WTF Girlfriend's best friend is a guy?

[Maverack]

I've just recently found out that her best friend is a guy? WTF is that shyt? She says she's known him for years and has hung out with him a few times over the last few months. Although every time they hung out, other people have been there apparently. But now she will bring him up in conversation every once in a while, which I don't appreciate. I even got up and left a few days ago cause she started babbling on about him.

Is there any solution to this other than dumping her and finding another woman who doesn't do this kind of stuff?

 

[Metro3pilot]

This is your choice as I see it Maverack

A.
realize she is with you and not with him, and chicks will have guy friends and he's probably a chump who wants in her panties but can't get none..... enjoy your time with her and dont worry about what will happen down the road.

B.
dump her and find another chick who does not have guy friends.
( good luck )

:rockon:

 

[KontrollerX]

Maverack you really gotta go for what you want in this life bro.

If its a chick with zero guy friends then dump this one and find a chick with zero guy friends.

Sometimes if you talk to your girl and tell her how sh!t like this bothers you, she'll drop the friend indicating you mean more to her to keep than to hold onto this friend.

Most of the time though it just ends in a big argument ending in breakup or the chick lies to you and says she'll no longer be that guys friend all the while continuing to hang out with him behind your back.

 

[Master Bates]

Wow, there are a lot of guys on here who are insecure about their girlfriends interacting with other guys. Get a grip. Most girls these days have guy friends. Some are best friends. Deal with it. You actually got up and walked out because she was talking about her best friend? You sound like an insecure loser.

 

[joekerr31]

this is why you have to be good at reading people - especially women.

it should not be difficult for you to tell whether your woman has high IL in your, moderate or low.

if the IL is high, then what are you sweating?
if its moderate, then keep your eyes and ears alert.
if its low, then you need to really be paying attention to whats going on.

a lot of this stuff comes down to you being aware of what is going on. guys on here can't read a few sentences and give you advice that is guaranteed to be 100% correct.

i personally wouldn't next a woman just because she has a male friend, even a male best friend. heck, for all i know if i met the guy i might think he's a great guy and could understand why she would want someone like that as a friend.

if she has feelings for him, or him for her, i woudl be able to tell by her body language, tone of voice when she talks about him, changes in her behavior towards me, etc.

believe it or not, not all women will use friendships they have with other men as leverage against you.

but like i say, it comes down to you being able to assess the type of woman you are with, the type of relationship she has with this guy and whether on the whole you can trust her.

if you next her, dont next her cuz she has a male friend, next her cuz you can't trust her - it might seem like a small difference, but think it through and you will see there is a HUGE difference between the two scenarios.

 

[kingwilliam]

Don't let jealousy get the best of you. You have to accept that it's not illegal for a girl to have a male friend. I have met SO many girls who have a "best friend". It's ****ing stupid and frustrating, but I can promise you the worst thing you can do is let this bother you.

Just remember that you're the one hittin it.

 

[STR8UP]

i personally wouldn't next a woman just because she has a male friend, even a male best friend. heck, for all i know if i met the guy i might think he's a great guy and could understand why she would want someone like that as a friend.

Exactly.

My ex had a guy friend she worked with. I knew he liked her cause she told me so.

Anyway, it kind of ate at me for awhile, but then she asked me if I wanted to meet up with her and a few of her friends from work for dinner, this guy being one of them.

Within minutes of sitting down I knew I had absolutely NOTHING to worry about. He was a big bad boogeyman before I met him. After I talked to the guy for a few minutes I could see he was a harmless teddy bear, an AFC orbiter, but harmless nonetheless.

Like Joe said, you can always tell by the body language and such whether or not it's an issue.

 

[decades]

Only within the context of her many other behaviors in your relationship can you determine if this is trouble. It's not about whether the friend is getting or going to get "some". It's about what his "purpose" is. What "role" is he fullfilling in her life drama?

 

[Tazman]

Depending on how she feels about YOU, he could be a branch to swing to or just some attention on the side. It's one of those things you shouldn't worry about unless you have reason to. She could call him her "best friend" which really doesn't matter, but it all depends on how they interact and how forthcoming she is about what she's doing with him. I wouldn't even ask her what she does with him, but if you get the feeling that things aren't right, you can leave at any time.

Regardless if any of us mind it or not, women will have men on the side for whatever purpose they feel is necessary (most times you don't know about these men). If it becomes a problem you make it known, once, after that you do what you have to do.
Also, ask yourself this, how many women would allow who they deem to be serious boyfriends, have "best female friends"? (especially attractive)

 

[KontrollerX]

"I've just recently found out that her best friend is a guy? WTF is that shyt? She says she's known him for years and has hung out with him a few times over the last few months. Although every time they hung out, other people have been there apparently."

I think we all missed the bigger picture here.

Maverack made this person his girlfriend likely in the same way most of us do and that is by getting to know her as best we can before committing.

She obviously wanted Maverack too or she wouldn't be his girlfriend.

The problem is it appears she kept this information from Maverack while the both of them were starting to get serious with eachother because she probably figured if Maverack knew about this guy the relationship would stop dead in its tracks.

In short she wanted her cake and to eat it too.

Deceptive behaviour to get what she wants because once Maverack is hooked on her she reasons it will be harder for him to leave her when he finds out a convenient secret like this.

"But now she will bring him up in conversation every once in a while, which I don't appreciate. I even got up and left a few days ago cause she started babbling on about him."

Good for you man.

Never tolerate blatant disrespect.

Though in general this should only be done if you have already told a chick to stop talking about another guy when you two are together and she won't stop but since she kept the knowledge of this guy from you before you two got deeply involved in a relationship I'd say its ok that you left.

 

[squirrels]

Oh God.

