This girl I have been dating for over a year has left me 4 times and cam back. This time she left for a month telling me that I shouldn't call her. She calls out of the blue last Sunday and invites me over. She called fri. sat. sun. I go over and we do our thing she even has sex with me. I called that tues. and asked if she was going to invite me over sometime again and she says I guess. Its just right now I have all of this **** going on. She did have a lot going on that part is true. I have not heard from her yet. I seen her yesterday and I just waived and drove by. What is up with her. Shows all this interest one day and tells me to gove her a call then does not contact me at all. Anyone understand this crazy behavior?
WTF does this mean. Am I stupid or what.
- Thread starter jnallen
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VeryBadGirl
Master Don Juan
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Don't mean to be harsh but yes, you are stupid.
When someone leaves you, they leave you for a reason. They are too immature to stick with one person, most likely. Or, you guys just have serious problems that can't seemed to be worked out. Either way, when they come crawling back to you, you DON'T take them back.
There are some legitimate reasons for why couple break up and then get back together. Distance is one of them. You are together, one moves away, but then you are back in the same city and the feelings are still there. All other break-ups happen for a reason and the 99 out of 100 times, the relationship should end right there.
Don't waste your time firguring out this girls problems. Just move on.
When someone leaves you, they leave you for a reason. They are too immature to stick with one person, most likely. Or, you guys just have serious problems that can't seemed to be worked out. Either way, when they come crawling back to you, you DON'T take them back.
There are some legitimate reasons for why couple break up and then get back together. Distance is one of them. You are together, one moves away, but then you are back in the same city and the feelings are still there. All other break-ups happen for a reason and the 99 out of 100 times, the relationship should end right there.
Don't waste your time firguring out this girls problems. Just move on.
She said I was trying to control her. All I did was express my dislike for her going to the bar with her friends and flirting with guys. She will not ever have a relationship if she doesn't compromise or communicate. You want to talk out problems with her and her answer is to move out.
What you should do is take it for what is it-- sometimes a rose is just a rose, or whatever. Keep fvcking her if that's what she wants (and more importantly, what YOU want), but don't waste time trying to figure out her motives. First of all, your relationship is over, it's not coming back. Move on and see other people. You may use her for fun on the side, but don't even give her a second thought other than that. When you are done screwing, she doesn't exist. No dates, no conversations (other than, "so when are we gonna fvck again?") no long walks on the beach, no sleep-overs. If you cannot control any residual "romantic feelings" from your PAST relationship, then don't bother with her at all, not even for pu$$y. Got it?
She doesn't love you. Hell, she doesn't even like you. Imagine yourself in her position: would you dump someone you live over and over again only if you have minor disagreements? I'm telling you, you WOULDN'T. And NEITHER WOULD SHE!
So, why does she come back? Either she just wants sex or she can't stand lonelyness. Maybe both. But you must always remember that a person who dumps you over and over again -especially if she does it for minor reasons - doesn't REALLY love you OR respect you.
Don't take that kind of disrespect from her. You are not perfect: I always say that people should be PROUD of the fact that they aren't perfect, because I can't think of anything more boring than a perfect person. And, since she also has her flaws, you should be able to expect that SHE also respects you (especially when you quite obiously respect her). You have your flaws, and that does give her the right not to like you. But it doesn't give her the right to disrespect you, unless your flaws are really big (and I'm telling you, they aren't).
And yet, she has shown great disrespect towards you. If you let her continue, if you let her come back, YOUR respect towards YOURSELF might go down - and from my own experience I can say that there is nothing more devastating than getting a low self-esteem. Don't let that happen. She's just not good for you! For Christ's sake, save your skin now and tell her that you don't want to see her again ever!
So, why does she come back? Either she just wants sex or she can't stand lonelyness. Maybe both. But you must always remember that a person who dumps you over and over again -especially if she does it for minor reasons - doesn't REALLY love you OR respect you.
Don't take that kind of disrespect from her. You are not perfect: I always say that people should be PROUD of the fact that they aren't perfect, because I can't think of anything more boring than a perfect person. And, since she also has her flaws, you should be able to expect that SHE also respects you (especially when you quite obiously respect her). You have your flaws, and that does give her the right not to like you. But it doesn't give her the right to disrespect you, unless your flaws are really big (and I'm telling you, they aren't).
And yet, she has shown great disrespect towards you. If you let her continue, if you let her come back, YOUR respect towards YOURSELF might go down - and from my own experience I can say that there is nothing more devastating than getting a low self-esteem. Don't let that happen. She's just not good for you! For Christ's sake, save your skin now and tell her that you don't want to see her again ever!
Anyone ever experienced a woman like this.
She says my issue is jealousy but she is an AW and goes to the bar and flirts with other guys. She even went home with one, one time stating they slept with a pillow between them. Right! This type of bevavior would make anyone jealous. Then she turns it around on me and makes me look bad for her bad behavior. It is funny how these women can have sex with you and not care a bit about you. Anyone ever experienced any woman like this.
