WTH is wrong?

[Coffeebazooka]

Got two big problem I really could use some help with.

1. I got no problem talking to new people. I ask them about their lives, throw in a few jokes, an anecdote here and there and some kino but strangely enough I seem to end up with very few people who want to hang out with me. They seem to really enjoy talking but then they just forget about me and Im tired of doing all the initiation. Often I become the AMOG as well so I should be doing something right.

2. Women eye me out a lot but I never seem to be able to sleep with the girls who check me out. Overall I feel pretty good about myself, five years ago I felt like **** but now Im happy about what I see in the mirror, confidence is up and Im genuinly happy for the first time in many years.


The only logical explanation is that I either give off a bad vibe or that my personality is ****. Im not really sure what I can do more though than get in a state where I am genuinly interested in the other person. Results should be showing now but I seem to get no decent results other than sex with people I dont really feel very attracted to.

The last part is breaking up my confidence because I do work out, better and challenge myself in many different ways and all I end up with is a person who is too lazy to improve themselves and with a very bland personality.

 

[^__^]

For your first problem I didn't notice any female pronouns so I'm assuming you're referring to both guys and girls. Don't do kino with guys.

Because she eyeballs you does not mean she wants to sleep with you. Initial attraction is just that, the first step.

Approach bro.

Have you read the DJ bible?

 

[PapiChulo]

For your first problem I didn't notice any female pronouns so I'm assuming you're referring to both guys and girls. Don't do kino with guys.

Because she eyeballs you does not mean she wants to sleep with you. Initial attraction is just that, the first step.

Approach bro.

Have you read the DJ bible?

Nej, he already said that he approaches a lot and is in fact tired of having to initiate every damn thing.

Second, if she checks you out - she finds you cute, unusual and will sleep with you if everything else is right.


I still have that problem myself, it's like getting stuck in 1st gear and not being able to shift into 2nd. It's not easy because these people are still strangers to you - that's the main thing....ability to jump that void is where the answer is. I assume that the girls you approach arent desperate at all (just like mine)

The bland personality: I would say that %80 on average are anywhere from bland to fuking boring, most women are like %90.

To get laid you need DTF women in bars,clubs, parties or whatever.

 

[Coffeebazooka]

Actually the kino with guys differ loads and loads from the kino I do with girls. I would never put my hand on a guys arms, put it on his back and stuff like that. the stuff I do is more like putting my hand on top of the guys shoulder, slap him in the back, have anal sex or punch in the arm and stuff like that. I didnt do it earlier but I have started doing it when I got more confidence, it just came naturally the same as kino with women.

She does show sexual interest if she checks me out though, strangely the same women wont show interest in bars and stuff. Its a bit wierd. Ofc I read the bible.

I still have that problem myself, it's like getting stuck in 1st gear and not being able to shift into 2nd. It's not easy because these people are still strangers to you - that's the main thing....ability to jump that void is where the answer is. I assume that the girls you approach arent desperate at all (just like mine)

The bland personality: I would say that %80 on average are anywhere from bland to fuking boring, most women are like %90.

To get laid you need DTF women in bars,clubs, parties or whatever.

Aye, thats pretty much how I am feeling getting stuck in first gear and revving it to the max but being able to get further. ATM Im not really picking girls up in clubs or parties, I just party to have a great time and usually get a bit drunk. Been thinking of drinking less when I go out and pick up some women that way. I think I just solved the mystery as to why these women do not show interest in bars. :yes:

How do you cope with boring people? Should I approach more chicks I dont know outside of clubs? Nowadays I mainly talk to people in my classes and people who i happen to have near me.

Thanks for the responses. It gives a lot more to be able to write stuff down to lay the stuff in front and hear some feedback.

 

[Biggie]

the stuff I do is more like putting my hand on top of the guys shoulder, slap him in the back, have anal sex or punch in the arm and stuff like that.

Hahahahaha awesome.

 

[slaog]

Maybe you're trying too hard? Do you want them to like you or do you not care. Usually the personality people are attracted to is the outgoing person who doesn't really care if he/she is liked or not. A person with lots of self confidence and who has a good positive vibe.


It could be body language too.


What sort of things do you talk about? What you say matters very little, its how you say things. Do you keep the conversation light and funny or robotically talk about facts?

