Xes - boundaries for me

[ubercat]

G/f cracked it coz I was catching up with an X socially.

Now I m wondering what's sauce for the gander.

I would care if it was reversed but I would try and not show it.

I don't think there s much point in setting boundaries.

Anyway as per dj101 I ve delayed 'The Talk' until tomorrow night.

So I d appreciate everyone's thoughts.

 

[dustmuffin]

G/f cracked it coz I was catching up with an X socially.

Now I m wondering what's sauce for the gander.

I would care if it was reversed but I would try and not show it.

I don't think there s much point in setting boundaries.

Anyway as per dj101 I ve delayed 'The Talk' until tomorrow night.

So I d appreciate everyone's thoughts.

I have always wondered what boundaries to make in an ltr. I am looking forward to your report on the talk. No contact with exes? Girls night out? Male friends? Vacations without so?

 

[ubercat]

Perhaps I was too vague.

The specific question is what do you do with your leftover plates when you enter an LTR.

Do you keep some as friends?

If you doing online dating for example you going to meet a lot of women who have too many minor red flags or don't quite meet your minimum standard for an LTR. But they might b cool people who would make perfectly acceptable friends.

 

[Desdinova]

Depends on what you want out of the LTR. If you implement boundaries, get rid of your other plates. If you don't do boundaries, then keep them as orbiters if possible.

 

[ubercat]

Orbiters to me implies the relationship is one sided and has a strong component of sexual tension.

I have 2 I want to keep as friends. I generally find female friends of low value as they will drop u as soon as they get hooked up. But these 2 r 40s single moms so let's face it more chance of them getting hit by lightning than getting married.

 

[Desdinova]

I have 2 I want to keep as friends.

I've begun seeing LTRs in a different light over the past few years. Why even bother getting into one if you're not going to take it seriously? By seriously, I mean that each does NOT have friends of the opposite sex. If you're going to keep friends of the opposite sex, then your LTR isn't really exclusive.

Having a LTR and not taking it seriously is IMO just a waste of time and emotional investment. You might as well keep the revolving door in service and fvck other women.

 

[parkthebus]

Depends on your relationship with the woman. I would try not to think of it as black and white. On one end of the spectrum are women who love you more the more you interact with your exes and on the others who hate it when you interact with your exes. Judge each girl independently.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Uber,
As Mum said,you can't have your cake and eat it too LOL...You have only just started banging the Woman you are considering for a LTR.....To coin an old Aussie description,you a Prvick happy...Take a word of advice from an Old fool...Give her three nights a week...Then on another three nights visit your Old Boilers...One night is for you, Rest and self development...Should she catch you out,just deny all,but don't rub her nose in it...Take care to keep them apart...make sure none of your Lovers are Geographically or thematically close...Expensive on Petrol,but great for the Soul...Lets face it Uber,you are a Philanderer...join our happy little band of Brothers...

 

[Desdinova]

I would try not to think of it as black and white.

Why not? Any woman who cannot be on a serious level with you about people of the opposite sex is NOT worthy of a lengthy investment of time, thousands of dollars of money, nor your emotions. She should be 100% devoted to YOU if you're going to invest your resources into her.

A woman who is not on a serious level when it comes to LTRs cannot be taken seriously. They are only worth fvcking for a while, then tossed away like a used condom. They will be problematic when it comes to commitment.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Uber,
"Now I m wondering what's sauce for the gander.I would care if it was reversed but I would try and not show it."
Hmm....I agree that in dealings with Men it is sobering to put yourself in their shoes for five minutes,with our Women,after long experience it is possible...With Mainland Chinese Women,No forget about it...Seriously they are on a different level of consciousness to you,even the Working class types...That is not said from a racist perspective at all...I just wish I had the single minded determination and stamina that drives most of these People...Over the last five thousand years,they have adapted differently and need very careful handling.

 

[ubercat]

Thanks all. Scar I know what you mean I tried to be friends with Chinese girls in the past and had them tell me that they only hang out with their relatives. So culturally I guess they avoid male friendships because that complicates things when future hubby comes along. Which suggests g/f isn't going to be tolerant of other girls on the horizon. To be honest I just try and keep female friends to be a well rounded person. It might just be blue pill contamination left in my DNA. One Asian girlfriend seems to equal as much sex as I can handle. They take their kpi's very seriously. So I'm not really looking to play away games. Obviously I like woman but I also like sports and hanging out with my male friends. One nice thing with this girl is that she wanted to see me 2 nights a week. She's doing some study. So I suggested a study night. Every Wednesday I got around to her place she cooks dinner and we do our study and there is a sleepover. So I get to combine poon and Self development. Imagine trying to negotiate that with a euro girl

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Uber,
If I could press the rewind button on my life,I would ask that I should marry a Mainland Chinese Woman,rather than a Western Witches Bride...They are truly wonderful Women.

 

[parkthebus]

Why not? Any woman who cannot be on a serious level with you about people of the opposite sex is NOT worthy of a lengthy investment of time, thousands of dollars of money, nor your emotions. She should be 100% devoted to YOU if you're going to invest your resources into her.

A woman who is not on a serious level when it comes to LTRs cannot be taken seriously. They are only worth fvcking for a while, then tossed away like a used condom. They will be problematic when it comes to commitment.

Because no woman will ever be 100% devoted to you. All love is conditional.

 

[Desdinova]

Because no woman will ever be 100% devoted to you. All love is conditional.

Of course love is conditional, but that's not my point. I'm not talking about 100% devotion forever, I'm talking about 100% devotion to you as her only option when you both become "official". Women should only be granted LTRs when they are willing to keep you as the only man in their vicinity. It may not be forever, but if she's willing to do that, then she at least has the desire to take the LTR seriously. Whether she does or not is a different subject, and is conditional on how you make her feel during the course of the relationship.

 

[ubercat]

Des so what s your rationale? Do u think male friends are always a backup plan for a woman?

 

[Desdinova]

Do u think male friends are always a backup plan for a woman?

That's only part of it. There's a lot more to it than that.

As I've said before, I don't believe that women actually have an agenda. They do whatever feels right. Having male orbiters that she's somewhat attracted to can turn into men who "feel right" due to them appearing to become more "alpha", breaking up with their GFs, or the woman's BF turning more beta. There's also the orbiters who would like to fvck your GF. They will ultimately become c0ck blockers in some way, shape or form. You are now going to find yourself dealing with their bull5hit as well as any of the bull5hit she happens to throw your way.

Last but not least, if you see this woman as an investment, your emotions are going to get fired up when she's associating with the orbiters. Men naturally become emotionally charged if their investments and property becomes at risk. So now you're having to deal with your emotional bull5hit which is stemming from her bull5hit and the bull5hit from the c0ck blocking orbiters.

Keeping a woman who has no male orbiters cuts out a lot of bull5hit. I personally have enough of my own bull5hit to deal with along with any she brings to the table. I don't need the bull5hit of her fvcking guy friends added into the mix.

However, if you're just agreeing to a LTR so you can get an extended pass on fvcking her and have no desire to seriously invest in her, then you can disregard all of this and let her keep her orbiters.

 

[ubercat]

Well honestly I have no idea it's not like I spend every minute with my girlfriend. But I ve seen no evidence of orbiters with my Chinese girls