She says my issue is jealousy but she is an AW and goes to the bar and flirts with other guys. She even went home with one, one time stating they slept with a pillow between them. Right! This type of bevavior would make anyone jealous. Then she turns it around on me and makes me look bad for her bad behavior. It is funny how these women can have sex with you and not care a bit about you. Anyone ever experienced any woman like this.
The first time I did walk out and dump her. She came back. I shouldn't have opened up. I knew she was that way. At first she stopped doing that type of behavior but went back to it. She would normally do it if we had a fight. Kind of knowing I disliked it so using it as a tool after a fight.
Not when you are crazy about someone. She has a personality disorder and that is what makes her this way moving in and out. Her brother does the same thing with his girlfriend. He has been moving in and out on her for three years. The last time they split up for 3 months. The problem is you cannot tell either one of them they have a problem. They turn it around and blame it on you.
griffin_mill
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Nobody can tell you what to do.
Here, you only want people to tell you what you agree with.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
If a girl dumps you, then comes crawling back: HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT and tell her to go f*ck herself.
PLEASE. FOR THE SAKE OF ALL AFCs EVERYWHERE.
Don't f*cking rationalise: oh, she did this, oh, she said this, then I said this, and she says she needs some space, and I said this, and I did that, and she wants to flirt with guys.
Dude, there are billions of women on the planet, stop letting this one yank your chain.
Here, you only want people to tell you what you agree with.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
If a girl dumps you, then comes crawling back: HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT and tell her to go f*ck herself.
PLEASE. FOR THE SAKE OF ALL AFCs EVERYWHERE.
Don't f*cking rationalise: oh, she did this, oh, she said this, then I said this, and she says she needs some space, and I said this, and I did that, and she wants to flirt with guys.
Dude, there are billions of women on the planet, stop letting this one yank your chain.
I know. I was miserable living with her. That is why I don't know why I even want to see her. I guess because I am 35 and was married for 15 yrs. So she is only the second woman I have been with. I am not sure but I know I am hurting so bad. What can I do.
griffin_mill
Don Juan
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It's a question of YOU knowing exactly what to do, but lacking in conviction.
She's not being very respectful of you, and one of the trademarks of a man is knowing when to walk away from a woman no matter how hard he tries to cloud her very obvious poor points with her miniscule "good" points.
Nobody can tell you what to do, because you already know the answer. It's tough, but there's plenty more woman out there.
What is wrong with me where I cannot let go. This is ridilulous. I feel lower than I have ever felt in my life. I thought I was over this a couple of weeks ago and she called and wanted me to come over. That was a big mistake. She said to call her and now she plays games that is a cruel thing to do.
It is quite obvious that this girl has you on an emotional roller coaster by her hot-cold behavior. I know the feeling. Depression followed by feelings of exhileration. She knows that she has you by the balls but you cannot escape her intoxicating allure.
The best way to deal with it, is to just drop her cold. Avoid all contact. Dont' call her and certainly don't answer her calls. It is quite a painful process somewhat like trying to break a drug addiction. In the meantime, try to see and date other girls in order to alleviate the pain.
Like the other have suggested, this girl is bad news. She will only take you deeper into the abyss. Before it is too late, cut the rope and never look back.
And you are right. This girl does exhibit clear signs of a mental disease called Hystrionic Disorder. There is a post by RKTEK on the subject that you should research.
The best way to deal with it, is to just drop her cold. Avoid all contact. Dont' call her and certainly don't answer her calls. It is quite a painful process somewhat like trying to break a drug addiction. In the meantime, try to see and date other girls in order to alleviate the pain.
Like the other have suggested, this girl is bad news. She will only take you deeper into the abyss. Before it is too late, cut the rope and never look back.
And you are right. This girl does exhibit clear signs of a mental disease called Hystrionic Disorder. There is a post by RKTEK on the subject that you should research.
It is such a shame because somewhere in there is a sweet girl. I hate leaving someone who is ill. Although there is no way she will ever get help. I am the problem to her not her. Damn, what a shame.
I understand your pain jnallen. Here is what I am learning from a a similar experience:
1) It has nothing to do with you. I know (trust me) that this is hard to internalize, but its true. You're not perfect, but if you are willing to talk things out and she isn't then its a problem with her, not you. You are being reasonable, she isn't.
2) She probably isn't really THAT nice. I was thinking for the last 6 weeks that the chick that dumped me was nice. Then last night I thought: why is she nice? Because she was ****ing with me (intentionally or not)? Because she used me when she was feeling down and then left? Because she gave me some attention when I was lonely? See what I mean? Look at it more objectively and I think you'll see that she's probably not THAT nice. That's more a way of you justifying still being obsessed with her to yourself.