 

[PlayCold]

the stuff I do is more like putting my hand on top of the guys shoulder, slap him in the back, have anal sex or punch in the arm and stuff like that.

Hahahahaha awesome.

Hahah that also made me laugh.

1. I got no problem talking to new people. I ask them about their lives, throw in a few jokes, an anecdote here and there and some kino but strangely enough I seem to end up with very few people who want to hang out with me. They seem to really enjoy talking but then they just forget about me and Im tired of doing all the initiation. Often I become the AMOG as well so I should be doing something right.

OK. I also had this problem for a really long time. I adjusted my self a bit and now it's not a problem any more. So it might be that you are interacting with people who just don't have the same interest/life like you. You can try this out by going to a place you are sure you will find people with the same interests (same musical interest for example). People are not thinking "this dude is so boring I'm not going to contact him" they are probably (without noticing) just moving on with their life because you don't "add" something to their life. You are just another one of the people they sometimes speak to.

Try to add something so they will keep interested. Go do some awesome stuff that they never did before or just show something they never saw before. Just show your face a lot, be present in their life and they will get used to the fact that you are with them and you are much likely to be asked to join them because they are used to the fact you are around.

It could be body language too.

Of course we can't see you so we don't know if that is a problem. But look around to the guy you want to be. Look at his attitude and try to adapt it for your own usage (don't copy, don't re-invent the wheel but improve it). Don't always try to be the nice guy, this will get boring. Get in an argument with them and maybe they don't agree but this is interesting because they learn some more about how you see life or look at a subject.

 

[joe henny]

For your first problem I didn't notice any female pronouns so I'm assuming you're referring to both guys and girls. Don't do kino with guys.

Because she eyeballs you does not mean she wants to sleep with you. Initial attraction is just that, the first step.

Approach bro.

Have you read the DJ bible?

First if she's not giving you eye contact dont go up trying to kiss her ass and make her like you thats impossible. If she does look that's because she has sexual interest in you. HALF THE BATTLE WON! All you have to do is match up personality wise in attraction if you can do that you wil live in a land of abundance

 

[slaog]

Hey Playcold, I wasn't asking for advice I was giving it.

 

[PlayCold]

I know! I was agreeing with you and just adding some more info for coffeebazooka

 

[Coffeebazooka]

Just got back from the pub and Im not wasted like usual, progress.

Slaug I think you might be right, I might be trying a bit too hard to make friends and stuff. ATM I am stuck with people who are not really the most social proofgiving people but I am tyring to expand my social circle by going out more. Trying to hard might be a big part of it so I will stop for now trying to "gain" the approval of people and just do some ****in approaches at campus solo. Im not really after friendship anyway, I just want to ****.

Body language might play a big part in it as well. I feel a bit fidgety and stuff which might stress people out. I get impatient in coversations becauswe people talk slowly and Im usually four or five cups of coffee in which makes me a bit hyper active. Been drinking less and less coffee lately.. Ive been adressing this stuff lately by walking slower, talking slower and acting more calm and smiling more. Lets see the result from that ****.

Generally I aska few questions to get to know people like how the last exam did go, what they did last weekend and then I progress into more situational comments in a humorus way.


Playcold. You are definatly right about that i probably do not give any unique stimulus. been focusing too much on acting "normal" I just might come off as ****ing boring. Got to add that to my "change this" list.

Im def not a nice guy all the time, like for instance tonight there was a girl who I was talking to and a guy walked up who she knew and she was supposed to introduce him to me and she couldnt remember my name. I locked deep eye contact with her while she stumbled on her words and said with a coy smile that I was disappointed in her. Later she told me she didnt like something I really enjoyed and I said that I couldnt talk to her anymore and turned my back to her and she grabbed me and turned me around. Bit lame but Im still learning.

Generally I dont feel I have aproblem with body language. I can easily put men in their place so I become AMOG. Women have been giving me issues but lately Im working on it. Practiced a lot of body language tonight when I was at the bar. I was chatting this girl up and a guy wanted to talk to her and after he introduced himself I blocked him off from the girl by turning my back to him, worked good. Overall Im pretty confident and ****, just to drink less coffee.

 

[loveshogun]

You're doin' alright

Coffeebazooka, you seem like you've got a head on your shoulders. Capable of self-criticism and self-correction without being whiny/emo - that's a big plus. Most people can't do that.

