WTF, Blake is a chump

[BlakeTheTank]

I'm new to this forum, and I've registered and posted on a complete whim. I guess I just need someone to whom I can tell this story.

I'm in the Marines, I've been in for 6 years. Two years ago, a traumatic event pretty much destroyed my balls (figuratively speaking, of course) and I haven't been really confident about things. It's cost me a lot, including the love of my life (at least my first love, optimistically speaking).

Recent events have caused it to come to a head, and I've decided to seize my balls back. There is, however, a problem.

I met a chick who is, by all my personal definitions forbidden. I want her anyway. I made a feeble move on her and she said what pretty much amounts to 'you're not hitting this, even though I'm a giant tease.' I still like her for my own reasons. But we were so cool, I thought I was in. Even after she said no.

Then today happened. For the past week or so, she hasn't had much to say to me. Today was its worst, she had nothing to say to me at all. She said we're cool after my attempt to make a move on her, but WTF. She's a chick, chicks are complicated, I understand.

Yes, I know, I have 'one-itis.' I don't care, she's cool as (expletive deleted).

PUA's tend to think that there's no rejections, only setbacks. That said, what do you Don Juans have to say about this? You can posit a solution, but I'm not asking for one. I'm really just fishing for opinions on the matter.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

PUA's tend to think that there's no rejections, only setbacks. That said, what do you Don Juans have to say about this? You can posit a solution, but I'm not asking for one. I'm really just fishing for opinions on the matter.

Ha. I don't know about that. There definitely are rejections. Some girls just don't want to date you....if you can't accept that, then you're not living in reality.

Since you're only seeking opinions, my opinion is this - you KNOW it's one-itis, so do something about it.

You're getting all worked up over a girl you havent even gone on a date with. And you "don't care because she's cool as sh1t". Okay, then live in the magical land of make-believe where this ONE girl is your true love. Otherwise, put yourself in a position where you have options. Options are everything.

 

[Mike32ct]

Yes, rejections exist, and they are very real. While DJs try to remember that there are lots of women out there, I don't think we're immune to rejection. A lot of PUA theories about rejection are delusions and not based on reality.

PUA Theory #1 "She's not rejecting you. She's rejecting your approach."

Reality: Sorry. She's rejecting you. You can try another approach, but that doesn't change the fact that you aren't her type.

PUA Theory #2 "Rejection isn't personal."

Reality: She is rejecting YOU, the person. It technically is personal. But you shouldn't take it that way for obvious reasons.

PUA Theory #3 "The b*tch shield is an auto-pilot response i.e. she does this to all guys."

Reality: She's friendly and sweet to the bouncer, the bartender or some celebrity like Brad Pitt. It's not auto-pilot. It's under her manual control.


Back to your specific situation, it's also very common to think that, "This girl is perfect for me." She might be really cool and such, but if she isn't into you, she is NOT perfect for you. It's an illusion.

I also think you are underestimating your own value. You're a MARINE. She's just some hot chick who thinks she has the golden p*ssy. You absolutely have the power and more than enough value to find someone better than her. I totally believe that you can. You just need to believe that you can.

Good luck man.

 

[BlakeTheTank]

Yes, yes! These are exactly the kind of things I needed to hear to put things in perspective.

My conclusion:
Sure, I don't get to tap that. Neither do her other orbiters. And after a lot of thought, I'm wondering if choosing to be friends makes me an AFC or another one of her many orbiters.

I've come to realize that being any of the above p*sses me off more than being rejected or unable to d*ck her down.

Or losing her friendship. She was one of the first friends I made at this new station, and I don't want to lose that.

So, can I accept a moral victory as a friend without falling into the 'AFC' or 'orbiter' categories? Is that something I have to decide for myself...?

 

[Mike32ct]

Yes, yes! These are exactly the kind of things I needed to hear to put things in perspective.

I'm happy to help.

My conclusion:
Sure, I don't get to tap that. Neither do her other orbiters. And after a lot of thought, I'm wondering if choosing to be friends makes me an AFC or another one of her many orbiters.

It's ok to be friends. It's only AFC if you accept friendship that you really don't want as a ploy to try to get into her pants.

I've come to realize that being any of the above p*sses me off more than being rejected or unable to d*ck her down.

I hear ya.

Or losing her friendship. She was one of the first friends I made at this new station, and I don't want to lose that.

Yep.

So, can I accept a moral victory as a friend without falling into the 'AFC' or 'orbiter' categories? Is that something I have to decide for myself...?

You're only an orbiter if you continue to hang out with her secretly hoping to get in her pants. If you genuinely are ok being friends, have no agenda, and she's still cool with it, then fine.

 

[fibonacci]

You're only an orbiter if you continue to hang out with her secretly hoping to get in her pants. If you genuinely are ok being friends, have no agenda, and she's still cool with it, then fine.

I dunno man, it'd be incredibly tough for me to befriend or remain friends with a girl I'd wanna (insert explicits here).... I'd have to fight against every cell in my body.

 

[Slickster]

Hey Blake,

Here's a little advice from a veteran womanizer...

Develop a mindset that there are only two types of women.

1. Women that you might fvck
2. Women you won't.

When you meet a new woman, the game begins and she is in group 1. Do not treat her as a friend. She is a potential mate. Do not hide your intentions. You are a man. Your job is to increase her interest level until that "potential" turns into reality. It may take a short time or it may take years. At no point should you ever consider her a friend or treat her that way. She is only a "potential".

Eventually it will become apparent that certain women won't fcuk you. At this point she enters group 2 and all your efforts to increase her interest level stop. She receives little or no attention from you from this point on. You absolutely erase any thoughts or hopes of fcuking her completely from your mind. If for whatever reason you remain in contact, she becomes an acquaintance but not a friend.

This "absolute" way of thinking will forever change your experiences with women for the better.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Back to your specific situation, it's also very common to think that, "This girl is perfect for me." She might be really cool and such, but if she isn't into you, she is NOT perfect for you. It's an illusion.

I like this quote.

A good reframe of rejection is simply to acknowledge that a woman that doesn't like you makes a really lousy partner. You don't try to "win" a girl- you just see if there's chemistry or not.

The "no rejections- only setbacks" line is true ONLY if your goal is to find high quality, INTERESTED women- of which there are many. It doesn't work if your goal is to get one specific girl. The objection to ONEitis on this board comes from the fact that a) it won't get you the girl, a b) it will prevent you from developing the efficient, effective game you need to truly maximize your options.

Leave this girl alone. There are plenty more like her.

 

[Mike32ct]

I dunno man, it'd be incredibly tough for me to befriend or remain friends with a girl I'd wanna (insert explicits here).... I'd have to fight against every cell in my body.

It's a hypothetical. For most guys, yes, I agree it is not a realistic scenario to want to stay friends after she rejected you.

 

[BlakeTheTank]

It's a hypothetical. For most guys, yes, I agree it is not a realistic scenario to want to stay friends after she rejected you.

Especially when she's such a tease, asking me what I think of her boobs, or playing with my hair.

 

[Slickster]

Her: "What do you think of my boobs?"
You (smiling): "Umm...It's impossible to tell by just looking."


Her: (playing with your hair)
You: (pull away) "Hey I'm not that easy. You better ask me out on a date if you want some action."