3) I could be wrong about this, but you probably don't miss HER. You miss what she represented to you. For me at least, it has nothing to do with the specific chick and a whole lot more to do with my own feeling of needing to be loved or accepted. I didn't know her long enough to have any legitimate feelings for her, but b/c I am so unstable right now emotionally I used her to feel better about myself.
4) There is no certainty in relationships. Pretty sure you're aware of this since you're divorced, but remember it. It's a hard paradox b/c the only way you can have a truly decent relationship is to put yourself out there, and you will almost inevitably get f*cked when you do that. But what are the consequences of not doing it?
5) Try to think about all the things you DO have. I am in grad school, financially (somewhat) secure, lived abroad for 4 years, have better guy friends than almost anyone I know, etc. So I don't have a GF. I want that eventually, but I am still really lucky not to be working in a f*cking factory with a wife that is insane or a drunk. You see my point.
Hang in there. Oh, Don't have sex with her or beat off while thinking about her. This is hard for me (the beating off), but it only serves to reinforce those feelings in my belief.
And if you feel really bad, consider going to talk to a counselor. Maybe it will help you to see why you are fixated on one person. It's usually a symptom of something else that is lacking in your life.
Hope that all might help more than the usual harshness that most guys here respond with. Life isn't as easy as "Just deal with it" or "get over it". Not in my experience anyway.
-Swigue
1) It has nothing to do with you. I know (trust me) that this is hard to internalize, but its true. You're not perfect, but if you are willing to talk things out and she isn't then its a problem with her, not you. You are being reasonable, she isn't.
2) She probably isn't really THAT nice. I was thinking for the last 6 weeks that the chick that dumped me was nice. Then last night I thought: why is she nice? Because she was ****ing with me (intentionally or not)? Because she used me when she was feeling down and then left? Because she gave me some attention when I was lonely? See what I mean? Look at it more objectively and I think you'll see that she's probably not THAT nice. That's more a way of you justifying still being obsessed with her to yourself.
3) I could be wrong about this, but you probably don't miss HER. You miss what she represented to you. For me at least, it has nothing to do with the specific chick and a whole lot more to do with my own feeling of needing to be loved or accepted. I didn't know her long enough to have any legitimate feelings for her, but b/c I am so unstable right now emotionally I used her to feel better about myself.
4) There is no certainty in relationships. Pretty sure you're aware of this since you're divorced, but remember it. It's a hard paradox b/c the only way you can have a truly decent relationship is to put yourself out there, and you will almost inevitably get f*cked when you do that. But what are the consequences of not doing it?
5) Try to think about all the things you DO have. I am in grad school, financially (somewhat) secure, lived abroad for 4 years, have better guy friends than almost anyone I know, etc. So I don't have a GF. I want that eventually, but I am still really lucky not to be working in a f*cking factory with a wife that is insane or a drunk. You see my point.
Hang in there. Oh, Don't have sex with her or beat off while thinking about her. This is hard for me (the beating off), but it only serves to reinforce those feelings in my belief.
And if you feel really bad, consider going to talk to a counselor. Maybe it will help you to see why you are fixated on one person. It's usually a symptom of something else that is lacking in your life.
Hope that all might help more than the usual harshness that most guys here respond with. Life isn't as easy as "Just deal with it" or "get over it". Not in my experience anyway.
-Swigue
Yeah, what a shame....
Believe me, she'll be JUST FINE. Good looking women glide through life, personality disorder or not. There's a million chumps just waiting in line to put up with her bullsh1t. You need to worry about yourself now. Like getting your life back together and working through the emotional trauma she inflicted upon you.
Believe me, she'll be JUST FINE. Good looking women glide through life, personality disorder or not. There's a million chumps just waiting in line to put up with her bullsh1t. You need to worry about yourself now. Like getting your life back together and working through the emotional trauma she inflicted upon you.
That is fine but she will never keep anyone in her life. Thinking about it she is truly a ***** and will get used and abused. With her behavior she will probably lose her four kids also. If she remains an AW/DQ she will definately run in to the wrong guy or guys one of these days. Not everyone takes kindly to having that done to them. She will get with the wrong guy possibly be raped with her risky behavior.
1. Stop whining.
2. Stop talking to her.
3. Stop talking about her.
4. Stop thinking about her.
Have an honest look at your situation... is that the kind of life you want? let me guess, your answer's 'no'. Well it better be. Else you're in for a fvcked up life my friend.
Have some self-respect and stand for yourself, don't let some b!tch mess with your head.
Peace.
2. Stop talking to her.
3. Stop talking about her.
4. Stop thinking about her.
Have an honest look at your situation... is that the kind of life you want? let me guess, your answer's 'no'. Well it better be. Else you're in for a fvcked up life my friend.
Have some self-respect and stand for yourself, don't let some b!tch mess with your head.
Peace.