The only thing I have to say, since you really don't seem like you need advice as much as the 'ole "hey brotha, I been there, just keep it up and your time will come," is keep on movin' with it, 'cause you're doin' alright.

Here is where I will tell you that you have already won some major battles - you can freely approach and talk to anyone. You no longer ask yourself those "how would I do this" hesitation/self-doubt questions. You just do it.

But now, here's where I tell you that you have to move on to the next stage of the war - this means realizing that sometimes a chick just won't dig you. It's like a bad game of Tetris sometimes, where you're just waiting for that long skinny, and it just won't happen. I don't tell that kind of advice to AFC/newcomers because it gets them in the "woe is me, nothing I do will ever work" mindset, and gives them excuses. You're likely past that level, so you should be able to handle the fact that with some girls, you just can't win - at least, not without spending way more time and effort than it's worth.

Keep getting out there, keep meeting new people, and keep meeting new circles of people. You're on the strong path. Train yourself not to get hung up in these situations - it already seems like you're alright with it most of the time, but if I had to guess, you've been going through a dry spell that's starting to get to you. Just keep doing what you're doing, and you'll pull through.

Remember that you can get very good at all of the techniques and tricks we use here, and it will expand your options with many women. But there's still that element of plain luck that you'll have to learn to deal with. No one said it'd be fair or easy, but at least it's simple.

So, my advice: figure out within the first 30 seconds of conversation whether you'd really like to continue it. The other person will want to, generally speaking, if you're a good conversationalist. This doesn't mean you have to waste your time with anyone. If that's the case, excuse yourself, and move on.

And, not to rehash, but try to do this in environments where you might actually have something in common with the other person, if you actually want to have a connection.

And, if you really want something to work on, learn to dance.

Finally, remember that as you become more attractive and magnetic, you will become that way for every woman - even the sh*tty ones.

Filter them out within the first 30 seconds.

 

[PlayCold]

And, not to rehash, but try to do this in environments where you might actually have something in common with the other person, if you actually want to have a connection.

Just what I said ;-) If you go to an environment where there are people with the same interest(s) you increase the chance to find someone you can communicate good with (and not just for once).

Good luck mate!

 

[Kailex]

the stuff I do is more like putting my hand on top of the guys shoulder, slap him in the back, have anal sex or punch in the arm and stuff like that. I didnt do it earlier but I have started doing it when I got more confidence, it just came naturally the same as kino with women.

I haven't stopped laughing in the last hour and it's because of that.

I have no idea if that statement is missing letters, words, or even sentences, but the non-chalant response has driven me to tears... literally.

 

[Coffeebazooka]

Thanks a bunch loveshogun I really needed a post like that. Its easy telling myself that its going allright but it is hard to believe it if in a rut. Having someone else giving a slap in the back and a "hang in there" really does a ton.

After reading your post I guess I have been going at this from the wrong perspective, validating myself to everyone else and wondering what they would think instead if I get anything out of the conversation. Been thinking about this and the only true answer I get is that I dont get much out from hanging with my class mates. They went to uni right after high school while I worked for a few years so the stuff they find funny I found funny a few years back. Besides I really hate talking, prefer to do stuff with people instead of sitting like a sissy and gossiping about ****. So Im just gonna chill and do stuff I enjoy instead of hooking up with people I dont feel I get a connection with.

Things have actually begun loosening up lately. Had a girl I had a messed up rapport with, I literally felt like a stalker and the convo was a bit wierd evne though she showed me a lot of interest. So i dropped off the radar for about ten days and when I showed up I ignored her while making sure she saw that I had a good time with my friends to show that im "normal" and now she sent me an SMS and wants to meet up Great success!

Oh and yeah, Im def gonna get some dancing in, last time i was out I realized I have lost my dance techniques and my confidence on the dance floor so a dance course sounds like the way to go. Been trying to practice my dancing groove with a few songs but I dont seem to have the rythm atm.


Kailex: Haha, I love people who "get" that kind of humor since it is the humor I use mostly IRL. Acting a bit aloof and nonchalant with a "dont give a ****" attitude. Some people really enjoy it and laugh while others thinks Im an arrogant douchebag.

 

[Coffeebazooka]

Why the **** would a girl contact me and go out with me if she had a boyfriend. She dropped the "me and my BF" line in the mid of the ****ing date. I feel so humiliated, I bet her friends and her will laugh about me now behind my back. ****!

