yet another ltr question

[jbbrain]

very quickly boys,

As some of u know, I'm in an LTR. As well I feel like I'm in a very important transition period regarding my manhood. Day by day, I feel like I'm becoming more of a man, as I'm working towards my dreams, improving myself etc.

The man I will become is something I know is imperative for me as well as ANY girl I choose to have a relationship with.

At the same time, with a lot of focus on myself, I find it hard to actually give back to the relationship. They say a relationship takes a lot of work..

THEY WERENT KIDDING. I mean, first you have to become a man that a woman wants to spend a lot of time with, THEN you actually have to put effort into the LTR itself (Keeping things fun, knowing when to "let her in" a little more, commenication, takin it to the next level etc)

I guess what I'm saying is that I feel a little overwhelmed concerning what I need to do for myself as well as my "duty" as a good boyfriend. I have a feeling the two overlap, the former may lead to the latter, but I think being a good boyfriend means someting more than "being on a pedestal, having self respect, confidence and challenge" (things Ive recently understood to be products of becoming a man, not really "tactics" or techniques)..

If you focus so much on yourself, then where does your ACTUAL relationship come in? How do u find a good balance? I want to be a man she and I will respect, but I also want to be the boyfriend she has A SHYT LOAD OF FUN WITH!! Now, I feel like I'm being both, ut I'm concerned it won't keep up..

PS- For all those who helped me on my last post concerning ltr's (tesuque etc) this may be the exact same question and concern as I expressed before but manifested in different form...

 

[chili kat]

IMO, the best thing you can do is to change nothing. Whatever it is you're doing now is fine, so long as she isn't threatening to walk on you. If you really believe things are getting stale, then try spontinuity, but don't be eager to change anything you're doing now simply because of the thinking you're doing. If there is no concrete reason, i.e. she says, "You never take me anywhere anymore!" then you don't need to worry about it.

Bad boyfriends are the ones who have changed too much.

 

[NewMan]

Keep planning dates for the both of you. Keep trying new things - going away on weekends. Just plan ahead, and have things you both look forward to.

Don't become regimented in your activities.

Also, plan your own time - but be flexible. Don't plan that every Friday night is going to be the night you and the guys go out (for example) be willing and do change things up.

Surprise her.

You can fit both into your life .

 

[jbbrain]

both responses were good..

I guess, just because I'm so used to being single and (this being just my 3rd relationship) I feel I'm under pressure to be the best boyfriend ever..

I know shes really happy with the way things are goign now, and I'm happy too, I just hate the idea of things becoming stale, predictable, "too" comfortable, and NO FUN..(for both our sakes)

I think I just have to trust myself more.

I just think we all get so caught up in the techniques outlined here that we tend to forget taht we actually have an LTR that needs a lot of input!

If we worry too much about keeping or increasing her IL, we risk compromising the "fun" aspect that ever relationship needs.

 

[drake]

I am in the same situation that you are in right now. I have been dating this girl for about 7 months, but I am just not sure if I want/need to put all my effort into this LTR or get out and start dating again. I can see things getting stale also and that is not something that I am looking forward to. Recently I have planned a few things like 3 weeks out. I.e. lets got up to the hot springs next week, the saturday after that lets go clubbing without the friends. I have never did this with her before (planning ahead) so we'll see if that changes how I feel. I agree that it is nice to look forward to things, but im still stuck on the boat trying to decide if she is the one. Im 23 and I know that is young.......but the fear of being 30-35-40 and single is my biggest fear. Go figure!!
Later, Andrew

 

[NewMan]

your 23.

In my opinion thats to young to think bout settling down.

Don't worry about being single later in life - you could get divorced - then where will you be.

live in the moment. Enjoy life NOW - and live for today.

Tomorrow may never come.

Also remember this - the grass is always greener.

So, things maybe getting stale - thats another layer of the onion. Yes you may date, and it will be more exciting to start, but there are also drawbacks to dating.

All relationships get stale - but you've got to try and inject some fun into them.

 

[jbbrain]

dont u boys even try thinking about hi jackin my thread!!!

A$$holes!!