Dude...if your girl is attractive, she is going to have guys hitting on her all the time. It's a fact of life. If that makes you nervous, go find a "6" or "7" and leave the 8s and 9s alone.

That being said, have you met the guy?

Maybe I'm way off-base, but if she was screwing around with some other dude, it'd surprise me that she's talking about him so much in front of you. I'd be more worried if she suddenly STOPPED mentioning him.

Just keep your eyes open.

 

[Latinoman]

I personally have no issues if a girlfriend of mine has a male "best friend". It becomes an issue ONLY if

1- She does not introduce him to me
2- He tries to hit on her or profess his love for her and she STILL has him as a "friend"
3- She allows him to be in her place ALONE.
4- She spends way too much time with him
5- She talks to him about my personal life or even about her sexual stuff

Other than that I personally don't care. For all I care, he could be gay or obese or asexual. It happens.

 

[jophil28]

Is there any solution to this other than dumping her and finding another woman who doesn't do this kind of stuff?

The solution is to say to her ,"' He sounds like a good guy. I would like to meet him . How about inviting him for some coffee so I can get to know him.."
If she and he are just truly platonic friends then she will have NO objection. If she baulks and tries to avoid you and him meeting, then she is hiding a romantic attactment to him. If that happens you need to dump her. She is playing you, and fooling around with him. It is called cheating.

 

[Latinoman]

The solution is to say to her ,"' He sounds like a good guy. I would like to meet him . How about inviting him for some coffee so I can get to know him.."
If she and he are just truly platonic friends then she will have NO objection. If she baulks and tries to avoid you and him meeting, then she is hiding a romantic attactment to him. If that happens you need to dump her. She is playing you, and fooling around with him. It is called cheating.

Very good advice.

 

[decades]

Not sure I agree with this strategy, which is often suggested by the DJs here. The reason is there are some women out there who would relish and embrace the opportunity and challenge of "maintaining" a charade like that in front of her BF. Many women are more than capable of that "performance". My friend's wife did this to him with a close friend of Both of theirs for months on end, until he discovered the truth.

 

[maranathaman]

What about in this case?

Not to threadjack but;
What if this "friend" is a former bf?
or a guy she had sex with in the past?

 

[penkitten]

heres the way i see it:
1. girls have guy friends and don't think anything else about it. they don't steal our clothes, makeup, or boyfriends. we don't understand why our boyfriends have a hard time with this.
2. guys are saying that they wouldn't be friends with a chick unless he liked her enough to see her naked if they had the chance. they don't understand why chicks don't understand this.

 

[joekerr31]

Not sure I agree with this strategy, which is often suggested by the DJs here. The reason is there are some women out there who would relish and embrace the opportunity and challenge of "maintaining" a charade like that in front of her BF. Many women are more than capable of that "performance". My friend's wife did this to him with a close friend of Both of theirs for months on end, until he discovered the truth.

while this can happen, its rare. most people, even cheaters, have a conscience, and they will behave differently when confronted with their lies.

putting the two of them in the same proximity will usually set your spidey senses off if something foul is going on.

moreover, if they are just friends they will be at ease with your around. but if their general pattern of interaction is one of flirtation and what not, they won't know how to behave around each other when playing the role of 'just friends'. they will try, but there will be moments of awkwardness.

and even IF the woman is able to pull off the charade, the guy is rarely able to. this is for a couple of reasons:

1) men aren't the best liars, especially to other men
2) he may be banging her but you are banging her 10x more. that's goign to annoy him - he's NOT going to want to be your buddy.
3) in order to be decieved, you'd basically have to be dealing with TWO nut jobs. the odds are lower that he's as f*cked in the head as her, so you are increasing your odds of catching them if something is going on by having two people to assess instead of just one.

as always, this is just a 'tactic' to use, it doesn't guarantee success.

as for your friend - man, he really hit the b*tch lottery. i can't imagine how pissed he must have been to have been hanging out with both of them only to find out they were screwing around behind his back.

i will say this though. when cheaters are caught but the details are not known, they tend to move on without too much of a guilty conscience. but pulling that kind of sh*t is guaranteed to mess up their minds moving forward - the more of a guilty conscience you build in life the harder it is to be happy with yourself.

 

[joekerr31]

heres the way i see it:
1. girls have guy friends and don't think anything else about it. they don't steal our clothes, makeup, or boyfriends. we don't understand why our boyfriends have a hard time with this.
2. guys are saying that they wouldn't be friends with a chick unless he liked her enough to see her naked if they had the chance. they don't understand why chicks don't understand this.

pen, whether you realize it or not, this is kind of bs

you know why women keep guy friends around? in the best case scenario its because they think they are a great guy and value the relationship.

which is fine. until of course life gets hard. until their boyfriend is 'treating them badly and doesn't understand their emotions' - THEN the 'friend' becomes who they turn to to feel better about themselves.

thats typically when "ooooops, johnny, how did your penis slide into my vagina?"

heres the thing, the women i have as 'friends' i'm not attracted to. i have no desire to sleep with them. i treat them the way i would treat my male friends.

but if a woman has a 'nice' guy friend, who on top of things she doesn't think is ugly - then all it takes is a rough patch in life, for him to be single at the time, for a beer or two, and BAM, they are bumping uglies.

and the reason guys have such an issue with this, is self evident in your own post - women don't see this about themselves. women are completely unaware that they are swimming in dangerous waters when they do this.

anyway, i like to say that good people are good people and that you should never toss out a good person as a friend regardless of gender. but at the same time, women DO sleep with their good male friends when life is kicking the crap out of them.

enough of us guys have been the guy who their female friend suddenly has a crisis and then surprise surprise she becomes completely open to accidentally sleeping with you.

 

[penkitten]

you know why women keep guy friends around?

perhaps the woman sees her guy friend as a great friend and that's it.