All I did was to raise her ego. Why would she give me eyecontact all the time and flirt with me and then give me number when I asked for it and then text me out of the blue without mentioning that she had a boyfriend?

 

[Razor Sharp]

Because you f*cked up somewhere along the line and women are notoriously non-confrontational. It's much easier to use the BF excuse than for her to break down how you failed to keep her interest. 9 times out of 10, there is no boyfriend - and even if there is chances are he's on his way out if she's giving out her #.

Reflect back on your interactions. Remember her interest/energy levels and try to pinpoint where they started waning. Women are great at hiding interest but wear their emotions on their sleeves. Any moment that her face dropped, or her mood abruptly changed can be linked to something you did/said that she just wasn't feeling.

Learning to look back at your failed attempts, and understanding WHY they were failures is CRUCIAL towards developing your game instinct. Don't get me wrong, sometimes a crash-n-burn is definitely rooted in her own problems/hangups. So many of these b*tches are psychos not even worth the napkins I clean my *** with. But don't fall into the trap of thinking it's always her fault.

Any good player has the ability to coldly assess his own game, recognize his weak points and work on them. Obviously looks weren't an issue as she would not have gone out with you - your problem sounds like its a deeper one (attitude/behavioral/energetic). Or maybe there was just no connection - who knows.

Either way I wouldn't take it to heart. Just keep plowing ahead and gaining more experiences - it's the only way to fully blossom as a player.

Most importantly be patient and stop expecting anything from women. Be pleasantly surprised when they act cool, and aloof when they don't. Expect them to flake, be superficial and disloyal because that's the grim reality. You are going to have to NEXT a lot of these hoes before you find any worth your time.

I got flaked on by two different women last week, their excuses sounded valid, but frankly I'm not in the mood for these "hard-to-get" antics so both numbers got deleted. If they call and want the c*ck, great, if not I'm not stressing here. Hell, last night I initiated a new recruit - she had flaked on me two weeks ago and then called out of the blue when she realized I wasn't chasing her.

These hoes try to play the "I'm too good for you" rap, but sometimes you just gotta beat them at their own game. Use that "dont give a sh*t" attitude to your advantage and just keep playing the numbers game, cause that's all this is.

 

[Coffeebazooka]

She does have a boyfriend, checked her out on facebook. She gave me signals and ****, like eye contact, smiles and she seemed genuinly happy to see me but she kept dragging up her boyfriend and how good they were together and ****.

This was a failure because I did wrong and assumed she was interested, i should have bluntly asked if she was single or checked her facebook out earlier.

Deleted her number as well as all SMSes, not gonna give a **** about this, it just pissed me off that she did the initiation to meet. I am betting this girl is a sunshine girl who wants to raise her ego.

Not gonna give a **** anymore, thats for sure, Im through taking crap like this.

 

[TIC]

She does have a boyfriend, checked her out on facebook. She gave me signals and ****, like eye contact, smiles and she seemed genuinly happy to see me but she kept dragging up her boyfriend and how good they were together and ****.

You know what? It could have been a signal that she wanted to f*ck you. Maybe she wanted to get back at her bf for something and wanted to cheat on him with you.

She knew your intentions; it was a date and she knew it. So you probably should have started aggressively kino'ing and get her in the back of your truck.

Bet you she was wet and was waiting for you to take control

 

[PlayCold]

She does have a boyfriend, checked her out on facebook. She gave me signals and ****, like eye contact, smiles and she seemed genuinly happy to see me but she kept dragging up her boyfriend and how good they were together and ****.

This was a failure because I did wrong and assumed she was interested, i should have bluntly asked if she was single or checked her facebook out earlier.

Deleted her number as well as all SMSes, not gonna give a **** about this, it just pissed me off that she did the initiation to meet. I am betting this girl is a sunshine girl who wants to raise her ego.

Not gonna give a **** anymore, thats for sure, Im through taking crap like this.

Woa! Take it easy!

Listen. Most times a girl starts talking about her boyfriend while your "dating"(I hate that word) is because she is insecure about her current situation/relation she has. She is not telling this info because she likes to kick you in your balls but because she has a lot of her boyfriend problems on her mind at the moment. Girls tend to talk about what's on their mind while it's a bad time to do so.

If you stopped being such a b*tch about it and know how to deal with it you could profit really easy from this fact.