****y & funny

[alphamale1]

Hello

I am really new to this ****y and funny. I can see that it will attract women so im trying to come up with some new ****y and funny statements.

Me: What? you like my jacket?
Me: You would be blessed if I touched you.

Me: What? you like my eyes?
Me: You would be blessed if I blinked.
Me (blink pause blink pause blink blink blink pause blink)
Me: Oh no what have I done, did you wet yourself?

Her: Hello Ben
Me: Yes Hello Jo, I guess you cant help but smile when you see my gorgeous eyes. I know. Uncontrollable.

Her: Hi Ben
Me: wassup Joanne, that’s a beautiful smile, it amazing what I can do? Did you give me your magical powers? .

Her: you’re different
Me: Yeah it is hard for every guy to be like me, thats why you dig me.

Her: what happened to you?
Me: I woke up one morning and became that man you’ve always fantasized of.
Me: yeah I know, I wont tell no one. Your secret is with me. Like how you wanted it.

Me: Good workout there
Her: Yes
Me: great, its good to know your making yourself look good for me because that will back off the hideous girls here........keep it up sport.

Me: having a good workout
Her: Not really
Me: listen to me carefully, unleash the jane fonda within.
Her: what?
Me: Yeah unleash the jane fonda within.
Me: did you know she has done it with so many people like me.
Me: keep going, dont stop and you'll get your chance.



Ben

 

[alphamale1]

or maybe it should be

Me: having a good workout
Her: Not really
Me: listen to me carefully, unleash the jane fonda within.
Her: what?
Me: Yeah unleash the jane fonda within.
Me: did you know she has done it with people like me.
Me: keep going, dont stop and you'll get your chance.

Ben

 

[gav]

Her: you’re different
Me: Yeah it is hard for every guy to be like me, thats why you dig me.


i like that one

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by gav
Her: you’re different
Me: Yeah it is hard for every guy to be like me, thats why you dig me.


i like that one

I dunno...a lot of these just sound not only arrogant, but overcompensating. It's like you're saying this "****y" stuff because in reality you feel insecure so you need to project this haughty self-image verbally instead of acting with any sincerity.

Maybe something a little more subtle:

"Her: You're different."
"Me: Really. What's so different in me that interests you so much?"

 

[xblitz44x]

Her: You're different
Me: Really? Most people call me "Spesh-aul"

In my retard voice.

-Blitz

PS: I agree with Squirrels. Overcompensating, which has been my issue with ****y/Funny from day one. A truely confident man doesn't need to broadcast it, it shows through in his essence.

 

[DJUofS]

Your thinking too much. If your not naturally a ****y guy, don't try to be one. You don't need ****y and funny to attract women.

 

[damnbugs]

Yeah try not to over do it- there is a very fine line between wining them and repelling them.

Start with small ones and gauge the response before you work on the over the top stuff.

 

[Knicknack]

those were all ****y and not in the least funny...

you need to mix in HUMOR... if you need help with humor writing, read mel helitzer's "comedy writing" book.

there is a technique in humor writing called a reverse. it's when someone says or asks you something and you reverse the meaning on them. you can use this technique with a little ****iness thrown in...

here is a simple example:

she: do you have the time?

you: if you have the energy!

learn what FUNNY is.

 

[DJoystick DJango]

Give me an F, give me a U, an N, another N, and then a Y - Thats what you aint got

That was a tragic list - Damn they are ****y, and as everybody is saying NOT FUNNY at all ! you need humour. Flip-push-pull-twist-turn the implications of what is being said around.

Me: What? you like my jacket?
Me: You would be blessed if I touched you.

She is wondering - you dont get me - who said anything about touching it - what a creep ... She will only think what an arrogant prick. It is very unlikly that any girl would actually want to just touch a jacket. You have failed to engage her mind emotionally. You have to get her guessing your next remark - and make sure that she guesses wrong. That is what tickles them - big time!

