Yeah do i still have a chance?

[chiraag2000]

If you want to be her friend you have to give up on wanting a relationship with her. If you don't you'll be miserable and no man or woman is worth misery.

Yeah ur right...... But I need help with conversing

 

[Cassanova_Child]

Yeah ur right...... But I need help with conversing

read Pooks **** on this site. search him up and read it ALL. Read the Don Juan bible (link at bottom of page.... took me a long tim eto find it myself lol)

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=149304&highlight=secret+ingredient

and thats me. its kind of long and you might find it pointless at first, but I think it really drives in the point about confidence is all you.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Yeah ur right...... But I need help with conversing

I continue to say this because I'm either nervous or awkward around women when I reach some kind of block in our rapport (relationship.)

If you don't have many friends you tend to have this thought that you're bad in conversations when you really aren't. The great thing about conversations are that you can talk about anything on your mind really. Make sure to ask questions and let her talk too. If she's a girl who likes to talk, just let her do most of the talking and you can be an active listener and share your opinion and experiences with her.

Also teasing girls for fun is one of the best things ever because it's funny and you'll make them smile. Be creative and be yourself - thats all you need to try to do, don't try to impress her or impress yourself, just try to be yourself and explore your own ideas with her.

 

[chiraag2000]

When u say teasing .... Can ya gimme an example? LOL

 

[James18]

Bud, before I try abstinence, you try sex
She's religious, she's not that into you- she's being a good nice girl and trying to let you down easy. If she liked you she wouldn't have thrown that "just friends" junk your way, and she would have put more effort into contacting you, or calling instead of stupid texting.
If you want to be friends with her, talk to her whenever like a human being instead of a women you're after. If you want a women who will take care of you in every way and have your back, go find one who's interested in you and stop wasting your time here.

 

[needstochange]

Escaping the friend Zone

http://www.sosuave.com/articles/escaping.htm

READ!

Also, I've known a few girls at my church who have gone there ALL their life, and they rarely ever let religion be an issue in relationships!

 

[Rhoto]

Religion isn't a barrier, its a filter.

And Chiraag, if you haven't already, read the DJ Bible. Seriously.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

She knows you want to bang her so lets just cut the bullsh!t right now. I'm not going to beat you down over this, but one thing teenage, young men need to foster in themselves is a brutal self-honesty, so lets start now OK? Your mistake is in thinking that desexualizing yourself will in some way make you unique and "not-like-other-guys". The idea being that a girl - and particularly an equally inexperienced teenage girl - will have the depth of maturity to appreciate this hold you in higher interest than other guys. Sorry, but she can't and she wont. It's exactly that sexualized nature that she fears (thanks to her religious upbringing) and is excited by. In desexualizing yourself you've cut one leg off and you're trying to sprint.

It's OK to be sexual. You only self-defeat when you neuter yourself voluntarily. Even in the most proper, orthodox of religious marriages the couple had to be hot enough to want to ƒuck each other at SOME point in their being single in order to get married in the first place. That means desire, that means the idea of sex with that person made the other one hot.

Now then, lets clear this up, men and women cannot be friends, or at least not in the way that most people perceive same sex friendship to be. Now the natural resoponse to this from a well conditioned AFC is "I have lots of female friends" or "what are you trying to say, I can't have female friends, they all haffta be enemies?" Which of course is the standard binary (black or white, all or nothing) retort from a trained AFC thinking anyone suggesting that men and women's relations as friends could be anything less than equitable and fulfilling is just neanderthal chauvinist thinking thawed out from cryogenic freeze in the 1950s. But you are incorrect - not because you wouldn't genuinely want to be a woman's friend, but because she cannot be yours. There are fundamental differences in the ways men and women view friendship within their own sex and the ways this transfers to the concept of intergender friendship.

Quite simply there are limitations on the degree to which a friendship can develop between men and women. The easy illustration of this is that at some point your female "friend" will become intimately involved with another male; at which point the quality of what you perceived as a legitimate friendship will decay. It must decay for her new, intimate relationship to mature. For instance, I've been married for 12 years now; were I to entertain a deep freindship with another female (particualrly an attractive female) other than my wife, my interest in this woman automatically becomes suspect of infidelity - and of course the same holds true for women with men-friends.

It's not to say that you cannot have female aquaintances, or that you must necessarily be rude or ignore all women with misogynistic contempt; that is binary thinking once again, but it is to say that the degree of friendship that you can experience with women (as a man) in comparison to same sex friendships will always be limited due to sexual differences. Most men will only ever engage in friendships with women that they find attractive and/or interesting which of course is colored by their attraction to that woman (as in your case).

Now I'm sure you'll play the "not in my case" card and attempt to tell me how much an exception to the rule you are, to which I'll say, even if you legitimately are, it makes no difference. Because the very nature of an intergender friendship is ALWAYS going to be limited by sexual differences.

