what made matters worse was the fact that she still lived at home, and it wasn't until after we started dating that her mom found out she wasn't a virgin.
Friends can also be a huge factor in having any kind of a relationship with a younger woman. Not only from the standpoint of them being judgemental, but also in the fact that even if YOUR GIRL is very mature for her age, it doesn't mean her friends will be. My last g/f's best friend was 19 and acted like she was 14 most of the time. That sh!t gets old. Not to mention that towards the end I had as much of a problem with the FRIEND being against me as I did the g/f, DESPITE the fact that my girl pretty much cheated on me. Sometimes it isn't worth the baggage, and this chick was almost to the point where I would have considered her just that.
Another thing to watch out for is the "cinderella" syndrome that so many women have, especially when they are young. They haven't had a chance to become jaded enough to realize that real life doesn't usually work the way it does in the movies and romance novels. This idealism can create a HUGE problem between a younger woman who feels that she deserves a knight in shining armour, and an older man who knows the real deal. NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO WAKE THEM UP FROM THIS DREAM. THEY MUST LIVE AND LEARN.....THERE IS NO OTHER WAY. Don't even think of wasting your time trying.
The thing that made me write this post (aside from the fact that it seems to be such a big issue) is that I just got off the phone with a girl I know. She's the best friend of a chick that I hooked up with last week. It seems that since I am the "older one" I am fully responsible for this girl having had too much to drink and having sex with me that night. Although they are both adults, they both think that since I was the older one that I shouldn't have let her consume so much alcohol, and that I was the one who took advantage of her because she drank so much. They are both cool about it (cause they both know they are REALLY just trying to justify actions), but it's kind of annoying to know better yet not be able to defend yourself!
Now we all know that women are professionals when it comes to passing blame and avoiding accountability. But throw in the fact that you are quite a bit OLDER, and they won't hesitate to use that fact to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. I tried for a couple of minutes to explain that it was HER who wanted to drink more, stay out later, and SHE was the one basically coming on to me, but it was of no use. Just count on the fact that your age can and will be used against you.
I'm gonna try to think of some more. I know there are plenty!
Feel free to add to the list.