 

[drixsa]

im a little confused as to what help or insites you are looking for

i have a feeling or so that i am going to be in a relationship in the next couple weeks and my mind has began to shift in that sort of "mode" so to speak.

id actually like to be in a relationship where both parties just respect each other and there isnt any BS such as the whole "control" thing.

being the player i consider myself to sometimes be control has worked quite well

i think that a relationship is a cool thing to do if you find a girl that really is worthwhile

i do think though that in just about every relationship there are those little annoying games whether you are observing them or not

and it is always better for the relationship when the man has control

 

[jbbrain]

bump

jus a few more comments would be amazing

 

[jbrunner_ipa]

I'm young but i've been in a LTR before (that i ended by the way) and i'll tell you what knowledge i walked out of that relationship with. If you have a girl who truly loves you, you can work anything out. Just communicate. Communication is pretty key. Also i agree with the others, you can't change drastically.....if you've been dating for at least two years she won't like that too much. Basically ...if you're in, you're in and you can keep going. My problem was that i'm young and i realized i can't just tie myself down so quickly in life, sometimes i regret my decision because i found somebody that i know truly loved me but........that's how it goes. If you are LTR she's going to want you to have some sort of goal in mind that can support your family and from what you've said you've got that. Just keep that family in mind and you'll be ok. You sound like you're on the right track........but if you want to stay on that track you can't go doubting it, or at least letting her know that you're doubting it. She has to be able to feel that you're confident with your relationship.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by jbrunner_ipa
I'm young but i've been in a LTR before (that i ended by the way) and i'll tell you what knowledge i walked out of that relationship with. If you have a girl who truly loves you, you can work anything out. Just communicate. Communication is pretty key. Also i agree with the others, you can't change drastically.....if you've been dating for at least two years she won't like that too much. Basically ...if you're in, you're in and you can keep going. My problem was that i'm young and i realized i can't just tie myself down so quickly in life, sometimes i regret my decision because i found somebody that i know truly loved me but........that's how it goes. If you are LTR she's going to want you to have some sort of goal in mind that can support your family and from what you've said you've got that. Just keep that family in mind and you'll be ok. You sound like you're on the right track........but if you want to stay on that track you can't go doubting it, or at least letting her know that you're doubting it. She has to be able to feel that you're confident with your relationship.

great advise mate!

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by jbrunner_ipa
I'm young but i've been in a LTR before (that i ended by the way) and i'll tell you what knowledge i walked out of that relationship with. If you have a girl who truly loves you, you can work anything out. Just communicate. Communication is pretty key. Also i agree with the others, you can't change drastically.....if you've been dating for at least two years she won't like that too much. Basically ...if you're in, you're in and you can keep going. My problem was that i'm young and i realized i can't just tie myself down so quickly in life, sometimes i regret my decision because i found somebody that i know truly loved me but........that's how it goes. If you are LTR she's going to want you to have some sort of goal in mind that can support your family and from what you've said you've got that. Just keep that family in mind and you'll be ok. You sound like you're on the right track........but if you want to stay on that track you can't go doubting it, or at least letting her know that you're doubting it. She has to be able to feel that you're confident with your relationship.

dude, good advice, but Im not thinking Family!!! This chick is just my girlriend man.

 

[Cremasta]

Originally posted by jbrunner_ipa
If you are LTR she's going to want you to have some sort of goal in mind that can support your family

If this is definitely a LTR and dare I say it... a lifelong commitment... having goals that you will achieve together is what really makes women fall absolutely totally in love with you. The good feeling they get when they know they are 'going somewhere' with you. So when you both (she) looks back, she will see a number of milestones in her life that you two have accomplished together.

These can be a weekend trip to the country you share, or building a house together, or anywhere in between...

This is not mutually exclusive to being a DJ, its just a deeper level to it, reserved only for real LTR's.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Cremasta
If this is definitely a LTR and dare I say it... a lifelong commitment... having goals that you will achieve together is what really makes women fall absolutely totally in love with you. The good feeling they get when they know they are 'going somewhere' with you. So when you both (she) looks back, she will see a number of milestones in her life that you two have accomplished together.

These can be a weekend trip to the country you share, or building a house together, or anywhere in between...

This is not mutually exclusive to being a DJ, its just a deeper level to it, reserved only for real LTR's.

Yet more good advise. Is this the part I should say "bump"?

 

[jbbrain]

yeah, bump this sht too

some more opinions?