Even the best, most asexual, platonic, male-female friendships will be subject to mitigation based on sex. So get out of your head now that there even is a so called "friend zone" with any woman. You're either intimate with her or you're not. Women have boyfriends and girlfriends, if you're not ƒucking her, you're her girlfriend, simple as that. There is no friend zone - there is only the limbo between you being fooled that a girl is actually a friend on an equitable level to your same sex friends, and you understanding that as soon as she becomes intimate with another guy your attentions will become a liability to any relationship she might want to have with the new sexual interest and she puts you off, or you do the same when you become so involved with another girl.

 

[chiraag2000]

Yeah so i talked to her today....I made her laugh =) and she was smiling and everything, Still need help being humorous... And she doesn't like people who cuss ... her friend told me, so yeah Being humorous w/o cussing ?help and ty for everything so far

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

You're obviously not seeking advice here CHIRAAG; you're seeking affirmation for doing what you want to anyway - advice be damned.

That said, I'll leave you with this, and for the benefit of others reading this thread so they can learn from your soon to be mistake - you're compromising yourself by attempting to Identify with what you perceive are her qualifications for her intimacy. You're catering yourself to be who you think she wants you to be, and not who YOU want to be. You're committing the cardinal sin of Identity.

From Identity Crisis

Far too many young men maintain the notion that for them to receive the female intimacy they desire they should necessarily become more like the target of their affection in their own personality. In essence, to mold their own identity to better match the girl they think will best satisfy this need. So we see examples of men compromising their self-interests to better accomodate the interests of the woman they desire to facilitate this need for intimacy (i.e. sex). We all know the old adage women are all too aware of, "Guys will do anything to get laid" and this is certainly not limited to altering their individual identities and personal conditions to better facilitate this. It's all too common an example to see men select a college based on the available women at that college rather than academic merit to fit their own ambitions or even choose a college to better maintain a pre-existing relationship that a woman has chosen and the young man follows. In order to justify these choices he will alter his identity and personality by creating rationales and new mental schema to validate this 'decision' for himself. It becomes an ego protection for a decision he, on some level, knows was made for him.

This is just one glaring example of this identification, but thousands more subtle ones exist that men (and women) pass off as social mores and contrivances. The guy stuck in the 'Friend Zone' who got the LJBF ("lets just be freinds") line when he attempted to become intimate with his target, will happily listen to her drone on for hours on the phone in order to find out how better to alter himself to fit her conditions for intimate acceptability. He will readily "change his mind" about even his own personal beliefs if it will better fit what he perceives as her criteria for compatibility with her. This is the compromise of identity - to fundamentally and voluntarily alter one's own personality to achieve the acceptability of another. When we are directly and overtly faced with this sort of challenge to our beliefs we naturally recoil - you are your own person and would resist were your employer or parents to tell you how you should vote (political belief), but when it comes to personality and sexual/intimacy interests, and done voluntarily it's suprising to see the limits of what men (and to an extent women) will do. Men will entertain the idea that a long distance relationship (LDR) is a desirable arrangement even if intimacy has never occured because the potential of that intimacy is perceived. These same guys will espouse every reasoning they can conceive as to why their "relationship is different" and that they 'believe' that "love conquers all" only to come full circle when he or she 'cheats' or breaks off the relation and the man comes back to his prior (though he thinks new) understanding that LDRs are in fact a bad prospect. His identity changed and then changed again to accomodate his conditions.

This is exactly where you find yourself CHIRAAG. I only hope other young men reading this thread will take heed from your example.

 

[mpimpin]

RT, Great advice. Everyone should take this into account.

 

[azanon]

You're obviously not seeking advice here CHIRAAG; you're seeking affirmation for doing what you want to anyway - advice be damned.Identity Crisis

Judging by (the quality of) his posts, I think its just as likely you went way over his head with that. Great post above, and I haven't read your paste yet, but I'm afraid what you just said is only going to be of use to those with either more intelligence or more maturity that Sir CHIRAAG.

CHIRAAG - just calling it like I see it.

 

[pimpinISeasy]

the other guys are right; you pretty much blew it already but if you absolutely insist on going against all odds and advice i would at least give her space. ignore her for a couple days if thats what it takes. show her that you're really not as obsessed with her as you first came off to be... seems like it creeped her out that 'you like her so much and dont even know her too well'.

you interpreted that as the cue to get to know her better

instead you should interpret that as the cue to show her that you DONT like her that much since you DONT know her that well....even if it would be faking it....maybe that will un-creep her out lol



edit:: OOh woops i didnt read the latest posts the advertisement at the top made it seem like that was the last one lol so sorry if what i said has already been said or if you already made some new progress with her. i wont delete it maybe it still applies.

second edit: Yeah RT's post leaves mine in the dust =]. I thought that was an excerpt from a book I was ready to go the library and get me a copy! Turns out it was a an earlier post. thats too bad... I would def read that book lol