Now try this on for size (take or leave the pun)

Her: I like you jacket.
[You know how they all like to swap clothes with each other - Imply she wants to borrow it - now that will be plausable to her mind]
You: I know, but you cant have it. I dont think it will look as good on you.[keep a straight face]
[Because you use somthing that is very plausable here she will accept the attack on her as being a fair one and she will most likely try defend herself and say she only was commenting - so burst her on that too]
Her: nooo. hihi (might kino you) it just looks good thats all.
You: Thats what i said ! I know !
[pause - as long as posible just until shes going to speak again - then cut her off]
You: You are so shallow ... You do know its not the wrapping ? Dont you ? [acusing interogating look]
[pause - cut her off again]
You: Its whats inside that counts. [slowly breaking out into a smaal but sly smirk on your face]

The smirk - The kind of smile that you get when you just know you floored someone ... and floored them real good Yeaaaah. I gotch'ya there - but I trying not to show it

I hope that gives you the JEST (gisst?) of what is supposed to happen i a C+F

Its a verbal sparring match where you fake left, but jab right, without hitting - just touching enough to make her "feel" Damn - you got me there!



Now go ADD some HUMOUR g'damn'it.

-JJ

 

[Tha Realnezz]

It's overated and the reason women dump so many guys is cuz there cornballs when it comes to macking.

They want you to try and **** them on the first go they just lie better than us.

 

[DJoystick DJango]

Re: Give me an F, give me a U, an N, another N, and then a Y - Thats what you aint got

Originally posted by DJoystick DJango
... wondering - you dont get me - who said anything about touching it - what ...

If she ever happens to step into that trap - have it ready

Her: yada yada ...... touch it .....
You: So you want to touch it, huh ?[pause - let it sink into her mind. You WILL see it in her eyes when she realizes her blunder] its priceless
You: why ... what a dirty little mind you got. [Smirk and exagerated head nodding]
You: Lets see what ... YOU ... can do about that. [The "I-Dare-You-One-Eye-Squint-Real-Pimp" look]


-JJ
-------------------------------------------
If by any chance your C+F aint working, ADD some more FUNNY (+F) g'damn'it.

 

[Unforsaken]

Here one of my convos. Hope this help.

Her: hey cutie
Me: Wow...
Me:You actually talk now...
her:u didnt talk to me before so i didnt talk to u..lol

Me: I used to message u... but u never ever replied
Me:So no funny business from you missy!
her:lol


Her: are u in school
Me: Nahhh
Me: I was back in my day...
Her: what do du do
Me: I seduce rich women out of their money

Her: oh ya?
Her: lol
Her: well i do the same to men

Me: Then you are going to have some major competition hun
Me: muahahha
Her: lol
Her: geek
Me: Thanks for noticing!
Her: lol np
her: anytime

Me: Do you like surprises?
Her: yes i do
Her: why?
Me: I don't know...
Me: Gimme a sec to think why
Her: ok
Me: Oh yeah, do u like...

Massages?
Her: omg ya
Her: for sure
Her: u can give me one
Me: loll
Me: Alright... do u like free ones?
Me: Yeah maybe...
Me: Which area of the city u from?
Her: weston and 401

 

[phenom]

Her: "You're one in a million, Phenom!"
ME: "Aww that is really sweet of you to say......but I was thinking more like one in a billion."

 

[DJoystick DJango]

Originally posted by phenom
Her: "You're one in a million, Phenom!"
ME: "Aww that is really sweet of you to say......but I was thinking more like one in a billion."

Come to think of it . I'm one in SIX billion actually. ["Fake-Know-It-All-Pointdexter-Look"]
So are you ["Very-Obvious-Wink"]

---

You : I didn't know you had a gambling habit ... are you getting therapi for it. [Worried-Concerned-Look]
Her: (whatever she says - interupt her).
You: I could help you but it wont be free [smirk]

-----

ADD FUNNY g'damn'it

 

[Maverick001]

Hey All,

I've got a C&F story to add.

To quickly set-up the background - last year, my Mom, sister, 3 brothers, sister-in-law and infant nephew met up at a kids clothing store because they were having a sale on infant wear.

Once we reached the store, the ladies went off to browse and my brothers and I stood nearby just shooting the breeze and chilling. Now us guys are cracking jokes, razzing each other and generally raising a ruckus.

I then notice that there aren’t any other guys at all in this store and we’re attracting attention big time. Then one of the workers, a HB7 (early twenties) comes over.

This is how the conversation went:

HB7: Hey, what's going on here? Are you all here together?

Me: Yup.

HB7: So this is kind of like a family reunion?

Me: Yup.

HB7: Why wasn't I invited?

Me: [Said with a slight grin...] We didn't want to invite you!

HB7: [Kind of shocked look but still continuing...] Why is that?

Me: [Said with an even bigger grin...] Because you're THAT cousin no one talks about!

The look on her face was PRICELESS! It was a combination of deer in the headlights and I can't believe you said that!

HB7 then smiles ear-to-ear, gives me a soft slug on the shoulder and we start chatting.

Once the ladies had concluded their shopping (HB7 was chatting with me the whole time), I turned to leave and said, "See ya cuz" to HB7 and she said the same.

Here's the kicker, I swear she was expecting me to ask for her # just from the look in here eyes and on her face. I didn't because I wasn't interested, but I'm damn sure I could've got it had I asked.

At the time, it didn't occur to me to get the digits just for practice but there you go.

 

[phenom]

I was talking to an HB last night and my buddy and his GF walk up to chit chat. Shortly after my buddy leaves to go to the restroom and It's just me with the HB and the GF (whom I barely know). I put my hand on the GF's shoulders and said in a serious but joking manner "Hey, quit callin me, ok? it's gettin weird". She giggled and played along and said "Ok, I'll stop, I'm sorry".

The HB died laughing because she knew it was just a joke and we all had a good time after that.

 

[alphamale1]

Like i said, im new to this

Phenom, your good at this stuff....

Her: I going to go and buy some clothes today
Me: Well that great cos I need to live life seeing a woman dress better than me so I know how I can better design my clothes i make on my sewer at home.

Her: I wanna beer
Me: Here you can have my beer but MAKE SURE you wipe your lips before you drink my beer..................as i clean my lips after i **** with my ass.

Her: Do you wanna buy me a drink?
Me: Not really, if I buy you a drink, you start telling me how a nice, cute looking guy I am and that Im going to get ****ed up the ass by a mean mean woman.

Her: I cant wait till summer cos I love the beach
Me: With my beach car hot beach women are screaming over me, loving me but they dont know im wanking myself silly in my car.

 

[Alex_L]

me - Hi, you would look so much better with my **** in your mouth


me - wow!! you look really good
her - thanks!
me - how long did the operation take?
her - what operation !?!
me - your sex change operation
her - (angry) i was born a female! (or somit like a slap lol)
me - really? .. you stand a chance with me then if your lucky


me - Hi, can I stop you a minute?
her - sure
me - I just saved you from missing out on the best sex of your life,.. you nearly walked straight past me!

me - Hi my "mate" says your *points at the nearest ugly loserish fat chump * "his type" and he asked me too ask you for your number.
Her - Ergh well he totally ain't my type
me - well I'm totally not like him so give "me" your number instead ;D

 

[alphamale1]

hey guys
how about the last lot of ****y and funny statements that I made
what r u opinions on them?

here they are once again

Her: I going to go and buy some clothes today
Me: Well that great cos I need to live life seeing a woman dress better than me so I know how I can better design my clothes i make on my sewer at home.

Her: I wanna beer
Me: Here you can have my beer but MAKE SURE you wipe your lips before you drink my beer..................as i clean my lips after i **** with my ass.

Her: Do you wanna buy me a drink?
Me: Not really, if I buy you a drink, you start telling me how a nice, cute looking guy I am and that Im going to get ****ed up the ass by a mean mean woman.

Her: I cant wait till summer cos I love the beach
Me: With my beach car hot beach women are screaming over me, loving me but they dont know im wanking myself silly in my car.

 

[Alex_L]

Originally posted by alphamale1

Her: Do you wanna buy me a drink?
Me: Not really, if I buy you a drink, you start telling me how a nice, cute looking guy I am and that Im going to get ****ed up the ass by a mean mean woman.

I like that one best,.. didnt quite understand the 1st one